Today I woke up and realized, holy guacamole, it’s May? But I still haven’t cleaned up all the confetti and empty gin bottles from New Year’s Day! Someone really ought to do something about this relentless passage of time because it’s getting to be a huge buzzkill.
But then I realized something else…
It’s Blogger of the Month time again!
So I can introduce you all to:
Jules from the beloved and most mustachiest blog:
Her blog has chipmunks, Uncle Jesse, giveaways, dreams of polygamy and epic vlogs. She’s been Freshly Pressed numerous times and is a WordPress Featured Humor Blogger. Plus she’s warm, witty, and probably the sweetest blogger I’ve ever met (we’ve had many marathon phone convos, so you can trust me on that one).
So put on your mustache glasses, raise a glass of pink champagne and indulge in another juicy Firsts and Lasts Interview with Jules!
FIRST:
Didn’t you carve your dog playing Uno on a pumpkin for Halloween?
Blog Post: Have Mercy, a post about my Australian Labradoodle, Uncle Jesse, in whom I have a mild interest.
Kiss: Evan. I was 7, and we hid under a table in a YMCA playroom, while our moms Jazzercized their troubles away. We held our breath and pushed our mouths together for as long as we could stand to. His lips were like sandpaper.
Pretty sure Evan’s gay now. Surprisingly, I’m not.
Oh, Doogie. You make suspension of disbelief look so cute.
Love: Doogie Howser. I’ve always liked gay smart guys.
Psst: FINE. You can read about my real first love here.
Childhood Memory: I was 2, and at my grandparents’ house. I was left upstairs in a crib with pastel-colored bars. I was very upset and felt abadoned. Everyone else was downstairs.
Sure. Leave me here. I’ll be just fine.
The only reason I remember something from that age is because I saw a picture of the crib years later, and the memory came flooding back.
I’ve done my best to wipe out my abandonment issues memory since then. Cheers!
Moment I met my significant other: Which one? Heh.
Behind every great blogger, there’s a chile-head.
I actually first laid eyes on Husband #1, Peppermeister, when I was 18, in an Intro to Radio class that I dropped shortly thereafter. A year and a half later, we worked together at a school for kids with autism – I recognized him right away.
It took another year and a half, and precisely 5 gin and tonics, for me to molest him make a move.
Possession I would take with me if my house were on fire: Anything Uncle Jesse asks for. Also Uncle Jesse.
In all seriousness, my first thought always goes to “photo albums.”
Time I was pulled over by a cop: Are you mocking me, Darla? [Editor's note: Never.] You know I just got pulled over recently because my headlights were out…both…of them. The first time (out of 3 times, for those of you keeping score) was shortly after I got my license, and was sitting in a busy intersection, waiting to make a left turn. I had to wait until the light was nearly red before the oncoming traffic stopped and I could make my left – a common occurence, at least here in New Jersey.
My sister may look nice, but she’s a real bitch.
A cop -in an unmarked car and business suit, I might add- pulled me over for that! Bullcrap! I was in tears; didn’t get a ticket (1 ticket out of 3 times being pulled over, thankyouverymuch), but my sister saw me and mocked me mercilessly.
Job I had: Informally: Babysitting. My neighbors trusted me with 3 girls under the age of 5, including an infant, when I was 11. Because that’s how I roll.
You say “You dressed like Amelia Bedelia for a book signing” like it’s a bad thing…
Formally: An indepedent bookstore, when I was 16. It was awesome. I got to open the store by myself and everything. Never got to read on the job, though, which is what everyone thought.
Thing I think God will say to me at the pearly gates: “Are you sure you wouldn’t feel more comfortable downstairs?”
LAST:
Blog Post: A Birthday Serenade.
Chyeah. I know.
Meal I cooked: Spicy turkey bacon meatloaf.
Movie I saw: Zero Dark Thirty. FINALLY. I guess it was okay. (I’m kidding. It was very good. Did they really waterboard that actor? They must have. I’m kind of obsessed with how actors get booked for torture scenes now.)
Song I listened to: “Too Close” by Alex Clare. Peppermeister and I recorded a cover for my blog, which is totally a piece of cake and not at all scary and I really recommend it. Maybe next I’ll try Whitney Houston or opera.
Reality TV show I watched: The Voice. Two words: Adam. Levine.
Yes.
Time I cried: Yesterday. I realized I was 31.
Time I laughed hysterically: Today. My friends know how to make some funny-ass memes.
Time I told a little white lie: This morning, to myself in the mirror: “No one’s going to be looking at you from the back.”
Time I did something really scary: April was riddled with scary things and the doing of said things. I was in the midst of an intense job interview process, working on the aforementioned song to post on my blog, flying to Texas (Texas!) for a wedding, and more (oh my!)!
Unbelievable things happen to me at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Click for more evidence.
Time I swore like a sailor: Every time I talk to my girlfriends on Facebook. It’s like a f*cking disease.
Good deed I did: I let two nuns give me their coupons at Bed, Bath & Beyond the other day. It made them really happy. Amen.
Indulgence: RIGHT NOW, reading comments about how much you loved this interview.
His blog, 
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