My Adventures in Plaid, Part 1

I received the coveted The Jacket Writing Contest Award from Peg-o-leg yesterday afternoon. I was already late picking the kids up from school so I threw the box into my car and drove like a madwoman down the road (about three miles over the speed limit).

I parked and examined the box. It was very small–so small, I couldn’t believe the jacket was in there.  What if it wasn’t? What if instead there was only a ransom note and I’d be forced to pay some large sum of money or the jacket gets it? I couldn’t wait to get home, so I tore the box open with my car keys and narrowly took off a thumb. I examined the plaid treasure and immediately smelled something strange. I had a flashback of me as a child in my grandmother’s attic, trying on her dusty old fox stole and daring my younger brother to eat a mothball.*

I noticed right away the jacket was indeed a show-stopper. The green, red and yellow stripes were so bright, I immediately got a migraine. The kind with the zigzag colored aura that looked remarkably like Peg’s jacket.

Still I was in love with it and all its funkiness. Funky in every sense of the word. I raced home to try it on. Then I turned around because I had forgotten to pick up the kids. So after I raced home again with kids in tow, I tried to try it on. Tried. I got one arm in and then—ugh…I couldn’t….quite….ugh….reach…. the other…arm. Why? Because apparently Peg neglected to mention the jacket was designed for a monkey. A tiny monkey. Size 8, according to the little microscopic tag. I don’t think I’ve been a size 8 since 1980.

After my daughter helped me wrestle it on (and I sucked in my gut and everything else), I buttoned it up and admired myself in the mirror. My son said, “Mom, why are you wearing that?” and walked off. My daughter looked at me, crinkled her nose and said, “Mommy, I was gonna try it on…but naw, you can have it, it’s okay.”

Here it is in all its glory. Who says stripes don’t go with plaid? You? Fine. Anyway, it looked snazzy enough, but I had to adjust the color a bit so I wouldn’t get another migraine…

Ahhh…there. Much…better? The little dark shadows in the corners really punch this picture up a notch. No? Fine.

So I’d like to take a moment to say, thank you Peg, thank you voters, thank you other nominees. I am truly honored to be wearing this jacket. I also want to thank (tearing up) God (sniffing and looking up at the ceiling with my hand on my heart) because I know that without His/Her help, (deep sigh) this award wouldn’t be possible (kissing two fingers and holding them up to the sky with a solemn look)

Next up: A vlog of me baton-twirling in the jacket (Be warned, there may be some splitting of fabric, picture the Hulk when he gets angry)

*I’m kidding, Peg. It doesn’t smell like mothballs or my grandmother. It smells like 1967– incense and peppermints with a little wacky weed thrown in. I love it (I do) and thank you. It’s giving me a goal of losing another 15 pounds so I can wear it and breathe at the same time.

78 thoughts on “My Adventures in Plaid, Part 1

  1. I think Peg is a very wise woman to choose a prize that can be worn with pride. You look great in it, and contrary to what you write above, you do appear every bit a size 8. Go ahead strut like a matador walking around the ring.
    (trumpet in the background …ta …ta …Tah ……ta …ta …ta …ta ….ta …tah)

    1. If I strutted I’d be in trouble. See, what you didn’t see was the second after I took the picture, I let out my breath and the jacket exploded. One of the buttons nearly took my daughter’s eye out, it was horrible.

    1. St. Patty’s Day? too far away. I’m thinking it’d make a fab Easter jacket, it’s got all the necessary bright easter egg colors. Also, Mother’s Day. Very spring-y. Oh, and Arbor Day. I can plant it out in the backyard.

  2. Fashion fascinates me – the changing tides. There was a time when everyone suddenly, for no understandable reason, thought that jacket was the way to go. Then they all stopped. Then they all felt that way again. Then stopped…

  3. That is one snappy looking jacket!

    The Masters is this weekend — I suggest you wear this while watching golf … eventually, someone wins the coveted green jacket. And theirs is not nearly as snappy as yours.

    🙂 MJ

    1. You are kidding, The Masters this weekend? I am going bust out some wine and watch the award ceremony now just because I have a green jacket that is WAY better. I’ve never actually watched golf before so this is the power Peg’s jacket has, it’s scary…

  4. What do you mean? You look hot in The Jacket. You’re a mod and groovy chick, Darlita! It should smell like Skittles since I used those instead of foam peanuts to cushion the journey. But now I’ve got Incense and Peppermint by Strawberry Alarm Clock stuck in my brain.

    And MJ has a great point – it looks like you just won the Masters of Funk.

    1. Mod and groovy, ooh, yeah, baby, dig it. I probably did smell the Skittles, but I was too busy scarfing them down to notice. By the way, my kids thank you for those as well (they left me with only one bag to eat, typical)

      Incense and Peppermint, sorry, I was forced to listen to that all the time growing up. What year was this jacket anyway?

      1. I almost hate to admit this after all the blog-flogging-before-vlogging I’ve endured, but I did NOT buy that jacket as a joke. (start in low with “glory, glory halleluia”). I bought it as a FABulous design statement. Because I am not afraid to dress outside the box. (a little louder “glory, glory halleluia”) And I pay you the high compliment, Oh Darla The Magnificent, of assuming that you are not a fashion lemming, either. (a little louder “glory, glory halleluia”)

        Now get out there, and wear that jacket, with Pride! (rousing crescendo “His truth is marching on!”).

      2. Um…I am also Irish (cue creepy music)

        What does this mean?

        This means I am planning on wearing this fab jacket ALL day tomorrow and my husband is willing to take pictures to prove it.

    1. Y’know what, it is growing on me the more I look at it. I haven’t put it back on yet, I’m trying to preserve it for the vlog. And it is very chic, retro and cool, thanks, Stacie. I will wear it to Walmart tomorrow and hope they don’t escort me outside.

  5. hahaha I couldn’t wait to read this. I think you look dazzling! When I heard it was a size 8 (and a vintage size 8 no less…take comfort in knowing that’s really a size 4 I bet), I immediately began to consider its alternate uses. And now I’ve got even more. For example, it sounds like it’s the perfect inspiration to get your daughter moving in the morning if she doesn’t want to eat breakfast/brush her teeth/stop watching videos of Uncle Jesse. You could just tell her, “Do it! Or you’re wearing The Jacket [da-da-DUM] to school!”

    Can’t wait for the baton vlog!! Congrats again! 🙂

    1. Jules, you are waaaay too kind. (See above comment to Georgette) I honestly couldn’t move my arms in it. Which is why it’s such a weird pose in the picture (that and I had to put my hand on my hip to try and look somewhat ‘cool’ of course)

      I would love to use this jacket as a threat in trying to get my kids to do things. Problem is, since I wrote this post early this morning, Julia put it on and NOW she loves it. All I need is my son to wear it around his head as a hat.

    1. Good eye, Elyse. But no, you are wrong. I’m a triplet. That is Marla. Carla is in the basement with Mr. Skittles cranking out blog posts as I type this and she’d better come up with something brilliant soon, cuz this chick is outta ideas.

      I took this picture with my webcam so I had to stand very close to the computer and well, I figured you poor readers had seen enough of my giant forehead and mutant teeth for a lifetime–gotta show The Jacket in all its glory.

  6. Deborah the Closet Monster

    Hee. The “size 8” bit had me giggling. It’s been a few years here, as well.

    Also, quite seriously, I love this jacket. I want it, a lot. Siiiigh.

    1. Deb, after two kids and hitting my 40s, well, let’s just say I’ve been way past size 8 and will never see it again, it’s a distant memory.

      I’m sure you would look fab in the jacket–I’ll lend it to you!

  7. cooper

    What’s so wrong with stripes and plaid? I used to wear that combo all the time at school. I think everyone was in awe of my wardrobe because they always kept their distance. I think out of respect for the clothing, don’t you?

    1. Absolutely. Same thing with me. I also wore high-water polyester pants, tube socks with sandals, topped with a bright yellow Care Bears t-shirt and Mork from Ork suspenders. No one came near me. They were way too impressed to dare.

    1. I don’t mind shipping it out to you as your entry was fantastic. I will just need to take a few pictures, do a ridiculous vlog, and it’s yours for the taking. Although I will miss it as it is the finest garment I have ever laid my eyes on…

  8. You rock it, Darla! I’m so happy that all your dreams have come true.

    You said it would fit better on a monkey — well what a coincidence! Mr. Skittles loves vintage clothing. I’m sorry — you know Mr. Skittles better than I do and I don’t want to speak for him.

    I cannot wait for that upcoming vlog. It sounds like the vlog I’ve been waiting for all my life.

    1. I can totally see Mr. Skittles rocking this jacket. All he needs is a bright green top hat and a little tiny cane and I foresee a new career for him. “Hello my baby! Hello my honey! Hello my ragtime gaaaal….”

      This vlog is going to be epic. An epic failure of epic proportions. I really, really hope I can remember how to twirl a baton. But there will be music, my kids will be in it, maybe even my husband. We are all very excited.

  9. pattisj

    Interesting that it arrives the same weekend as the Masters Golf Tournament. I bet they’d play harder if they got green PLAID for winning!
    Noticed your tag line–at least you’re staying afloat in a sea of blogs. I think I went under for the 2nd time…

    1. I know, what are the odds of the green jacket Masters thing? My life is always coming together like that, it blows my mind.

      My tagline will probably have to change again because after next week, I might end up sinking as well….

  10. I sported something so similar in 1975. It was mainly green, with plaid rust and white thrown in. I had to wear it on basketball game-days. Takes me back to those days of hazing and harassment, um, I mean fun and excitement!

    But, I still rock plaid more than anyone I know. Why wait till it comes back in style? Go with the classics!

    Congrats, D-Woww!

  11. OMG, what do I have to do to get one of those?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had one nearly identical that I wore as a senior in highschool. God, was I ever a sartorial success!

    Great to finally check out your posts, Darla. I see that we comment on many of the same blog–just now making it over here. Well worth the visit. Gonna subscribe.


    1. Hey, Kathy–good to see you here! Too bad you still don’t have that jacket. I have a feeling it’s coming back in style soon.

      I”ve noticed you around a lot, too. Seems we all are in the same blogging circles, it’s a small wordpress world we’re living in.

    1. Thanks, Joe. At the moment it’s hanging on my elliptical machine. But I have big plans for it. Not sure what yet, but…I am a little afraid to try it on again to be honest. Might not make it out alive.

      So how’s the boozin’ going? Did you do too much this weekend? You did, didn’t you. (shaking head) Oh, to be young again!

  12. Pingback: Still going for a hat trick* « Georgette Sullins's Blog

  13. I am a little scared of the fact that the jacket looks good on you, Darla. Full color and black and white. I’m not known for my keen fashion sense, so I may be in the minority. Still, you look sharp – and thin! Congratulations. I anxiously await Part II.

    1. It’s the webcam, Lenore. It’s pure magic!

      I plan on working on my little plaid video next weekend. Warning–there will be music, dancing, singing, things will be destroyed, I might have to call an ambulance, etc….

  14. Darla, you RULE! 🙂 Congratulations again on winning the jacket. This was a great post. Loved this line the best, “I noticed right away the jacket was indeed a show-stopper. The green, red and yellow stripes were so bright, I immediately got a migraine,” until I read your daughter’s reply, then I loved her line the best.

    I cannot wait to see your baton twirling frenzy. Bring it on.

    I think in 7th grade I had a vest with the same pattern. A sweater vest, that buttoned for added coolness. I wore a green shirt (also with buttons) and the sleeves rolled up “just so.” Then donned the vest and I was too cool for school. Add in the perm and the giant barrette and the blue background with the lasers in in — I don’t know why I wasn’t pulled from school and immediately cast in a leading role on Star Trek.

    Wear the jacket out in public. Maybe you can live my dream. (But you’ll need the lasers.)

    1. Perm? Giant barrette? We must have been twins back then! The great thing about this jacket is I can have my picture taken anywhere and I don’t even need a lazer background. It’s got built-in lazers and migraine auras. It’s quite the stunner. I still haven’t worn it in public yet, I’m almost too afraid I’ll blind someone unintentionally.

      1. Peg’s gonna kill me, but doesn’t the Travelocity gnome have similar colors? You could don the jacket, and then take photos of yourself out and about. And we could all try to guess where you are! C’mon, Darla. Do it for your fellow bloggers.

  15. Hahaha– LOVE THIS! I’m impressed that you eventually remembered to go pick up your kids before taking the jacket home and trying it on. I probably would have forgotten I even HAD kids in your situation. That jacket is MESMERIZING! 🙂

    1. I won’t post it until next Monday, but I have just completed my
      WORLD PREMIERE VIDEO: Adventures in Plaid–The Jacket
      and you will not be disappointed. It is probably the best video ever made by a human being in the history of the world.

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