Wackadoodle Wednesday

Proof my kids communicate in a language I will never understand:

I’m sitting on the couch, reading a book. My son is across the room, frozen in the ‘Nintendo DS’ pose– head down, eyes glazed, thumbs working furiously.  I am completely immersed in the latest Stephen King book when I barely hear, “Hey, Mom?”

I keep reading.

“Mom?”

I look up from my iPad and squint through my glasses.

“Huh?” I ask. My son puts his nintendo down and leans forward, a grin on his face.

“Mom?” he asks again.

“Yeah?” I ask, my mouth open, my eyebrows raised in anticipation of whatever pressing news he has to share.

“MOM?” my son yells.

“YES?!” (Has he lost his hearing? Have I?)

“MOM?!” he yells even louder. (Am I in the Twilight Zone?)

“WHAT?!” I yell back.

He immediately dissolves into giggles and snorts, “Ha ha! Now you have to get rid of it!”

I blink and look up at the ceiling for a moment.

“Okay…uh…get rid of what?” I ask in spite of myself.

“Yeah, you need to get rid of what!” he laughs hysterically again.

“What?! Get rid of what?” I cry, really wishing I was back in Lisbon Falls, Maine circa 1960 with Stephen King’s imagination.

My husband walks into the room and says, “Oh yeah. You guys playing the ‘what’ game? See, you call someone by name until they answer with ‘what’ then you tell them they have to pass the word ‘what’ onto someone else by calling them by their name, so you can get rid of it.”

Figures my husband would understand it.

Proof I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be five years old:

My daughter loves to write and color. One morning, I gave her a stack of paper with some pencils and crayons and she went to work. She was busy for awhile, then handed me a pink piece of folded construction paper, her face beaming with pride.

“Well, what do you have here?” I asked and unfolded it to find a blank page. “Oh, you want me to draw something for you?”

“No,” she said, a little irritated. “Read it to me!”

“Um….read what? There’s nothing here, it’s blank.”

“I wrote you a letter, and now you have to read it to me,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.

“Okay…um….” I said. “Do you want me to help you write a letter?”

“No!” she was very agitated now. “I wrote it with my finger! So now you have to read it back to me!” she announced, hands on her hips.

Sometimes there is just no getting out of certain situations when you’re a parent.

Proof my kids know more about relationships than I do:

I was flipping through an old photo album of our wedding pictures. My daughter loves to look at pictures as much as I do. She was pointing at every one, asking me who was who and what was happening in the photos. We were at the end of my big book of wedding pictures, when she saw one of us kissing at the altar. Her eyes got real big.

“Why are you doing that?” she asked.

“Oh. Well, see, when you love someone and you want to spend the rest of your life together, you get married and so–”

“EW!!!” she squealed. “You and Daddy are married?! EWWWWWWWW!!!!” And she got up and ran away.

Proof my daughter understands the concept of time more than me:

We were looking out the window at the night sky.  She points up and says, “See those stars, Mommy? That’s where people go after they die. To heaven to be with God. And then they come back down again later and pick another family to live with.” I was pretty taken aback at her view on life and death because we haven’t even touched on the subject yet. I gave her a big hug with tears in my eyes.

Then she said, “So–y’know how you want a dog? But I don’t because they’re scary and they bite and scratch me? Well, you can have a dog. But not until after you die and go into your next family, because you aren’t going to have a dog in this family, okay?”

Well, at least I have somthing to look forward to after I die.

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81 thoughts on “Wackadoodle Wednesday

  1. John-Paul says:

    The What game? Definitely not letting this spread to NZ.

    How come we become so much less creative as we get older?

    1. I consider this ‘what’ game a little more advanced than the old “Hey, Mom, spell ‘ICUP’ out loud” game. Course, anything that has to do with pee and poop is comedy gold when you’re nine years old.

  2. Oh my God your kids are priceless!
    I guess my babysitter pulled out my parent’s wedding album and I got hysterical because I wasn’t in any of the pictures. I wasn’t invited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Haha! That is too funny, Susie. You must have been crushed. And very confused. My daughter is always asking me why she isn’t in certain photos,too. It’s hard to explain to her she wasn’t alive yet. She’s of the mindset that nothing came before her, the sun rises and sets with her (and she’s right)

  3. hahaha Oh man, I absolutely love your family stories! I think that ‘what’ game would have driven me RIGHT over the edge, though!

    I’m still thinking Uncle Jesse could change your daughter’s mind… (Did she see the head tilt video??? ;))

    1. Yes, be very happy that Uncle Jesse doesn’t torture you with the ‘what’ game. I might have to show here the head tilt video again, she might come around eventually. I really, really want a dog. 😦

  4. It’s so great that you write these things down, because they’re priceless, and you’d forget, otherwise. Take me: I’m sure my kids said all sorts of cute and clever things but I didn’t write them down and now my memory is shot. Sigh.

    I think I would have gone crazy with the “what” game, although it’s pretty darn funny hearing you tell it.

    1. This is why I do it, Peg. I have to list these things on this blog for all the world to see so I’ll have ammunition to blackmail them later on when they’re teens. Uh, I mean, so I can capture these priceless moments for all eternity. yeah, that’s it.

  5. Thanks for the chuckle :-). So glad you are writing these down as they come up because when your kids get to be about 30, everything has faded. That is why I am trying to capture some of my 2-year-old granddaughter’s words. The latest: while finishing dinner which included some edamame, she announced “I love edamommyanddaddy!”

    1. That’s the thing, my memory is already fading and my kids are still little. I should of had my kids earlier in life I guess. Your granddaughter sounds priceless, definitely try to jot some things down if you can.

  6. You are right on my page. Crazy flippin’ kids. They’re my “reality” test every waking day. Upon waking every morning, the chaos, barely audible upstairs just moments earlier, swarms into my bedroom all-at-once with a hurricane force that would rip a roof off held with Velcro. My brain locks up and my blood pressure rises. Yep. All senses — CHECK. I’m alive again today. Not even the courtesy of a first cup of coffee or time to think about that nice Brad Pitt dream I was having. Just chaos.

    I keep reminding myself that one day, I might miss this. I know I will, Really.

    1. Hey, you really should get outta my head. It’s freaking me out. Although this morning it was a dream about Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt and they were fighting over me again.

      I know we’ll miss the chaos someday soon when they move out. The deafening quiet will probably kill us then. You can never win, can you? 😉

    1. She is very much into all the Disney princesses lately and sees them get married and kiss Prince Charming, etc. So I guess it was way too much of a leap in her mind to realize that Mommy and Daddy aren’t just her parents or roommates, they are actually married. oh, the horror!!

      1. As my recent poetry posts says…

        Succumb to the struggle

        The die has been cast

        The end draws near

        Yet, I can almost see it

        That vapor of hope

        It taunts the dying dream

        And I don’t know how to let go

    1. When she told me that, I laughed so hard I was crying. And she is full of gems like that one. Your kids will too and I will tell you this, there is never a dull moment or a day I don’t laugh listening to my kids.

  7. Running from Hell with El says:

    You got me here: ““EW!!!” she squealed. “You and Daddy are married?! EWWWWWWWW!!!!” And she got up and ran away.”
    And then you *really* got me here: “She points up and says, ‘See those stars, Mommy? That’s where people go after they die. To heaven to be with God. And then they come back down again later and pick another family to live with.’” I have a 5-year old with a similar way with words. And a 7-year old. And an 8-year old. Smiling at you.

    1. Aw, so you know what I’m talking about with your kids. I still think it’s funny that my death is just fine with her, but being married to her Dad or having a dog?! That is totally unacceptable.

  8. Oh, how I wish I had written down all the crazy things my boys said and did…now I can’t remember all the details. What I remember with excrcuciating detail is the time period )months? Years?) where they only spoke in Beavis and Butthead voices…

      1. Unfortunately, Beavis and Butthead live on in my sons…as do the Jerky Boys, and most of Adam Sandler’s comedy routines. Sometimes I laugh until I cry…sometimes I cry until I laugh.

    1. I absolutely believe that they do. We all had it figured out once upon at time when we were young, then our own parents and other adults messed things up. I think the key is trying to urge our kids to keep thinking for themselves as they get older.

  9. I love kiddisms! And your daughter always amazes me!

    What? You have to get rid of what. What? Yes, what, you have to get rid of it. What? (repeat until exhausted…)

    Sorry, that’s just me rehearsing how it’s going to go for me in two years after I’ve forgotten what I’ve learned here.

    1. My daughter is so much more advanced than I was at her age, she is like a tiny old lady. My nickname for her is Little Lady. Sometimes Pink Lady (she insists on wearing all pink). She dresses up like she’s going to work as an administrative assistant, speaks in such a way that is so matter-of-fact, she gives me scowls and looks of contempt like I have no clue (and I don’t) She is lightyears ahead of her peers in class (I know I’m bragging but it’s true) smarter than me and my husband combined. She’ll be the next president I’m sure of it.

    1. But what’s more creative than bugging the hell out of your parents? Such a fun game for them!

      I had never heard of this game before. I guess I should be glad about that. My son picks this stuff up from the playground. The playground is such a dangerous place, creates all sorts of annoying behavior.

  10. Tonight, I spent a little extra time staring at the stars, thinking of the ones I’ve loved and lost in this lifetime and hoping they have found love in their new lives. Love this post and your daughter’s perspective! (Oh, and I am so thankful my kids have never heard of the “what” game!)

    1. I always look up at the stars and think of my lost relatives, too. So when my daughter said that, it was hard not to tear up. Then she threw in the dog thing and I laughed hysterically. oh, kids are great, aren’t they?

  11. You know how parents sometimes say “you can [do whatever] when you’re grown up and living in your own house, but as long as you’re living under my roof, you can’t”? The dog thing is exactly like that.

  12. Hilarious! I play a variation on that game with my cat, I just whisper her name but never look at her, continue watching TV etc, it really winds her up.

    God, I just read that back, how sad

    1. haha! That reminds me of my brothers, they used to say to our dog in that sing-songy high-pitched voice, “Go for a walk? wanna go for a walk??” she’d jump up and get all excited and freak out and they’d laugh. So mean!

      1. Your brothers sound mean full stop after torturing you growing up 🙂 My cat got her own back from feigning injury which cost me a massive vet bill last week

      2. They were pure evil, Joe. It’s a wonder I survived.

        How is she doing now, by the way?

        Oh, and I will have to click on your link now as I still don’t receive your post in my stupid Read Blogs list. what is up with that?

  13. smiles all around!

    going through our youngest photos in anticipation of his h.s. graduation party in June, I found a sheet of quotes of his. Precious! The heartbreaking part was realizing I got busy when we moved from TX to MI and never picked it up again … so glad you are writing these things down.

    And good to know you have a dog to look forward to .. in your next family.

    😉
    MJ

    1. Oh, I can’t even bring myself to imagine my son’s high school graduation. I’m sure I’ll be digging out all of his old artwork and crying. (or showing him my old blog posts)
      I do look forward to having that dog one day. I didn’t tell my daughter this, but the second she moves out and goes to college, I’m getting two dogs.

  14. Priceless gems here, Darla. Good for you for making note of each and every one. The bits got better and better. Love, love, love ’em!
    And yes – it was a wackadoodle Wednesday, at least for WordPress. Or was I the only one having technical difficulties?

    1. I am having so many problems with WordPress. Mainly with my subscriptions, half of them never show up in my little feed. It’s a good thing most of us bloggers are connected through other blogs, and we all seem to read the same ones because I just click on blog rolls/comments and go around and around the circle…but it’s time-sucking to keep up with everyone.

    1. ooh, I knew it! You guys are so clever. Well, about coming up with things to annoy us. But as for doing the dishes? Or laundry? Or making sure the kids don’t go off to school without pants? Yeah, you guys need some help in those areas.

        1. haha! You’re honest. I thought you would say, oh no never! I would never let my kid go to school without pants. Just you wait until he’s older…it’ll happen and you’ll be in soooo much trouble, trust me.

          1. Yeah he will probably go to school one day without pants. I commented on someone elses blog today that there are days when I don’t even put pants on until 5pm when the wife comes home.

          2. Then you are WAY ahead of most dads. I remember one cold winter day he ‘forgot’ to put the kids in coats when he took them on errands. It was 20 degrees outside. “But all they have to do is walk from the warm car to the store and back!”

  15. Hahaha– maybe you should tell your daughter that you and your husband aren’t *actually* married– you are secretly living in sin and both she and her brother are bastard children. Would that be less gross than marriage? Boy, times have changed! 🙂

    1. True. I jot things down in a little notebook here and there, then when I get enough gems, I type out a blog post to make it official because sometimes I forget where I put my notebook.

  16. Okay…here’s the depressing thing. I now play the What Game with my kids, but it’s me that’s saying “What? Repeat that. Huh? What does “meh” mean?

  17. What kind of dog will you get in your new family?

    I leave you with this most profound quote from Dave Eggers:

    “I worry about exposing him to bands like Journey, the appreciation of which will surely bring him nothing but the opprobrium of his peers. Though he has often been resistant – children so seldom know what is good for them – I have taught him to appreciate all the groundbreaking musicmakers of our time – Big Country, Haircut 100, Loverboy – and he is lucky for it. His brain is my laboratory, my depository. Into it I can stuff the books I choose, the television shows, the movies, my opinion about elected officials, historical events, neighbors, passersby. He is my twenty-four-hour classroom, my captive audience, forced to ingest everything I deem worthwhile. He is a lucky, lucky boy! And no one can stop me.”

    This sounded just like D-Woww!

    1. Love that quote, MJ. Had to look up the word ‘opprobrium’ but I love to learn new things…

      If I was actually allowed to GET a dog again, it would be a bigger dog, a Collie I had mostly Collies growing up and my beloved dog Princess, the last dog I had from the age of 7 to 21, was half-Collie) Or I’d get a Golden Retriever.

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