Welcome to another edition of:
Random Thoughts I Have to Get Out or My Head Will Implode
Blog names. Sometimes I wish I could change mine. I started out as ‘miraclemama’ then realized I needed something less ‘mama-ish’. Now every time I see my blog title, I think of the movie Flashdance.
If only I could go back in time…
Blog Names I Should Have Picked:
More Than Mommy, Less Than Reasonable
Warm Fuzzies and Cold Beer
Mommy’s Mumblings, Murmurs, Madness and Mayhem
Java Jolts and Sugar Highs
Dimpled Cheeks and Thunder Thighs
The Very Edge of Sanity–If I Got Any Closer You’d Hear Me Scream, Then The Scream Would Slowly Fade Away to a Sad Whimper in the Distance Because I Fell into a Big Black Void Never to Return, and You’d Feel Bad Because It Was You Who Pushed Me Over
Where’s the Remote? (Seriously, Have You Seen It?)
Downeast Shore: Starring D-Woww and her husband, The Predicament
The View from the Couch
Remotely Serious and Relatively Sane
Somewhat Awake, Almost Lucid, and Completely Delirious
Halfway to Crazy Town, Two-Thirds of the Way to Smugville and All the Way to Idon’tgiveacrap City
The Big Butt Theory
2 Broke Parents
Out of the Mouths of My Adorable Little Tax Deductions
What’s the Poop?
She’s a Mainly Mild-Mannered Moron
Up All Night, Walking Death All Day
Hot Flashes, Gray Patches and Other Tales from the Dark Side of Middle-Age
Sh*t My Inner Voices Say
(Some of you have already stolen some of the good blog names out there, so I was forced to modify a few to fit my life. If you think you recognize yours here, it’s not pure coincidence but completely intentional…)
Life in the Tired-as-Hell Lane
The Great Darlasby
Darla’s Thoughts Inexactly, Inaccurately and Otherwise Completely Made Up
Mostly the Stupidest Ideas You’ve Ever Come Across
Completely Obstructed View: Jeez! Could You Please Sit Down So I Can See the TV? You Make a Better Door than a Window, Buddy!
Life is a Bowl of Disgusting Bran Cereal My Doctor Insists I Eat Because I am Older than Dirt Now
Snoring Husband Living Room
The Daily Drag
The H is Silent (it really is, Kim–you know my last name!)
The Ironic Woman
The Monstrous Pile of Dirty Laundry in Your Closet
The Complicated Life of an Exasperated Man’s Wife
Sometimes, my kids like to see if I’m really listening:
Every day, I pick my son up from school and on the drive home, I ask him, “How was school?” and he always answers with, “Good” and lots of crushing silence.
I asked him yesterday, and he answered, “Devastating.”
Naturally, I responded with, “Oh, that’s nice.”
It’s incredible how quickly a child’s perspective changes and how fast their memory fades:
My 5 year old daughter and I watched as a 4 year old in her preschool class had a major meltdown in front of the school. The girl kicked and screamed and fell to the ground crying as her mother struggled to calm her. My daughter’s eyes got real wide as she said, “Wow! Did you see that, Mom? Now that’s just rude!” She refused to believe me when I informed her that, once upon a time, she used to do the same thing. About a week ago.
Being a parent isn’t for the thin-skinned:
*My son sat down next to me on the couch, gently poked my stomach and said, “Hey! I thought you weren’t having any more babies!”
*I told my son how, when I was his age, I was doing chores around the house and my parents never even had to ask me. He scoffed and said, “Yeah! Right! When you were my age you were, like, 47 years old, so how could you even remember that?”
And I leave you with a question I pondered this week.
Q: How do you know you’re getting old?
A: When you throw your shoulder out doing laundry. (Apparently, yanking those wet clothes out of the washer is dangerous. Consider yourself warned.)
A: When you quickly turn your head to tell your son to stop jumping on the couch and you suddenly realize you can’t turn your neck in either direction for days afterward without debilitating pain.
A: When you go sledding down a little hill and pray every second of the way you don’t end up in traction.
A: When your daughter asks you how old you are, then yells, “But I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count that high!”
A: When you take a sip of wine over the holidays and realize that was one sip too many.
A: When 7 pm rolls around and you can’t keep your eyes open so you start to get ready for bed and the first thing you do is look for your slippers only to realize you’re already wearing them. And your flannel pajamas. And your bathrobe. And you’re sitting in a rocking chair. Doing a crossword puzzle. Wearing glasses. And watching Wheel of Fortune. Cursing and yelling out the phrases to your cat, Mr. Jingles.