You’ve got questions? Looking for solutions to your problems?
Let She’s a Maineiac not help you at all!
Here are some of the recent search engine terms that led people to my blog:
childhood brother and sister ball-busting funny stories?
Why, yes, funny you should ask. Back in 1984, I made the unfortunate decision to jump off a precarious tower of couch cushions while kicking my legs up in the air a la David Lee Roth ‘Jump’ style, only to come crashing down–slamming my feet right smack into my younger brother’s nether regions. By some miracle, he managed to go on to have three kids. This only goes to show that not all ballbusting stories have a bad ending. (Although several people reported hearing prolonged and agonized screaming three counties over.)
kenny vhesney looking awful
Excuse me, who? Ah…nope, you won’t find that dude here. I refuse to vheapen my blog by plastering that guy’s sorry mug all over it. Can you imagine what you’d encounter if he ever took off that damned cowboy hat? [shudders]
Kenny Vhesney: the George Costanza of the country music world
who said men can t multitask beer and remote?
No one. No one would ever say that. Certainly not me. Wouldn’t you agree those are things most men can do astonishingly well? If they ever design a remote that dispenses beer or a beer with a built-in remote, they would sell billions. Somehow attach a built-in catheter and you’d never see him get up off the couch again.
drunken celebrity chocolate bar?
Really? Why would you ever think I’d have something as looney-tune as that on this here respectable blog. But God knows I wish such a thing really existed– it would help me finally kick that chocolate habit once and for all.
what are the worst words to hear in the world? (I’ll let my husband take this one.)
The worst words to hear in the world are:
“Honey, we need to talk.”
“The remote’s dead and we’re out of batteries.”
“They stopped making beer.”
“To be honest, it’s been awhile since I’ve performed this procedure. Let’s hope my hand is steadier than the last time! Woo-wee– what a mess! Now then, are you ready for your vasectomy? Let’s get to slicin’ and dicin’!”
“Don’t worry, right after we insert this 10 foot long tubing up your urethra, it will bypass the giant stone lodged in your kidney and you’ll be able to urinate once again, although you may experience some prolonged severe burning. But rest assured, that will all fade away once the blinding pain of passing dozens of sharp shards of calcified stones takes over.”
“my neck is” “my new hairdo”?
If you have enough hair on your neck to even call it a hairdo, this blog is not the place to look for help. You might want to try a razor or some stylish cornrow/beaded braiding. Or perhaps you meant your new hairdo looks like your neck. In that case, I have no good advice at all, except always wear a hat. Works for Kenny Vhesney.
thunder thighs n ass?
Well, well, well! Now we’re talkin’! You’ve come to the right place! I’ve suffered this affliction most of my life. But Jillian Michaels came to my rescue in this post here. (Warning: I did end up breaking my ass. And my thighs are actually more thunderous now.)
my ass is killing me
Sheesh! Tell me ’bout it! You and everyone else. This is my most common search engine term. Apparently asses that kill are an epidemic.
“mountain of hair” haircut?
Uh….why on earth would you think my blog would help you with that? Nope…nothing to see here! Just look away…
I said LOOK AWAY. Oh, God! No! For the love of all that is Aqua Net! NOOOOOO!!!!