Darling’s Cupcakes
When it comes right down to it, I guess I just didn’t want to come out. Who would? My mother never fails to tell my sisters how I howled as the doctor clamped down and yanked me from her uterus, a lifeless ragdoll. “You came out and lawd have mercy, you were bluer ‘n your Daddy’s eyes! We thought you were dead!” But I wasn’t. Not yet. Course, I always knew the real reason I didn’t want to enter this world–my older sisters.
But time marched on and I had to come out eventually. And for us Darling girls, timing was everything–it defined us for all eternity. First out of my mom’s womb at 12:32 am was Stacy, flushed a rosy pink from her hearty cries. Then along came Tracy at 12:38, Stacy’s identical in every way with her perfectly round head, long feathery lashes and dewy soft skin. Me? I was the odd one from the start. And they always made sure I knew it.
My sisters were shining stars in our little town. Boys always coming around, pacing on the front porch with flowers for one or the other. I sat in my room, watching from the window. “Tootle-loo, Lexy!” they’d sing. I can still hear their fake laughs and the door slamming as they ran off to another party without me.
That all changed with my mom’s new cupcake business. If there was one thing she could do in life, it was bake a good cupcake. She started whipping up exotic flavors one afternoon, key lime pie with buttercream, red velvet with a dab of cream cheese in the middle and topped with dark chocolate fondant.
Soon my two sisters were standing by her side in the kitchen, the three of them wearing matching aprons dusted with flour, giggling and singing and making them damn cupcakes. They sold out the first few batches at the local flea market and not long after that Darling’s Cupcakes was born.
I let them have their cupcakes. I never liked to bake anyway. But the day I walked by the Royal River and caught a glimpse of Stacy on her tiptoes reaching up to kiss Jacob’s cheek my feelings about cupcakes changed.
Over dinner one night she told Mama that my sweet Jacob was going to marry her. She needed 200 vanilla buttercream cupcakes for the wedding guests. I offered to help. Mama was shocked and more than a little pleased with me. I spent hours melting that butter in the pot, stirring and stirring to get it just right for the frosting. Mama loved my idea of creating two extra special cupcakes for the bride and groom. I fixed them up real nice, added food coloring to make them pink and topped them with tiny hearts cut from raspberry fondant.
It was supposed to just scare her. Make her a little sick is all. I wanted to see her face as she threw up pink cupcake all over Jacob as they kissed. I measured just the right amount into her cupcake, or so I thought at the time. I served the happy couple my creations with the biggest grin I could manage. How was I to know how strong that rat poison would be?
By the time I noticed them feedin’ each other and the wrong cupcake crossing Jacob’s lips it was too late. I did my best to try and stop him. By the time I knocked the cupcake out of his hands he was choking and turning purple.
They say I’ll get a chance for parole in 12 years.
I’ll never have Jacob.
But neither will Stacy.
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k8edid is hosting another installment of her 7 Deadly Sins Writing Contest.
This one is all about ENVY. I had loads of fun with this one!
So pour some more coffee and go read all of the fine entries on her blog.
There is still time to enter. Just follow these simple rules and you’re good to go.
The deadline is next week, May 31st.
Get to writing!
Darla – thanks so much for the shout out on the writing contest – it has been so much fun and I am so proud of all the entries!!! I just want to print them out and stick them on my refrigerator. Except I would need a much bigger refrigerator, and a much bigger kitchen, and a bigger house – and a nicer neighborhood. So, well, I’ll leave them on my virtual refrigerator (which is filled with virtual groceries to be prepared by my virtual chef).
I am so glad I’m not judging, Katy. I wouldn’t know where to begin to narrow things down. I had so much fun reading everyone’s entries. It was delightfully evil, mwah ha ha!
The only aspect of this contest which I don’t enjoy is that it’s difficult to leave a comment about one of the posts without inadvertently insulting others whose posts are in the same batch. That and the fact that the writer may or may not see the comments, since they go to k8edid.
That being said, I really enjoyed your take on envy. I’m ashamed to admit that the thought of 12 years in prison sounded kind of appealing from a blogging standpoint.
1Point, you may have inadvertently started a crime wave.
Oh crap! I should’ve put a disclaimer in that comment!
Or an advertisement!
Good point! Shameless self-promotion never goes out of style!
By the way, vote for my photo caption on The
Byronic Man’s blog.
Do it today!!
I’ll do it. I haven’t read it but I am SURE it’s the best.
Actually it’s not the best one, so my only hope is to goad others into voting for me.
Ok, I will vote for you, too 1point. Haven’t seen your caption yet but I’m sure it’s good!
Is that to keep him out of jail?
Hey, mine is pretty funny, too!
I know. So was mine
.
I had actually already voted (sorry 1Point) but will go back and vote again. If I win one of the 7 Deadly Sins entries, I promise to always vote for you for everything. Is that a good enough bribe?
Yours was hysterical! (as always) Do you ever write a caption that isn’t good? Because I seem to have a knack for that over at Paul’s contest.
I do write bad captions – for every one I post I have probably written 4 or 5 that didn’t make the cut. I do my best captioning, unfortunately, when I am washing dishes or waterjogging in the morning.
Maybe we need to start a “runners up” contest — to judge the worst caption? I think I’d be a shoe-in.
I like….
Oh man. I would be ALL over that contest! I should start running one. Submit your worst captions here! That would be fun…
I consider captions a good exercise for my feeble mind. I throw a bunch up and hope that one will stick.
Just having all day to write doesn’t sound too bad, now, does it? My luck they would stick me on a work detail and I would have less time to scribble…
You’d find a way to express yourself. I’m guessing we’d have some entertaining license plates.
That would be a dream come true for me, Katy. I could crank out maybe a dozen novels. As it is, when I try to write a post for my blog, it’s usually while two hyped-up on sugar hellions are running around screeching at the top of their lungs. It’s a task just to get on here and reply to comments lately. And school isn’t even out yet!!
I know that my full time job, with an hour commute each way plus lessons to be planned at night – has certainly cut down on my writing time…well, maybe all the net surfing, blog reading, and commenting has something to do with it, too. Maybe. Naw, that can’t be it.
I don’t know you do it, Katy. Are you an insomniac? I am suffering from that a bit lately, but it helps me catch up on reading and commenting a little…sigh.
With the drink of the month – tequila! Yes, I suffer from insomnia from time to time, along with the occasional migraine – just getting over one now, in fact. I don’t know how I do it, I just know that I must – I don’t have kids at home, so that helps, I think.
Oh no. Hope your head is feeling better. I totally understand. I’ve suffered from migraines most of my life, they are horrible. Get some rest today if you can!
ha! I know. Thanks, 1point.
God, think of all the blogging one could do in 12 years solitary confinement…
You already know what I think about this creation, Darla. Thanks for the cupcake!
You are the reason I put this up here. Well, that and I have NOTHING. nothing I tells ya! This is it for the rest of the week…I am D.O.N.E. I swear!
Deliciously evil!
And do you know what the best part of this entire post is? The cupcake. I can almost taste it. I want one now, dammit!
Love this! Only 12 years, they must have realized Jacob was a putz and sentenced accordingly.
ha! Yes, I meant to put 15, why the hell did I put down 12? Probably should’ve been 25 to 30… I guess?
My assumption is that this took place in a state where they give someone the minimum possible sentence for ‘manslaughter by cupcake’.
Great storytelling!
Thanks, it was fun to write about something I would never do in a million years. Well, I’d eat a cupcake for sure, just not the bit about the rat poison.
That’s the secret to being a writer; having anxious feelings but instead of letting them stew until going into the post office loaded, writing them out and exhaling. Definitely a gift worth sharing.
Worth its weight in buttercream! Simply yummy and well told!
Delish! Thanks, Renee.
That story is delicious. I can almost see the wry smile. Nice one!!!
Mwah haha! yes, very satisfying to write.
Hi,
Fantastic story, the killer cupcake I love it.
Thanks, Mags, glad you enjoyed it.
Nice! I was half-expecting her to get cupcakes in prison.
Now that would’ve been a good twist. Except I ran out of words. Had to stick to the 600 limit!
Hehe! Is she counting? I went a minute thirty on my only ever one minute challenge.
I try to refrain from commenting on the entries, because I really don’t have favorites. Really. I mean it. I am glad you posted it here, as well, so people can comment. The cupcake picture is divine, and I also want one, right now.
I am not counting words, sometimes you have to run over just a bit to tell the story, but without some sort of limit it might get unmanageable. Also, when I write mine, it makes me look at extraneous stuff and chop the living daylights out of it. Tightens things up a bit, which is the kind of reading I enjoy, and the kind of writing I want to do.
I agree, sticking to the word limit is important to me because it makes me cut things. I am getting very good at slicing and dicing up an entire story now. Like Stephen King said, it’s a mistake to fall in love with your words too much, you have to be ruthless and kill some of your ‘darlings’. My stories are better short and to the point.
I am glad I’m not a judge with your contest, Katy. I think writing is easier! Every entry you’ve received was wonderful.
I read this on my phone earlier and didn’t comment. BEST THING YOU’VE EVER WRITTEN. Wow that was amazing. I’m so proud of you if I could see you right know I’d give you a banana (we need to go to the grocery store)! Yay Darla!!!!!!
You kill me, Kim. Thank you! This was the best comment, made me smile and snort and laugh.
I loved it at k8′s and I loved it again here. That was a smooth as whipped frosting 600 words right to the finish.
I love that, ‘smooth as whipped frosting’! Thanks, Georgette.
I think you’ve got it in the bag, Darla! I LOVED this entry. The ‘voice’ is great.
Thanks, Julie. I’ve read all the other entries and they are all very good so I am doubtful, but I had so much fun writing this one, a little too much. Mwa ha ha!
great entry!! at the start i thought it was a memoir … ha ha !!! didnt know you wrote fiction too ! (pssst… it is fiction right???)
Nope, not a memoir. Ha! Althought it’s fun to put myself in another’s shoes. Which is why I love to write!
I gasped! Naughty girl! Very nice flash!
Thanks, Susie, I appreciate your feedback as I really admire your writing and your flashes!
Awww! Thanks Darla! I love twisted endings…
Oh, this is WONDERFUL, Darla! Happy Memorial Day, by the way.
Hugs,
Kathy
Thanks, Kathy and Happy Memorial Day to you as well.
Great story, Darla. I think they should have offered you a reduced sentence for testifying against Mama — who should’ve been charged with aiding and abetting. And I still think Tracy had a hand in this, too.
Ooh, yes, I do believe you are onto something there. Can’t trust Tracy. This would’ve made a great Lifetime movie.
Great story Darla! And thanks for posting about the contest! It’s awesome fun
Thanks, happy you liked it!
Didn’t get a chance to really read this post, Darla; I just popped by to thank you for the box of cupcakes you sent me. With the adorable pink hearts! But what really touched me was the note inside: “Good luck with your entry in Katy’s Envy contest”. You’re just just a gracious competitor. It really means a lot.
Haha! or should I say….mwah ha ha!
This explains why you’re not around much this week?
I envy the cupcakes, and the excellent writing, and the humor. Funny. Funny.
Thanks! And God, I would kill for a good cupcake right about now, Barb.
Envy…it’ll do things to ya…and men like Jacob…;-) Well done, well done! Mwahahahahahah!
Yes, poor poor Jacob…he had it comin’ I suppose.
You vanished from my reader Darla, it’s happening loads lately, I’ll have to unsubscribe and resubscibe. And have a lot to catch up on!
Yes, I had to resubscribe to you finally last week and lo’ and behold! You are back in my reader finally! I’ve already caught a glimpse of you with the Queen–very cute picture…
I’m going through them now resubscribing and deleted some old ones, there is no limit to how many you follow is there? I deleted some defucnt ones anyway, Blog spring clean.
I enjoyed catching up on your past couple of weeks
I’m going to have to do that as well. Some of the blogs I follow were from 2 years ago and haven’t posted since then!
The ending couldn’t be more perfect. You always rock these contests. You should get paid for (in addition to blogging) entering other bloggers’ contests. No one will ever forget the German Clock Girl.
I should get paid just for exposing the world to German Clock Girl. And you for the Dynomite contests and ability to insert interesting presidential trivia into blogging comments. God, we’d be rich if people would only reward us for our geekiness.
(Ahem.) Grover Cleveland was a bachelor president who had an illegitimate child. “Ma, ma, where’s my pa?” “Gone to the White House, ha-ha-ha.” That was the bit used against him during his campaign.
Where can I fit this in? Please, help me. I can’t let this one go to waste. Isn’t there a caption contest I could use this in? No, because no one would get it.
Who says anyone has to get it? That’s never stopped me before in GG’s contests.
I think you should go over there right now and post that for his current contest picture. I triple dog dare ya. No. I quadruple dog dare
ya.
Remind me never to cross you!
You should start writing mystery/suspense novels. You would rock them out, girl. Think about it.
Oh yeah that would be a dream of mine. Thanks, Misty.
I came across your blog by accident and i now offically love your posts! You nearly gave me a heartattack when i read this one…. I thought it was real until i saw the competition details. Haha for a moment i thought “She’s in jail and BLOGGING?”. Keep up the good work!
Thanks so much! Good to know I’m pretty convincing at being a crazy cupcake killer.
Just wanted to say congrats on being a finalist for this submission in Katy’s contest. I loved this piece. Your writing is quite impressive!
Thank you so much. The feeling is mutual. I loved your story. Congrats to you as well!