It’s Official: The Undead Exist! And they follow this blog.

keep-calm-and-hit-that-follow-button

Recently, several bloggers have noticed a sudden upswing in blog followers.  I’ve also seen my followers steadily climb from maybe a few a day to dozens a day. Yet, here I was, still just sitting on my couch in my pajamas, watching Wheel of Fortune and eating my way through yet another pint of Rocky Road.

Why me? Why all the attention? My writing hasn’t improved. My blog is still the same as it ever was….Hmm…could it be the entire world has realized all at once that I am, like, totally awesomesauce and amazeballs?

Nah. Methinks big money is involved somehow, and I am here to say, I want a piece of that action.

While some of these new subscribers are in fact, real live breathing people who for some unknown reason like to read my words (and I thank you from the bottom of my jaded little heart), I’m thinking a great majority of them aren’t real. So I’ve devised a list of who I think these new followers are:

  • Zombies
  • Cats
  • Danny Bonaduce
  • Zombie cats
  • spammers selling Viagra
  • spammers selling diet pills
  • Danny Bonaduce selling Viagra or diet pills
  • spammers selling pills that make Danny Bonaduce disappear
  • My mother

And just what do these subscribers do all day with their uncanny talent for mindlessly clicking on blog follow buttons? What is their reward? It’s certainly not for the pure pleasure of reading my posts. I think they get:

  • Free beer
  • minimum wage
  • carpal tunnel syndrome

Again: I want in on that action.

Click that mouse!

Click that mouse!

And so concludes my in-depth blog analysis as to what in the world is going on at WordPress.

You’re not welcome. Because you didn’t say thank you. I don’t blame you.

P.S. Thanks for following my blog! Even if it was by accident! Or for your own devious plans to take over the blogosphere! I love fake validation. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. Seeing those numbers go up is the highlight of my day. Beats seeing my weight or my age increase.

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165 thoughts on “It’s Official: The Undead Exist! And they follow this blog.

  1. Yes, to all of that. I hadn’t considered the Danny Bonaduce angle, that’s completely viable. But have you considered the David Hasselhoff angle? Cause he’s in your Word Ads. And he’s in mine.

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    • It’s the cats. It’s always the cats.

      And Danny Bonaduce.

      I’ve noticed that no matter the number of followers, the hits on my posts stay exactly the same, since I started blogging almost 3 years ago. So a whole hell of a lot of so-called ‘humans’ are not reading my stuff. Because cats can’t read. Neither can Danny Bonaduce.

      Like

  2. Well good, it’s not just me. Something indeed is up. I’ve gotten more follows in the past week than I have in many months past. And I’m not doing anything different. If anything, I’m probably posting less. Unless it’s die-hard Disney lovers or something.

    Zombies. I’m going with zombies. Way to scooby it out, Darlarific.

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  3. I too have had a surge and its why I wrote the post, I Will Follow You. There is a new feature on the side of the reader below topics called, “YOU MAY LIKE,” and some of us are included. It has been a huge boost for me since I am not a recommended blogger. All of a sudden I jumped to 8-20 new subscribers a day! I cannot find any post from WordPress about it, but feel very grateful to be on the loop. :)
    I think most of them are new bloggers and are just getting their feet wet.
    Zombie attack averted!!!!!

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    • Susie, Val of Arty Old Bird and Charles of Mostly Bright Ideas have both just blogged about this and I remember in one of them, in the comments is a link to a thread on one of the WP support boards about this sudden influx of spam followers. (that probably didn’t help you at all, but I can’t remember where the link is…)

      My guess is there’s nothing they can do about it. Our numbers will just inflate and hey, worse things can happen I guess. I’ll pretend all these people like my blog so I can sleep better at night.

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      • Many of them are ligit bloggers. Did you check out the “you may like” in the reader? I have gotten quite a few recently that have left comments. It is a relatively new feature. That is what I am not seeing announced by WordPress.

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      • Yup, you’re right. I did notice the little sidebar in our readers “you may like” it’s a great new feature, I agree. That would explain some of the increase in everyone’s followers.

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  4. Hmm, I’ve noticed that too. You know, it could just be government drones spying on us to make sure we don’t go commie and adding us to their list just in case so that they can swoop in with their blog evidence and put us in Guantanamo. I know it’s not my Mom. That would just be crazy-talk.

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  5. I don’t have any surge in followers, but that may be because I suck at words and stuff. Do these zombies and Bonaduces only like women? I may change my gravatar picture to a shot of my lovely wife and see if I suddenly get this warm tingly surge you speak of. If I do, shame on zombies and Bonaduces for being sexist!

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  6. I too, recently wrote a “welcome” post for the throngs of bot spam scam scum, I mean, brilliant new bloggers with discriminating taste. Wait, are they following every single blog on WP? I’m not special after all. Damn! :)

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  7. So annoying! I’m so glad you wrote about this. I’m bummed about the way it’s inflating my numbers, as I need to accurately report my metrics to some of the brands with whom I have developed relationships. {doesn’t that sound fancy?} I’m getting a lot of porny SPAM and crap in Spanish. Not that Spanish is crap, just the stuff these SPAMbots are associated with.

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    • I used to click on each and every new follower, check out their blog, maybe get to know them a bit.

      And now? Ha! Either they don’t have a blog, or they do but it’s either a real estate site or they’re trying to sell curtains. It’s pretty disheartening.

      I know a fraction of them are actually real people who read my stuff and might not have a blog. So I will keep on blogging for them. Certainly not for Danny Bonaduce.

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  8. i’ve had a bit of a surge as well… and i looked at a few and they no speakee the english… not sure what’s going on here. unless my amazingness goes beyond translation. and btw – rocky road is my favorite flava!!

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  9. Hmmm, glad to hear this is going on elsewhere… I think! This, in my opinion is pretty frickin’ creepy, and I did my share of complaining on the dozens of forum posts that popped up about this issue a week or so ago when it all went down. WP does seem to be aware of this although I’m not sure they consider it much of an issue, yet. How they cannot consider it an issue is beyond me, but maybe they are just playing it cool while their whole system gets hacked to shit by spammers. Hey look at that! While typing this reply I have received another follower, I looked and I don’t know what their site is about as it’s in a language that I don’t recognize… in fact I don’t even recognize the alphabet they are using… but I guess they must be interested in reading about my goats.

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    • I know, my head was getting pretty damn big about all these new followers, then reality set in and I realize I’m nothin’ special. Sigh. Such a shot to the ol’ ego, huh?

      I suppose that the Internet in general is made up of 50% people that are genuine and 49% people that have hidden agendas. And 1 % zombie cats.

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      • I’ve seen the IBS people too, and the credit card people and lots from foreign nations that I probably have never heard of! All kidding aside, I’m kind of PO’d about this whole thing… if you can’t tell! I don’t believe that there’s nothing the WP Gods can do about this. In fact I’d venture to say something they changed caused this because it only just started a few weeks back. Before that you’d get new subscribers mostly when you wrote a good post and tagged it well, then a few here and there that tripped over you via your comments on other sites. But this is nuts! In the forums, they are saying just “report it as SPAM”. Seriously, I have to figure out if 5 or 10 or 20 new subscribers every day is SPAM?!?!? I’d like to see a simple “block” function, or “approve follower” function. You would still have to check them out, but it would make this all go away.

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      • That’s the thing, it seems to have started around the same time a few weeks ago. I guess with all the new followers from the new WP reader feature “You May Like…” we’ll inevitably get spam followers increasing too.

        But I hear you, Steve. I’m all for having an inflated ego, but to find out my inflated ego is inflated? Defeats the purpose.

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      • Damn you, Darla!! Because of YOU, the zombie Danny cats have found me as well!

        I JUST got a follow from IBShealthteam.

        Crap, I think I’ve been infected. Save yourself. I’m suddenly craving…..

        SPAMMMMMMMM…….

        Like

  10. Thank you for the post. I am one of your new followers, I am not a zombie or anything else. I live in Maine so your title made me feel like I should follow you, since I am one too! :-) I want some spam followers on my blog. I take them all, the numbers make me feel good.

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    • Well, thank you, an actual human being from Maine, for following!

      And I know, numbers DO make me feel good too. I feel so ashamed. But they make me feel bad as well. Still only 71 facebook followers. Once I can hit 80, my life goal will have been met and I can die happy.

      Like

      • I will follow your FB page, I am at 61 followers without asking any of my “friends” to follow me. I will get you to 72, 100 is right around the corner. Then you should get a t-shirt that you can wear around. That is my goal!! I will search for your FB page now. :-)

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  11. I have also experienced an increase in the number of followers to my blog in the last 2 weeks. It poses an interesting dilemma: If it was possible to ‘unsubscribe’ a Follower, should we?

    It is my practice to take a look at the blog of a follower and some look to be potentially phony sites. However, it is possible that they are following from a commercial blog, rather than a personal one.

    Time will tell and in the meantime the Zombie/Undead Apocalypse will have to wait.

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    • You know, that is a very good point. These people might actually be following and they happen to be logged in as their own business website/blog.

      But, this spam following thing explains something I’ve always wondered: why the actual hits on my blog posts hasn’t increased hardly at all. I may have thousands of followers, but the post is only read by a few hundred total.

      Which brings me back to my theory that cats can’t read.

      Like

  12. Boom. I just liked your Facebook page. I love the numbers going up, so I have to help a fellow blogger out. :D

    Apparently the zombie cats haven’t found my blog yet. How should I prepare myself?

    Like

  13. Hey! What’s with the huge font at the top of your page? Or have I been checking WP blogs on my phone for too long? I want in on that free beer and minimum wage. Especially that money. How cool is it that not only your mother follows your blog, but Danny B. and zombie cats do too. Wow. I am officially jealous.

    Like

    • What huge font at the top of the page? I have no idea what you’re talking about? Maybe you should get your eyes checked?

      I’m teasin’. I actually had my eyes checked and it seems my vision is fading fast so I switched to a new wordpress theme with super huge font to help.

      Like

  14. I read many blogs about this topic lately. It hasn’t happened to me. But then I read that it only happens to bloggers that have their own page (not the .wordpress.com page). So if you pay for the privilege, you get a lot of extra (zombie) followers?
    Anyway, it’s an interesting development, I would love to get a piece of the action as well ;-)

    Like

  15. I’ve been wondering about this. Same thing happening over at my blog. I was like, “I haven’t even been writing lately. How are people following me?” Not people–it’s that damn Danny Bonaduce.

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  16. So glad you brought this up—I’ve been perplexed about it and knew something was amiss because so many of my new random followers don’t have a blog or are a biz. Sigh. I thought I was crazy! But hey, I actually came across yours from the “recommended” list … so that’s a win for you! ;)

    Like

  17. Zombies! It’s always zombies. They get in everywhere. And zombie cats, too? Sheesh… I knew there had to be a logical answer, and this is it…

    Seriously, I think we should all get together and send links to all our fake follower posts to WordPress.com staff – maybe after the deluge, they’ll get their act together and suss this out.

    By the way, the day I did my post, I went to my privacy settings and stopped search engines being allowed to index my blog. Since then I’ve had no spam follows and only one slightly dodgy Like (the Like button is gone but I can still see Like notifications – they can still do it via the Reader but can’t do it via my blog)

    Maybe try changing your privacy settings for a while and see if it has any effect? You can always put them back again. It’s a total bummer not seeing the correct stats. That said, the onsite stats counter is not the only one – you can use an external one here. I do that too.

    Like

  18. I am proud to be a real human follower of your blog who actually reads your entries and enjoys them! I am somewhat new to blogging and was wondering how to get rid of those “fake” followers that want me to make as much money as they are making, blogging!

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  19. Hello old friend. I know I haven’t been around for a while – I can’t keep up with the demands of blogging and working full-time.

    The bad guys are always devising new ways to be bad. I’m sure WP is aware of what’s going on, and hopefully will think up a way to stop it and soon because some of my new follows have very disturbing gravatars. Yikes.

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    • Hey Rosie! I hear you on not having time. If only I could make loads of money blogging….

      And about the disturbing gravatars — yikes is right. I used to get email notifications of any new followers but I’m turning that off now as some of the titles of the so-called ‘blogs’ are pretty scary.

      Like

  20. I was going to write about this time because it’s been pretty freaky. I write less and less and get more and more followers…maybe they’re trying to tell me something.

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  21. I thought it had something to do with that “Recommended Blogs” feature on the left side of the page. WordPress seems to be pushing certain blogs, and strongly suggesting that I follow them. I’m a rebel, though, so I don’t cave to their peer pressure… :)

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  22. It AMAZES me that the same website who made my entire blog disappear for the better part of a day because I inadvertantly used the name of a banned website in a photo credit, would let THOUSANDS of scammers create blogs AMD then blanket follow legitimate writers. A few months ago, my number of followers was really important to me, now the number is skewed due to legions of Texas real estate agents and British replacement window dealers!! As the kids like to say; WTF WordPress?!

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    • I know. My blog used to be great at screening spam comments. But it seems suddenly those crafty spammers have figured out a way around the system. I’d like to pretend my follower number is legit. But I’d guess about 1 in 10 follows are fake.

      Like

  23. I have no idea what you’re talking about. My latest follower, ibshealthteam, and I are on a first-name basis. In fact, I’m on a first-name basis with the entire IBS health team, and I’ve learned a lot. Did you know Tums are made of rice cakes and elf tears?

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    • ibshealthteam is following you too?! I thought it was just me! My wife has a theory about IBS; whenever she sees a beautiful, thin woman, my wife feels the need to point out that she probably has IBS.

      I’m also being followed by a Spanish speaking gentleman who looks to be selling CD’s at bargain prices, but it’s hard to tell if they’re really bargains though, since his prices are listed in Euros or drachmas or something.

      I don’t know what he sees in my writing, but he obviously has questionable taste.

      Like

      • OMG DP, I told my manager on Monday (we had lunch together) about your mom eating hamburgers on rice cakes. Her face was PRICELESS. (Similar to my reaction: “How does that even WORK?” I was like, “And how does that idea even OCCUR to a person?”)

        Like

      • Tell her that my mom is an enigma, wrapped up in a mystery and served on toasted rice cakes.

        (she actually toasts them. I know!)

        I once watched her eat her rice cake burger and it was amazing to see her bite into it and watch the huge chunks of rice cake disintegrate and fall onto her plate. It’s like: just eat the burger plain, Mom!

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      • NOW I understand the IBS stuff over on my blog. Damn this job for (not enough) pay that keeps me from endlessly commenting and reading comments on WordPress, which is where I truly belong!

        “Tell her that my mom is an enigma, wrapped up in a mystery and served on toasted rice cakes.” That’s just be-yoo-tiful Darla. Magic, magic words.

        Like

  24. Zombie stalkers … hmmm! That might explain the spike I saw one day and I found no discernible reason why they were visiting my blog. I thought WP didn’t allow blogs that sold things, yet a few of my most recent admirers (?) clearly have a site with a mission. Like you, Darla, I’m looking for a way to cash in. :lol:

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  25. Your “follow” button says “it’s not so hard”. Maybe you just made it TOO easy to follow you.
    But I don’t understand why those spam followers are even a problem – we don’t have to buy stuff from them or follow them back, and they don’t leave spam comments. So what if they don’t read our posts? Plenty of legit followers don’t, too.

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  26. What? Wait. You mean fashiondivadesign may not be reading me for all my fabulous wardrobe tips? And seasonalholidays2020 might not be real? I did see that solutiibusiness didn’t exist, but I thought he, like, went on vacation and turned off his blog or something.

    Seriously, I would love to have the power to unsubscribe someone. Super powers on the Marvel Universe scale are a hobby of mine.

    Like

  27. About a year ago I awoke to discover about a 100 new followers. I’m not when they actually appeared as I wasn’t watching the numbers. And then about three months later, without hearing from any of them, they disappeared. Go figure??

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  28. Yeah, I’ve been the least active blogger on WP for the last 5 months and it has had the opposite effect of what I would have imagined. I was going to post an apology for not posting often but, why should I? Clearly my lack of words is quite the come-on for all these new subscribers. Perhaps I’ll switch it up and test it – I’ll post one word, just one, for my next post. Now I’ve got to figure out what word that will be…

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  29. I was going to chime in about “Yeah, I know just what you mean” until I saw the “dozens per day.” Dozens? Dozens? You a SUPAH-STAR, Darlotta! Don’t worry about “why”, just enjoy the fame.

    And don’t buy any Viagra or knock-off designer bags from your new readers.

    Like

  30. Darla, here’s the silver lining for me. On my last go-round of visiting my followers, I’m pretty sure most of them had died or left the planet, so I think your zombie theory holds. I’m just glad to have a new slew of undead “ughing” at my words.
    (And thanks for posting about this. i wondered what on earth was happening.)

    Like

  31. When I came back to the blogs I noticed a HUGE increase in the number of followers I had. I thought, WTF? How did this happen when I wasn’t even here?? Surely I don’t have THAT kind of game, do I??

    Then I saw the names of the people following and thought, “Wow, WordPress must have really gotten nailed with spammers.” Then I was bummed.

    Like

  32. Noooooooooooo!!! This was one of the reasons I left Blogger and I remember it being very annoying when I had set myself a milestone of having my newly created WordPress stats take over my abandoned blogger stats. Damn zombies.

    Like

  33. I got a new subscriber today who had actual blog posts, but they’re all written in weird symbols, including long strings of upside-down question marks. Is that a real language? I don’t think that’s a real language.

    Like

  34. I’ve been away like two seconds (okay, maybe it’s been more like a few months) and I’m now to believe that only 20 of my 90 followers a legit? Ah man. I thought the world was finally coming around to digging in the soil with me and getting dangerously close to spiders with a camera lens. I’m crushed.

    Like

  35. Pingback: True Numbers | A Mind Divided

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