Hey, guys! Remember me? Did I miss anything? I’m almost two weeks into my blog break. Big whoop! you might be saying. Well, it is painful to cut myself off like this, but it was time to recharge again. Do things in real life like: gaze at the moon, run barefoot through the grass, remember my husband’s eye color, take out the trash…clean the shower. It’s amazing how much free time I have on my break. What’s the longest you’ve gone without your internet habit…a few days? A few hours? Ten minutes?
So how am I managing being unplugged like this? Well, I’m here at the computer typing this right now, so that should tell you–still surviving. Barely. Had to stop myself from posting after only one day. One day! Pathetic.
Suddenly all these post ideas kept popping up. I was eating breakfast and my Cheerios were getting soggy too fast and I thought: Holy crap! This would make a great blog post! I noticed my husband put the toilet paper roll on backwards and I immediately thought: Hot damn! This would make a great blog post!
Or maybe not. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not posting much right now.
My husband predicted I would only last two weeks tops without posting something, and dammit all to hell, he was right.
So here I am.
But I’ve had lots of fun this summer. (After the WordPress-withdrawal shakes leveled off.)
So far this break has been full of:
featuring Frogman and his trusty sidekick, Goggle-Googly-Eyes Girl!
I’ve taken the kids to about 100 birthday parties and hosted 300 pool parties so far. If you ever feel you need to cut through all the BS in your life, just spend a few hours with a bunch of nine year olds hyped up on sugar and Red Dye #40, splashing around like maniacs in a germ-infested vat of warm water. You’ll be grounded back in face-slappin’ reality in no time.
Which reminds me, I took the liberty of putting up a large warning sign next to our pool:
WELCOME TO OUR POOL!
Notice there’s a P in it!
Because there are likely gallons
Of PEE in it!
Don’t worry! The chlorine will
Take it all away!
Along with the first two layers
Of your skin!
Unfortunately, a power nap to me at my age means a solid two hours. I like to consider it my ‘beauty rest’. But I still look like crap, so what gives?
*READING THESE THINGS CALLED BOOKS!*
The kind with pages that you turn and you can get them for free at this place called the library! It’s really something!
My son has reached a level of reading where he can finally enjoy books from my youth. He’s signed up for the local library’s summer reading program. Right now he’s into reading aloud Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume. Let me tell you, there is nothing finer in life, than laying in the sun on a lazy summer afternoon, listening to your son’s sweet voice telling you all about Fudge and Peter’s turtle Dribble. I was transported right back to his age and it was glorious. Pure bliss.
Anyway, I’ve missed you guys. It is good to see you all are keeping my blog neat and tidy while I’m away. Looks like someone vacuumed. And my plants are still alive–I guess you kept Peg away from them, good call. Oh–did you remember to feed the fish? And Mr. Skittles? Yeah, he’s down in the basement. Don’t worry, he won’t bite. Hard. Just throw open the door, toss down some circus peanuts, then run like hell. Thanks!
I am very disappointed there are no Chariots of Fire videos, Angie. And please–someone leave a light on the front porch at night to scare away despicable gravatar-stealing burglars. MJ– [narrowing eyes] I’m looking at you, buddy.
Also: big welcome to all my new readers! Don’t be afraid to just come on in and sit down a spell on the couch while I’m away. (Psst…there’s a Cool Ranch Doritos and chocolate Yoo-Hoo stash in the pantry I keep only for the newbies…shh…it’ll be our little secret…)
Soooo…..I aim to enjoy more time away from the computer. Wish me luck. Sigh.
**Announcements–Guest Blogger Alert!**
I have a couple guest bloggers posting in the next few weeks: one an author of an award-winning parenting book, and the other a popular blogger/author of several YA fiction books. Be sure to check them both out and show them some love…(give them some Doritos–if there’s any left.)
And I hope to see YOU in a few weeks for the premiere of my new video and expletive-laced baton-twirling disaster.
I’ll leave you with a little taste of what it was like to kick my internet habit…This was me when I first ‘unplugged’ the computer: “Don’t take it from me now, man!” Hysterical stuff.