Quick, Mom! Run and hide!

DILO - women bathroom sign
Image by DogFromSPACE via Flickr

Moms, I’m going to be honest with you. There are some days when my dear, sweet, lovely children have driven me to the point of my head imploding.  When they have whined the 1,237th “Mommy!” and have managed to have about 35 mini-tragedies in nine minutes (“He took my Polly Pocket and tried to flush her down the toilet!” “She ripped all the wheels off my favorite hot wheels and is now trying to eat them!”). We all have those days.

But fear not.

There is one place a mom can go to get away from it all:

The bathroom.

My sanctuary.  My domain. My sweet escape.

The kids and hubby may think I’m in there taking a shower or plucking my brows. But what I’m really doing is trying to hang onto that last shred of sanity I have left.

After many years of attempting this escape, there are a few things I’ve learned.

First and foremost rule: Lock the door. This is extremely important. Do this the split second you rush in there. But here’s the key: try to do this quietly. Because if little ears have any inkling you are in there, the jig is up.

If they do notice you are in the bathroom (correction: when they notice) you must take evasive action as quickly as possible. Turn on the fan. This will help drown out the inevitable knocking and pleading outside the door (mostly from my husband who has spent a grand total of 5 minutes dealing with the kids on his own).

Okay, now the door is locked. You’ve made it. You’re safe. You are officially in a room that is separate from your loved ones. It’s an exhilarating feeling, I know.  You are alone and no one can come in (barring using a screwdriver to take the hinges off the door, which my son once informed me he was going to attempt).

You are now leaning against the door, breathing huge sighs, trying to regain your composure. For a brief second you may even remember the “old you”, the one who had two seconds to form a complete thought…remember her? No, me neither. Sadly, this feeling is fleeting.  So what do you do now with this glorious alone time?

Any mom knows that you need a bathroom survival kit. You need supplies that will enable you to spend as much time in there as humanly possible. Spending it actually doing bathroom type things is not an option. You have to clear your head. Keep it together. Your very soul is on the line here, woman!

Find a place to rest.  Naturally the toilet is a good spot. Close the lid ever so quietly and plunk your tired butt down for a second. Go ahead, Mom. It’s okay. You deserve it. Sit there and breathe. Close your eyes and utter “Serenity Now” over and over until you actually believe it. It worked for Kramer.

Next, grab something to read. I like to have plenty of guilty pleasure trashy magazines on hand. I keep a stack of Good Housekeeping, People, Ladies’ Home Journal, maybe even the occasional Cosmo. For those rare times that I manage to slip into my sanctuary unnoticed, I try to have my favorite book on hand. Or maybe even stash your iPad under the towels. Think of all the things you can accomplish surfing the net sitting on your cozy fuzzy pink toilet seat.

If kids/hubby are inexplicably fascinated with your bathroom excursion and are suddenly outside the door acting like Armageddon is just around the corner, you might need to actually turn the shower on for a minute and run a little water. This might buy you another few minutes.

If they persist and the whining grows louder, I occasionally have to resort to yelling out: “I’m BUSY!!!!” I am usually surprised at how irritated I sound when I yell out these words. It comes out as a growl most times, but I try not to let on that my loved ones are slowly stripping away layers of my sanity.

After my growl, there is always a moment of stunned silence behind the door. So I’ll add a meek and sweet comment like “just a second, okay? I’ll be right out!” to lighten the mood. We don’t want our family thinking Mom is thisclose to cracking now do we? Keep the illusion alive.

And then I sit there in silence at least another five minutes, flipping through my People, reading about Angelina Jolie and her kids. That woman has it so easy.

I bet she has at least five or six bathrooms to hide in.

311 thoughts on “Quick, Mom! Run and hide!

  1. Haha! I’m not a mom, but even a lady with three relentless 1/2 dog, 1/2 children can relate. I cannot imagine the truth behind your funny story! I would definitely be adding a few more things, like refrigerator full of chocolates and cheese. Sounds gross to eat that in the bathroom, but I’d do it. Thanks for this post!!

    1. Thank you for your reply! You’ve got a great idea! A stash of Godiva chocolate in the linen closet…maybe hide a bottle of wine underneath the sink…light a few candles and I’d have my own little nirvana! *rubbing hands together cackling “mua ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!”*

  2. I can see I need to get my bathroom properly equipped! The tranquility is seriously interrupted, though, when my two-year-old pounds his tonka truck on the bathroom door. If we lived in the middle ages, he would have been in charge of the battering ram at sieges.

    1. Ah, yes…my son used to do the same with his tonkas. Then he graduated to hot wheels. Now it’s mostly my daughter, crying, sniffling or sobbing on the other side of the door until I come out. She’s very good at being melodramatic and I have no clue where she gets it from, of course. 😉

  3. Oh my gosh! Hilarious! My friend just posted this on facebook yesterday: “Would it be bad if I just hid in the bathroom till bedtime?” I will share this with her 🙂 I guess she knows your tricks! I’ll keep that in mind. 🙂 Being a mom is wonderful, but sometimes so darn tough! Good luck and have fun reading about Angelina Jolie 😉

  4. You mean I’m not the only one! I thought I was insane. I have to always give my husband credit because he is quite involved with our 4 but always reminds me that I was the one that wanted kids. He is also the one that told me to use the bathroom as refuge “I do it all the time” he told me once. My only problem is that my house is so small and there is only one bathroom. I have to believe them when they say “I have to go!” Most of the time it is only another piece of their evil plan to bring me down but guess who will have to clean it up the one time they are telling the truth. I have to say however, that it is sometimes worth the risk!

    1. This is my main problem: only one bathroom. We are buying a house this year and my only request was AT LEAST two. Althought I doubt my kids would change their urge to break down the bathroom door anyway…

    1. This blog was sparked because a good friend of mine told me she recently had to LAY DOWN on the floor, behind the couch, so she could go on her iPad in peace. When the kids would enter the room, she had to prevent the iPad’s glow from giving her away.

  5. Very funny stuff. I have two little ones and I know I’ve seen my wife make a break for the “potty room” on more than one occasion. Congrats on Freshly Pressed and I hope you’ll take a moment to check out my page when you can. Keep up the good work!

  6. So funny but so true! I thought I was the only lunatic finding reasons to stay in the bathroom! Now my boys are grown and away at school and when they come home to visit, believe me I miss them, but I still find myself running up to my room when all the sports get too much!

  7. OMG! I laughed at this one. I hide in the bathroom too, in fact, I have a fan that automacally comes on, but that isn’t enough. I also have the white noise machine, candles, and I meditate. All the while, I faintly hear the bickering, which, without me there to witness it all directly, seems to simmer down quite quickly. It really is sanity that I am grasping for at these times and it saves them a tongue lashing.

    1. I love to meditate with candles but usually try it first thing in the morning before anyone is awake. And, it’s so true, because of these little escapes, we can keep our sanity AND the kids don’t have to deal with the wrath of mom. Everyone wins! Well, except my poor husband who is locked out on the other side of the door. He can handle it though (briefly!)

  8. The Compulsive Writer

    Yesterday I acted like I was going to the bathroom, made a big production about it so everyone knew where I was going…. Then I grabbed my ipod when nobody was looking, locked the door….and….Nobody bugged me! It was great.

    1. Yahoo!! Score another one for mom and her sanity! I am going to try and bring our little iTouch in there. Only if the kids don’t notice it missing, but it might just work. mua ha ha! Then I can post on my facebook status: Trapped in bathroom. Send chocolate.

      1. The Compulsive Writer

        OH….DANG IT!!!! I went and pushed the envelope…I got sloppy! The JIG IS UP! I got caught! I’m going to blame it on Katy Perry. My husband was silently waiting for me when I got out with a dumb look on his face…the kind you get when you, well, you get caught. I thought it was the perfect crime, but I alas….was I got caught singing!

  9. elisajoy

    this post was amazing!! i’m not a mom, but I come from a big family, so I can totally relate. The ending is perfect. great job 😀

  10. Barbara @ Just Another Manic Mommy

    love this! just like The Fonz, my bathroom is my office. the fan is good at drowning out the wailing and banging from 3 pairs of hands!


  11. I LOVE this post!! So so so true. My walk-in closet (with it’s own door) is in my bathroom. My favorite thing to do is to go in the bathroom, lock the door, then go in my closet and shut the door. I take my body pillow and a blanket and have seriously taken a nap in there. I’m considering moving a futon in there. My husband doesn’t need his clothes or shoes in the closet, right??

  12. Very funny and very true. Sounds like you are just like all of us Moms out here, love your children dearly but they do drive you crazy sometimes! Lord knows I spent many moments trying to regain sanity in my bathroom hide-away too. I remember those days all too well, but time will eventually come that you actually yearn to hear the sound of your children running, playing, (and yes, even fighting!) in your house because it’s just too stinking quiet!!

  13. I’m only 18, but I completely agreed with everything I read. I can see how annoying and frustrating the ‘mom’ job can be. I’ve babysat some bratty kids before that reduced me to locking myself in the bathroom and crying, but I regained my composure and felt safe, locked behind that glorified door. 🙂
    Continue writing, I enjoy reading.

  14. The Perfectly Imperfect One

    While I am not nor will I ever be a mother, I loved this story because I understand it. I raised my niece for a while and I do use the bathroom to hide from her even still.
    Congrats on being freshly pressed.

  15. As a teacher the bathroom is sometimes the only place I can get away from everyone for a bit. Going into a staffroom full of people during lunch time isn’t a break, especially when they often want you for a quick question….

  16. While this may be a step in the right direction, you are not thinking big enough: As long as you are in the bathroom you are relaxing on borrowed time. Why not add a secret exit from the bathroom so that you can actually get away? Or a secret room somewhere in the house, where you can hide more effectively? Or why not do both with some sort of bat cave? (Consider, in particular, the advantages of letting of steam by beating up super-villains. Besides, if your secret is discovered, you will be the world’s coolest mother to your children—not just someone hiding when there are shoes that need to be tied.)

    1. princesslol096

      haha some one is thinking TOO much out of the circle.
      Mothers (like my mother) like to HIDE in the bathroom and take a break.
      Many people say (as i agree) water calms a person down. SO no WONDER they go to the bathroom!

  17. Brilliant, such a good idea, and sooo true! It’s crazy that a bathroom break is the only real break I often get in any day. And gosh yes re husbands being desperate to give back the kids after only a few minutes, “but I’ve been looking after them for ages!” I hear, after I’ve sepnt all the day with them prior to that point!

  18. I don’t have kids — I’m not even married — but the bathroom is my sanctuary. I run a bath, hang out for a little while, and get away from the people who annoy me and the animals who beg for my attention. I love them all, but sometimes you need a little vacation to save your sanity.

    1. princesslol096

      You know what? i agree!
      haha, usually when i want some peace and quiet i cannot not get that, so i just go to the bathroom, get a book, sit down and read. When i want to get away i just go there. Many people do this, and i haven’t even NOTICED! 🙂

  19. I’m new to blogging .. but I love it. My favourite phrase at the moment is” I’ll be five minutes I’m just finishing of my blog”..or ” mummy just gotta finish one more sentence”..trying to keep everything calm. Wouldn’t want them thinking I wasn’t giving them any attention.. all hell would break loose !

  20. There’s nothing like being in a quiet and peaceful environment. Nonetheless, there are experiences all parents must face. When the children grow up you’d wish you could have these moments again.

  21. Too funny! I used to say, “Mama is not here!” but that didn’t help…
    What did help was going in my room and kneeling on my knees. When they would open the door, they knew not to disturb my precious time with God.

  22. imaginecreation

    That has got to be the most spot on and hilarious post on a moment in motherhood EVER! hahaha! The hubby spending a grand total of 5 minutes alone with the kids . . . hahaha! For reals . . . cracking up and relating to you much, over here!

  23. Good for you! I will never understand the moms who don’t lock the bathroom door when husband is around to take care of the kids. Even when dad wasn’t home, my mother never dreamed of inviting us in when she was using the toilet or anything else. She taught us the concept of privacy.
    I feel for my friends who have kids and have traded their privacy and dignity for motherhood. As my mother showed me, a woman can have all three. -Jen

  24. I’m not a mom but I’m a teacher of very little kids and have these moments of needed serenity as well. I don’t hide in the bathroom (can you imagine??) but I do step into the closet for 30 seconds to breathe and bring my blood pressure down a few notches! Funny post!

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  26. Oh my goodness, the bathroom is my safe haven too!!! I sit on the toilet, crack open a book, and when Mr. Wench or one of my children inevitably ask if I’m okay, I respond that “Mommy’s pooping!!” Mr. Wench thinks I’m one of the most regular people he knows. 🙂

  27. This was fantastic! I can totally relate! I have a two year old, a 9-month old puppy, and 2 older cats. It’s so difficult for me to hide out in the bathroom, but I try! I also just started a blog, Late Bloomer Mom.

    Thanks again! – Tawnya

  28. OH, yeah. My daughter is 13 and I swear she still comes running from the furthest corners if she hears me “sitting down” in there! I’m pretty sure there is some alarm hooked into the toilet seat….

    1. Oh I just spit out my coffee. Hilarious. I think so too. My kids could be downstairs playing for hours, the bathroom empty. But the nanosecond I go in there, BAM! They are both outside my door. Amazing abilities my kids have, huh?

  29. Last time I hid in there my boys set up a trap right outside the door….They’ve got one of those laser beam alarms that shoots darts! Should’ve known better..it was quiet the whole time I was in there! 🙂 Congrats on FP!

  30. We moved when the kids were: 5,6,7,& 16. The house had tons of hidding places, even spots out in the yard where they couldn’t find me. I was free.
    Nice post, hopefully with your move you too, can find peace beyond the bathroom.

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  32. You’re a mom who speaks my language. I really do need to keep some reading material in the bathroom. I usually end up just cleaning it, which is a break when it’s done without the kids’ help, but not as much of a break as not cleaning the bathroom.

  33. Nonsensical lover.

    So I finally figured out what my mother does in the bathroom for two hours! She’s recuperating her sanity! Good lord women move slowly with this, I would figure millions of years of evolutionary processing and dealing with crying children would’ve at least made this process go, to say, about under 30 minutes but still! 2 hours!

    She’s abusive in her ways, but now I know the truth 😉

  34. i do this!! who cares if i shred a bit of sex appeal and appear taking a massive “#2” when i am really just sitting there, reading the book of french verbs i keep on the windowsill (man, that word doesn’t look right when ur tired.) or the copy of the great gatsby i have behind the curtain. 🙂

  35. Haha, very good post. I can’t wait until the day when I can hide in the bathroom. Sadly, not yet, my 19 month old always wants to accompany me there. On the off chance I slip in unnoticed, she realises about 2 seconds later and bangs on the door while saying “Mummy, Mummy!” repeatedly until I open up for her. Sigh, someday….

    1. My son is eight and still sometimes bangs on the door, but he’s getting better at letting me be the older he gets. There’s hope yet! And once he’s a teen and in there all the time, I can start banging on the door. Payback. 🙂

  36. Too funny! And true. I am a realtor and actually met my husband at an open house. Had I known that I would eventually marry him and move into the house I sold him (and spend time hiding from him and our daughter in the bathroom) I would have only shown him houses with more elaborate bathrooms. Something to remember when I sell him on our next house…

  37. I work in an area with no windows… all except for the one window in the bathroom with a sunny southern exposure. Many moments of “clinging to sanity”, texting for support, even an occasional telephone call have been made from the bathroom. One can hardly be critiqued for “dodging out for a minute” when it’s the bathroom!! and the room has a view. tiniest bit of sky and a tree or two ~ and assorted, lined up cars in a parking lot ;-(… Thanks for you post.

  38. Chris van Hasselt

    I’ve been trying to explain the bathroom privacy concept to my daughter. She thinks it means that she comes in the bathroom with me, and locks the door, and she always insists that one of us, mom or dad, hang out with her while she’s in the bathroom. My only “workaround”: here, you sit and watch tv (to which she becomes fixated) while I go to the bathroom.

    Funny stuff, congrats on being freshly pressed. BTW, my dad lives in E. Boothbay, on the coast.

  39. Congrats on being freshly pressed! Great post and I also love the comment about your friend laying on the floor and hiding the iPad light.

    I have a 14 year old who still hunts me down if I ‘escape’ into the bathroom…pounds on the door, and says “can I come in, I just need to ask you something”? It is often a question like “would you ever let me get a motorcycle, go bunging jumping, etc when I am 16?” Real urgent questions.

    Two more suggestions for you – I’ve gone into the garage and listened to the radio in the car, and gone into my son’s room and laid down in his bed for 5 minutes. He’s never thought to look for me there!

    May you have 5 minutes of peace today.

  40. Even now, with my children older, I have to put up a sign “Is the house on fire? Is there bleeding?” when I want to write. Sometimes it works. And little did I know that when the kids stopped panicking at the bathroom door, I’d have a cat who’d do the same thing. Great post — so true, so painfully true! Thanks.
    Check out my blog: barbaracoles.wordpress.com

  41. SandySays1

    Peace and quiet are rare and valuable commodities, particularly with pups in profusion. I don’t think many of my solutions would help you. For example, rubbing my breakfast bar on spilled pepper on the kitchen floor or sitting on top of the dining room table until the humans file an objection. But, I sure can commiserate with you. It’s enough to make you howl at the moon at times!

  42. Thanks for all of the comments, I am laughing at quite a few of them. I hope all of you temporarily frazzled moms and dads, aunts/uncles, grandparents etc. out there can grab a few minutes of peace alone here and there. I appreciate each day with my kids and am all the more content because I can have these few minutes of quiet and solitude.

  43. Anjanette Cathey

    Wow, and I thought I was the only one 🙂 I can totally relate to every letter you wrote. I escape to the bathroom cuz no one can get me in there 🙂 I even take the escape a step further..(when dad is supervising the kids) I escape to the shower, which is like a room within a room… they REALLY can’t get me in there. I KNOW it is just a mini escape, but sooo worth it. The things we mom’s do…. we really need a prize now and then 🙂

  44. LOL! I came across your blog from the front page – this is hilarious! lol

    I used to use the bathroom at work as a kind of “escape” for a few minutes LOL. I would just take extra time wahing my hands or “doing my hair” so that I could gain a little bit of breathing room lol.

    Your post made me laugh 🙂

  45. Totally hilarious! I have retreated to the bathroom to escape the kids many times, but you’ve given lots of ideas planned to make it a real sanctuary and enjoy the 3 minutes before they discover I’m in there! Thanks!

  46. Great blog. I know how you feel. The other day I went to have a shower and forgot to lock the door! After 5 minutes, I had had a visit from every member of the family (including the cat). When they all arrived at the shower door at once, staring at me naked, and all complaining about each other ( 2 children and the husband, the cat however was ominously quiet…I cleaned that up later!) I lost it.

    1. I forgot to lock the door once too while taking a shower. Within minutes my entire family was inside our tiny bathroom having an argument over the Wii. I finally said, “UH, hello! Can’t you discuss this OUTSIDE the bathroom?!” LOL

  47. jenniferking173

    Oh my, this is exactly what I go through. I have 3 year old twin girls. Most of the time they act like chimpanzees that have had way too much Mountain Dew. Right now, I’m sitting in the recliner with my laptop. One has climbed up behind me and is sitting on my shoulders playing with my hair. The other had a death grip on my left arm. How Can I still type with this going on? Let’s just say its a gift. I don’t get many bathroom escapes, if I leave the room for more than a minute someone is getting into trouble!

  48. I’m not a mom, but with 2 cats, 1 dog and a husband freshly back from Afghanistan, the bathroom can be my sanctuary, too! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed today. Always nice to find a fellow-Mainer on the blogosphere!

  49. Being a mom has it’s challenging aspects to be sure. When I was raising my babies. Six of them, the oldest 9, not even the bathroom was off limits to little intruders. Little hands waving to me under the door.

    Incessant banging”Mommy,Mommy Eggy is killing Julian!!!!”
    It wasn’t my Calgon moment.

    I found an unusual and I’ll admit deperate alternative.
    While cleaning the gutters one Spring I found it quite easy to climb onto the roof of our house.
    No one could follow me there!
    I lied down and watched the sky.
    From then on in good weather when I needed a break I climbed up to our roof with my phone and a can of soda.

    When my kids were older it was not unusual for them to climb up to the roof for some getting away from the smaller kids. (We lived in a single story rancher and the roof was fairly flat.)
    I got used to my concerned neighbors calling to let me know my boys were on the roof.

    My husband and I are past the baby years.
    But weirdly in an intimate moment recently my 22 year old son knocked on my bedroom door and walked right in and threw himself down on the bed to have a word with his dad.
    He never noticed the sheets pulled up to our chins or the pajamas kicked to the floor.
    After a few moments he left. My husband got up and locked our door.
    All I could say was “Did I just imagine that?”

    1. Yes, unfortunately Calgon never manages to “take me away” much! I wish I had a flatter roof. That sounds like heaven…laying there looking at the sky. I do sometimes gaze out my tiny bathroom window but it’s not the same.
      As for your son’s story, not something I’m looking forward to. I recently saw an episode of Modern Family where the teens did just that and it was hysterical.

    2. I can so relate, only my kids are still litte. Nothing worse than being caught In flagrante delicto by your 5 year old standing silently at the bedroom door. Very hard to explain. Best just to distract with junk food treats and TV!

  50. Peiying

    I am not a mom yet, so I can’t say that I can relate to your experiences, but nevertheless, your post just helped me better understand what my mom means when she tells me that it wasn’t easy bringing me up. Until we become moms, it is hard to relate to our own mothers’ hard work in raising us, so I’m really glad that I came across your post. All the while reading your post, I felt gratitude towards my mom swelling inside of me. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful, appreciative, and loving towards my mom; I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her love, hard work, and sacrifices.

    1. Absolutely. My mom raised six of us so I can only imagine how much alone time she needed to get through some days! Raising my own kids, so many times I think to myself, “so THIS is why she did the things she did!” Very eye-opening. Thank you for your comments, they were very touching.

  51. Great post! (I like to keep a magazine in my bathroom, and there is underfloor heating so it is quite a comfortable place to relax and recover (or count to ten if that is what is needed!))

  52. The bathroom refuge applies for dads, as well. However, we made the critical error of not putting locks on the bathroom doors because we didn’t want our four kids locking themselves in, not thinking ahead to realize that also meant we couldn’t lock them out. It’s unfortunate. Going to the bathroom used to be the best 45 minutes of my day.

    Very funny (and true) post. Congrats on being Pressed.

    1. That is a damned shame. My husband is a good bathroom escape artist too, but he usually doesn’t need it as much as I do. His little sanctuary is the drive to work when he can blast his music for 30 minutes. Lucky guy.

  53. TackiestOnes

    Awww! You reminded me of a book my own mother rather pointedly bought for me when I was little. It’s called “Five Minutes Peace” about an elephant mummy who locks herself in the bathroom. I cannot remember how it ends but it did make me feel a bit guilty when I knocked on the toilet door every few seconds while my mum was taking care of business!

  54. ryoko861

    Oh, don’t forget the iPod or MP3. Those little ear buds drown EVERYTHING OUT! If the house is on fire, you’re in the bathroom, probably the safest place, so don’t worry if you can’t hear the smoke alarms.

    Mine are 19 and 23. I STILL retreat to the bathroom for privacy. Except whining has been replaced with “where’s this” or “where’s that”, “can I have some money?”, “why does he have to shower when I want to?”, “did he flushed the toilet on purpose when I was showering?”, “how come you let him stay out later than I did?”.


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  56. The Compulsive Writer

    I had a friend who went to Evergreen! It is beautiful up there. I, however, live in the desert – the arm pit of Washington. It’s not so bad….the squirrels seem to like it. I’ve added you to my blog roll. 🙂

    1. Oh, that’s a shame you live in the armpit. 😉 At least the squirrels are happy. Now, I live pretty close to the armpit of Maine myself, about 30 minutes from the coast…I do miss Olympia and TESC campus was gorgeous. Plus, it was not too far from my fave city of all time, Seattle. The rain did get to me after awhile though and I actually found myself missing snow.Thanks for adding me to your blog roll. I have to figure out how to do that myself, still new to this blogging thing!

  57. I’m obviously not the first person for whom your post struck a chord. I keep the Saturday colour supplement magazine in there for those crisis times. But it had never occurred to me before just how lucky Angelina is…

  58. New to your blog and I loved what you wrote! I have a son who is old enough (8) that he has figured out how to unlock the bathroom door (a few years ago). He’ll come barging in when I’m in “the reading room” grabbing his crotch, doing the dance. My usual comment to him is- I’m busy- pee off the porch…IN THE GRASS! (we live in the country) Looking forward to reading more.

  59. Delorfinde

    I always just sit in the bathroom and read a book … and I’m 15! It’s the one place my parents can’t – under pretty much any circumstances – take the book off me. Sure, they can yell, but I’ve still got the book. Muah ha ha. And whether they like it or not, I will sit there until I finish it, because there is absolutely nothing they can do.

  60. madmothermusings

    Oh my life! I am not alone! Other Moms do it too! I laughed my way through this whole post. and yes, I do stash my laptop in the bathroom on especially bad days to do just this!

  61. You and my mum probably went to the same ‘Mothers’ school!
    When my parents renovated our house, they installed a private phone line from their bathroom, telling us kids it was for emergencies only. Little did we realise at the time, it was in fact, my mum’s private hide-away.
    While I don’t have kids just yet, I am now armed with all the secrets I’ll need to survive and to find my self with some-kind of privacy!!!
    Thanks a bunch!

  62. April Skillern

    You know I remember those days. I havent seen my two boys in over ayear so I would love to hear them yell my name till I had to go to the bathroom to keep from losing mind.

  63. I would add that mom should only try this when the hubby is home to keep an eye on the kids. I tried this once and emerged to find that my twins had “dusted” the kitchen with corn starch. Cleaning up that mess was not worth the few minutes of peace and quiet I had while hiding in the bathroom.

  64. I love this advice. Today I locked myself in the car and cried and then texted a friend and then cried some more. Teenagers!!!!!
    Lovely post, thanks for sharing.

  65. What a fabulous post. That brings back a lot of memories from when my kids were little. Oddly enough, once they get to be teenagers, they still knock on the door!

    One tip I would add to your marvelous list is to not let the cat follow you in. My cat would always sneak in as I was closing the door, and then would inevitably want out. Once you have to open the door to let the cat out, the jig is up!

    Congrats on being freshly pressed! I can’t wait to read more of your blog. 🙂


  66. Lena

    Congrats on being featured on Word Press! Really enjoyed reading your post and can SO relate. In fact, last night when my two kids (3 and 4 months old) were FINALLY asleep after what felt like an endless weekend of nose-wiping, diaper changing and crisis negotiating, all I could think about was “Why did I sign up for this?” Then, I wake up today and see their smiling faces and remember… oh, until my 3 year old threw up just as we were about to head to day care. Ahhh.. motherhood!

    1. Motherhood is just packed with ups and downs! Never a dull moment (unfortunately) I always say to my husband, “good thing they’re so cute and lovable” And he usually says, “I don’t know. I wanted a dog.” 😉

  67. Ha! I do this alllllllllll the time. If there is a bathroom in the master bedroom, locking the bedroom door and then locking the bathroom door with the fan running means you won’t hear a thing (ie kids banging on the bedroom door trying to break in) during your brief escape. I think my hubby wonders about my digestive system with all the times I am in the bathroom with the fan running – he hasn’t clued in yet to what I am actually doing so I can stay in there as long as I need because he is too mortified to ask what is up… >;D


    1. I know, Laila! I think Jim was too scared to find out what was really going on in there. Know he knows the truth…stupid me had to tell him about this post! Oh well. At least he’s learned NOT to pound on the door whining he can’t take the kids anymore.

  68. LOL. That is not only hysterical, it is also so true. I do it so often, I was reading my own story- though you write it better. I have also, many times, ran into my room and covered my head with a pillow- real tight and it took them a while to find me, but it calmed me for a second. Sometimes all I need is a second. (of course I need more but beggars cant be choosers. lets be realistic here.)

  69. haphazard momma

    So well said! I am guilty of taking a little longer in the shower sometimes for the same reasons! They don’t miss me much once Daddy gets home, but if I try it before that my 2 yr old will go up and down the hallway saying, “Mommy, where go? Where go, Mommy!” Don’t worry she is not out there alone, she has 2 older sisters…

  70. lovemyfam72

    I totally agree with you!! Mine are teenagers now, and I can’t even go there to escape anymore without hearing mom?! Where are you? Really? I can’t even go to the bathroom anymore in peace! So I feel ya on that one! Love your blog! Would love for you to follow mine? and let me know how I’m doing? lol…I’m new and don’t really know where to go with it! Have a great weekend!!

  71. Ohhh I totally agree. And may I suggest, a silent scream in an elevator can also be therapeutic. Not as magnificent as all my bath salts, lotions, and aromatherapy unguents in my sanctuary of a bathroom. Thanks for the reminder! I will go and beautify and relax… NOW! My baby is only 10 months old. I know I have a lot of bathroom therapy/meditation ahead of me.

  72. Pingback: Quick, Mom! Run and hide! (via She’s a Maineiac) « Abominations

  73. Deborah the Closet Monster

    Bwahaha! I’m so glad for your meme leading me to this post. Every morning, my 10 minutes in the bathroom during and post shower are “my time.” Without the door locked? Forget about it. It’s a free-for-all. With the door locked? Apart from my awakening before everyone else sans alarm clock, this is the only time I’ll get for many hours to come.

    I see now it’d be a pro move to actually include my own reading material instead of relying on Ba.D.’s. (Yale’s alum magazine . . . yippee?) I’d best do that before the menfolk get a-stirrin’!

    1. Yes, I strongly advise that you plan ahead with some good trashy mags, Yale’s alum mag just won’t cut it I’m afraid. Plus, you’ll need food, music…internet access. You could stay in there the entire morning if you play your cards right (and LOCK THAT DOOR!)

  74. Pingback: How A Chick From Maine Changed My Life | Life Is A Journey… Not A Guided Tour

  75. When I go into the bathroom to actually utilize its facilities, I have to lock the door to keep my husband and cat out. If I forget, my husband either opens the door and stands there staring at me and asks “What are you doing?” or some other inane question or comment. He also opens the door to let the cat in. If the cat is on the other side of the locked door, he meows and fishes under the door with his paw. Not sure what he thinks this will accomplish. If he manages to be in the bathroom with me, he does everything he can to get me to massage, hold or scratch him. I have devised a method of meeting his needs while on the toilet. I place a foot on each side of him and rub to and fro. It’s called multi-tasking. That doesn’t work with my husband.😈😝

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