Do you text? Does a bear shit while texting “OMFG! I’ll BRB!” in the woods? Maybe you have a Blackberry, Droid, Zombie (I think that name might catch on someday) or whatever new-fangled gadget you crazy kids think is hot right now. Maybe you spend most of your waking moments with your eyes glazing over and your thumbs flying. Maybe you only stop texting for the two seconds it takes to put one hand up in the air, effectively shushing the living, breathing person sitting next to you who is suddenly feeling completely ignored because you felt compelled to type LOL or LMFAO or some other golden nugget of a text rather than actually engage in real live human interaction.
Tell me why you text message (aside for business reasons). Texting may or may not officially be an actual word, but I hear it’s almost as necessary as breathing. Is it better than talking directly to that person? Maybe this is the main reason behind texting, so you don’t actually have to hear the other person’s voice. Or have a back and forth conversation. I know that can be a draining experience. Do you text mainly out of sheer convenience, a way of keeping in touch with all of your friends? Is that what you’re telling yourself when you open up your text bill to see you’ve texted three thousand times in one month? Or is it an obsession that ranks up there with Facebook, chocolate and reality shows? (I am obsessed with all three things and it is very sad).
I am afraid to admit that I have never texted. Well, I did a few times to my in-laws who were texting us on their drive from Detroit to Maine. I truly wanted to know how they were doing, so I texted something back like “When RU back in Maine?” That single text took me close to five minutes to type out as I used my poor sad index finger to hunt and peck. Apparently I’ve yet to develop the lightning speed thumb seizures needed to text appropriately.
My husband and I caved earlier this year and bought an iTouch, coolest little gadget in the universe, in my husband’s eyes. He sleeps with it under his pillow at night. But we almost never have used it to text aside from the in-law trip.
I think my husband and I refuse to text for two reasons. His reason is he hates it, so he simply can’t be bothered with it (he’s a rarity in that he hates Facebook, blogging and texting) and the biggest reason for me, I’d probably love it, so I should avoid it at all costs. I am already too sucked into all the other techno crap out there. Texting would be just one more huge drain on what little money and time I can spare.
I’m not sure why, but I am using this texting phenomena as the one last thing in our technological f’d up universe that I can shake my head at disapprovingly (especially at those morons who text and drive). Maybe if I never text, I’m not a slave to technology like all of you other sad sad souls. Okay, I am a sad sad soul. I can barely go a day without checking Facebook.
So what if my husband and I might be the last two people on earth that don’t text. We prefer to talk on the phone or leave voice messages. No doubt in the near future, when our own kids have succumbed, we’ll be shunned completely, surrounded by the glowing lights of their iPhones and Droids. We’ll be the two old farts off in the corner, talking and listening to each other in real time, just like the old days.