Don’t Eat the Dandelions

This is what greeted me last weekend.

My kids picked me some flowers, and both of them made me the sweetest homemade cards.  They told me they were too excited to wait. And who am I to complain? I’ve always thought Mother’s Day should be more of a week-long event. Besides, every mom out there knows nothing beats a crayon drawing and fresh-picked dandelions for a gift.

“Smell them!” my daughter insisted.  “They’re just like honey!  Yummy, yellow honey! Mmm…mmm!” she said, rubbing her stomach and licking her lips.

“You didn’t try to eat any of them did you?” I asked and her brother shot me a worried look. I gave my kids a quick hug and off they ran, leaving huge clumps of wet grass all over the house.  I spent the next half hour googling poisonous weeds, popped another Benedryl and got out the vacuum. Nothing says ‘motherhood’ more than obsessively worrying about your child’s health or cleaning.

This was my son’s card. I especially loved the “sign here” and “thanks” part. Also, it’s good to know I’m their greatest mom ever and they included my name–like maybe they have someone else to compare me to. Although I appreciated the excessive use of exclamations points, I wondered if he was laying it on a bit too thick. I’ll have to see how many exclamation points they come up with for the Father’s Day card to figure out if he’s really sincere that I’m the greatest.

In honor of Mother’s Day, (and because I’m feeling incredibly lazy) I am linking a past post of mine, Mom for Hire, for all you moms out there: stay-at-home, work-at-home, work-out-of-home, work-while-staying-at-home, never-stay-at-home-because-you’re-constantly-driving-them-around…you get the idea.

We all are amazing and we all work incredibly hard. We should give ourselves kudos for being there for our kids when it counts, no matter the stupid label society tries to categorize us with.  You love your kids and they love you and that’s pretty much all that matters.

And to those dear readers without kids, (warning: sap alert) I want to thank your mom, for bringing you into this world and brightening up my bloggy days just by being your amazing, sweet self (you know who you are!) Now stop cringing, it isn’t polite.  And for heaven’s sake! sit up straight!  Wipe that ketchup off your face, go wash your hands and mind your manners! And would it kill you to call me sometime?

Hey, you know what? Screw it. Call up Papa John’s pizza. And bring me a beer while you’re at it. Mama’s Day Off has officially begun!

*******************************************************************************************************************

The phrase “working mother” is redundant. -Jane Sellman

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids. -Erma Bombeck.

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstretrically once, and by car forever after. -Peter De Vries

Insanity is hereditary; you get if from your children. -Sam Levenson

I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.-Anon

Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce: this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income. -Dave Barry

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. -P.J. O’Rourke

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. -Buddy Hackett

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis Diller

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. -Erma Bombeck

If you kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children’.-Susan Savannah

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school. -Anon

I love my kids and they love me and I know that this will forever be. -She’s a Maineiac

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Now make sure you enjoy this weekend. Maybe go sit down and rest for a few minutes, kick back with a good book and a glass of wine. You deserve it!

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69 thoughts on “Don’t Eat the Dandelions

    1. Hey, mine is the first comment! I’ve never done that before. It’s like I’m some mad, pathetic stalker with no life of her own who just haunts your blog. Ridiculous. ha ha ha. ha.

      1. Haha! Nice!

        Are you sure they’re not just overly enthusiastic Pegolegomaniacs?

        Speaking of haunting. I haven’t visited Paul’s caption contest today. I wonder who I should vote for…hmm….

  1. Ha! I love that he put your name in there, too. And seriously, make sure you stay on top of how many exclamation points dad gets. I also applaud you for encouraging the week-long celebration. That’a girl (er, mom)! They sure are lucky to have you!

  2. How lovely – and I am sure you are their greatest mom. I miss getting dandelions and handmade cards – and I heartily agree with the weeklong celebration…

    I loved your Mom for Hire post. Enjoy your weekend, kiddo.

    1. Aw, there is nothing like handmade cards. Of course, I’ve saved all of them just like my mom did of mine.
      I hope you have a fabulous weekend as well. I plan on taking a much-needed long break.

  3. You got some wonderful gifts from your Kids Darla. Nothing better than these homemade cards with so much love & affection. ‘
    “I love my kids and they love me and I know that this will forever be.” – And this quote by you is awesome. Have a great weekend.

  4. I was smiling all the way through this, and then there was the last paragraph. Sniffle. Then I had to giggle again as your admonition made me realize I was in fact slouching in my seat. Hee.

    Happy mother’s day, and thank you for this uplift! ♥

  5. Hi,
    How wonderful to get these cards and flowers, and that they just couldn’t wait, I love that. 🙂
    Fabulous quotes as well, I especially liked the one from Sam Levenson.

  6. I love the quotes and the crayon writing on the card. How sweet is that? And I have to tell you, eating flowers did get a child’s stomach pumped that I know. And I feel somewhat responsible. I had served cake at a church lady’s function that I had decorated with ‘sugared flowers and mint leaves’. They were all edible, but a friend’s daughter didn’t understand that not ALL flowers were. So she commenced to snacking on all of the others and then there was an emergency room visit. Yikes!

    1. Ithat is terrible! I googled dandelions and remembered my grandmother used to put them in her salad in the old days. Apparentlly, as long as they aren’t covered with pesticides it’s okay. I asked them again if they actually tried eating one and they said no and laughed. Not sure I believe them or not. Once, when I was four or five, my older brother told me buttercup flowers tasted like real butter and I did in fact eat one.

  7. And here’s another post! Your heart is full, SAM. Happy Mother’s Day Week! Loved reading these cards after grading essays all day. Yes, this was a delightful read. Loved your ending quote and Anon’s about playing hide ‘n seek and hiding until after high school.

    1. You said it, my heart is full this week. I initially had lots of mushy quotes, but I think I’m feeling a bit too emotional lately so I stuck with the funnier ones this time around. Hope you have a fantastic relaxing weekend with no papers to grade. Happy Mother’s Day to a wonderful mom and grandma!

  8. Such a wonderful Mother’s Day card and flowers! My LIttle Man has brought me breakfast in bed the past 2 years: a piece of toast that he toasted and buttered all by himself. And last year he snipped a flower from the bouquet my husband bought, and put it in a shot glass I keep on the window ledge by my kitchen sink (it’s just another “stuff” holder). He put it on the plate with the toast and brought it to me in bed. Swoon!

    Happy Mother’s Day early. Hope it’s filled with love and not too many squabbles.

    1. That is unbelievably sweet! I love it when they make me breakfast in bed. Last year it was pancakes with chocolate chips and they went real heavy on the chocolate chips (they know what Mama likes). Enjoy your weekend and Happy Mother’s Day to you as well.

  9. Happy Mother’s Day, Darla! That card is priceless, and one can never use too many exclamation points when describing one’s mother. I’ll have to go add another 10 or so to the card I’m sending my mom…

    Re: dandelions– they’re good for the digestive system and actually make really good honey. As long as they’re not soaked in pesticides, your kids should be fine. I put dandelion leaves in my salads all the time, and Marty’s mom makes dandelion honey every spring.

    1. I bet your mom would really appreciate any extra exclamation points you could give her.

      It’s funny they make honey. I had no idea why my daughter said that. She’s a smart cookie. My gram used to make salads with those. She used to pick all kind of things like fiddleheads and eat them.

  10. I kind of like Dalra. It sounds exotic and kind of like you might read tarot cards when you’re not blogging and being an awesome mom. So Happy Mother’s Day Dalra, Queen of Swords.

    1. ha! I love that! I think from now on I’ll demand everyone in my family address me with that, Queen of Swords. Queen of anything actually would be nice…Happy Mom’s Day to you as well, Stacie.

  11. Awww, I love that they couldn’t wait. And I’ll sign on to that all week deal. Although, it would be impossible in my house, having a wee one with a birthday a week before and then followed up closely behind by my husband’s birthday, sometimes falling ON mother’s day. Sigh.

    And by the way, there can never be too many exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Unless dad has more, of course!). 🙂

    1. Aw, that is so not fair. Thankfully we have zero birthdays this month so it’s all about Mom. But then, when fall comes it’s birthdays galore and Mom is forgotten by Christmas. sigh.

      Happy Mother’s Day to you, Misty.

  12. Jackie Cangro

    In addition to comparing the number of exclamation points with the card the kids give your husband, I think you can also compare the number of exclamation points to next year’s card. Do they go down as the kids get older? Hmm…

    Have a great Mother’s Week!

    1. I’ve no doubt they do go down. Probably once they hit the teen years they won’t even give me a comma. Maybe even just an ellipsis to show their lack of interest: Happy mother’s day….I guess…whatever….

  13. Love the cards and that you got them early. I have been alerted by both my boys that they are furiously working on some sort of wood/glue/nails/paint project for me. Hmmm… what could it be? And where could their totally anal, gets-freaked-out-by-any-mess father be hiding it?? Stay tuned. Happy Mother’s Day, Mainiac.. Only three weeks until we head your way! Yay.
    Suzanne

    1. haha…I’m sure whatever it is they’re building you, you will adore it. Happy Mother’s Day to you as well and enjoy your travels! Hopefully by the time you get up this way the weather will be about 30 degrees warmer.

      1. I miss those dandelions and handmade cards days. But my big girls gave me a plant and a bouquet of real flowers along with a purchased card with mushy notes written in it. I cried and squeezed them so hard they couldn’t breathe. It’s the love, not the gifts, right?

      2. Aw! Now that’s the stuff, Peg. The stuff that makes the world go ’round. It grabs ahold of ya and takes ya by the neck and never lets you go.
        (why am do I sound like I’m in a 1950s Hepburn movie?)

  14. Dandelions! Is that just the best? We see weed and kids see flowers. I love it. My husband always dictates the inside of the homemade cards since my kids can’t write their own yet. My daughter’s says, “Happy Mother’s Day! I love you very much. I’m going to draw an apple tree now.”

    The quotes at the end were a great touch, including that you added your own. Dave Barry is the most brilliant male humorist in the universe (next to David Sedaris and Jon Stewart).

    Hope you have a fantastic Mother’s Day today!

    1. Julia loves dandelions. When we drive by the big field full of them on the way to school she always yells out, “Oh look at all the pretty yellow flowers, Mommy!” I suppose they are pretty in their own way.

      Still I want all of them to die. Die! Die! Die! Kill! Kill! Kill! (sheesh, where did that come from?)

  15. This is adorable…the cards are precious, and the dandelions, too! Maycee picks me the smallest of flower weeds all of the time, and I carefully carry the teeniest little buds around until they melt between my fingers, LOL. Did you find out if dandelions are poisonous to eat?

    1. So sweet. Sometimes Julia will pick me a bunch, then thought better of it, so I’ll be outside and see this pathetic little pile of pulled dandelions laying on the ground. Or maybe that’s how my husband weeds the yard?

      They are not poisonous, only if they were treated with pesticides (according to the Google gods…)

  16. My sister made me drink dandelion milk once. It’s disgusting. Why do I have the feeling I’ve told you this before? Happy Mothers Day. I love the quote “I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.”

    1. Haha! Your comments are the best, JM. You always crack me up. And ewww, didn’t know you could make milk out of them. Hope you had a fantastic Mother’s Day, with a day of rest and relaxation, you’ve been working too hard lately.

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