10) You can’t decide whether that burning sensation you feel on your face and neck is seething anger or a hot flash.

9) You start slipping ice packs into your bra.

8) Your electricity bill is $1,563.25 due to the 10 fans and 3 a/c units you have running 24/7.

7) When your husband asks for sex, you hit him over the head with the remote and say, “Was it good for you?”

6) You consider moving to the South Pole so you can cool down.

5) You find yourself exclaiming to your husband: “Damn! That Regis Philbin sure is damn sexy!”

4) Your go-to beauty regimen is the same at 41 as it was at 14: Zit cream

3) You spend your days wandering around the house in a daze muttering, “Is it hot in here? Are you hot? God, it’s so hot in here!”

2) You lie in bed wide awake each night hoping your heart palpatations will lull you into a gentle slumber.

and the number one Sign You’re Nearing Menopause:

1) Mood swings? Please! You only have one mood:  Pissed off