My Life is a Scream

This is not Munch’s painting.

Edvard Munch’s The Scream sold recently for a record amount of money, 120 million. It is one of the most recognized pieces of art in history. It ranks right up there with my son’s drawing of me he did for Mother’s Day when he was three years old that I have proudly displayed on my fridge. Hey, I wouldn’t sell it for 120 million if that’s what you’re thinking. To me it’s priceless.

Apparently, this multi million dollar sale of The Scream came along with a poem Munch wrote about his tendency to shiver with anxiety when he felt the “great scream of nature”.

Image–wikipedia

Oh, Munch. Dear, sweet, Munchy. I, too, have felt that great scream. I feel it all the time, pretty much every single day of my life. And I have proof.

Here I am stepping on a scale yesterday after consuming half my weight in peanut butter cups:

And then I made the sad mistake of thinking that was my accurate weight. I found out I needed to add just a few dozen more pounds when I went to my doctor’s appointment later that day.

So off I ran to pick up some low-fat low-calorie low-taste yogurt. But after trying to choose from the 10,000 flavors and reading all the calorie labels, I started to feel a scream lurking deep inside and I lost it right there in aisle seven of Stop N Go.

Think my day was scream-free then? Oh no. My husband begged me to stop at Home Depot right after my yogurt meltdown. And once you’re in a Home Depot, they hide the exits on you so you can never get out again. It’s just an endless maze of lightbulbs and paint cans and I can feel a scream bubbling up to the surface within five minutes of being trapped in the plumbing department. Here I am trying to figure out how my husband disappeared in the nuts and bolts aisle right before my eyes, never to be seen again.

After a few desperate hours, I found him drooling over some power tools and dragged him home , where he sat down and proceeded to watch three straight hours of Deadliest Catch.

Amazingly enough, I managed to silently scream through two hours of this show until I went to use the bathroom and saw what my kids did to the toilet.

After cleaning for a few hours, I tried to watch a little TV to calm my nerves and found out that there would be yet another TV show based on the Kardashian sisters.

That scream really got my adrenaline pumping, so I decided to exercise–especially now that I couldn’t delude myself into thinking the doctor’s scale was some kind of sick joke the nurse liked to play on patients.  I headed downstairs to my elliptical and realized, not only was I about to exercise, (scream-worthy enough as it is) but first I would have to put away the mountain of laundry that had accumulated on top of it.

Not soon after folding and putting away laundry for three hours, my son informed me that I had promised to take him to Chuck E. Cheese for a birthday party for his entire third grade class for hours of just-stick-a-fork-in-my-eye fun.

And, that, my friends, is when I knew exactly what Munch was talking about when it came to “shivering with anxiety”.  And I didn’t need to spend 100 million dollars to find out.

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265 thoughts on “My Life is a Scream

  1. Snoring Dog Studio

    You are so funny! There are so many shivering with anxiety moments in a day, huh? Poor Munch. He made a pittance off his amazing work – but the world has made so much more. Thank you for adding to its legacy!

      1. Hormones! Time to seek balance. (Helped me hugely). Truly, if your insomnia isn’t something temporary, like too much stuff on your mind, check in with a pro about your hormones.

  2. That picture of Darlvard Munch on the scale is THE funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m printing it out and putting it on my refrigerator both as a source of giggles and to keep me out of the Hagen Daz.

    Hope if today started out with a scream, it ends with a whimper.

    1. Oh, please do, you have my permission. Since that reese’s post I’ve steadily gained weight, not sure why…

      Today was scream-free. So far. Don’t count me out yet, it’s raining and it’s Friday so anything can happen.

      1. OMGOMGOMG – Darlonski, you’re Freshly Pressed! WHoo hoo! Couldn’t have happened to a better post or a nuttier blogger. Hope you’re wearing your Depends cuz you won’t have time to go to the potty! (Congrats!)

        1. Nuttier? What are you saying, Peg?

          I saw a comment that said, “congrats on FP” and I just about fainted. And they have me under ART. Whoddathunkit??? I am off to pick up the kiddos at school, then make dinner and then tell my husband I’m FP and he’ll say, “Oh. Great. What’s for dinner?”

    1. Thanks, Daniel. Would you believe those drawings were NOT done by my 9 year old? But by me? Oh, you would? My windows Paint skills are pretty top-notch. And I think I’ve got my likeness down perfectly.

    1. yes, that WAS Peg’s jacket! Good eye, Susie. I wanted to prove to her that I wear it out in public all the time. Do you think she’s convinced?

      I remember Mr. Bill. Good stuff.

    1. Y’know, I had a feeling you’d relate, El. It wouldn’t be so bad if my son would actually try and AIM once in awhile. Oh, and remember to put the toilet lid UP before he goes.

  3. Post-Easter Reese’s peanut butter eggs are on sale at the grocery store. $0.13 each. I now have two dozen in my freezer. Well, make that two dozen minus one. By the time I’m done typing this comment? Two dozen minus two.

    1. 2 dozen? OH, I would stocked enough to fill my pantry. Enjoy them, Stacie. I have zero peanut butter cups in my house because I just can’t even look at another one. This will be my experiment to see if I can go without any form of chocolate for a few days. Wish me luck, I’ll probably go into withdrawal within the next 12 hours or so…

  4. This is HILARIOUS. And, re the price for the Scream painting: Methinks this (and other sales) is due less to artistic appreciation than to more and more people with more and more money and less and less sense about other things they could be doing with it.

    1. yes! Of course it does. That and I still can’t fit into the actual jacket without straining the seams and buttons so I figured this was a way of showing Peg I do wear it. I just silently scream a lot when I wear it, is all…

    1. I converted it into a slinky wavy dress, you like, no?

      Home Depot makes me cry. I get in there and then I lose my husband and the place is huge and the bright fluorescent lights make my eyes water and there’s sawing and cutting and nuts and bolts everywhere and I just break down sobbing.

  5. HIlarious post with lots of truth mixed in. I can relate to having to unearth the elliptical so that you can use it for exercise. I finally sold mine because it was taking up too much space just to hold clothes I didn’t feel like hanging up.
    It is staggering that anyone would pay millions of dollars for a painting.

    1. I really hope whoever bought it is enjoying the hell out of it.

      The good thing about the clothes on the elliptical is it’s a great strength-building exercise lifting and bending and folding before I even get on the damned thing.

  6. Hi,
    I read about the amount the painting sold for, believe it or not I have been waiting for this auction for a week or so, so I was on the look out, I had a feeling it would break all records when it was sold, and the price sure did. 😀

    I love your take on the scream, and that picture of you is priceless. 😀

  7. That was just a very entertaining piece. Period. Right up there with the Nyquil. Keep it up Darla! You got your groove for sure (even if I’m still missing my like).

    1. Right up there with Nyquil? As in this post causes the reader to feel like they’re on a bad trip? I think that’s pretty accurate.

      If I ever miss my like, that is it. I would give up blogging.

      1. Well, now you can’t EVER give up blogging, ’cause you got FP’d! So cool and congrats. Your “art work” must’ve really impressed the big guys to get put in that category. I suppose now you’ll have to have it properly framed for the fridge, you know, like colored construction paper matt and all-the-way-around magnet fram, not just pizza-business-card kind. LOL

      2. And I did those drawings around midnight, half drugged up on advil and they are just terrible! If I had any inkling this was going to happen, I would have at least redone the Kardashian sisters’ lips.

  8. Sheer brilliance, Darla! I see a lucrative career in graphic design in your future. Maybe you can even snag a $120 million contract! 🙂

  9. This was a brilliant post, Darla. One of your best for sure — and you no doubt get an A+ in creativity and photoshopping abilities (are you teaching a class?). I think this needs to be Freshly Pressed. Maybe your face will look a little less disturbing and bewildered when you get the notification email from WordPress.

    1. This is one of my best? are you serious? This one? Freshly Pressed? What the–? This means my other serious attempts at writing were that horrible? That my writing is overshadowed by a pathetic scrawl of myself wearing a sad plaid jacket dress (no offense, Peg) that I couldn’t even figure out how to crop properly into a picture with my lame Paint program??

      Ohhhhhh! I get it! You were being sarcastic! (sorry, I’m not very fluent….)

      1. Please! It’s so creative. I love the idea of you as the Munch scream person posed in different ordinary scenarios. I can assure you that my best blog posts would never be Freshly Pressed. There’s more to Freshly Pressed than just great writing. You’ve got to have an original hook and here you definitely do.

        Personally, I just puke on a page and then throw in some Pop Rocks and Flintstones references here and there. When I can package it just so, maybe I’ll one day see my name in lights again.

        1. See, I think they should Freshly Press comments because you would win every single time.

          “Puke on a page”! Brilliant! (I am seriously snorting up a storm right now!)

          Freshly Pressed doesn’t like me anymore. I think I ticked off the WordPress gods somehow. That’s a boat that’s sailed away never to return….sigh…..

          1. Not true, Darla. When you wish upon a star, Freshly Pressed knows where you are. Or something like that? It’s a lot about hanging with good company. Peg is the Freshly Pressed master and you two are like BFFs. It’s not what you know but who you know in this business. Okay, I’m all out of cliches for now.

      1. I got the shivers here. Angie, you are the see-all, know-all maestro! I’m rushing out to vomit on some paper for my next post. Look out WordPRess gods – here I come!

  10. That is a priceless post, my friend!

    So glad you included the plaid in the drawing. It just wouldn’t be the same without it.

    Now there must be some sort of D-Woww/Maineiac contest to win that drawing. It could go viral!

    1. As much as I’d like to say I don’t care about the number on the scale and I am happy with my weight, sometimes, I will get on there after months of not even knowing my weight and it is VERY frightening. I only allow myself to know my weight every few months or so to keep it interesting and give me motivation to exercise and eat right.

  11. This is a brilliant blog – I love the pics and the story – found you when reading comments on Simple life of Country Mans wife – and as I lover of all things Maine (went to Baileys Island yesterday (from MA) your blog sucked me right in. Will be back!

    1. Thank you for the nice comments! Simple Life is awesome, isn’t she? Her blog is so mesmerizing, I go there when I need to find peace and she always delivers.

      That’s funny you were just at Bailey island. My in-laws live not 15 minutes from there so it’s pretty convenient now for us to go. I wish I went more often.

  12. Mindy Bowman

    Thank you for leaving me laughing and crying at the same time! LOVE all your scream pictures! Congrats!

  13. You’re wickedly genius. A superb post- well, I scream a lot- my mind bustling with new ways of screaming all the time.
    Congrats on being freshly pressed… You indeed deserve it!

  14. I had read this last week but couldn’t comment at the time .. and now you’re FP’d — that’s screamworthy!! Chuck-E-Cheese … shudder!

    Congrats! 🙂 MJ

    1. What’s really scream worthy is knowing my horrible Paint skills are not a secret any longer. I almost didn’t publish this post either. Glad I said, ah to hell with it. Thanks, MJ

  15. Awesome post AND it’s Freshly Pressed! Way to go!

    I had my scream moment when I found two fantastic dresses in the “everything is $1 thrift store.”And there was no fitting room.

  16. My kids can definitely relate to this. My wife thinks screams are the only way to keep house in order. We have two boys, making her a minority in certain areas but her screams still rules. The only impersonation my kids do about her is SCREAMS!!

    1. I totally called it (see above). I just want to make sure the whole world knows that I know Freshly Pressed when I see it so that this will somehow make me seem relevant in Darla’s success.

        1. That’s why I worked in politics. Who wants to be out front? It’s much better to be safely behind the person out front and then claim total responsibility for them being out front in the first place. It’s a thankless job but somebody has to do it.

      1. What is really amazing is I’m closing in on 1,500 views on this post and it’s only been up there 2 hours. My first FP I didn’t hit that many views the entire time it was up there. Shows how big wordpress is getting I guess. I do feel bad though that so many of these people probably thought this was a serious post about art appreciation.

    2. you know it’s killing me that I’m in art, Elyse. I cannot wait until my husband gets home because he actually IS an artist, a good one, while I can barely draw a stick figure (as you can see from my post….)

  17. Yes, yes, yes! What do I get, Darla?! What do I get?! C’mon! You gotta give me something here! I totally called it! I totally predicted this! Freshly Pressed! Freshly Pressed again! And lots of exclamation marks! You did it again, you son of a gun! Lots more exclamation marks! But not more than one exclamation mark as my high school English teacher told me more than one exclamation mark looks tacky and amateur! Okay, I’m done but wanted to say congrats to you!

    Love and hugs from your blogger friend who knew you when.

    Angie (!)

    1. Well, well, well. You did. You called it, Angie.

      (it’s killing me that I’m not using exclamation points. Killing. Me. Gotta stay cool, Darla. Cool.)

      What a minute! I can use all the exclamation points I damn well want!!! This is my blog!!!! I don’t care if it makes me look childish and tacky!!Yeah!!! So take that! Yeah!!!! You did call it! How did you know?!

      Do they have some sort of search engine that picks up on the words ‘Freshly Pressed’ and ‘desperate for attention’ in comments?

      Seriously, you must be in cahoots with someone at FP headquarters…hmm….

      I have to tell you I find it hysterical that this post, this one with my drawings was FP. I almost didn’t even publish it, I asked my husband first if it was funny and he said, Yeah, sure.

    1. Before I go to either I make sure to carry an extra large bottle of Advil. I thought maybe my CEC days were almost over but I realize I still have my five year old daughter’s bazillion bday parties to deal with in the future.

    1. Y’know, you are right. Every job I’ve ever had I looked like that whenever I snuck off to take a ‘break’ in the bathroom. I really just go in there and scream silently. It’s helps relieve tension.

  18. Tar-Buns

    Congrats on FPd, Maneiac! Enjoyed your post, especially since you included reference to THE plaid Jacket. Look how much you’re getting from having won that gem???
    Kudos!

    1. Aw, thanks, Tar! And you’re onto something, it’s Peg’s jacket that made this FP worthy. That jacket has been a nonstop source of pure magic every since it came into my life.

  19. Sometimes life hits you hard and you feel like “The Scream”. It’s inevitable.
    Just don’t become a serial killer with a costume based on “The Scream” like those two freaks from the movie “Scream”.

  20. Maybe to get out of Home Depot, you could mark the path with little cups of Weight Watchers ice cream. Not too bad, calorie-wise, and it would be easy (and delicious) to find your way back out again without screaming! Congrats on Freshly Pressed. 😉

  21. I remember hearing about that painting. Man that was a lot of money, shame Munch is too dead to get any of it. Now he must be screaming in his grave.
    Nice Paint skills lol and congrats on the FP!

    1. Thanks, Renee! Imagine me, actually jumping up and down and I was also eating a carrot. After I gave myself the Heimlich, I came to and was still Freshly Pressed, it wasn’t a dream.

  22. Darlaaaaa! I was just commenting on your latest and saw this post was Freshly Pressed!!!! This, and SO MANY MORE of yours, should be!!!! You are such a veteran!

    I’m so excited!!!!!

    I can’t stop – look: !!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Yesssssssssssssss. Okay. Time to celebrate. What Broadway tickets should I buy??

    1. At first, I thought it was the kindergarten post that was FP so to know this one with my little drawings was up there was pretty shocking. I am still in a bit of shock. Shocked. Yes, I am shocked. I would love to see a Broadway show with you one day. I have no idea what any of the current ones are, so I’m no help. You would have to pick one that’s good (especially if it stars your second husband!)

  23. Darla! you’ve hijacked Freshly Pressed again! This must be a record 🙂 But it’s well deserved as it’s a great post as I said when first posted (don’t forget us on your ascent to FP super stardom)

    1. You were the first one to comment and when you said you liked it, it relieved any fears I had to publish it! So thank you for that, Joe. sometimes I’m just not sure anyone will get it.

      1. Don’t doubt yourself!

        I’m actually hesitant to be the first to comment on posts when they pop up in my inbox incase it looks like I’m stalking people 🙂 I suppose people may schedule their posts, but I read many straight away but it may start freaking people out if they see a reply a minute or two after they press publish, as if I have been waiting there on their blog all along! I promise I don’t, I just have free time at work! 🙂

      2. Haha! I know what you mean. I usually have to fight the kids to use the computer, so the only time I get on here uninterrupted is early in the morning when people normally post their blogs. So I tend to comment minutes after they’ve posted, like I’m sitting there, waiting for them. Not stalking, I swear! (ok, maybe just a little friendly stalking…) You know I still don’t get your blog on my reader!

  24. I know how you feel about Home Depot. I went into Home Depot one time to get a regular screw. I was sent to a section with rows and rows of screws. I felt lost. I didn’t know the difference between any of the screws. I felt like screaming, too. As for the scream painting, I remember the first time I saw the painting, I thought it was a cartoon done by a child. Of course, later, I found out it was done by a famous grown-up. I thought it was ugly then and I find it ugly now. Certainly not worth. $120 mil.

    1. I can handle some of the aisles at Home Depot, but nothing is more mind-numbing than watching my husband trying to shop for nuts, bolts and screws. There are thousands to choose from and all so very very boring.

        1. It was way back in the old days when WP was just a wee young thing. I think it was when I first started blogging, maybe 2010? It is under my ‘Posts with the mosts’ section. It was about getting a haircut. Riveting stuff, I tells ya.

          1. You know, as I’m reading your About page, it dawned on me that I never notified you of my nomination. You being “old hat” and all, I’m certain this has been done before. At least you should know that I think you’re pretty cool! Sorry for the late rattle. Like you need MY help. LOL
            http://wp.me/p28k6D-lt

      1. I got it…thanks! Oh, and not skydiving and needing to pee…SOARING and needing to pee. That is, sitting in an airplane (no engine, though). I’m quite certain I pee’d myself the first time I ever jumped. But that’s okay. The wind dries you out pretty good on the way down.

  25. LOL! Great post, I loved it. Consequently… I found out the same thing about my scale last night! Looking forward to reading more of your delightful posts. Thank you!

  26. orangepajamas

    Loved your blog. “I tried to watch a little TV to calm my nerves and found out that there would be yet another TV show based on the Kardashian sisters.” – That must have been quite a scream moment – i am still laughing !!

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  28. Good heavens – drawing a picture of yourself in Peg’s jacket is the secret to getting Freshly Pressed! (Could I borrow the jacket?)
    Of course, it helps that you are so funny. (Could I have the recipe for whatever it is you eat that makes you that way?)

  29. Reblogged this on Gedanken und Gefühle und kommentierte:
    Munch und der Schrei ist ein eindrucksvolles Bild. Die fragile Person mit dem verzerrten Gesicht bringt den Schmerz sehr nachvollziehbar rüber. Trotz des Schreckens finde ich die Einbindung in den Blog und den Alltag recht gelungen. Man darf auch mal schmunzeln.

  30. And now, everyone together: ” A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!!!!!” LOL Great therapy. 🙂 I am thinking of drawing my own version of ‘scream’ now. Inspiring!

  31. With over 200 comments I don’t have anything to add, but I didn’t want to be left out. I concur with those who have experienced various forms of discombulation in Home Depot.Not being a good screamer, I have been tempted to just drop and curl up into the fetal position until my husband realizes we have been separated again and thinks to look for me.Not an effective strategy I realize, which is why I swear I have not actually done this. It could be suggested to the folks at Home Depot to place several well situated blue light special stations like KMart used to use to congregate shoppers in specific locations. The flashing blue light and a speaker phone for lost shoppers hoping to reunite with family members. Less hysteria all around.

    1. See, if I ever did drop to the ground and curl up into a ball, I’d probably end up getting pneumonia lying on the cold cement floor because my husband wouldn’t even notice I was gone until hours and hours later when he tired of browsing the screwdriver aisle.

      1. I don’t know if anyone else has suggeted A Home Depot emergency kit- blanket, flares, a printed sign with your husband’s photo on it. Oh, and a non-perishable snack.

  32. We practiced family law exclusively for a number of years before deciding to represent the dead. The Scream was hanging in the staff work room for most of it. Perfect fit.

    We turned to representing the dead because they dont scream. They dont phone or e mail either. Now The Scream is in someones garage.

  33. I’d like to firstly add my congratulations on your being FP!
    A few of us at the museum where I work followed the sale of “The Scream” very closely because we really hoped to get it. Sadly it seems a private buyer must’ve been the purchaser

  34. I laughed out loud. Thanks! My favorite part was the picture of you in Home Depot…it looked like my expression after walking around HD with my dear hubby. Of course, I’ve also seen that look on his face after an hour (or 5) in the antique mall. 🙂

  35. Hello! Congratulations on making it to ‘Freshly Pressed’!

    Your post is priceless! I laughed out loud (for real) several times. I too ‘scream’ silently all the time while dealing with my colleagues and students at the university, my mom, bus drivers, sales persons and my dog!

    “After a few desperate hours, I found him drooling over some power tools and dragged him home , where he sat down and proceeded to watch three straight hours of Deadliest Catch.”

    Power tools and then three hours of ‘Deadliest Catch’. The sheer horror of it all! Makes me wonder if I ever want to get married! 😉

    1. Thanks, good to know others have scream-worthy days. I have tried my hardest to watch Deadliest Catch but after 10 minutes of watching them run around a big boat in the pouring rain I start to lose it.

  36. I like the way you think and describe things – thank you for making me smile.
    You have perfectly shown why ”The Scream” is so known, popular and expensive as everyone (especially nowdays) is facing a screaming time / moment. That is probably why the coaching / counselling and therapy business is booming nowadays as most of us does need some guidelines and helpfull, friendly person next to …

    http://dreamjobdiva.wordpress.com/

    1. That’s right–I did mention the peanut butter cups! Maybe WP is slowly FPing the Reese’s bloggers one by one….

      Thanks, Renee and thank you for calling me m’lady, I don’t think I’ve ever been called that in my life and I kinda like it. 😀

  37. Darla , I did not notice that you again got freshly pressed. Thank god I came to know about this through your comment on Sir Charles post. I can’t believe, It’s your forth time. Darla this is awesome. Give me some tips how to be part of this list at least for once. It’s the only thing in blogging which I am desperate to experience; although I have a feeling that, I can never make it. 🙂
    A big congrats to you on your 4th freshly pressed!

    1. thanks, Arindam. As for tips I’m not really sure. I think it has something to do with having a post with a shorter length and pictures. All of mine were fairly short (compared to my longer 1,000 word plus posts) and they were all humorous with a simple title and about everyday things most people can relate to in life. So universal appeal helps. And luck. Your blog has grown a great deal in a short amount of time and you have lots of great followers and comments, to me that is the best part of blogging, the loyal readers.

      1. Yes Darla I feel blessed to get some wonderful people as my blogging friends within such a short span of time. I still remember how I got support from four wonderful people when I started blogging and I hope you know that, you are one of them. So thank you for the support.

  38. Pingback: Lord deliver me from writing a blog post on Mother’s Day! « New Equus – A New Creation

  39. A very belated WOO-HOO!!!!! Darla’s Freshly Pressed AGAIN!!! 🙂 You completely deserve it. And I would have said all this to you on day one, if I’d been paying attention. I have no idea what I was doing. Maybe vacuuming? Feeding the birds? You know how I love birds. (Okay, this is why Hallmark makes “belated” cards. We already feel bad we missed the big day, can’t expect us to come up with a good excuse while we’re carrying all this guilt.)

    1. Aw, thanks, Melissa! I will accept your congrats anytime. It was quite the whirlwind, being FP for some crude drawings I scribbled late one night. I was in absolute shock they picked this post. I am not an artist. I bet I didn’t have to tell you that, huh? This was FP under ART so I had a good laugh at that one. I’ve been FP for in the past for: parenting, life, art, and technology. Crazy! But I’ll take it, of course.

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  42. Hi Darla. I’m playing hide-and-seek in your old posts. Bet you can’t see me. This FP post was/is a gem. I’m having a flash-back coffee squirting out of my nose experience.

    You really ARE a scream, you know?

    1. I see you! And to think how shoddy my photoshop skillz were back then, I didn’t even know how to properly crop and paste. I’m still shocked they FP’d this one but if it made you laugh it was worth it, Pegomine. Hope you have a GOOD weekend.

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  44. Pingback: Hey I'm Not Dead, I'm Typing This - Search Me - mj monaghan

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