Sometimes I talk too much. Okay, I talk too much most of the time. My husband can painfully attest to that fact. I had laryngitis last fall and could barely get out a whisper. I had never seen my husband so happy.
And there are certain things a mom knows to never say if little kids are within a mile of earshot. Not swear words or anything beyond PG-rated (that goes without saying) but those innocent phrases that once a mom lets them loose, they flow out into the universe, never to be taken back again. And mommy pays for these words. Oh, yes, she pays dearly.
So, because I am a mom of two kids with mutant supersonic hearing and extreme abilities to whine endlessly, I will enlighten you by listing the:
THINGS A MOM/DAD SHOULD NEVER SAY OUT LOUD:
*WARNING: These phrases can elicit fighting, sibling rivalry, whining, crying, begging, nonstop sobbing and otherwise create a situation where waiting in line at the DMV after a root canal would seem like a good time in comparison.*
1) “Hmm, what’s this? A coupon for free tokens at Chuck E. Cheese. I’ll just go ahead and toss it.”
2) “Nothing came in the mail today, just a catalog for American Girl dolls.”
3) “Oh, darn! There’s only one cookie left! They’ll just have to share.”
4) “Okay, let’s go to Target. But we are only going to LOOK at the toys.”
5) “Let’s buy ____(kid A) this ____(video game, article of clothing, 10 pack of Squinkees), ____(kid B) won’t mind.”
6) “Hey! I’ve got a great idea! You can be mommy’s little helper in the grocery store today. You can help me put things in the cart.”
7) “Fine. You can go pick out some Legos. But nothing above 10 dollars.”
8) “So we’re going to drop off your brother at the amusement park for his friend’s birthday party, then you and I will go home and do some arts and crafts, okay? That’ll be just as fun!”
9) “You kids behave for your father. I’m going to go grab a quick cup of coffee at McDonald’s, I’ll be right back.”
10) “Can you believe little Mikey’s parents actually bought him a bounce house/pony/three-ring-circus for his birthday party?!”
and the most innocent, yet sure to spark a major meltdown of epic proportions, phrase?
11) “Let’s take turns! Who wants to go first?”