My Spidey Sense Superpower

I can’t even bring myself to SHOW a picture of a spider. But here–aren’t these flowers pretty?

I recently read an article about a man in Nebraska who was ‘rooming’ with about forty rare, deadly brown recluse spiders. To make sure he doesn’t ‘get bit’, he carefully ‘shakes his clothing out when he steps out of the shower’, as opposed to my more technical approach of screaming my fool head off and running around in circles until I hyperventilate and crumple to the floor in a quivering heap.

If there was even a remote possibility, the slightest chance that a single spider was shacking up in my space, I wouldn’t hesitate to sleep in my car until the little guy was found, scooped up in my gentle hands and released back out into the wild. Or squashed underneath my husband’s slipper. My sense of mercy really depends on my mood that day.

I am so fearful of spiders, if there is one within 300 yards of me, the hairs on the back of my neck will stand up. I’ll drop whatever it is I’m doing and my eyes will start to dart around the room. “There! There it is!” I’ll yell and point to a tiny speck up in the corner of the ceiling. My husband is continually amazed at my spidar. It’s a technique that was honed over many years of close encounters with the 8-legged kind.

My arachnophobia  goes way back. When I was young I lived in a bedroom that was really part of the attic, in an old drafty house full of spiders. They’d descend from the ceiling, crawl down the walls. I  could never bear to kill one, so I’d scream until someone else would do it for me. Once I managed to scoop up a giant spider and pushed him out onto the ledge next to my bedroom window.  I went to sleep, feeling smug about my good deed. When I woke up the next morning, the same spider was not only back inside, but he was sitting on the wall with a couple of his cronies. Glaring at me. Yes, I am here to tell you, spiders can glare.  I swear they were plotting their revenge.

I think spiders know I hate them, so they’ve made it their mission to harass me. I attract them like a magnet. Sort of like when a dog can sense if you don’t like them, they’ll be sure to jump all over you. Oh, but spiders are crafty lil’ buggers.

When I was in junior high, I was taking recorder lessons at school. One fine morning, I grabbed my recorder and started to practice. But there was no sound. Huh, that’s weird, I thought as I gave it a shake. Then I tried it again. Nothing. I started to take it apart. I unscrewed the middle piece and peered inside. It looked like it was stuffed with cotton. I poked my finger in there and leaned down to press my eye up against it, when a giant spider decided to come out of hiding. He jumped (jumped!) onto my finger and started to race up my arm. I swear I could see gnashing teeth and blazing eyes on his little spidey face, but it was all a blur. I guess he was a little ticked I ruined his house?

Imagine the world’s loudest scream. Now multiply that by a million. Imagine someone who is freaking out, flailing their arms all over the place, while having massive tremors in their entire body. Imagine my brothers and dad all running upstairs to see why I was on the floor foaming at the mouth and twitching.

Now that I’m older, I still hate spiders. I still hyperventilate just thinking about one. Last week I was sitting by myself on the couch, late at night watching TV. In slow motion, this giant spider appears, dangling right in front of my face. He had descended from the ceiling and was just hovering there in mid-air. Glaring at me. Taunting me. Daring me to do something about it.

I did. I screamed.

What are some of your fears? Would you live with 40 brown recluse (possibly deadly) spiders on purpose? Will you come over and kill a spider for me? He’s underneath a cup on the floor and I’m scared to look to see if he’s still there. Thanks.

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129 thoughts on “My Spidey Sense Superpower

  1. Tar-Buns

    I, too, HATE spiders and they seem to be everywhere! I see them in the ceiling corners, sometimes they drop in around me and I don’t scream, but I grab a shoe or something to kill the filthy bastard. Then I get out my vaccuum with the attachment and go around the house sucking them up into the bag. Weekly. It never ends!
    Next week I’m going to buy some Bug Barrier spray to spray around the outside of the house. Then my husband will have to attack the basement with the vac attachment and we’ll spray down there, too.
    But right now, I’m loading the car and heading out to pick up my sister MK and we’re off to visit Peg in Illinois for the weekend. Have a great one and see you later, alligator!

    1. I dread this time of year because our house is inundated with the little buggahs. I do try the vacuum thing. But I normally can’t focus long enough to try and suck one up. And then, once they are safely inside my vacuum, I’ve no doubt they are busy building a nest so later on they can give lay about 1,000 tiny baby spider eggs.

      Enjoy your trip with your sisters! Tell Pegnacious to have a drink on me, ok?

  2. Haha, I love this post! I hate spiders (bugs in general) but unlike you, I will gladly kill them. Unless they’re on the ceiling. Spiders on ceilings scare me. I probably wouldn’t hate spiders so much if it wasn’t for the whole web thing. I’ve had way too many close calls with almost running into a spider just chillin’ in the AIR. I feel your pain. 😦 To actually have a spider jump onto you, WHOA…how’d you survive that trauma? I can’t imagine. You know my new favorite thing? Vacuums. They’re not meant for cleaning. They’re meant to suck up spiders in high places. 😀

    1. I didn’t really survive that recorder trauma. This is why I make sure to tell everyone about my horror story over and over. And my dad did kill that spider and cleaned out my recorder for me. And it remained sitting on my desk forever untouched because I couldn’t bring myself to play it without a huge overwhelming panic that would wash over me. If only I could’ve kept going with my recorder practicing…who knows where my career would’ve taken me?

      1. This is the sort of story where I wish my blog wasn’t rated G. Then I could unleash my usual torrent of swears when I refer to those little…uh…$%#@ing jerks. I suppose they do serve a purpose. I think it’s to scare the living crap outta me, but anyway…

    1. Your lucky your cat is able to kill them. My cats never bothered, they were pretty lazy. That man that lives with all those spider is insane. He said he pushes his bed away from the wall. Like that will do anything? I’m pretty sure those spiders will figure out how to drop down from the ceiling onto his face in the middle of the night. [shudders]

  3. Ewwww….on the recorder story…gave me the creeps! I too hate spiders after coming within inches of running into a 6 foot span of web between two pine trees as a kid playing tag. The spider was HUGE! I’ve never been the same!

    1. Oh, that would freak me out. I know, because if I am outside, you can be sure that I will run into a spider web. And it’s always the giant one with the spider still sitting on it waiting for his snack. Then I’ll run around the yard trying to get it off me, screaming and crying the whole time.

  4. Great, thanks for saying he was from Nebraska, Dar-achnophobia!!

    I will KILL any spider for you – I really don’t like them either. My wife makes me take them outside (when she’s not watching, yes I’m less forgiving, and anything will work to stop them).

    Brown recluse are really bad. We get the black widow variety in the garage as well. When I do any rooting around in the garage for an extended time period, I’ll wear long sleeves just in case.

    Well-documented fears: flying, elevators, really long and high bridges.

    1. If I do see a spider, the first thing I ask my husband is, “Is it a black widow??” My greatest fear is to see that freaky hourglass thing on its back.

      I don’t think our spiders even compare to down south, though. I visit my brother in N. Carolina and they are the size of my head. And green. And they jump out of trees onto your face.

      I am also afraid of heights and flying, MJ. I need a valium just to get on a plane.

      1. heather marie

        Greetings from NC, haha. Back in Dec, I moved out of my parents house and into my first apartment. A few months later, at 4am, I called my daddy because there was a spider (with a body the size of a quarter, I swear) a foot from my bed. And my dad, being the amazing hero he is, drove over at that God awful hour and killed it. (While I stood on my bed and told him that if it jumped at me, I’d scream bloody murder.)

      2. I lived alone for many years in my early 20s. One little apartment was in a heavily wooded area, so there were tons of spiders, they were always crawling on my porch and some would find their way inside (to harass me, of course) I had no one to help me kill them or scoop them up. Lots of times I would trap a big one under a cup or bowl then let the cup sit there on the floor until one of my brothers would stop by to kill it.

    1. It’s a totally new theme. I’ve changed my theme plenty over the years…but I have to say, I think I’ve finally found The One. I am giddy I love it so.

      The little blurb at the bottom of the post is one of its features in the widgets. Ain’t it grand?

      1. I didn’t notice all that going on down at the bottom – very snazzola here in the neighborhood! That “community feature” is what I meant when I said (back at my place) I noticed some avatars have a little blurb when you hover over the picture. I was feeling pretty techno-competent when I figured out how to add a blurb to mine (BTW, anybody know what I’m saying there?), but you just blew me away with all the fresh, new techno-savvy going on here. Nice look!

      2. Yes, I DO know exactly what you mean by the ‘blurb’! (what does that say about me?) Good thing we have each other to navigate this crazy techno jibbajabba fiddlefaddle bloggy world.

        I am having loads of fun messing around with this new theme. I think I’m in love. And it’s a FREE one, too. My other theme just looked so blah lately. I was sick to death of it. Gotta spruce things up around this joint, get new throw pillows…a coat of paint…I’m having a big blogwarming party tonight if you wanna come. The wine is already chillin….

  5. I’m not as much of a baby about spiders as you are (no offense), but finding one in your recorder is DEFINITELY scream worthy.

    We just added on a screen porch and for some reason my new woman-cave is spider central. I had a vision of my whiling away the summer afternoons napping in there, musing on high-quality blog posts, but now I’m not so sure…

    1. Baby? BABY?! Who you callin’ Baby? Me? Yeah. But nobody puts Baby in the corner! Especially if there’s a spider up there. (I sure hope you know the movie I’m referencing…?)

      I wish I had the time or place to spend musing on high-quality blog posts. As it is, I banged this one out on my tiny iPad sitting in a spider-infested deck chair while watching the kids swim.

    2. My daughter-in-law sent me a picture of a wolf spider at her house. Roughly the size of a person’s hand. I screamed, even though I was 1500 miles away. They are nasty. Evil. And despicable.

      1. Dammit, I did not mean to reply there. You gals are showing me up as a techno-buffoon.

        I want a woman-cave. I have to share an office/bead studio/exercise room with the dog and it’s crowded.

      2. We do have wolf spiders around our house, although I haven’t seen one inside yet. My daughter Gwen (you know her! :)) said she sees one on the outside of the garage almost every night when she comes home. She thinks it’s friendly. Yeah….

  6. I am selective in my dislike, living in Texas there are some I am deeply fearful of and others I appreciate. Some are quite good for the garden you know….but others yeah I don’t like them either.

  7. No qualms about killing spiders in the UK, ours are pathetic, and it is better to end their lives quickly than let me cat pull half their legs off as she watches them then only be able to go round in circles. But you probably get some evil ones over there.

  8. Oh man! You hit on my phobia! But, I can kill spiders as long as they are not the big, hairy, wolf spider type of bug. When we moved to WA and bought a house, I thought it was a cruel joke that it had more spiders in it than I’d seen in the past decade. I literally spent the first year in this house killing and spraying for spiders. Now that I’ve been here over a decade, we have reached a happy medium; I am more tolerant of some spiders we have (although I still kill them almost daily), and there just aren’t quite so many around. As for the guy who lives with the brown recluse on purpose, he’s a moron. Get a bug bomb!

      1. I forgot to clarify my statement below about being drunk…I was in college at the time. This wasn’t a recent thing.

        Also, I miss photography, Sue. My goal was to keep two blogs going at once, one with my photos, but I can barely keep up with this one!

    1. Yes, I can vouch for the mutant spiders out west. I lived in Olympia for two years. I was heavily drunk or stoned at the time though, so most of it is kind of foggy. Good thing, huh.

      And THANK YOU. Please, someone tell this guy that he doesn’t have to actually LIVE alongside these mutant monsters! He can probably figure out a way to KILL THEM. Good lord!

  9. One of my favorite lines in the Harry Potter books/movies is when Ron says “Why don’t they ever say ‘follow the butterflies’?”

    I’m not quite as big a baby as you are, but the other day as I was driving I found a big one that had built a web a web across the inside of my windshield. At a stop light, I took a kleenex out of my purse and scooped that sucker up, tossing him out the window. With the kleenex. Now I am a murder and a litterbug. I am so ashamed.

    The spider was intentional; the kleenex was pure accident…

    1. ok, ok, ok…let’s just step back a sec here. I am a baby. I think that’s been established. But I will, if the circumstances are just right…I will take a tissue to a spider. A very teeny tiny one that I can be sure has no family back home that will miss him.

      About Harry Potter. I have never ever read any of those books. I have never sat down to see one of those movies. But would you believe that whenever I stumble upon it on TV, it’s the frickin fracken scene with the GIANT spiders??!! That is just my luck. I swear these spiders are out to get me, Elyse.

  10. Nope, there’s no way I’d live with brown recluse spiders on purpose. (Though, if they are truly reclusive they wouldn’t live with anyone would they?)

    I used to be terrified of spiders but these days there are only a few I am scared of. If it’s big and looks like it’s not native to the UK, I’m scared of it.

    I can’t handle spiders as I’m afraid they might bite and they run so bloody fast I never know where they’re gonna go. But I can, these days, pick them up in a container and take them outside. I can even stay in a room with one providing it’s not huge. I have tiny ‘zebra spiders’ living on my windowsill and I’m fine with them. And actually I’ve links to some pics on my computer of cute spiders (yep, some are cute, providing you don’t actually look too closely at their legs!)

    Years ago I got over a dreadful phobia of butterflies and moths – my reaction to them was the same as yours to spiders. I couldn’t be in a room with them, and even in the garden I had to move fast out of their way. I avoided going to see the Rolling Stones gig in Hyde Park in the late 60s because they were letting out thousands of butterflies (by then, mostly dead, poor things). But now I react totally differently to them. Not only do I love both butterflies and moths but I can happily handle them. 🙂

    1. Oh, Val, it is just so good to see you here again. I’ve missed your comments!

      First, yeah, why are they called ‘recluse’? I think that’s false advertising. I would think the man in the apartment would become a recluse as soon as his friends find out he’s sharing rent with 40 brown deadly spiders.

      Also, it is the legs! That is what truly creeps me out the most! There are just so many of them! And they scurry…they zip, they climb right up your arm and go in all different directions, you really have no chance with a spider.

      And you missed out on the Stones?! Oh, that is just tragic! Your butterfly phobia reminds me of my daughter If she sees anything flying around…a bug, moth, butterfly, she’ll freak out. Especially birds. I know it pains me to say that to you, but yes, she is deathly afraid of any bird. She thinks they’ll swoop down onto her head or something. I feel for her though as I have a huge spider phobia.

      1. Sorry about your daughter’s phobias. I knew someone with a phobia of birds – she was terrified they’d fall down the chimney, so boarded it up!

  11. Thank you soverymuch for telling the music teacher a story about a spider making its home in a recorder. You know, because I won’t have horrid nightmares about that or anything. 🙂

    Husband actually ENCOURAGES spiders to live in our house because they eat bugs. Never mind the fact that a brown recluse bite could result in a gaping hole having to be cut from the bitten area.

    1. Haha! I am so sorry. As a music teacher, I am sure you already have painful memories involving a student practicing the recorder. My son has one from last year and thankfully never practiced it at home. I made sure he kept it up in his closet buried under the avalanche of junk in there so in the off chance a giant spider made a nest in there, I’d never know it. Wait a minute…not knowing is almost worse…

  12. Funny! Thank you for sharing it.

    You asked your readers what their greatest fear is. I fear foolishly letting minor hassles, annoyances, pet peeves, biases, false beliefs, etc, distract me from all the beauty, love, blessings, and kindness in the world so that instead of feeling gratitude and seizing every precious moment and opportunity of every day I waste them. I can’t think of a greater tragedy than letting my life slip away a moment at a time without appreciating and giving something wonderful in return.

    Russ

    1. I completely agree, Russ. My fear is I won’t spend enough time with my kids before they move out and I never get to see them much anymore. I try to appreciate every day I have with them now that they’re growing up so fast.

  13. OH MY – 40 deadly recluse spiders? There are so many things (people) in this world I don’t understand.

    We have a bit of a spider problem here (in fact our basement is a veritable den – I go down there only when absolutely necessary.) What concerns me most are the ones who hang out on the ceiling of our bedroom (too high to nab without risk of bodily injury), just waiting to crawl into my mouth while I slumber. I know for a fact that insects and such know no boundaries: I recently saw an ant sauntering across my pillow – I wasn’t in the bed, but come on!

    1. See, that’s the thing–spiders don’t care. They see you snoring in bed with your mouth wide open and think hey, why not just crawl in there? [shudders]

      If there is a tiny spider in our bedroom at night, I will make my husband hunt it down or I will not go to sleep in that room.

      I will never forget the time I got up to use the bathroom at 2 am, only to see by the window three big spiders descending from the ceiling at once, like little paratroopers ready for battle.

  14. Spiders don’t scare me, great big huge ones might but I’ve never seen one bigger than my fist. Hahaha, kidding…never bigger than my thumb. What am I fearful of? Scorpions. My Grandma has lived the better part of her life in the desert…when we were little she made us pretty afraid of them puppies when we’d come to visit. Oh and I loathe mice in the house. Mice outside..fine. Mice inside..uh, NO. Freaks me out! Major ick factor. The guy with the recluse spiders? Suicidal. Clearly. Or off his nut by a mile and a half. Name that movie Ms. Dirty Dancing Darla 😉
    ~d.
    p.s. The pic’s at the bottom….fabulous!

    1. Bigger than your fist? [fainting] Bigger than your thumb?? [hyperventilating]

      Scorpians? Oh my god, I would die, just die. And I hear they hide in your shoes. I would be checking my shoes forever.

      Mice? I hear you. Growing up in an old house, we used to have mice and squirrels. I kid you not, they would climb onto the roof from the trees, find their way in the house, and scurry around inside OUR WALLS. I would hear little chewing and scratching noises all night in my walls. Sometimes my brothers and I would reach over and bang the wall to scare them away. (ugh!!)

  15. Spiders are the worst thing ever! Well, actually, the worst thing ever is living alone and having NO ONE TO COME KILL THEM FOR YOU. I have become a shoe throwing ninja, and am also well practiced in aiming hairspray with my eyes closed while screaming.

  16. You will have to face your fear and get into some Spidey gear! I would suggest gloves, a body suit, hat with netting protecting your face, a net and rubber boots. Then find an old attic somewhere and collect a few dozen. Shoo them out into the yard. You will feel the force….

  17. John Erickson

    Pointless fear? Well, I’m not quite to fearing spiders, just to STRONGLY disliking them, and being willing to terminate with extreme prejudice. Yeah, I’ve had to patch some drywall in my time (from over-eager swats), but such is life.
    Now WASPS, yeah, there’s a “run like heck and scream like a 4-year-old girl” full blown phobia. Yes, I have the reason I am very allergic to them, but my reactions tend toward the uber-hysterical.
    Rats, on the other hand, I actually love, but I grew up breeding white mice (that was a big thing back in the late 60s in my area), so the little buggers don’t bother me. Yeah, I’m weird that way. (And SO many other ways, too! 😀 )

    1. My husband is also deathly afraid of wasps (due to allergy like you). He’s great at killing spiders. It doesn’t bother him if they’re huge, he’ll just walk in, reach up and squash it and walk away.

      Mice and rats? It’s funny you bring up rats. My niece is here (just moved here from Oregon) and she has three pet rats. She had to temporarily stay with me for a few weeks and kept wanting to show me her rats. “Here, I’ll put one on your neck and she’ll crawl up your back, don’t worry she doesn’t bite…much.” Uh…yeah. No thanks, really. I’m good.

  18. Darla, Spiders never glare at me, they see me with lots of love in their eyes, and I too love them. 🙂 My family live in a house made by my grandfather, so there are still some rooms which are just as same as they were when they were built by my grandfather some 50-60 years back. So I hope you can guess spiders love our place. 🙂

    1. Me, too–I grew up in a 100 year old house so we had our share of spiders, mice, squirrels, ghosts… it really helped to build character having to sleep near that attic for years. I can sleep anywhere now.

  19. Impybat

    Aaaauuugghhh, I can barely express in a coherent manner how much I LOATHE spiders. My fear of them borders on irrational, and I cannot figure out why or when it began. I have a memory of being maybe four years old? I was outside sitting in the front yard minding my own business with my crayons and doodle pad. I felt a small tickle on my right arm. I looked down, and there was a daddy longlegs there, smirking at me! (No, he really was). I screamed, dropped my stuff and fled inside the house, flailing my little arms off. So yeah, it may have started then.

    1. Daddy longlegs scare the living crap out of me. I know they’re ‘harmless’. But their legs are super long and thin and they scurry too fast, they almost look like a blur.

      I wish I knew why I have such an irrational fear of spiders. I was probaby killed by one in a past life.

      1. Impybat

        “I wish I knew why I have such an irrational fear of spiders. I was probaby killed by one in a past life.”

        We might have been little fly friends trapped in the same web, for all we know!
        I totally hear ya about how they move too fast. I think that is part of the reason they freak me out so much, too.

  20. Really? The guy lives with 40 spiders? I think he needs to be admitted to the loony bin. Yikes. I’m not crazy about spiders either. In fact, I encountered one this morning while I was taking a bath. I kid you not. I killed it with a nail brush. Dead. Squished. Hope you have a great and spider-free weekend, Darla!
    Hugs,
    Kathy

    1. I know, what kind of person would do that, on purpose? Is he trying to become famous? Maybe they’ll make a reality show out of it? The guy is off his rocker.

      Hope you too are enjoying a spider-less weekend. I won’t have one of those until the frost hits in October.

  21. So I shouldn’t tell you about the Spider That Ate Cleveland? The one that we found in the shower when we were staying with Buzz’s relatives in Slovenia? The one that nearly covered the entire floor of the shower stall? Granted, it was a small shower stall, but that still made the spider the size of both of my feet put together.

    Buzz told me to wish him luck, and then went into the bathroom, closed the door, and emerged, slightly green, about 5 minutes later, saying, “You don’t want to know.”

    That’s when I knew it was love 🙂

    1. [slumped over keyboard– twitching, eyes glazing over]

      Ok, now that I’ve come to, your first line there has to be the funniest, scariest comment I’ve ever read.

      Nearly covered the entire floor of the shower stall? Oh. My. God. I will be thinking about this tonight when I’m trying to fall asleep.

  22. I’m no fan of spiders, but bees and pincher bugs scare me more. I’m a massive, hairless, brawny bastard, so i need to pretend that they don’t…but they do. Brown recluses are poisonous – why would that guy stay?!

    1. Gah, pincher bugs! Whenever we’d get the tent out at the start of summer, there would be dozens of those suckers crawling all through it. I agree, those buggers are pretty freaky looking.

  23. I don’t like them, but my daughters are the real arachnophobes. We were on a girl scout camping trip once, and it was raining. It rained only one time in about 15,000 trips, so we didn’t realize that the spiders would be an issue. The place had bathrooms were in the woods, but decent enough with flush toilets and lights. We had a long ride to the camp, and my daughter really had to go. She had just sat down to do her thing when a huge Daddy Long Legs zoomed down from the ceiling to land on her. She freaked, screamed, then looked up to find that the whole place was crawling with them. I guess they don’t like the rain either. For the rest of that trip, and for EVERY outdoor camping situation for the next 5 years, she went outside. I couldn’t convince her that going in the woods was worse than a flush toilet. Worse, they weren’t aloud to go alone. It was bad enough for her bathroom buddy during the day time, but those night time treks to use the “facili-trees” were a real test of friendship!

    .

    1. After reading your story, I suddenly feel this urge to run around screaming.

      I love camping. I even like to sleep in a tent. But using the outhouse is a huge fear of mine. Especially in the dark with only a flashlight. I suppose it’s better I don’t see the bazillion spiders on the ceiling above me? (just thinking about this is freaking me out right now}

  24. Here, we have these things we call daddy long-legs. (Is that a technical term?) They have smallish bodies and -you guessed it – long legs. They’re a little icky but they don’t creep me out nearly as much as the guy who was taking a leak off the subway platform onto the tracks this morning.

  25. Love your term, “spidar.” Perfect! Still, they’re more acceptable to me than some bugs. I saw one today that was so big I thought it was bussed in. My colleague would not kill it, but she did go to great lengths to get the bug down the hall and out the steel (?) doors.

    The recorder incident would have freaked me out, too.

    While I do like some bugs, such as lightning bugs, smallish dragon flies and lady bugs, I would not knowingly share my space with any bugs – especially brown recluse spiders.

    1. Lady bugs are the ONLY bug that I will tolerate. I will even let one crawl on my hand. I suppose it helps they are so darn cute. I like to imagine they are like sweet little old grannies of the bug world. Aw, they are so cute. If only spiders were…I’d let them live.

  26. As much as I like you, I will not kill a spider for you. Never. I could hardly read this post. My feet were on the floor when I started reading. Now I have them pulled up under me in a leather chair that I’m positive they’d never crawl on (they seem to like carpet in my house).

    Omaha, Nebraska? WTH! That is too close to me and my comfort zone. I wish I could purge that article out of my head. Why did I read it? Why?

    I think you’ll recall about the spider getting trapped in my 1989 mall bangs? Scariest moment of my life. If I could’ve seen its eyes, I’m certain it was glaring at me too.

    1. Oh, sure! Those spiders will never get you now that your legs are safely tucked away on the leather chair. Oh, no! They’ll just slowly and quietly drop from the ceiling onto your mall bangs. (how can I forget that story, it was epic)

      I didn’t realize those brown recluse spiders lived so close to you. If there’s a knock at your door late one night and you hear a muffled voice say, “Candygram…” Do NOT open the door.

    1. Angie, this is nothing to do with anything but…the day I posted this spider story, I lost a record amount of followers.

      FIVE. Five in ONE DAY. Coincidence? My next post is about ghosts and I’m having second thoughts now…

      1. I have an ego-preservation theory that when I lose a follower it has nothing to do with me, but instead the follower was a spambot that WordPress discovered and terminated from its user group.

      2. You’re probably right. I do believe they were spam-bots. But then, who’s to say all of my 800 followers aren’t? Who’s to say you aren’t? Hm…well, you seem human. I guess I’ll just have to go with it.

  27. I would just put on a grey wig, a floral gran style of dress, swallow a live fly, and whilst pointing a menacing finger at your spider say, “Any closer fuzz legs and you’re going in after that fly!” You may hear the scurry of other animals of varying size running off into the distance.

    1. Yet another childhood story that gave me the super-duper heebie-jeebies, Ape. And to always end it with, “I guess she’ll die!” You guess she’ll die?? What kind of nightmarish story is this??

      1. I know what you mean. I always remember the Brothers Grimm tale where rocks are stitched into a wolf’s stomach. Heard it as a kid and it still disturbs me as an adult.

  28. You have every right to be terrified after the recorder incident. I bet you can’t even listen to “Mary had a little lamb” without wetting yourself.

    I have a picture I’ll be posting soon on my blog. Beware. It’s probably your worst nightmare.

    1. On that fateful recorder day, I made the wise decision to pursue my piano-playing dreams. (but then our upright would be crawling with mice that would leave little mice poops and chew through the piano strings…true story)

      I cannot wait to see your blog’s upcoming spider photo. Maybe this will be the start of some serious therapy for me?

      1. Clearly the animal kingdom didn’t want you to be a musician.

        I hope that picture helps you. Maybe it’s not too late to get over your fear and be the best recorder player north of 14 years old (well, probably the only one).

  29. Hate spiders, too and have really never gotten over my fear of them. The good news is that I am far bigger and enjoy stomping on them … until I realize I have to do something about the gooey mess on the bottom of my shoe –shudder!!

    Love the new blog format 🙂

    MJ

    1. See, that’s the other thing–if you do kill one, especially a big one…the mess that’s left behind is enough to fill my sleep with nightmares.

      Thank you, I have finally found a new format that I love!

  30. Oooh, liking the new lay-out/font on top Darla Clementine!

    And, GAHHH! A spider in your RECORDER?!?! Nooooo. N-n-n-oooo. I have the willies just thinking about it.

    My dad once took a sip of diet Coke (outside), only to discover a bee had flown in and was now dead, in his mouth. (Which I guess is better than being alive…)

    I share your fear of the creepy crawlies, none more so than the scorpion. Not that I ever talk about THAT.

    1. Jules, that happened to my then-little Gwennie except the bee was alive. It stung her on the roof of her mouth, poor baby. I’ve never left a soda can open outside after that.

      1. You know of my love of insects. Spiders? I enjoy them, have a respect for them, but I don’t know if I’d sleep with 40 of them. I don’t know if I’d sleep with 40 sweet, harmless butterflies either.

        My fears have to do with my children only: drowning and getting hit by a car in a parking lot. Other than than that, I don’t think I’m afraid of anything. I was born without the ew gross gene that afflicts most chicks. Kinda weird that way.

      2. That reply was meant for Darla! Not sure how it ended up there. What I wanted to write HERE is that I routinely tap any Coke can before drinking (to avoid being bee-stung) and thump Crocs or boots before putting a foot in (to avoid being spider-bitten). We have our share of creep-crawlies here in the country.

      3. Peg–that is just awful! Poor thing.

        Shannon, I am shocked you don’t mind spiders! 😉 I would say even though spiders are my biggest phobia…my biggest fears are anything happening to my kids, of course. We live in front of a really busy road and I watch them like a hawk. I’m always yelling, “Don’t go near the road! Don’t go near the road!” I swear I’ve aged about 50 years just being a mom.

    2. Yikes, yeah the bee in the coke thing is common. That’s the thing about the recorder incident, Jules–it’s what ALMOST happened. How close that spider was to crawling into my mouth. Or crawling into my eyeball as I peered inside. (god, I can barely type that sentence out without feeling faint)

  31. I’m almost the same as you with the spiders. I can’t stand them. I’m not scared of them like I think they’ll kill me; I’m just totally, totally creeped out by them. Any more than four legs is just unnecessary. And I’ve had occasion to be confronted by at least four very large, very frightening varieties in the last few years, in addition to the regular ones. One of them, I think, was a wolf spider. I understand that’s what they’re called, but I can’t look it up because I’ll die. It was huge and the size of my hand and hairy and had several, several eyes and it was the size of my hand and it was hairy and huge. And in the laundry room. And when I had to go back to change the load from washer to dryer it was like that song from western gunfight showdowns was playing… and then the spider wasn’t there and I was terrified it would crawl out from under the machine and up my leg. And I’ve seen TWO spiders jump, one of which hit the wall and MADE A SOUND. Swear. I can’t squish them either. I have to capture them somehow and fling them into the toilet and flush them. Or vacuum them up.

    1. I think your comment wins for being the scariest, creepiest thing I’ve ever read. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing. My eyes are twitching.

      It was huge and the size of my hand and hairy and had several, several eyes and it was the size of my hand and it was hairy and huge.
      Are you trying to kill me? Make me die right here in front of my computer screen??

  32. Anyone who knowingly lives with 40 brown recluses is just biding their time before they are bitten and die.

    I don’t particularly like spiders but they don’t freak me out either. We have way too many of them- mostly daddy longlegs.

    I love “spidar” !

    You are 100% entitled to be freaked out by spiders after that recorder incident. That’s godawful. I think I’m going to start telling that story every time I see someone playing one. Umm, how long had it been since you practiced?

    1. That guy who lives with those spiders has got to have a deathwish. There’s just no other explanation.

      The recorder story is something that would only happen to me, JM. My life is full of bizarre things like that. After that fateful day, I decided to steer clear of learning any of the wind instruments.

  33. When I was a kid, a neighbor gave me a book about spiders, and I spent the whole summer in the back yard playing with spiders. I won’t kill a spider for you, but I will relocate it outside if you want. Even I wouldn’t live with brown recluse spiders (or any actual poisonous ones), though.

    My craziest fear, which I have since recovered from, was a fear of cherry vanilla ice cream. I had my tonsils out when I was about 5, and the first thing I ate after the operation was this really awful cherry vanilla ice cream. The cherries were kind of shrivelled up, which meant that, when frozen, they had sharp edges. It was like eating shards-of-glass ice cream. It took about 15 years for me to be willing to try cherry vanilla ice cream again.

    1. I think if there was a hell set aside just for me, it would involve me having to look at a book on spiders while out in the yard PLAYING with spiders.

      Your story is absolutely awful. I can see why you have that fear now. What…they were out of creamy smooth vanilla??

      1. They weren’t supposed to give me ice cream at all — I was only supposed to have milk at that point, but I hated milk and managed to convince the nurses that ice cream was basically the same thing. I was wrong.

  34. I hate the spiders too. But I generally won’t waste time on screaming. If it’s inside my house, I would just go in for the kill (me killing the spider, not the other way around, I hope). I think I have a right to protect my home from intrusions with deadly force, if necessary, and I do not want to discriminate between human and non-human intruders. Occasionally, if an intruder looks innocent, like a bug or an ant, I would try to grab it and deport it, but I never trust the spiders.
    P.S. You may want to reconsider the poppy field picture on top. I am sure the field is crawling with spiders.

    1. I normally don’t waste too much time on screaming, either. I usually get half a scream out, then I start to hyperventilate and pass out.

      And about the field photo–thanks. Thanks a lot for pointing that out. AHHHHHH!!!!!

      1. I am sure you realize that when a spider is lurking nearby, the absolute worst thing you can do is to pass out. That will leave you completely defenseless against the spider. You may want to start practicing screaming so that your own screams are loud enough to keep you from passing out.

  35. I seem to have gotten over my fear of spiders, but I still don’t like them. I don’t like most buggy things, actually. And snakes. Anything with either too many legs or not enough. There’s an acceptable number of legs, I guess, and it’s either two or four. If I’m reading a book and there’s a picture of a snake, I can’t touch the picture. Do you have that ridiculous quirk? It’s paper.

    1. OH yeah! there most definitely is an acceptable amount of legs in my mind. Snakes? Nothing should be able to travel so fast with no legs. It’s just not right.
      I do have that quirk about not touching even a photo of a spider. I can’t even LOOK at a picture of a spider without freaking out. I have serious issues. Just reading through these comments is seriously creeping me out.

  36. I hate, hate, HATE spiders! My mom has severe arachnophobia, and I’m sure I inherited it somehow. The terrible thing is– Marty is way more afraid of spiders than I am (which says a lot), so I always have to be the brave one in our relationship. Gah. Thank goodness Victoria doesn’t have a terrible amount of spiders…

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