I’m Gonna Party Like It’s One Shy of 100

Go on! Fly away, little blog posts! I'll miss you all!

Today is a monumental day for me.

This is my 99th post.

I have been blogging almost 2 years. So I’ve achieved this milestone with the same speed as molasses running uphill in the dead of winter (or as myself running uphill in the dead of winter).  I guess I should try writing more? Or running? Eh.

Why am I celebrating 99? Why the hell not?  It’s a great number, has a solid history of being cool. Like:

The song from that freaky early 80s German band, 99 Luft Balloons
The song from that freaky little purple-clad dude, (can’t remember his name), 1999
The song 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
Agent 99 on Get Smart

Ok, that’s all I’ve got.

This Big 99th Blog Post celebration was the icing on the cake of my very exciting weekend.

Saturday was my luckiest day. I woke up and was in disbelief that I did not win the mega-huge-gigantic jackpot of 500 million bucks.  If no one else won it either, I plan on actually buying a ticket next week.

But all was not lost, we took the kids bowling. I got three strikes.  Granted, the bumpers were up. And I used both of my hands to bowl. And I put the ball on the floor first, then rolled it. Then I stepped over the line and the freaky imaginary sensor thingy was activated and the buzzer went off so my points were worthless. But I  pushed that ball with every ounce of strength I could muster and knocked all the pins down after it slowly zigzagged from side to side and narrowly missed going into the gutter. It was my finest hour. There was lots of cheering (only from me) air high fives (only I participated) and at one point, I even moonwalked across three lanes in my clown-sized bowling shoes.

After riding that high all morning (all by myself–my kids and husband weren’t that impressed), I returned home after lunch and discovered I had won Peg-o-leg’s The Jacket writing contest. I was about as shocked as when the guy at the bowling alley walked over and told me to “please stop moonwalking, people are trying to bowl and there are young children present.” (My own son had filed the complaint with management.)

Thank you, readers, for any vote(s) you threw my way. Last I knew I was in third place in a very tight race, so I’m thinking Angie somehow figured out how to vote 50 times in one hour.  In honor of winning the prized green plaid jacket, I will videotape myself in it twirling a baton because I am just stupid enough or just don’t give a crap what anyone thinks of me anymore to do it.

Which reminds me. I am quitting blogging. Yeah, that’s right. It’s over. I am done. Finito. No more posts from this chick. I can’t keep up with all this writing and reading and then with all the constant commenting and the replying and replying to replies, blah blah blah, it just never ends. I am going to start doing wild-n-crazy things like being with my family. Talking to other people. Going outside. Letting the thoughts in my head stay in my head. Wish me luck.

So I want to thank you all, loyal readers and commenters and people who ‘liked’ my posts here and there. It’s been a great ride while it lasted.

I’ll leave you with a very short-n-sweet poem (inspired by k8edid, the Queen of Poetry, who is infinitely better at this than I am. Well, better at writing good poems, not better at writing bad poems…)

A Very Bad Poem in 99 Words

Waiting for the answer

Will it be golden perfection?

Or scorched to black?

A wasted form of what could have been?

Waiting for an answer–

It pops up!

Silencing the beating of my heart.

Heaven is within reach!

Pulsing-hot, scorching metal against skin,

Be Careful! I might get burned!

Maybe use a knife, some tongs?

Electric shock is no concern for me,

Craving to taste the divine

Pools of butter spilling

Into rivers of sweet honey,

I sink my teeth

Into the warm and crunchy,

Lick my lips and sigh,

I can make some damn fine toast.


(oh, and Happy April Fools’ Day, if you thought I was being serious about quitting, damn, you are so gullible! If you knew I was just kidding from the get-go, then sheesh, you see right through me)
image: deviantARTS

103 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Party Like It’s One Shy of 100

  1. Oh…thank goodness…yes, you got me…I have to be your most gullible reader. The photo did it for me…you even got me to sniff-sniff. Thank you for the lift. You could have really bummed my day. Congratulations, I voted as often as I could and I’m so thrilled for you!

  2. Darla – I never for one minute believed it! But I did believe you would win the coveted Green Jacket. I cannot wait for the vlog post. Someday I will figure out how to do all that stuff. Till then I shall live vicariously through you.

    I love the poem – and I am glad I could inspire you. Perhaps a poetry contest is in order so that we can determine, once and for all, who is the real Queen of Bad Poetry.

    1. Oh, you know me too well, Katy. I think I’ll be blogging on my death bed. And yes, please figure out the vlog thing. And when you do, please leave some giant shoes in the background. Or something.

      Thanks about the poem, but I know it pales in comparison to anything you could write. I will enter any contest you run, especially if there’s homemade chocolate chip cookies involved.

    1. You are so right! I will twirl away, dammit. I only live once, right?

      Which reminds me, I have to dig out my baton and give it a shot. I just hope I don’t get hurt (or break anything expensive…)

    1. Renee, I live for this day. I have done so many over-the-top pranks in my time. Some were epic. Some failed miserably. One of them lasted all day long and involved an entire cast of people who were all in on the joke. (and the victim fell for it hook, line and sinker) Oh, yeah, I am good at it. mwa ha ha!

    1. Y’know, nothing stops my heart more than the line “I’m pregnant.” Even when I know the person is kidding. My husband could say that to me right now and a tiny part of me would think, “WHAT?! Could it be?”

  3. Ha! 🙂 You fooled each one of us Darla. But somehow I was sure that, some kind of turn & twist would be there at the end. You must celebrate this 99th post; one more post and you would be in that century posts writers list. So clap clap & clap for you… as you are approaching towards that milestone.

    1. I wish. I should have mentioned the three strikes weren’t in a row. (I believe that’s called a turkey?) I would get a pretty solid strike (and I was kidding about the ball-rolling technique, I actually bowl like a normal person) then after my strike, I’d spazz in the next frame and forget everything about bowling and I’d knock down one pin. I am very inconsistent in my bowling technique.

  4. I voted for you on three different devices. Is that bad? I figured you had me for with Ferris.

    Plus yours was fabulous.

    Plus I figured you’d do something redindadonk with the jacket. You’d better twirl a baton in your underpants wearing only that jacket. I mean, that IS what you said. Isn’t it? 😉

    Happy 99.

    May we get 99 more out of you in like 3 maybe 4 years.

    1. Did Ferris win? I did vote for him many, many times. And it was very hard voting against my dream man, Wesley.

      And thank you for your votes. What does redindadonk mean? (I’m almost too afraid to ask)
      Because if it means I will be shaking my badonkadonk in underwear while twirling the baton and wearing a god-awful green plaid jacket (Sorry, Peg) then yes. Yes, I will be doing just that. Shhhhh, keep it on the DL, k?

  5. Stupid me! Thanks for the reminder. I will play an April Fool’s Joke on my husband….Congrats on winning the Jacket contest and your 99th post! There are so many 99s. I was thinking about writing about Scheherazade’s 101 Arabian nights and relating it to my 101st until I looked it up. It was 1001 nights. I have a few more blog posts to write before getting there..
    Love your toast poem! It may be the first one of its kind!

  6. You? Quit blogging? Yeah right, your kids would drive you nuts and you’d have no outlet! Congrats on 100, honestly thought you’d have more than that. Looking forward to 100 more, slow as molasses or not!

  7. I’m the most gullible person I know. Seriously. You completely fooled me! I’m glad it was just an April Fool: your blog is so enjoyable!

    And congrats on your 99th post! I love numbers with 9s in. Although I am skeptical about lucky numbers etc., I think 9 is an auspicious number for me (I was born at 9:09 am weighing 9 pounds, 9 ounces)!

    1. I am thrilled that I’ve fooled some of you. I thought, nah, they’ll never believe me, what with how serious I am all the time.

      I also love the number nine. I was born in the ninth month. I have nine fingers plus one. I will only buy things that are 99 cents, no rounding up for this chick. By the way, you were a good-sized baby. I was only a little more than 5 pounds, just a tiny little thing. Oh, to get to that weight again…sigh…

  8. Dang! You got me. Yes, I am gullible, and I was getting quite bummed out. And congrats on winning the Jacket! Looking forward to seeing you in it.

    I am surprised that you are just now hitting 99. Don’t know why I am surprised- yes I do- I hit 105 the other day and just assumed that you had hit this mark waaaaaay before me. I think my 100th was the blog about my Dad passing, or possibly the next one. Anyway, no pressure, but really looking forward to what you put out as #100.

    1. Get out, I got you too! ahhhh!! This has turned out to be the most fantastic day.

      And you’d think I would have hit this number a long time ago. I only reached this number because WordPress kept nagging me about it everytime I’d publish a post: This is your 80th post! Only 20 more to go until you hit 100! Geeze, I wish WP would leave me the hell alone! And here I am, still not hitting 100 posts yet.

  9. Curly Carly

    You totally fooled me. I was so disappointed! I’m glad it was all a joke.

    Congrats on your 99th post and winning the contest! I hope you’ll be posting a picture of yourself in the jacket.

    1. I hate to admit this, but sometimes I seriously think of just quitting. Is that bad? But then I’d miss everyone here and I’m addicted. You all are just so sweet and considerate. The best bloggers in the world.

      Hope you’re enjoying what’s left of the weekend, MJ.

  10. Hi,
    Very funny pictures in my mind of you moonwalking across the lanes. 😀
    Congrats on your 99 posts, that is great, also well done with the writing contest as well, you did deserve that one, your writing is brilliant.
    Oh and I thought your poem was very good. 🙂

    1. If you were there to actually witness my sad moonwalking, you’d be dying of laughter (the kind of laughter that is tinged with a lot of pity)
      Thank you, Mags. It took me a loooong time to get to this point. I sure hope I can crank things up a notch and write at least once a week this year.

  11. When I read you were hanging up your blogging cap (right next to your clown bowling shoes),I forgot about that whole April Fools thing, so my heart stopped, too. Jeez, Darla, don’t DO that to an old lady! Oh, and great April Fools joke about how you pretend you DON’T love that jacket! Ha ha ha! You had me going on that one, too, dang nab it!

    Congrats on all your many successes today!

    1. I am so sorry I made your heart stop, Pego! I honestly figured everyone would see right through it, considering I’ve taken more than a few ‘breaks’ from blogging in the past.

      I do love that jacket. I really do!

  12. Happy 99th post! It will take me another 99 years to get to 99 posts, and another 99 years to get 99 followers LOL And congrats on the Jacket contest! I knew you could only be kidding around about quitting, and I’m glad I was right 🙂 (patting myself on the back) Happy April Fools Day!

    1. Oh, yeah! How could I forget Jay-Z’s! (never heard of it)

      I did take a break. I had about six months in the very beginning right after I was FP where I only managed to post once a month and all of them were lame.

  13. There is the TOTO song “99” which is dedicated to Agent 99. I have fallen for a number of 4-1 pranks today so if I just don’t believe anything I read for the remainder of the day then I’m safe.

    1. Ooh! TOTO! Dedicated to Agent 99! Yes! How could I miss that? (never heard of it)

      Yeah, I never believe anything all day on April Fools. And my kids and husband tried all day long to get me.

      1. Oh god. Yes, I know that! How could I not know it. The first time I heard it, I was in Kmart shopping for some Mork from Ork suspenders with my mom. I think it was stuck in my head for the better part of junior high.

  14. Happy 99. You are as hot as Barbara Feldon; and while I didn’t believe you, I was pretty sure that it wasn’t your choice anyway. We know where Maine is, and WE WOULD FIND YOU FOR OUR FIX!

  15. I’m so gullible, I had to look at a calendar to be sure it was April Fools day. When you get the jacket check the pockets. Make sure Peg O Leg didn’t keep ol’ Tom’s name (and phone number ) for herself. Congratulations.

  16. I’m falling for everyone’s April Fools!, I let out a great big “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” to this one.

    That was beyond cruel. I’ve started a list of all the mean April Fool’s pranksters, I don’t forget easily – be warned!

    Congrats on the landmark post and the Jacket competition, yours was well deserved!

    1. As long as I’m not at the top of the list? Right? Who is? What did he/she do?

      I loooove a good April Fools joke! I am so mean. I love to laugh at other’s expense, it’s a hobby I took up after years and years of being picked on by all my cruel brothers.

      1. Second so far, first was The Hobbler. She had been setting it up for weeks fooling us into believing she needed help with a problem, getting me all concerned and then revelaing said problem, I planned a thought out response to be helpful and it was all a joke!

        So yes, I’m extremely gullible!

  17. I laughed my ass off at this post. And I didn’t believe for a minute that you were quitting. I have to call your attention to the fact that you mentioned cake, so now I am craving cake. Also I have 99 luftbalons stuck in my head.

  18. Hi Darla, I believed you. 🙂 And well, no one has ever accused me of being “not gullible.” Is there a word for that? As in, oh, you’re so discerning, sharp, astute (yes, I looked up the antonym of gullible because I’m crazy nerdy and I research my blog comments). That, or my brain isn’t working this morning, which could equally be my excuse for believing in your departure from our blogging community (sounds so morose). Or the fact that I read your post today, and it’s the 2nd. See? Us gullibites are no stranger to excuses.

    In any event, woo-hoo! Congratulations on your 99th post, and your ability to moonwalk.

    1. Hey! I’m a crazy nerd, too! I love to look up words. I used to have this big beat-up dictionary back in high school, I lugged it with me all through college and I still have it to this day. We’ve been through so much together. I sleep with it under my pillow.

      And to be fair, I guess there are SOME people out there that might read this post AFTER April Fools day is over, so they might fall for the joke… but really, that’s they’re own fault for not reading my blog the second I post something.

      And thank you! My ability to moonwalk is almost as good as my ability to bowl!

      1. Ah yes, many apologies Darla-san. I must make amends for my tardiness. Yours, Grasshopper

        (P.S. I do believe you about the dictionary too. Not about it being under your pillow, but about you lugging it around all through college. If that’s a joke, let me keep it! Some things don’t need to be true to make good stories.)

  19. Hey, congrats on the jacket win! I must admit though two of my favorite bloggers were in that contest, I refrained from voting only in that I had no time to read all of the entries. It would have been very unfair for the other three had I voted, and an eenie-meeni-minie-mo contest would have determined the button pressed. It was just way easier to do nothing.

    Still waiting for that baton-twirling thingie. Now I’m wholly expecting it, green jacket donned, coffee mug slightly obscuring your own mug, while you fiddle with both the keyboard AND the baton with your one good hand. Should be entertaining at the least.

    1. Wait, we were supposed to read these entries? I couldn’t even bring myself to read my own entry.

      Oh, no, I’m just kidding! I read my own entry.

      I love your idea of the coffee mug obscuring my OWN mug. You are onto something there…hmm…kinda reminds me of that guy Wilson on Home Improvement always hiding behind a piece of fence.

  20. Well, well, well … D-Woww turns 99! I mean, um, um, your blog turns 99! Sorry about that slip up.

    Yeah, totally didn’t fall for the whole, “I’m not blogging anymore, blah, blah, blah …” stuff. You couldn’t stop blogging any more than MC Hammer can’t touch whatever he can’t touch. Or any more than I could stop putting unintelligible words to this screen.

    And of course, we don’t want you to stop with your whole Maine brand of crazy!

    BTW, you might want to stop over on Peg-o-leg’s blog and check out a comment I left for you there. hehehe

    If it makes you feel better, I just published my 69th blog post yesterday, so I have a LONG way to go to hit 99!

    1. I figured when I added the, ‘blah, blah, blah’ part that would have been the tip-off that I was just blowing smoke up everyone’s (ahem)…yeah…y’know…

      Or any more than I could stop putting unintelligible words to this screen. haha! And we’re both so good at that!

  21. Consider me supremely gullible– I believed you about the whole blog-quitting thing. It did seem a bit strange in retrospect that you would throw a 99th post party and then call it quits so soon afterward… (But maybe my innocent belief in you makes more sense because I am reading this post on April 2nd? I wasn’t prepared to be fooled on the 2nd…)

    Congratulations again on winning The Coveted Green Jacket! You better not have been kidding about posting a video of yourself wearing it…

    1. I don’t know, Dana. Us Mainers are a self-loathing people. We like to celebrate things, then make them come crashing down a second later with bad news. It keeps us hearty.

      Yes, I am NOT kidding about the video. I WILL post one of me. I WILL get drunk first, most likely.

  22. What a cruel joke. My fault for reading this a day late as my April Fool’s force field had been fully extinguished. So yeah, I totally believed you and immediately began wondering about a blog world without Darla. It was like those futuristic movies with no sun and all the kids playing on asphalt.

    I voted for you plenty but you won that all on your own, bud. Big congrats. Use that jacket wisely. For good, not for evil.

    1. Did you know that you quite possibly leave the best comments in the world? It’s true. An April Fool’s force field! No sun and kids playing on asphalt! You’re killin’ me here.

      See, you weren’t supposed to vote for me, you were in the contest. And yours was fabulous! Oh, well. I think maybe you just didn’t want the jacket but the Applebee’s and you were afraid you’d hurt Pegoleg’s feelings.

  23. singleworkingmomswm

    Ditto to what Angie Z said…being April SECOND, I totally believed what that you were indeed, blah, blah, blah, done with blahgging, ha, ha, hee, hee…and then I thought, NO WAY, maybe I should be blah, blah, blah not worrying about writing either and making more intheflesh friends. Then I blah, blah, blahhhhhed my way right out of that realizing that I think I actually like my blogging buddies MORE, LOL! Way to go, Darla, and bumper bowling-it still counts. Both hands even. I swear! Way to go 99!!!!!!! And, who really cares about 100 (April Fools)? XOXO-SWM

    1. I know, I know. It’s not April Fool’s Day anymore.

      And y’know what else? I plan on leaving this cruel post up here all damn week just so more gullible suckers will stumble upon it. mwah ha ha! Oh, god, I am loving it! I am so mean! But I am so enjoying waking up every day and letting out an evil cackle!

      1. Oh, I love accidental post hijacks. By the way, I am planning on using your fab jacket for my new blog header. Maybe do a black and white picture of myself holding a glass of wine and smoking a cigar. I think I’ve got a great idea. I am going to challenge Mr. Greatsby’s smoking jacket to a duel with my plaid jacket. May the coolest jacket win!

    1. Thank you so much! And no, you’re never alone. Just one stop here at my blog lets you realize there are other people out there who are way more klutzier and worse at bowling than you could ever dream of being.

  24. I believed you because I too

    “can’t keep up with all this writing and reading and then with all the constant commenting and the replying and replying to replies, blah blah blah, it just never ends. I am going to start doing wild-n-crazy things like being with my family. Talking to other people. Going outside. Letting the thoughts in my head stay in my head…..”

  25. I’m so glad I found you. You make me laugh. And because you don’t post all that often, I actually have time to read what you write. Nice poem too. And I believed you were kidding–but that’s perhaps I didn’t get to this until today, April 3rd!! Glad you’re not.

    1. The feeling is mutual. I love your writing. You can even make a colonoscopy funny. And your latest post had me in tears, really hit home with me.

      I aim for one post a week, but honestly, I can barely keep up with that schedule.

  26. Pingback: Today’s Post is Brought to You by The Number 10 « vatralvariety

  27. Your writing is so good, and getting better all the time, that the idea of your quitting seems as ridiculous as your husband claiming he’s pregnant. Still, my heart did slow down just a bit and my mouth did drop open slightly. I’m glad you’re not going anywhere, Darla. And even if you did, we’d all keep following you anyway.

    1. Sorry to do that to you, Charles! Maybe my writing IS getting better if I can convince you of that? Thanks for always being so supportive with your comments. Back in the beginning of this blog, you were always there, leaving such positive feedback and really helping me to overcome my fears and write more and more. Seriously, thank you, a few times in the beginning I was close to quitting but I thought, well now, if Charles thinks I can write, it must be true. I hope you have a wonderful week!

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