The snowflakes drifted down in slow spirals, landing on my cheeks like bits of delicate lace. Through the frosty glass panes in the front door, I saw him standing inside the foyer waiting for me. I drew in a sharp breath. A bolt of searing hot electricity flashed down my spine, sending tingles to the darkened corners of my heart. Despite the cold, the heat emanating between us was radiant, a blistering flame threatening to engulf us both with its power, leaving nothing but dying embers in its wake.
“I’ve got a surprise for you,” he had whispered to me on the phone earlier that day.
“Oh, really?” I purred.
“You’re gonna love it,” he promised in that silky voice that drove me mad. “I can’t wait for you to get home.”
And now after eight agonizing hours at work, I was home.
He threw open the front door with such force, a gasp escaped my lips. I ran to him. The space between us electric, filled with the pounding pulse of aching desire and raw lust. His strong hand slid hungrily underneath my heavy down jacket, squeezing my yearning body ever so close to his, enveloping me in a passionate embrace. His breath heavy and hot in my ear he teased, “This is your night, my love. Yours.”
I stood trembling, unable to speak and frozen in place as he kneeled before me, gently sliding the snow-caked boots off my legs, my breath quickening with every tantalizing touch.
“I think you need some warming up,” his said, his voice as slick as a snake slithering toward its prey. He wrapped his arms tight around my quivering legs.
I nodded slowly, still in a trance, willing to relinquish my very soul to this man. “Yes!” I begged. “Please, do it now.” He caressed my feet, slowly placing them into my soft brown slippers. An instant rush of release, the dam finally bursting and giving way to a thunderous flood. “Oh, yeah,” I murmured, my voice barely a whisper. I wiggled my toes and sighed. “Ooh….that feels so good.” I shut my eyes, surrending to the pleasure, my arms limp and powerless at my sides.
“Please, don’t make me wait any longer–you must come with me now,” he demanded.
“But–what about the kids?” I asked, snapping out of my reverie and nervously glancing around the quiet room.
“No worries. They’re gone for the night,” he whispered. His feather-soft lips brushed against my cheek while his hand trailed slowly down my back. I shivered. “We’re all alone,” he breathed into my ear.
He held me even closer, tracing the outline of my trembling chin with his finger. “Come, darling, please…” he pleaded. He took my hand and led me down the darkened hallway.
One glance to the left and I squealed with delight; the clothes in the laundry room sat stacked in several tidy piles. “Oh, you didn’t!” I yelled with disbelief and squeezed his hand. On the right, the bathroom sparkled in the moonlight, smelling of fresh lemons. I felt my heart stop. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. My eyes watered as my hand flew up to cover my mouth.
“Oh! Honey!” I cried. “You cleaned!”
“Wait, there’s more,” he said as he led me toward the living room. Flames from a dozen candles danced with the shadows on the walls. In the center of the coffee table, a silver bowl filled with Godiva chocolates. A bottle of red wine gleamed in the candle’s glow.
“Oh, sweetie!” I gushed. “It’s all so beautiful!”
“Shhh…” he soothed and pushed me down onto the couch. He leaned my body back onto the cushions and stroked my hair. Our eyes locked, the flames of desire licking at our souls in a near explosion of searing heat as we edged ever closer to becoming one.
“For you,” he said and ceremoniously placed the remote into my trembling hands.
“Oh, no, honey…I…I couldn’t…” I protested. My heart skipped a thousand beats. I gazed down in wonder at the buttons, all shiny and begging to be touched.
“There is an entire season of True Blood on the DVR, please…watch all of it.”
“But I–”
He placed his finger on my lips. “Shhh….it’s okay. Please. Do it. The dishes are done, the house is clean and I’m going to put the last of the laundry away. There is nothing more for you to do now but watch your show…” He handed me a glass of wine and a hunk of silky dark chocolate. “And we can do it….all….night…long.”
“All night?” I asked, blinking.
“Unless you want to talk about your day at work?” he asked, leaning back, his eyebrows raised in genuine interest. He started to rub my feet, the day’s strain melting away from my body with the gentle touch of his hands.
“What was it you told me yesterday?” he continued. “That Debra told Lisa about Sue and she didn’t even care that Sue wasn’t speaking to Lisa anymore because of the time she caught her rolling her eyes at what she said about Wendy?”
“Yeah! I mean–huh? You really want to talk about that now?” I sputtered in between bites of chocolate. Swigging back a gulp of wine, I sighed, “And it wasn’t even what she said it was–”
“How she said it,” he said, smirking.
We laughed. We watched True Blood for 10 hours straight. Exhausted and spent, the first pale rays of morning light spilled onto our entwined bodies, still curled together as one on the couch, basking in the afterglow of a perfect night.
“Honey?” I asked with a slur, still drunk on wine and chocolate.
“Yeah?” He reached over, absent-mindedly twirling my hair with his fingers.
“Do we have any Excedrin Migraine left?”
“Yes, I’ll go get you some.”
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I know.”
“It’s just…what with the red wine…and all that chocolate…it’s a migraine just waiting to happen and I–”
“Shhh…it’s okay. It’s okay. I know,” he said, tenderly rubbing my temples. I began to shiver again. As he drew my hot pink Forever Lazy Snuggie tighter around me, his arms created a cocoon of pure bliss I never wanted to escape.
“Oh, and honey?” I asked, grabbing his hand.
“Yes, my love?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”
She's A Maineiac 
What a way to being the day! thank you for the laugh, and the hilariously funny post. it’s not just what you wrote… it’s how you wrote it. 🙂
PS. I hope your husband reads this! If anything, to be reminded of your uber-talents. That could be his Valentine’s Day present 🙂
I really hope my husband reads this post. I agree, this alone could be his present…that I’m telling him exactly what to get me for Valentine’s Day, he doesn’t need to spend money on flowers that will only die in a few days.
Perfect way to close out the quiet portion of my morning and greet the day! I kinda had to share this one on the FB page. 😉
Not a bad way to get the ol’ heart beating on a monday mornin’ huh. I thank you for sharing this, Deb, I was wondering why I had such an uptick in hits!
Oh my God! Valentine’s day is almost here! Quick, how do you make those paper cut-out hearts?
oh nooo…you are in so much trouble, Byron. *pitifully shaking head*
Woo hoo!!! Bravo!! Bravo!!
I laughed! I cried! I said, “AMEN!”
And now, I bow down to your tale telling talent. You are… my hero.
I thank ye kindly. Amen and hallelujah!
Hilariously funny Manieiac…I loved it!
Love your new layout here too.
~d.
Thanks! This layout is perfect for me. I finally found a theme I like and it just happens to be the Forever theme to help plan your wedding. Oh well. I guess it counts that I feel like I’ve been married forever, right?
Beautifully written – and so true. True love’s romantic surprises, after years of marriage and kids, would be just what you wrote. Having the house cleaned, laundry done – and NO interruptions while you watch your fave shows. They’ve done studies on this! A man is found to be rediculously more attractive by a woman when he’s doing housework. If he takes you out to dinner and a show, everyone else has done the work for him. And still, the dishes are not done. The bathroom doesn’t sparkle. The kids are biting the babysitter and you get that text over candle light -“at ER – Tetnus shot. Come home. NOW.” What a de-boner.
How do you do it? you manage to say more with your comment than I could with an entire post. Well done, when I got to your last line I started laughing and coughing and choking and almost turned purple.
Wow…the remote…he must really love you!
I’m sure he does, but I have to say this little fantasy of mine has not actually happened in the ‘reality’ sense….yet. It’s more of a Wish List.
Absolute perfection. You had me at, “Oh, honey, you cleaned!”
Maegan, that is my favorite line of the whole entire post. I get all misty-eyed just thinking about it.
My PC monitor is all steamed up
Good, my work here is done. Nothing sexier than cleaning the toilet and folding clothes. Rrrrrraaaahhhrrrr. Remember this Joe when your significant other comes home from a long day at work.
You worked me, and after waiting, and waiting, and waiting, you put in your signature twist, and left me spent, laughing so hard. And you spoke for every woman out there with a family, who only dreams of this very scenario. Thank you! Simply fabulous.
You are so very welcome, Sue. I knew women (and men) out there would love every delicious second of it and beg for more, more, more! Ahhhh…I am spent just writing about this fantasy….
WOW! I pray every woman gets a husband like yours. AMEN!
Saara, I do too. My husband hasn’t actually done any of this yet, but after he reads it, maybe he’ll get the hint. He does clean though, I’ll give him that. But he has never ever given me the remote, especially if there’s a marathon of Dog the Bounty Hunter on.
creative FICTION at its very best … hilariously funny!
You’ve got it, it’s fiction through and through. Sigh…..
That would be a PERFECT Valentine’s day.. ah, and men have no clue!
Sadly, they need constant reminders. Sometimes, they catch on if we’re lucky.
It was really funny Darla. How can you make fun of everything! 🙂
How can I not, Arindam? 😉
At the risk of sounding so wrong, and without taking anything away from my spouse…
when you’re done with him, can I borrow him?
Loved this!
Absolutely! Sometimes being wrong is oh, so right.
(I will gladly lend him to you after valentine’s day and once he takes out the trash, cleans out the garage and reorganizes the closets….)
Wow, I think I need a cold shower… you know… so I don’t use up any of the hot water I’ll need when I’m doing the laundry! Thanks for keeping us guys on our toes.
Tee hee. You are a smart man, Steve. Your wife be forever grateful.
NAILED it!
This is the comment I was looking for! I thought my fantasy might resonate with a few of you….
this was ~gasp~ perfection!
MJ
Thanks, MJ. Aside from the possible migraine…but I had to throw SOME reality in there to bring us all back down to earth.
Ha!! Oh, man, I took a few days off from blogging, and what a way to come back!!! This might be your best post yet, Darla. And you know that’s saying something! Holy crap. I think I want to spend Valentine’s Day with YOU!
I noticed you were missing the past few days…good to see you back.
And hells yeah, we can spend Valentine’s Day together, just bring your own snuggie, I’ll supply all the PB cups and if you want to watch Glee promise me we will watch a few Ryan Gosling movies for me. 😀 Ahhh…heaven!
Ahhhh, this is as close to a sexy romance novel as I’ll ever get (at least until I’m much, much older and actually have more than 5 minutes to sit and read anything). This was delightful, fun, and an all around road trip. If you can’t have the real thing, well, your imagine is pretty darn spectacular! Here’s hoping for even something close to this for you on V-Day. Oh, and I want a hot pink snuggy-really. 😉
Oh yeah, this is as close as I’ll ever get to a sexy story. Being a mom, I am pretty desperate for any romance these days, but too tired to want to do anything more than veg on the couch. I figured this would be enough of a cheesy romance story to make up for all the days I just want to stuff my face with chocolate and watch TV.
Hi,
Absolutely brilliant. 🙂
All you need now is for Hubby to read this, and you may get your wish. 😀
A very well written “hint” I throughly enjoyed reading the post. A great start to the day. 😀
Mags, if only I could get him to read this one. He has never read any post I’ve ever written on this blog. He just doesn’t ‘get’ blogging at all and stays far away. I have to give him credit though, he would do all these things in my fantasy for me if I asked him to, I am lucky to have him. (I hope he reads THIS comment!)
It’s like Janet Evanovich — for moms! Love it!
Hmm…now I have to find out who this Janet Evanovich is, I’m intrigued. 😀
Great writing, Darla!
Thanks, Patti, happy you liked it.
Beautifully done! One can dream, eh?
I can dream pretty vividly, Jean. sigh
Hilarious and hits all the right buttons! So well written. Dishes…my husband did the dishes yesterday!
Never let that man go, Georgette. Hold onto him for dear life! (mine does the dishes too, so I am lucky)
(sigh) Except…don’t touch my laundry. Other than that, what a fantastic dream. Emphasis on dream. 🙂
Good point, Kim. The few times he’s done the laundry he manages to somehow take the still damp clothes out of the dryer, then squish them down into the laundry basket and then LEAVE them there for days to wrinkle. Really fries my taters.
Sent a link of this post to Tom. I keep telling him flowers and candy don’t do it for me 🙂
I certainly hope Tom gets the hint. Flowers never do it for me. Candy will do it for me for a few minutes. But cleaning the entire house AND giving me the remote? priceless…
Brilliant! Genius! A work of art! I wouldn’t change one thing except to substitute True Blood with Downton Abbey. Oh my God, I’m in love. Who is this dashing man and can you please share him with me?
Darla, I’m one of your biggest fans and have already marked you as one of the Great Ones, yet this one left me completely speechless in a hot and heavy and panting for another bon-bon and another episode of Downton Abbey sort of way.
I have to admit I have never seen one episode of True Blood (hehe) I just picked a show that oozes sex and that most of my friends are obsessed with. I’m not a big blood-sucking vampire fan. I should have replaced it with House (my fave show…I find Hugh Laurie to be a damn sexy mighty fine man…but I digress…)
Downton Abbey? What is this? I’ll have to google it, I am so out of the loop….
You wouldn’t believe what an amazing show it is if I told you it was a British genre series on PBS Masterpiece Theater! But it’s getting to be super popular and just won the Golden Globe for best dramatic series. Only recognizable actor in it is Elizabeth McGovern from She’s Having a Baby.
My husband missed 1/2 the Super Bowl to see Sunday night’s episode. He’d freak that I told this to anyone.
He missed the Super Bowl?
OK, you’ve sold me! PBS you say….? I remember She’s Having a Baby. Good movie, Kevin Bacon. Mmmm.
The first season is available is streaming on Netflix. Season 2 is in progress and past episodes are available from PBS’ website 🙂
My husband loathes period pieces. This is so far set 1912 to 1918. The joke’s on him.
I was hoping you’d say it was on Netflix streaming. Great, now another show I will become obsessed with!…so what makes it so good? Although I’m sure 1912 was a very good year…Is it full of sex, drugs and violence?
Just got back to the land of the keyboard. Several items:
1) Love Downton Abbey
2) Hubby ALSO flipped back and forth between that and the Super Bowl
3) Darlboro, you THE MAN! (Get it? the Darlboro Man?) I think this is your best post ever. Spewing coffee. Literally. And also kinda hot and bothered. You’ve earned the coveted Golden Tee Hee!!!!
This has made my day…dare I say, my entire week: to be called the Darlboro Man? AND receive the coveted Golden Tee Hee Award?! I am getting all verklempt.
If this is my best post ever though, what do I have to look forward to? it’s all downhill from here? I’ll be forced to write lame posts about a drunk Pat Sajak?
Oh, and THANK YOU, Pegolegomyeggo!
It focuses on a family and the dozen-some servants whose lives are dedicated to the family. It’s just super interesting, somewhat funny and of course there are all the other romance, violence, murder, suspense hooks that make a series addictive. Fantastic character development. Great, now I’m going to have to go create a second blog dedicated to this frickin’ series. And you’re welcome for taking over your post and turning it into the Downton Abbey Fan Club.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/downtonabbey/characters.html
Right before I had to go pick up my kids from school, I managed to watch 30 minutes of it and so far, I like it (after getting over the shock of a much older Elizabeth McGovern) Thanks for that link because I was pretty confused already with who was who and what was what and so forth…
And you should know I never shy away from a good post hijack. 😉 Where’s that darn Peg-o-leg when you need her?
You’re stating with Season 1 via Netflix-streaming, right? I predict after the second episode of Season 1 you’ll be hooked.
Yes, Peg, we miss you!
I adore Downton Abbey. For a long time I thought I was the only one watching it because it was a BBC series, and I didn’t hear anyone else talking about it. But now it’s everywhere. I was thinking of having a tea party for the finale. There’s a blog about it, but I forgot to bookmark it, and haven’t found it again. Good to know I can come to you gals and curse at Thomas.
okay, I am finally going to be able to finish the FIRST episode in a few minutes…Barb and Angie, I hope you’re right about this. So this Thomas dude I have to look out for huh. The plot thickens. mwa ha ha!
Nice editing, Angie.
tee hee. Edit what? Don’t feel bad, my eyes are so weary today and my head is so stuffed up (I’m fighting a bad cold) I can barely see the computer screen to make out the words.
Now that’s what I call a hot fantasy…….even think I had a hot flash while reading it 🙂
Ha, Bella! Well, I am glad you found it hot, but maybe that is a touch TOO hot.
Perfect. Except for the “Snuggie.” To be truly hot you need a Slanket. 🙂
You’re absolutely right, Elyse. Besides, I see the Slanket comes in many attractive patterns/colors. My husband would love the Sleevin’ Las Vegas one while I would prefer ‘Nick’s Lunch’.
I’m sure this post will be passed around to a great number of significant others in time for Valentine’s Day. Hint, hint– what we really want is RELAXATION!! 🙂 Fabulous.
I’m at the age now where relaxation pretty much trumps everything else and I’m totally fine with that.
Sexy and sultry. Are you sure you’re not writing romance novels in your spare time?
if there’s a market out there for really bad and cheesy romance novels, then yes, I am for sure.
Fantastic! I loved it, Darla. Thanks for the smiles!
Happy you enjoyed it, Nancy. It was fun to dream a bit…
D-Woww, this is, I believe, possibly, for sure … your best post since I’ve joined your legion of loyal followers. Such great writing. This sounds like something MLB would have cooked up. So nicely done, my friend.
And I’m sorry to say this – okay, maybe I’m not – but :”… his voice as slick as a snake slithering toward its prey.” That sounds like a Freudian slip! 🙂
Wow, thank you, MJ, for that compliment. Really, truly made my day. It sure was loads of fun to write.
And let’s just say that I went into this with the goal of producing a ridiculously over-the-top romantic fantasy so that snake line was no accident. I came very close to deleting it, but it was just too damn funny to leave out.
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I couldn’t stop laughing. You are so spot on about what a woman wants, and this was beautifully written. You should be making oodles of money on this stuff.
I appreciate that, Susan–especially coming from a writer like you. oh how I WISH I could make oodles of money off this stuff.
Seriously, you should do some research on how and where you could sell some of your writing. You are that good. Get one of the market books.
I am going to do it, Susan. Why not at least try, right? I have nothing to lose.
Besides, I love to write, it’s something I feel like I have to do, might as well give it a shot. I sincerely thank you for encouraging me. I have to get over my self-doubt as a writer someday and just go for it.
Oh God, my jaw is hurting from all the smiling and laughing!
This is the second time today I have been rendered speechless. It’s a rare thing to happen, in the first place. Darla, I know this is only the first time I am commenting on your blog, BUT I could hug you right now. 🙂
P.S. – Where is the ‘love’ button?
I have been blogging a year and a half now and this is the first time anyone has ever wanted to hug me. Thank you so much for your comment! and for reading my little fantasy.
Now I’m curious, what was the FIRST time you were rendered speechless today?
It was another blog I chanced upon yesterday. Yours did it in a different way though, made me smile & laugh a lot more. I just read your ‘about’ page and did some more of : )
Can’t help commenting on your conversation with Susan above; you absolutely should give it a try. This was the first post of yours that I read, and I felt so light after; my spirits were lifted. I wanted to end my day with this in my head. But as you know I didn’t. Not my fault though, your other posts kept pulling me. You manage to talk about the things close to your heart and some that many of us shy away from, with such effortless ease. Your blog was a welcome break from the intenseness of mine. I am sorry to hear about the job. Your optimism is infectious. Maybe if I follow you, I will catch some?
Thank you so much for telling me that–wow, truly made my week!
I sometimes post about heavier things, death for one. I would rather write humor. To know someone read my stuff and laughs or smiles is addictive. As you know, comedy can come from tragedy and I’ve had a plenty in my life (who doesn’t, right?) I am just now deciding to give myself a break and be lighter–feels good! Hope you stick around for the ride.
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Kind of saw that coming, but you wrote it up waaay beyond what I was thinking. .
Going to give my girl the remote and the playstation controller later…
Yeah, it was way too sappy and ridiculous to be real. You knew it would come down to cleaning and watching TV.
Your significant other will be very happy, I’m sure.
Playing catch up so only reading this now. I think you should send this in to a parenting magazine. Every mother of young children dreams of coming home from work to find the house sparkling clean without kids and chocolates and wine next to the TV remote.
I had a feeling most moms could relate to this, Rosie!
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Greatt read thankyou
Great blog, Darla. So well written. If you haven’t given professional writing a shot you’ve got my encouragement. Bob
Thanks so much, Bob! I really appreciated your comments. Happy Holiday to you and yours!