Recently, several bloggers have noticed a sudden upswing in blog followers. I’ve also seen my followers steadily climb from maybe a few a day to dozens a day. Yet, here I was, still just sitting on my couch in my pajamas, watching Wheel of Fortune and eating my way through yet another pint of Rocky Road.
Why me? Why all the attention? My writing hasn’t improved. My blog is still the same as it ever was….Hmm…could it be the entire world has realized all at once that I am, like, totally awesomesauce and amazeballs?
Nah. Methinks big money is involved somehow, and I am here to say, I want a piece of that action.
While some of these new subscribers are in fact, real live breathing people who for some unknown reason like to read my words (and I thank you from the bottom of my jaded little heart), I’m thinking a great majority of them aren’t real. So I’ve devised a list of who I think these new followers are:
- Danny Bonaduce
- Zombie cats
- spammers selling Viagra
- spammers selling diet pills
- Danny Bonaduce selling Viagra or diet pills
- spammers selling pills that make Danny Bonaduce disappear
- My mother
And just what do these subscribers do all day with their uncanny talent for mindlessly clicking on blog follow buttons? What is their reward? It’s certainly not for the pure pleasure of reading my posts. I think they get:
- Free beer
- minimum wage
- carpal tunnel syndrome
Again: I want in on that action.
And so concludes my in-depth blog analysis as to what in the world is going on at WordPress.
You’re not welcome. Because you didn’t say thank you. I don’t blame you.
P.S. Thanks for following my blog! Even if it was by accident! Or for your own devious plans to take over the blogosphere! I love fake validation. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. Seeing those numbers go up is the highlight of my day. Beats seeing my weight or my age increase.