…actually…it’s probably more you than me.
No, I’m kidding. It’s both of us.
Y’know what? I think I’ll just blame the computer.
Right before I smash the hell out of it.
There. I feel a little better now.
I’m just a wee bit frustrated because some of your blogs aren’t showing up in my WordPress feed at all. Days, even an entire week could go by and I get nothing from you.
I think, Oh no! did something horrible happen to _____? Good lord, I haven’t seen a post from ______in so long, are they injured? Ill? In a coma? Trapped under heavy furniture? Kidnapped by aliens? Trapped under heavy aliens?
Or (even worse) did they stop blogging and not inform me about it?
But no. None of those things. As a matter of fact ______ is alive and kicking and blogging up a post-shitstorm.Writing brilliantly funny or touching posts left and right.
I just don’t know about it because my fricking-fracking reader is frucking fried.
Then, suddenly, my reader catches up, your blog starts to reappear and now I have all these past posts to read. Which you’d think would be a good thing–except that for some odd reason, my husband isn’t very happy when I’m in bed late at night, glasses on, iPad on my lap and I put my hand up and say, “Shh..not tonight, honey. I’ve got to read 352 blog posts.”
In an act of sheer desperation, I decided to do the unthinkable: I followed myself. For purely WordPress reader test purposes, of course. Ahem. My test failed. I didn’t show up on my reader. It’s pretty sad when you can’t even convince yourself to read your own blog posts, but even sadder when you can’t find yourself and notify yourself that you just posted a post about yourself.
So I’m going to extreme measures to keep up with all of you. I have decided to do things the old fashioned way. I click on your link in my blogroll or click on your comments to track you down. Click, click, clickity-click. This means you have to leave me a comment from time to time or I will never find you again. I don’t have ESP and can’t imagine what you’re thinking or when you’re about to post…unless WordPress has already come up with an app for that or a new-blog-post tracking microchip we can implant into our brain. (god, wouldn’t that be great?)
Thankfully, all of us seem to frequent some of the same blogs. We’re all floating around in this weird WordPress matrix where I can simply plummet down the rabbit hole to find someone by either swallowing the red pill instead of the blue pill like Morpheus tells me to do– or by going to someone’s blog and then clicking on their blogroll because we’re all only separated by six degrees of Kevin Bacon except substitute Kevin Bacon for Pegoleg or B-Man or GG. And if I want chocolate covered bacon, I go see Jules.
But for someone who has poor eyesight, a short attention span, the beginnings of arthritis and bad hand-eye coordination skills on her iPad–this can be very time-consuming. And it makes my brain hurt even more than usual.
But I will do it. I will do it because I love you all.
(Ok, love is a strong word.)
Well, let’s just say that I can’t deny the fact that I like you! I really like you!
Yes, you too, Sally Field [rolling eyes] Jeezum crow, get a life, woman!
Just know that if you don’t ‘see’ me around, I am around and probably blogging while trapped under heavy furniture, (or more likely, I picked the wrong pill and accidently took a Nyquil–damn you, Morpheus!) Maybe you’re missing out on all the Maineiacal craziness because your reader is fried too. And for that, I am sorry. I did just change my domain name so that might have something to do with it.
Unless you’re purposefully trying to avoid me because: you have better things to do like work, pay the bills, eat, sleep OR you don’t like my blog and frankly, never really cared for it, but you don’t want to unsubscribe because you’ll be consumed by horrible guilt OR you’re not really a human being but a robot.
(quite possibly, you’re all of the above)
In any case, I miss you. My wordpress reader misses you.
Stay in touch, okay? sniff…sniff….
In the meantime, any of my fellow bloggers wanna join me in a friendly game of ‘pulverize-your-computer’?