The 39 Year Old Text Virgin

Texting on a keyboard phone
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Do you text? Does a bear shit while texting “OMFG! I’ll BRB!” in the woods? Maybe you have a Blackberry, Droid, Zombie (I think that name might catch on someday) or whatever new-fangled gadget you crazy kids think is hot right now. Maybe you spend most of your waking moments with your eyes glazing over and your thumbs flying. Maybe you only stop texting for the two seconds it takes to put one hand up in the air, effectively shushing the living, breathing person sitting next to you who is suddenly feeling completely ignored because you felt compelled to type LOL or LMFAO or some other golden nugget of a text rather than actually engage in real live human interaction.

Tell me why you text message (aside for business reasons). Texting may or may not officially be an actual word, but I hear it’s almost as necessary as breathing. Is it better than talking directly to that person? Maybe this is the main reason behind texting, so you don’t actually have to hear the other person’s voice. Or have a back and forth conversation. I know that can be a draining experience. Do you text mainly out of sheer convenience, a way of keeping in touch with all of your friends? Is that what you’re telling yourself when you open up your text bill to see you’ve texted three thousand times in one month? Or is it an obsession that ranks up there with Facebook, chocolate and reality shows? (I am obsessed with all three things and it is very sad).

I am afraid to admit that I have never texted. Well, I did a few times to my in-laws who were texting us on their drive from Detroit to Maine. I truly wanted to know how they were doing, so I texted something back like “When RU back in Maine?” That single text took me close to five minutes to type out as I used my poor sad index finger to hunt and peck. Apparently I’ve yet to develop the lightning speed thumb seizures needed to text appropriately.

My husband and I caved earlier this year and bought an iTouch, coolest little gadget in the universe, in my husband’s eyes. He sleeps with it under his pillow at night.  But we almost never have used it to text aside from the in-law trip.

I think my husband and I refuse to text for two reasons.  His reason is he hates it, so he simply can’t be bothered with it (he’s a rarity in that he hates Facebook, blogging and texting) and the biggest reason for me, I’d probably love it, so I should avoid it at all costs. I am already too sucked into all the other techno crap out there. Texting would be just one more huge drain on what little money and time I can spare.

I’m not sure why, but I am using this texting phenomena as the one last thing in our technological f’d up universe that I can shake my head at disapprovingly (especially at those morons who text and drive). Maybe if I never text, I’m not a slave to technology like all of you other sad sad souls. Okay, I am a sad sad soul. I can barely go a day without checking Facebook.

So what if my husband and I might be the last two people on earth that don’t text. We prefer to talk on the phone or leave voice messages. No doubt in the near future, when our own kids have succumbed, we’ll be shunned completely, surrounded by the glowing lights of their iPhones and Droids. We’ll be the two old farts off in the corner, talking and listening to each other in real time, just like the old days.

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12 thoughts on “The 39 Year Old Text Virgin

  1. I tired to text once and threw the phone at my husband. He caught the phone and looked at me like a deer in headlights. As it turned out we were trying to text Shawna, who can text like a mad woman. Our text messages must have made her think we were carving them into cave walls from an ancient society. We were texting that fast hehehe, it was horrible but as it turned out we had to attempt to test to her. Shh, the reason was that we couldn’t find out how to use the damned cell phone, how sad is that HAHA. Yep we found texting on the list before how to make a phone call.
    I am not opposed to technology, as long as they keep it away from me. There is just something in my physical body that is not built for anything electrical or battery operated. Things smoke, burst into flames, explode or just die….texting will never make my list of daily events 🙂

  2. I used to hate texting too. But I found it to be the only reliable way I could communicate with my husband when he is at work. I feel I really have no choice. In his job he cannot pickup the phone if I need him for something. This way I can send him my thought, question, message, etc., and he can reply as soon as he has a chance without having to call me back. I still hated it, until I caved and got a phone with a full keyboard. Now it’s not so bad since I don’t have to push the same stupid button three times to get the letter I want. 😉

    1. I could see myself texting in the future if I had a better phone. (my husband has the iTouch most of the time, I get stuck with the old cell…) I agree with you in that it is pretty damn convenient to text someone if they’re busy at work, etc. Still haven’t brought myself to do it but I’m sure once my kids are teens and have cells, I’ll be a texting fool.

  3. Kim says:

    You hit it right on the head, Darla. When your kids are teens and have cell phones, it’s SOOO much easier than calling. I never thought I’d say that because before she had a phone I hated even the thought of texting. Now our cell phone usage looks like this for any given month: Carissa – 8,000+; Kim – 900; Steve – 300. Yes, Carissa has over 8,000 texts a month. When I told her that she said, “Wow! That’s pretty good. My friends usually have more than 15,000.” How is that even possible?! Anyway, I find texting a very easy way to communicate now (a full keyboard on the phone helps, too) when you are somewhere where it is too quiet to talk (work), or when it’s too loud to talk (cheer competitions, football games, etc.). I bet you’ll love it when it’s time.

    1. I know I will, Kim. I can imagine how easy it is to keep tabs on your teen so that in and of itself is enough reason for me. Guess I should enjoy these textless days for now, huh? Speaking of Carissa, I know someone who logs 5,000 texts a month! I guess if little ones like “LOL” count they probably do add up.

  4. Um, yeah..I only text back and forth with my 76 year old mother! Yes, she has a facebook page as well – crazy! But it is not because we hate the technology of it. My husband and my friends and I all Instant Message one another. Faster. Full keypad on our phones. In fact this reply is all thumbs as I ‘type’ away from my ‘crackberry’. Ha! Funny how these gadgets can take over.

    1. I have to admit that I’m relieved my mother isn’t on Facebook, doesn’t even know what “texting” means.
      My husband and I recently talked about getting an iPhone next spring if they start using Verizon as a provider…so we are already starting to cave to the texting stuff. Only a matter of time!

  5. I just loathe it when some young relatives text constantly while we’re having family dinner. I want to ask …..are we chopped liver? Like you, I am addicted to checking facebook but thank goodness I am not a mobile phone fanatic. I do occassionally text though but not crazily.

    1. Exactly! I felt like chopped liver the entire time a visiting relative of mine texted during meals. I haven’t seen him in years and years and he preferred to text instead of TALK. Even when I took him out to a restaurant, he was texting at the table. I wanted to say, “can’t you put that thing down for 20 minutes??” Seriously!

  6. I particularly love to text with a SIL of mine for 2 reasons. #1: it’s a long distance call, we cut off our long distance service to our home phone (use calling cards instead), and the cell reception at our house is poor enough that I can’t talk, but I can text. #2: When I text, I don’t have to listen to her yelling at her kids, which she does all… the… time- and she insists on keeping her phone on speaker when she’s talking, just to make sure I can hear her girls squabbling.

    Also, my Dh’s job has him out on the ocean in an area of mixed reception. If I just want to say hi or tell him something that’s not urgent, I can text him. I don’t text a lot, but I love to have the option.

    1. I can totally see the benefits too. I just wish I had a more text-friendly phone…I still have this cheapie one that takes forever to text anything. I have to admit I used Facebook a lot to contact my friends, we use the online chat in the mornings. Sometimes I would rather do that than actually have a long phone conversation.

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