I Need to Have a Word With You, Friend

At first, I usually try to avoid most things popular in this digital social media technological-informational-crappola-highway-to-hell that is Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Mainly so I can smirk when people ask me why I’m not obsessed with the latest app or fad like the rest of them. Then I normally cave and get sucked into it like all the other mindless drooling souls out there.

So it’s no surprise that I’m late to catch the Words With Friends  bandwagon. (Apparently a bandwagon for nerds who like to stare cross-eyed for hours at a jumble of letters for fun.) Sure, I suppose you could say I am also a nerd. And yes, I’ve played Scrabble many times in the past and was terrible at it. And okay, I tended to stick with the easy two or three letter words and would always lose to the person who’d put down ZYGOTE or QUASI.  Still my interest in this WWF craze was piqued when I read that Alec Baldwin famously brought the airline industry to a grinding halt because he was hopelessly consumed with the game.

Finally, I gave in and played my first WWF game last week on Facebook. Before I knew it, I was playing several games at once, with about 100 different people. Right away I’ve noticed a few things, a few tricks people use. First, they most likely are spending their turn googling all the word combinations (I believe that’s called cheating. I’ve never done it, of course. You believe me, right?)

Next, they try their hardest to use little known words like ODALISK or ADZUKIS and get a billion points in one turn, while I put down words like SING and HAT. Nice words but they ain’t worth jack. (I’m not even sure AINT will net you much.) My feeling is, you shouldn’t be able to put down a word if you don’t know the meaning of the word without looking it up first. Hence, why I use SING and HAT all the time. This might also be why I lose all the time.

Clearly, I suck at Words With Friends. I don’t think I’ve won a game yet. And oh, have I tried. Sometimes, late at night, after my eyes have completely crossed and my brain has melted, I try to throw in some weird letter combinations, y’know, in the off-chance that these words actually exist. And I think some of these words I’ve invented should exist. For instance:

SNIRG (verb) The embarrassing sound one makes when snorting and scoffing at a snarky comment because they know deep in their heart it’s true.
And then she had the nerve to tell me that I was the worst Words With Friends player in the history of the world and my only response was to snirg uncontrollably.

QIG (slang): When you are really upset about something but you don’t want to swear because there are kids present.
Oh my god! There’s ketchup on the ceiling and popcorn in the toilet! What the qig is going on here?! OR
She just scored 68 points with a three letter word?! What the qig is going on here?!

(notice I have the ever-popular ZESH waiting in the wings for that all-important triple word score. Zesh, of course, meaning when you bite into something zesty yet real mushy, like a pomegranate.)

ZEQUISH (adjective): The state of getting dizzy while failing in your attempt to quiet your mind during Zen meditation.
I was trying so hard to empty my mind, so I chanted “OM” and closed my eyes. Then tomorrow’s grocery list popped into my head and I began thinking about all the ways I could cook a damn chicken and I started to feel so zequish I had to stop. 

NERSH (verb): When you crush a nerdy opponent in a Words With Friends game by using either X, Q, or Z with three different words all in one turn for big time points.
I was losing by 300 points when I made my move and totally nershed her with the word QIVIUTS! OH, I wish I could’ve seen her face! Take that ,suckah!

ZANG (noun): 1. When you get carried away while cooking and add something incredibly spicy to a recipe that will probably set your tongue on fire.
Hmm…this chili could use a little more zang. Throw in a few tablespoons of cayenne pepper and some tabasco sauce. Ah, hell, put in the entire habanero!
 (verb)   2. When you are so eager to eat or drink something you know is scalding hot, you think blowing on it will cool it down enough and you end up repeatedly giving yourself second degree burns on your tongue.
Dude! That pizza just zanged the hell outta my mouth! But I can’t stop eating it. Can you take me to the emergency room?

(for those of you that questioned the other word I created above, GPUNA, well nice try, but I do believe that is a small nation nestled between the country of Ghana and a puna (which is obviously a high, cold, arid plateau, as in the Peruvian Andes). So what if they’re on different continents, this isn’t a geography test.)

ZARF (verb): When you are so tired of losing Words with Friends you start to feel like you’re going to be sick.
I swear to God, if she uses the letters Z and Q in the same word and gets the triple letter score, I am going to seriously zarf!

These are just a few of the words I’ve tried. Maybe some day soon the dictionary gods will recognize them. As a matter of fact, I’ve just discovered that ZARF is, in fact, a word.  Definition: (esp in the Middle East) a holder, usually ornamental, for a hot coffee cup. Further proof that my made up words are catching on! This is great news because the next time I’m in Egypt on my way to Gpuna and order a grande cappuccino at Starbucks I’ll have the benefit of snirging at the barista, “What the qig?! Damn, is this like a billion degrees? I just zanged my tongue! And hey, can you give me a freaking zarf for this thing, it’s burning the hell outta my hand!”

Until then, wanna play a game with me?  C’mon, you know you wanna….I promise you, I will lose.

70 thoughts on “I Need to Have a Word With You, Friend

  1. Oh, I wish I had never discovered this game – I postponed playing for as long as I could, now, like blogging and beading, it is another convenient excuse for not getting any real work done around here. I have at least 6 games going at any one time. I am, however, a sore loser.

    I love the words you have discovered…and your entaining and educational post. You absolutely qinzek, woman. (Yes, I made that up).

    1. Oh, qig yes, me too! I wish I’d never started playing WWF. I resisted this game for the longest time, now I’m hopelessly addicted. I knew everyone else was playing but I tried to just look away. Right now I’m playing five different games. Between this new obsession and writing and blogging, it’s no wonder my brain is on auto-pilot most days.

  2. cooper

    My daughter plays this all the time, with her ex (go figure), and occasionally whips the phone in my face screaming “I CAN’T THINK OF ONE and i need 16 points to kick his ass!” Yet another reason for me to stay with my old-fashioned flip-fone.

    1. Thank god I don’t own a smart phone. Just a tablet and it doesn’t support Words with Friends. I can only play on my old clunky computer for now. otherwise, I’d be playing WWF nonstop and my life is already been taken over with blogging.

  3. Hahaha! Making a point to say each and every one of these words in conversation today. When you throw around weird words in the country, people don’t ask questions. They pretty much assume you are just smarter. I’ll take it!

  4. I can’t believe you tried to get away with GPUNA. I don’t play WWF (I’m afraid I’ll get addicted), but if it’s anything like Scrabble, proper names are not allowed.

  5. I just started playing for the first time about two weeks ago. I keep adding more and more games because I’m determined to beat SOMEONE! You’d think being a communication specialist, I’d actually be GOOD at the damn game. I feel your pain! (try “QI” sometime. It’s my new standby)

  6. Margie

    In our part of the world we play a board game called bananagrams. It has tiles like Scrabble, but no board, and – well it is easy to play but hard to explain. Just as addictive as other word games!

  7. I know it’s probably too long a word to use with WWF, but my best made-up-but-real-sounding word is “humilified”. (It’s a combo between humiliated and mortified– a feeling I experience on a regular basis. You can use it, so long as you verbally acknowlege my word-making-up genius every time you do.)

  8. World Wildlife Fund, Word Wrestling Federation, Words With Friends?! I am now imagining Hulk Hogan dressed as a Panda shouting at an iPhone as his online competitor attempts to pass Nersh as a word.

  9. I think you are onto something. Made up words become real words every year. The Merriam-Webster and Oxford English dictionaries have story links here: http://www.cracked.com/article_17408_15-words-you-wont-believe-they-added-to-dictionary.html and here http://www.merriam-webster.com/info/newwords11.htm and at the bottom of one of those pages, in the “share” section, there was an opportunity to share via Facebook, Twitter, etc., and then via “Fark?” What the zarf is a fark?

  10. Jackie Cangro

    I have an app on my phone for Words with Friends. I’ve never won a game either. Not once. It makes me feel like I’m going to ZARF.

  11. I’m never even heard of this game! Where have I been? Not off playing Farm Ville, that’s for sure. I can already tell I’d suck at it because I suck at Scrabble. I am not an avid reader and haven’t been since college so my vocabulary is still stuck at a Judy Blume reading level.

    Your words are amazing! How are you not winning every game?

    1. Judy Blume is awesome! I wish I could write like her, I’d be stinkin’ rich. Are you there, pot of coffee? It’s me, Darla. Are you there pinot noir? It’s me, Darla. Are you there heating pad, advil and warm slippers, it’s me, Darla? (ok, I think that’s enough huh)

  12. singleworkingmomswm

    Ha..ha…haha…hahahahah…HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH! This is me at work, almost getting zanged for reading this becuase I’m skirging so loud, and oh, qig, what the-?! Man, now I’m feeling zequishy, DARN IT! xoxox-SWM

  13. I just googled “polite cursewords.” Had I known, I could’ve simply come to your blog for the references. Next time, I’ll start here. Thanks for the new diction.

  14. I’ve never played this game, Darla. Like you, I usually refrain from participating in whatever everyone else is doing. If I do finally give in, it’s long after the activity has gone out of style. So I’m always either out of the loop, out of sync, or out of step. But I loved this post, especially your definition of ZESH, and your tendency toward words like SING and HAT.

    1. You could play me anytime, Charles. Just think of the boost to your ego when you beat me every single time. C’mon, it’d be fun! Yeah, I didn’t think so–don’t blame you. I was so close to quitting facebook completely and now this. Oh well.

  15. I just started playing WWF a week ago and am loving it. I only have about five people I play with because I don’t want to go crazier than I am. I’m also not a person who is into games, but I like this one. I’ve never done Angry Birds and don’t intend to.

    1. We have Angry Birds and have completely burned out on it, my kids aren’t even interested in it. They are interested in Scrabble now. They love words just like I do. WWF is fun and I’m getting a bit better already. I just scored over 100 points with one word today. LEECHING. Whahooo!

  16. Hey, D-Woww – I’m on WWF. Email me your name and we can play. I play about eight games at once. Win some, lose some.

    Great post. So good to be back on the internet after not having it for a couple of weeks due to moving! And your blog is one I missed the most!

    1. What the–? You’re back? I thought you were abducted by aliens! Good to see you’re still around, MJ. No internet for a couple of weeks?! Good god! How did you survive, man? Did they just release you from the straight jacket?

      Thanks for saying you missed my blog, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 🙂 I kept checking yours to see what was up and it’s good to have you back again.

      1. It nearly killed me: the move, AND being away from the internet for so long. I probably needed a straightjacket!! It was not pretty. I hadn’t used words like that in a LONG time! hehe

  17. Ooo…I missed this post! All of my friends and family were jumping on the FB Word bandwagon. Me? I hate FB. FB blows. FB “watches” me play. Nah, I joined a free Pogo Scrabble instead and had to succumb to annoying adds and 15-second interludes (to ignore those adds). No bother, really.

    It was pleasant one-on-one matches with people around the world, sometimes against the house computer (he was a badass!), and with my husband (it beat dragging out the board and tiles). I was an addict over the Christmas holidays, and started winning every time once I learned to make simple every-day words that would run parallel rather than perpendicular to existing tiles, taking advantage of big-point letters and bonus tiles (doubles and triples). I would play QI where a P was above a double-word to make QI and PI…them’s some points.) Once I learned that trick, it was no longer a challenge to play.

    So I quit playing. It’s no fun to win all the time, and believe me, I ain’t smart.

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