I thought mine eyes would never see
a stench so rank it appeared to me
like a green haze, thick as pea soup,
it choked my lungs, this foul goop.
Whence it came, I could not tell,
but it singed my cilia–
What IS this smell?!
A farmer’s field drenched in manure?
A tire factory set ablaze?
Did someone take a bath in vats of vinegar?
Or shower with eau de skunk spray?
Was it sweat, was it poop?
A combination of the two?
I had to find The Thing that reeked–
–what else was I to do?
So as my nose sniffed out the culprit
and through the house I went,
the funk was growing stronger now,
an ungodly B.O. scent.
Soon I reached my son’s room,
now gagging and gasping for air,
and found him sprawled upon his bed,
his feet exposed and bare.
That was when I suddenly knew
and realized with stark despair,
he’d simply taken off his sneaks–
–an odor beyond compare.
Happy 10th birthday, Baby Boo! I love you! (Even with your stinky feet.)