Before you watch this, I have to say a few things.
First, settle down kids. Okay, so my shoes are still there, and yes, apparently they are gigantic and very distracting. Tape a little piece of paper over it if you must. Also, there will be no baton twirling. Maybe tomorrow.
I apologize in advance if this little video is a huge disappointing let-down. I felt the same way about the last episode of Lost. Deal with it.
She's A Maineiac 
You’re hilarious! My favorite part was, blah, blah, blah, gigantic shoes, blah, gigantic teeth.
Those were my favorite parts as well.
This is sure to be a contender for next year’s Oscars; the cinematography, the soul-stirring theme song. Only problem is I made WAY too much popcorn. I settled in with a huge bucket and boxes of Ju-Ju-Bes and Junior Mints and didn’t even get those opened. I didn’t know it was a short.
What a wonderful continuation of the intro to the world of Darla. One beef I would have, is that there was no baton twirling. I was really, REALLY geeked about that. Another beef (oops, I guess there is more than one beef (or is the plural beeves?)) is that you should really look into sub-title technology for these vlogs, out of respect for all your viewers who are sneaking a peak during their work day. Do you want us all to get fired?
After watching this vlog, I’ve realized I am slowly killing my blog’s reputation as a place to go for mediocre entertainment. I think this will be the last vlog I do for awhile. My shizzle has fizzled.
No you’re not.
Tomorrow’s post will be MUCH more interesting! I am very excited about it…
If you’re excited about it, then I’M excited about it.
I’ve spent the day on actual business/insurance matters, reminding myself that you typically can’t get Wifi if you’re living in a refrigerator box under the bridge. Why, oh why, won’t somebody pay me to noodle about on the interwebz????? Life is so rough.
Exactly. This is a big reason why I’m busy cranking out the posts this week. This is the first week I am not working, not babysitting, the kids are back in school. I am just sitting home all week becoming a blogging fool. Still waiting for wordpress to start paying us for this crap.
PEG – I use earplugs, even at home, because my computer setup is right by my very noisy heater vent and I can’t hear a thing. Also, some of those Netflix movies have impossibly low decibel soundtracks. Until a commercial or an explosion. So Anyways, I listened to this with my earplugs. We don’t, afterall, want to see you getting fired from your job, living in a van down by the river, pivoting on the cardboard floor of your new box home trying to secure a little WiFi foryourself. And us.
Yeah, Peg, Spectra’s onto something… invest in some earbuds because I sure would feel a teeny tiny bit guilty if you lost your job due to my mutant teeth and clown shoes.
There could be a third party lawsuit in that, so maybe she should hold off on the ear buds afterall. That way, she could get fired, sue you and WordPress, plus her employer for wrongful termination (her lawyers will drum up a false charge to fit) then she’ll be rich and can spend all day in her pajamas blogging.
Sure, sure. Great evil plan. Peg comes out okay. Where does that leave me? Blogging on my imaginary cardboard laptop in some tiny prison cell hyped up on Nyquil? It hardly seems fair.
Well, if it’s a cardboard prison. I promise to come and break you out. I’ve got a box cutter and a blow torch, and chocolate pudding. I figure you’ll need all the chocolate pudding you can get after a few weeks in a tiny paper prison. Torching the joint might be considered overkill by some, but I’m all about the majic 😀
Hmm….mmm….mmm….yeah….
I’m sorry, what? You lost me after ‘chocolate pudding’
….still thinking about chocolate pudding….mmm mmm
1) All very good suggestions. The only problem is, I’m self employed. The good thing is, I never have to worry about the boss catching me goofing off. The bad thing is, if I goof off too much, I don’t have any income. I really hate it how my insurance won’t cover if I decide to sue myself for wrongful termination. That’s a real gap in coverage that someone should address.
2) Count me in on any and all chocolate pudding. But can I have mine in a graham cracker crust with whipped cream and sprinkles?
3) Trying to figure out which “reply” to hit in these long, involved hijacks makes my brain hurt.
It is very confusing, Peg. Do I need a better theme with more ‘reply’ buttons? because I would do that just for you, I really would.
I’ll have to wait til I get home to listen, or will my office like this?
I’m not sure anyone likes this one, Joe. I am so close to deleting it to spare you all!
Noooooo! I’m home in 2 hours, but I may stop off for a quick drink, so give it 4 hours.
Yeah, be sure to have a drink before you watch it. Good idea!
Still…LAUGHING.
Big teeth and Chef Boyardee! LOL. What does Boy-ar-dee mean anyway?
Please, never make us choose between vlogs or your writing.
Either way you’re pretty much a riot Darla! {Your delivery just kills me}.
~d.
I knew the big teeth thing would be the killer ending everyone was looking for. I appreciate your comments, I really do. But that is my normal way of speaking. I’m not trying to be funny.
🙂 Oh no, I don’t mean you were *trying* to be funny…you come off very real and I love it! The “delivery” thing… I didn’t mean it was anything you were shooting for. I just think you’re great. Oh good…Now I sound like a stalker don’t I? I better just stop!
Oh no, I was kidding! really! Just poking fun. I have a pretty good delivery, you’re right…heehee…guess when I’m trying to be funny, I’m not funny? 😉 Your comment really made my day, seriously! (Not being unfunny or funny when I say that)
p.s….”German Clock Girl?” Is there a story that goes with that?
Yes and it’s a doozy. There’s a snazzy pic of me when I was young under About the Maineiac. I sent it to Angie, the amazing blogger of Childhood Relived fame (she’s under recommended humor blogs on the WP front page) She did a post on my 70s fashion and deemed me German Clock Girl. (god, that was way too long a story wasn’t it?)
See?! LOL!!
Ok, Clock Girl…gonna go check that out.
“It’s not like it was Elvis…” LOL!!
Maybe, just maybe you could have been the one that saved Curt Cobain. Next time, won’t you say something? Ya, me neither.
Oh, no! I would. (I didn’t know who he was then, but slowly I came around and realized I loved Nirvana)
I love that you woulda said to Curt, after years of contemplation “Hey, what’s goin’ on? Isn’t this grunge thing great?”
That would have totally gotten you into his inner circle, a spot in his entourage. He would have seen how brilliantly perceptive you are, and realized he couldn’t live without your spot-on fashion pointers. In fact, if I ever see a famous rocker, I’m a gonna have to have me some lines all prepared. Like, if its Steven Tyler, I’ll be all like, “Hey! What’s goin’ on? Isn’t this skank thing great?”
Oh, my remark would have totally charmed him. I can pull off the ‘I’m too cool to be cool, but I know I’m cool so let’s pretend we’re not cool so we’ll look cool’ thing with the best of the grunge rockers back then.
“isn’t this skank thing great?” is solid gold charm right there.
In the back eating chef boyardee and missing Ross! LOL
You are so funny. If it’s any consolation, my sister met him when she was living in NYC. He hit on her while they were waiting to use the bathroom. I think they were both there w/ someone else. Ahhhh life in your 20s.
Kurt Cobain though, my husband would have LOVED to see. Huge Nirvana fan. I once saw Morrissey walking down Chestnut St in Philly. My husband (then-boyfriend) and I were psyched. Didn’t say anything, but I’ll never forget it. Love him.
Why am I not surprised about Ross hitting on her? Yeah, he gave me the same vibe as I watched him walk away completely oblivious to the fact that I was tearfully standing there with ravioli sauce dripping off my chin.
See, I am a HUGE Nirvana fan. So to know that I caught a glimpse of him right around the time they hit it big is a story I have told a million times. I should really try changing it up to make it more interesting than “he was smoking and holding a brown paper grocery bag with a loaf of bread sticking out the top”.
Oh Darla, say it ain’t so. Say you will do another vlog — it was great. AND great to see you and hear your (remarkably subtle) Maine lilt.
Thanks for answering my questions, for being a sport and for having such a FAB place for me to visit you and Maine in the off season!
I am thrilled you like it, Elyse. It was fun but I was a little scared. I’m trying to overcome my fears. I really do have an intense fear of public speaking. But an even bigger fear of webcams and talking to myself.
I thought you were quite brave. Hell, I won’t even post a picture until after liposuction (which I’ll never get, so…)
Public speaking is a snap once you screw up the first time and survive (and get a good story out of the bargain), the level of fear goes down. Trust me, I do a fair bit of it (and stopped worrying abut screwing up long ago).
You DID GREAT.
Whew! Thanks, Elyse. Yeah, I suppose I had a bit of regret doing it after I watched it myself and saw my mutant teeth and heard me say ‘um’ and ‘ah’ a few million times. I am a Virgo so I’m doomed to be super critical all the time.
Darla! A vlog! And I missed it! I have to log off right now. But I’ll tell you what my mom used to say when she saw me on the news, “You looked so pretty! Your hair was very nice. Why don’t you do it that way more often?”
And I’d ask her what she thought of my report and she said she was too busy looking at me to listen. I’ll get back to watch the video later — can’t wait! (And seriously: beautiful hair.)
Aw, your mom sounds like my mom. (most moms I suppose) So what is this about, you were on the news?! Hmm? Reporting? I have to rush back over to your blog and re-read your About again!
Wait… how come there are no clothes hanging on your elliptical machine?!? I can say this because I spent some years in Maine, but I’m a little disappointed that you don’t have that really great Maine accent… “ayuh… ya can’t get there from here!” What was the name of the two guys that did that series? Do you know what I’m talking about? We used to buy the tapes (yes cassette tapes) at LL Bean. Hilarious stuff!
I’m giving my elliptical machine time. Right now I’m in the dreamy honeymoon phase. But you know how these relationships work out. I give it maybe 50 days then I’m throwing a huge towel over it. I don’t know what that series is. For some reason Red Green came to mine but that was Canadian, I think… I do have a wicked Maine accent when my brothers are around. I slip back into it and it’s very embarassing.
Okay I had to look it up. The series was called “Bert and I”. Look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bert_%26_I Check it out, it’s funny stuff.
Will do!
I absolutely love the fact that you came back and finished what you started. You crack me up. And, I am way jealous of the fact that you saw Curt Cobain. Dude. He went to grocery stores? Whoa.
And Beans? Love knowing the local word for that LL place. Beans. Got it. I doubt I’ll buy a gun if I go, though you need a gun to kill those horses you guys call mosquitoes.
Yes, even Kurt Cobain had to buy a loaf of bread now and then. Amazing, isn’t it?
Only the locals can call it Bean’s. We’re very hip that way. Guns are big here, don’t know why. I suppose it can be a scary state, after all Stephen King is from here.
I loved it! I was grinning like a loon through this whole thing and then by the end I became suddenly cognizant that my teeth must look weird and huge.
David Schwimmer at a Yankee Candle store! I so wish I could one-up you by saying I was eating a hot pocket when Matt LeBlanc came into Bath & Body Works.
How is it that I read a sentence of yours and I immediately start crying from laughter? I am having a seizure. You are just way too damn funny, Angie!
Too funny, Darla! You win vlogging! 🙂
My biggest brush with fame was being Gloria Steinem’s personal assistant for an evening. She didn’t actually need anything, so I got to follow her around like a lonely puppy for at least an hour– huzzah! (I know she’s not FAMOUS-famous, but still well known, no?)
This one’s even more obscure, but when I was 14, my mom invited the band from “The Commitments” movie over for dinner and they came! I had to go watch “The Commitments” to know exactly who we had just supped with, and none of my friends had a clue who I was talking about when I tried to brag, but still. The Commitments came over to our house for dinner when I was in Grade 9.
I win? Cool!
I remember seeing the picture of you and your good buddy Gloria! I would say that qualifies as much more than a ‘brush’ with fame. And yes, she is big time famous!
I LOVED that movie! I’m suitably impressed, Dana!
And Gloria Steinem is impressively famous, although I’m not such a big fan, there.
Hi,
You were lucky you at least saw someone famous, no one famous here in Brissie, except every now and then you may see someone that was in a commercial, especially if that person is your girlfriends son. 😆
Well done with the video, there is no way I would be able to speak to a web cam, not only that but I have never loaded a video on You Tube either, I must have a go at the You Tube thing one day. 🙂
There has to be someone famous in Australia you could bump into? Nicole Kidman? Crocodile Dundee? That guy on House?
Mags, I swear, the YouTube thing is easy! Once you sign up and answer a million questions and try to come up with yet another password that you’ll only forget the next day, it’s EASY!
Love! So very nice to meet you, Darla. I don’t think ANYONE is happy with her own smile. You are quite BIG to vlog. That concept scares the crap out of me. Right up there with singing the national anthem (badly) on live TV at a baseball stadium…naked.
I’ll be checking back on my blog feed after lunch today for that twirling video. That’s gonna rock.
It is scary. this is why I did it. My New Year’s resolution was to do more scary things. I think I’ve accomplished that rather nicely here.
The baton twirling is not gonna happen. Ok, I might do a few tricks or triple-toss turnarounds, but that is IT.
And you ain’t seen (or heard) nuthin’ yet. I am working on a WordPress video that features me singing a cappella. Yup. it’s true.
A’cappella…tricky stuff. I like singing with no music because then I don’t sound so “off.” And no one competes for my shine. Looking forward to that one!
oh yeah…it’s good. You’ll love it.
Wai-i-i-i-t just a gosh darn, cotton pickin’ minute here. I believe you have been luring innocent readers to your blog under false pretenses Missy Miss. Not gonna happen? No baton twirling?
Sorry to have wandered into your post-hijack, Shannon. I sometimes get the little “reply” buttons confused. Darletta is working on crafting me my own, personal, big, red “Peg Reply Right Here” button.
Okay, OKAY. I will take the baton out of storage sometime next week. I will do a few tricks, but NO routines. Maybe one toss-turnaround. But I’d really like to keep all the breakable things in my living room unbreakable. And tomorrow I’ll craft up a ‘YO! PEG! LEAVE YOUR BRILLIANT THOUGHTS HERE! ALSO LEAVE YOUR NOT SO BRILLIANT THOUGHTS ABOUT BATON TWIRLING HERE, IT’S OKAY, I WON’T JUDGE YOU’ button.
By the way, since I am NOT going to vlog, here’s my only brush with fame: Clint Black (but he wasn’t famous at the time). I have his guitar pick (with home phone number) and a vague memory of his joining me and my crazy group of girlfriends for breakfast at 3 in the morning after his gig. It wasn’t until years later — when he was announced to be a head-liner at the Houston Rodeo and that guitar pick with his name on it — that I even realized who the heck he was. I checked with my girlfriends: I was the only one that got a pick. *gulp* I still don’t remember much from that night…damn schnapps shots.
Do you still have the guitar pick? Have you called his number? Are you selling it on eBay any time soon?
LOL No. I have it. I’m keeping it. I keep it in a box with a another guitar pick, Pablo Gilberto (of Mr. Big) which I plucked with my teeth from HIS teeth at a concert ’cause I was the only girl on the front row for Rush Presto. Oh. I guess that’s another brush with fame…
Oh crap. There’s another one. The founder of WordPress and I graduated from the same obscure little high school (20 years apart). Go figure. I’ll stop now.
Huh? You know the founder of WordPress?! and he graduated 20 years apart from you? How old is this guy? and why isn’t he busy freshly pressing my blog every day?
I’m certain that, given our shared alma mater and obviously equal brilliance, he’ll personally remove my email from his spam box, press Ctrl-P on his Dvorak keyboard, and hand it off straight away to his secretary to git ‘r done. Look for your FP next week.
whooo hoooo! I’m in!
It was nice of you to tell us it was your Mom on the phone.
And the shoe. Take two.
Gloria Steinem is my hero. WOW Dana.
The founder of WordPress is American? Thanks for that bit of trivia Shannon
It’s always my mom on the phone. She lives next door, she’s 78 years old. But apparently too tired to get up and walk over to my house to talk, so she just calls me 10 times a day. 😉
Hilarious again! Not sure if I’m more shocked that you missed the chance to hang out with Kurt Cobain or that David Schwimmer had a girlfriend – I got that one all wrong.
.
Kurt was at a distance and I only got a brief look at him. Nirvana had played at the little college I attended in Olympia before I arrived at my dorm (right before they hit it big). They had played in the next dorm over (according to my roommates who were there) What’s funny about this story is the more I told it, the more it changed from person to person. By the time I flew back to Maine for my xmas break, my brother asked me, “So, what’s this I hear about you dating Anthony Kiedis?!”
Then you played along with the Anthiny Kiedis rumour right!
I never saw NIrvana live, I hadn’t moved to London yet. Now where I live has so many legendary venues within walking distance where if it where twenty years ago would have been a blast. I saw The Pixies on their reunion which helped, they were always my favourite and was full of thirtysomethings lik me in tears.
Oddly enough, I did willingly go along with the Anthony rumor….
So no interesting bands to see now that you’re in London? No Coldplay? (that’s the first thing I think of when I think of local bands…) Have you been to Abbey Road? I would love to walk around and check some places out there.
Wait a hold it, are you suggesting Twilight has no plot?! *gasp* It’s a good thing you’re so g.d. hilarious (seriously). I’m surprised your mom didn’t call when David Schwimmer came looking for scented candles, hee hee 😉
Oh, I suppose it had a plot–I’ll give you that, Jules. Something about vampires and werewolves and pursed lips and passion. I didn’t get far enough into the book to find the plot.