As a self-proclaimed loopy housewife and mom of two young kids, I hereby declare the following: THINGS I WILL NEVER DO AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE (or at least until my kids move out)

I WILL NEVER:

1)      Open up an empty dishwasher.

2)      Be done with the laundry.

3)      Debate whether I should have that glass of wine the nanosecond my husband gets home.

4)      Go a day without saying “Calm down, right now!”

5)      Walk into a room to find everything in its place.

6)      Walk into a room to find my kids playing quietly and sharing without incident.

7)      Walk into a room and sit down for more than five minutes.

8)      Get enough sleep.

9)      Eat an entire meal without getting up at least ten times.

10)   Get on Facebook without my son rushing over to tell me he has GOT to get on Facebook RIGHT THAT SECOND or he’ll die.

11)  Watch an entire movie in one sitting.

12)   Read a complete sentence in a book, magazine or newspaper without interruption.

13)   Take a shower without first having to remove the 100 toys on the bathtub floor.

14)   Look at my husband and sigh, “Honey, we really shoulda had more kids.”

15)   Wake up and think, “I’m not going to have any coffee today!”

16)   Wake up and think, “I’m not going to speed-eat a half bag of Reese Peanut Butter cups while hiding in the pantry today!”

17)   Like Caillou. (and cease to wonder why the poor kid is bald)

18)   Have a relaxed conversation with my husband.

19)   Go five minutes without hearing a small child whine “Mommmmmmyyyyyyy!”

And, just because I don’t want to be a complete whiner,

20) Go a day without thanking God I have two happy, healthy, sweet and lovable kids who manage to give this mommy enough hugs and kisses to cancel out the first 19 things on this list.