I Can’t Quit You, Babe

The first time I indulged in my drug of choice, I was around 18 years old. I was standing alongside two of my brothers in a huge crowd at Disney World, waiting for the light parade at Magic Kingdom to begin. I could barely keep my eyes open, struggling to stay awake.

“Here, try this,” my older brother whispered. “C’mon. I know you’re gonna like it. Just do it. Try it.”

I hesitated. I’ve seen what this drug did to my parents. My friends in college. I knew of its tantalizing ability to lure an innocent person in with promises of a blissfully altered mental state. I knew it was pure evil.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned, the night still young, but with the endless hours of a Mickey Mouse parade stretched out in front of me, I caved. “Fine!” I grabbed it from my brother and choked it down.

A buzzing filled my ears. Then the top of my head came off and my mind busted wide open. Every single neuron in my body stood at attention. I felt electric. I saw stars. Colors were brighter. Noises were sharper. A rush of glee washed over me as my soul soared out of my body into the heavens above the Magic Kingdom. I felt like I could fly. I felt like I had the strength of a million atomic bombs exploding in the sky. I could do anything. And all at once. I was invincible.

I had my first sip of coffee.

After that fateful day, it was all over for me. An addiction was born.

As a kid, I remember watching what this drug did to my parents–always huddled around the coffee pot in the morning, looking like death warmed over, chugging the sweet nectar of java with a glazed look in their eyes. I didn’t get it. To me, coffee tasted like burnt tar mixed with diarrhea. But oh, mercy, I had no idea of its powers! Its ability to elevate my soul.

Soon I was back at college drinking it nonstop. Every day, all day. Shamefully standing in line, waiting to get my cheap fix with a jumbo-sized McCoffee with double cream. Pulling all-nighters studying for exams, stopping every few minutes to re-administer my java-IV, getting that hit of heart-pumping adrenaline again and again and again. It was never enough. I found myself spiraling down into a junkie’s worst nightmare. Soon I needed more just to maintain. It didn’t matter what kind. I knew I hit rock bottom when I was willingly drinking entire pots of cheap Yuban, the bitter toxic elixir flooding my body with that momentary rush.

Over the years I’ve rationalized my addiction, while my doctor continuously scolded me for drinking it. “It interferes with sleep, Darla! It makes you jittery, Darla! It’s bad! Bad stuff! You must wean yourself! Get off it now before it’s too late!”

I’ve read countless conflicting reports on caffeine’s effect on your body:
“Coffee’s good for you! It helps stave off certain cancers!”
“Oops! Sorry! We were wrong! Coffee’s bad for you! It’s poison!”

The first time I admitted I had a problem was when I gave up coffee completely the first time I was pregnant. My doctor warned me of the hellish withdrawals to come. It can’t be that bad! I foolishly thought.

On day three, my head felt like a Mack truck was repeatedly slamming into my forehead. Every bone in my head was aching, every artery throbbing, begging for relief. My hands shook, my entire body convulsed in agony. But I did it. I gave up coffee for nine solid months.

And now? I sit here today, writing this in-between gulps of coffee.

Coffee: You’ve done me wrong. But it feels oh, so right.

Are you addicted to coffee? Tea? Mountain Dew? Are you heading out on errands? Can ya pick me up a Dunkin Donuts large Iced Coffee with Extra Cream? 

132 thoughts on “I Can’t Quit You, Babe

  1. I’d leave a comment, but I have to head to the kitchen to make some more coffee. You can’t post about coffee in the morning and expect me to read it without instantly wanting some!

    I got it bad, man. Bad.

  2. I was sooo curious to find out which drug you were speaking of! 😉 I love the smell of coffee, but I don’t drink it for this reason. (If anything, I’ll drink it like twice a year.) I don’t want to be hooked on anything. Except chocolate…I would die if all the chocolate in the world melted away. Oh my God, that’s tragic. No chocolate? I’m hyperventilating just thinking about it. Um, I’m sorry, where was I? Right, coffee…eh, it’s not THAT bad for you, is it? 😀

  3. I gave up coffee when it was determined I had stomach erosions…a year later and with the addition of powerful medications – I was living life half awake and still had stomach erosions, so I began chugging the evil brew again. The worst part of my recent surgery (well, aside from the whole waking up on a ventilator with a breathing tube in my mouth?) No coffee for 2 days!!! It’s a good thing they were shooting me up with powerful drugs or someone’s head would have been rolling, I’m sure. The Keurig is my first stop in the morning on the way to let the dog out…

    I’m not sure about the health benefits of coffee – so many conflicting reports. All I know is the lives of those around me are so much better if I have some caffeine – early and often.

    1. Oh, man, just going a few days without it would absolutely kill me, Katy. I seem to recall not being able to drink any for a day or two after my surgeries as well. I’m sure at one point I must have grabbed a nurse by her collar and when my head started to spin around, she decided she’d might want to bring me a cup.

  4. I think that I drink it every day, but sometimes I get busy and realize I only had a few sips. Other days I am still drinking it in the afternoon!
    It is supposed to help stave off Parkinson’s too!

  5. Hi, my name is Anna and I am a addicted to coffee. Boy, do I know exactly your feeling. I was sipping on a cup while I read your story. I also gave up coffee for 3 pregnancies (that’s 27 months). Of course I had to start up again soon after the births of each child. I think it was discovered by a mother – or at least it should have been. 😉

    1. Well, greetings, Anna! and welcome to our sad java-junkies club. I think the nanosecond my son was born, I downed a 32 oz. black coffee and I normally HATE black coffee. But I was pretty desperate.

  6. Ahh, that sweet sweet elixir of the gods. Does it show how kindred we are that I knew EXACTLY what drug you were speaking of right off? Could it be because I am also on that addiction train?

    I quit coffee during my first preganancy. I also quit alcohol and sushi and a plethora of other substances they tell you are bad for the baby. It was hell on earth. Then, with baby number 2, I was a bit more laid back, and at that time the story had changed. So I would do half caff and would have a glass of wine here or there (only in the 3rd trimester people, I’m not a monster). Still no sushi, though. It was so much better for everyone involved when mama got back on the regular sauce.

    In fact, my family knows pretty much not to engage with me in the morning before I’ve had my first cup of joe. It is a necessary substance to turn cranky bear mama into loving nurturing (ok, fine . . . just plain sorta cranky) mama. Don’t you DARE try to take away my coffee!! You will lose a limb. :p

    1. It was hell on earth giving it up with the first pregnancy! The second? well…let’s just say I cut back a little on the coffee. I limited it to one mug a day. But I allowed myself a beer here and there, especially when I was nursing, they oatmeal stout beer helps with production (I say it helps with making mama very relaxed but what do I know?)

      And NO ONE can speak to me or even look in my direction first thing in the morning until I’ve downed TWO cups of coffee (usually in rapid succession)

  7. Ahhhh! Coffee! I am so far a coffee addict that I need thrice the amount today to get the kick I used to during my initial dalliance with coffee. I was gonna say that at times, I am even willing to settle for a Dunkin Donuts coffee if I run out of coffee/milk at home, but it seems like you like DD coffee 😉

    1. Haha! You don’t like DD?? God, I live for that stuff. Now Starbucks? blech. I’ve tried to like it. But it all tastes like burnt coffee to me. I will indulge in a Cinnamon Dulce once in awhile with extra whipped cream.

  8. I used to have a major coffee addiction…. but mostly because of all the stuff I put into it. Crap load of sugar. Dump truck worth of cream. Weight gain times a lot. It was a very poisonous relationship… so we decided to see other people… but when we do meet on occasion… oh my god, it’s a blissful reunion.

    1. I know, I think the added half and half or milk I put in there is not helping my diet any. But I absolutely cannot have sugar in my coffee. Yuck! And I’m surprised because I have a huge sweet tooth.

  9. I persauded my small company to invest in an espresso machine as it would be great for clients when they come over, like maybe it would divert their attention from the fact they are in the arse-end of nowhere on a horrid industrial estate and instead can imagine being whisked away to a cute coffee shop in Italy. It was purely for selfish reasons really though.

    I wait til 10am on my break to have my first coffee of the day as it goes hand in hand with a cigarette for me so I try not to have one of those too early. But at home of a weekend it is from the moment I get up, I choose between the espresso machine or the cafetiere – depending on how much caffeine I think I can manage which is itself dependant on the level of my hangover, too much caffeine with a hangover can send me reeling. Then I sit in my courtyard and enjoy.

    1. I had an espresso machine in college. Nice little jolt there! Oh, those were the days. I also used to buy whole bean coffee and take the time to grind it etc. Now I basically just open up the bag of coffee grinds and get out a spoon.

      I can see why cigarettes and coffee go hand in hand. I used to smoke back in college and I have to admit, there was something so soothing about lighting up and sipping coffee at the same time.

  10. Oh!!!! Sweet mystery of life at last I found you…(this is an old song; if you know it, imagine me warbling it at the top of my lungs at the joy of coffee.)

    When I quit smoking about 18 years ago, I had to quit coffee they were so linked in my mind. That part almost killed me. Now I go back and forth on the caf vs decaf question and have settled on approx a pot of 1/2 caf per day. Drink on, Darlava-java, drink on.

    1. 1/2 caf?? You go, girl. I’ve tried that and sadly, just turned the world’s biggest grump. My husband was in fear for his life. So it’s back to full caf for me.

      What am I doing? I am trying to sift through my comments before my kids kick me off the computer AGAIN.

      Whatcha doin’, Miss Peggles??

  11. I love coffee. Growing up in a South-Indian family, I’ve had two cups of coffee a day throughout my childhood and teenage. I drink a cup a day even now. Sometimes I get caffeine headaches, but these days the coffee drinking is more about the ritual. First thing I do when I come to school is go to Starbucks and get my morning fix.
    But I can no longer have a cup of coffee and go straight to bed. I’ll be tossing and turning for an hour. So no caffeine after 8 pm for me!

      1. IMO, South-Indian coffee is as strong or weak as any other.
        As for preparation, at home, we used simple percolation—We poured boiling water on a coffee powder bed. The extracted coffee trickles down through a perforated bottom in the filter and into a receptacle. It’s commonly referred to as filter coffee.

    1. You are so right–it is a huge ritual. I love everything about it. Feeling the warm mug in my hands. Sipping slowly. My favorite is to sit out on the deck in the sun drinking coffee. ahhh…

      And I can’t have coffee after a certain time of day or I will be up all night. When I was in my 20s, I could drink coffee at dinner. Often, I’d have a dessert coffee at 7 or 8 pm. Crazy! I can’t do that now.

  12. I didn’t start drinking coffee, and only in the morning, until I was 25, working in the corporate world. If you wanted a libation, you drank coffee, water or BYO. My Dad never understood how I made it through college and work before drinking it.
    My folks are life-long addicted coffee drinkers. They had to switch to decaf many years ago and gave up the sugar and cream eons ago.
    To this day, I only need two cups in the morning, then I switch to water or diet juice. The End.

    1. Both my parents were huge coffee drinkers. They would actually go through two 12 cup pots a day. They even had to keep buying coffee pots over the years, they used them so much. My mom has cut down on her intake now that she’s almost 80 years old. I am surprised I didn’t try coffee until college. I went to college out west near Seattle (the coffee capital of the world) so I was pretty much sunk.

  13. I’m not ashamed to say that I love coffee. Even more than some of my relatives.
    If I don’t have my morning cup or two (Okay three. Oh who am I kidding? Four.) I get dastardly headaches and start shaking. It’s like what I imagine heroin withdrawal to be. Only worse.

  14. I love and adore coffee but these days it gives me migraines, so I have it only rarely (and am careful to avoid the other triggers that, with coffee, spell a day in a darkened room going “aaaargggghhhhh! Someone get me a new head!!” But in the days when I could drink coffee without that problem I was an 8 mug-a-day addict! 😉

    1. I’ve had migraines most of my life, since I was a young kid even. I don’t have them much anymore due to hormone changes and surgeries. My biggest migraine trigger is the weather. Coffee actually helps my headaches sometimes (in smaller does) But if I have too much, I will get a headache. I try to stop drinking it after the morning is over.

      1. Have you read any of Oliver Sacks’ books? He’s a neurologist and he wrote a good book on Migraine (which he gets himself) and he swears by coffee for it! 🙂

  15. This wonderful post resonates with me, Maineiac. So many of us are slaves to the Dark Master. And I truly think “More coffee?” are two of the most beautiful words in the English language.

  16. I love tea. Its tea I am sort of addicted to. If I go without it even a single day, my head starts bursting with invisible crackers. Hence, I have proudly admitted that Tea is one of the essential necessities of my lifeline.

    1. Tea is a whole other experience and I love it too. I drink mostly oolong now. It’s a habit, I put in two sugars, some milk (I know, it sounds gross) and just hold the cup of tea in my hands and relax. It’s such a huge part of my day. (God, I am soooo addicted to caffeine!)

  17. This week the medical literature says coffee (in moderation) is good for you. So I’m sticking with that. I’m going to die from something, but it is unlikely to be deprivation.

  18. Curly Carly

    Oh, coffee. I, too, have had a tumultuous relationship with the stuff. I gave it up for 3 years due to the jitters and inability to sleep well. Then I came to my senses and jumped off the wagon whole heartedly. This was about the time I started taking Ambien every night. But it’s okay…my quack doctor assures me it’s safe.

    1. My doctor told me to stop drinking it around noon so it won’t interfere with my sleep. So far, it’s working just fine. I usually down most of my java first thing in the morning and then I’m good the rest of the day.

  19. I’ve tried twice to “cut back” or take a break from coffee. Both times, I was a menace to society. I’ve stopped trying. My fiance brings me a cup before I’m even out of bed. He claims it’s because he loves me but I think he knows it’s for his own safety… Loved this post!

    1. ha! Love ‘menace to society’. So true. My head starts spinning around the moment I enter the kitchen and head for the coffee pot. People know better than to say anything to me in the morning. My husband used to bring me my coffee in bed every day but we’ve been married over 12 years so now it’s fend for yourself time. Besides, he’s usually gone at work before I even wake up.

  20. Ah, Dunkin. I’m from Massachusetts and I swear, Dunkin tastes so much better up there. I always get a medium hot, regular (as they say in Mass). Sometimes I long for, no YEARN for, a medium iced, regular. I would DIE without coffee. I’ve actually considered NOT having children just because of that. Do you think I have a problem?

    1. Oh, no! Not at all! You sound perfectly logical to me (says the woman guzzling coffee as she types this…) Dunkin is awesome. I live for it. I will go to Tim Horton’s for coffee if I’m desperate though.

  21. John Erickson

    Sorry, can’t stand coffee. And oddly enough, caffeine does nothing for me, one way or the other. (Hey, the pain pills I take, that are supposed to make you woozy, wire me. Go fig.)
    I DO go through about a quart of iced tea a day, though. Tried caffeinated, decaf, green, white, yellow (oh, wait, that’s SNOW, not tea), I always come back to plain old tea. Not even sure what brand we use, but it comes with HUGE teabags in an equally huge box, and that’s all I need. Well, that, and lotsa lemon juice, and a little sugar. (NEVER milk – even if I have tea hot, it’s sugar only, thank you. I may spell words with “our”, but I’m not THAT British! 😀 )

    1. Oh, I love iced tea! I basically drink that all summer long. I do put milk in my hot tea and it totally grosses my husband out. He yells, “you aren’t supposed to add MILK to it! That ruins it!” But it’s the only way I can drink tea. And with sugar. I am English after all.

  22. Early morning, long drive ahead. French Roast very strong, first sip and hold it… Could FEEL it rise through the roof of my mouth and slap me across the brain. Wide awake, miles to go. So happy.

  23. I drink one cup of coffee in the morning, but I absolutely need it in order to be a decent human being. I didn’t start until I was 30, and then it was because the devil called Starbucks had lured me in with his Caramel Macchiatos. It’s a gateway drug. Within a year or two I was drinking the hard stuff. And though the top of my head did not come off, I discovered… hey! I’m… I’m a nicer person when I’ve had a cup of coffee in the morning!

    I bet my mother wished I’d discovered it when I was 15.

          1. Yup. First one. Thanks for the compliments. I’ve found that, prior to being FP’d, most comments were very polite. I got a couple of ugly ones from the FP post, but not too many. It’s kind of fun!

  24. Great lead up to your coffee confession!

    I used to be addicted to coffee, but I quit when I was pregnant. Oh the withdrawal headaches! I never had the DTs when I quit drinking, but I had a week-long headache from caffeine withdrawal. I never went back because I never wanted to experience that feeling again, plus I liked waking up already alert.

    I can’t say I’m addicted to any substance, although I love my herbal tea every day and seltzer water when I go out for dinner. Could I do without them? Yes. But then all I would drink is plain water and I’d get pretty bored of that!

  25. Hey, it is part of my fluid intake we are supposed to have great quantities of fluid daily! So what if I drink coffee! Lots and lots and lots of coffee. I use to get direct infusions of caffeine for my headaches, really directly into the vein at the hospital for headaches it was awesome. Now, I just keep it coming from the pot instead.

      1. John Erickson

        Um … I hate to be the geek here (What am I saying? I LOVE being a geek! 😀 ), but caffeine is a diuretic, which means it makes you pee more. Not sure about the exact relationship, but enough caffeine could cause you a net loss of fluids.
        Oh – excuse me – gotta go get some more tea…. 😉

      1. The top of my head may be a barren wasteland for hair growth, but my upper lip is still fertile farmland for hairs. Sadly, none of the women in my life have much affection for the Tom Selleck look.

        I do love me some coffee though. Black please, unless I’m on vacation near the deep blue sea, in which case, I’ll spike it with some spirits.

  26. Darla, have you read the recent research on coffee during pregnancy? It takes about 40 ounces a day to actually harm your unborn child. I don’t know how many cups that even translates to. 5? I drank no coffee my first pregnancy. 1/2 cup per day my second pregnancy. By my third pregnancy, I was convinced it was bunk and drank 1 cup a day. Although I was super careful with EVERYTHING my first pregnancy, it’s my oldest who has difficulties.

    It used to be normal to just moderate things during pregnancy. I’m not advocating binge drinking or drugs during pregnancy, but surely there’s some middle ground on something like coffee? And my great-grandfather drank it every day, and lived to be 96. Of course, he also worked in the coal mines and lived to be 96… So, he might just have superhuman genetics… Or… Perhaps it was the coffee that got him there. 🙂

    1. I did the same thing. I was super cautious with my first pregnancy. By my second I pretty much went with it and let stuff go. I did drink one mug of coffee a day while pregnant. There was research that came out stating it would take huge amounts of coffee to affect the baby.
      My gram lived to 100 and drank black coffee every day. Back then, before microwaves, she’d heat up leftover coffee on the stove to drink later. (blech)

  27. The first time I got in trouble at school was over coffee. My first addiction. Teacher “What did you have for breakfast” I said “Coffee” She accused me of lying and sent me to the office where I sat for the rest of the day until my mother confirmed that I did in drink coffee every day. I was in PreK.

    1. Yikes! My niece drinks coffee and she’s only 12. She came over the other day guzzling an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. If I had any coffee when I was younger, my mom would have been in trouble. I was already hyped up on a constant diet of Mountain Dews.

  28. I remember many years ago when I was a young caffeine and pizza addicted software developer I decided to give up coffee. I switched to tea and instead of having my 2 or 3 cups of coffee a day I found myself having about 35 cups of tea in it’s place. Man was I proud of my control over my caffeine addiction.

    1. Ha! And you should be commended for such a fine job, Ape. When I gave up coffee when I was pregnant, I managed to inhale every piece of chocolate within a 100 mile radius just to try to make up for it.

  29. Ahem. Hi, I’m Shannon. And I’m a coffee addict.

    PS — Your description of your first sip is how I feel every morning. Brilliantly depicted.

    PPS — I gave up coffee for a short 5-year period while I was either pregnant or nursing (or both!). I never gave up beer, though, so I lost points.

      1. I was still mowing the grass (push mower, no drive) when I was T-minus one day of popping with the first three (I had a riding mower with the last…yea!). It is tradition to slam back a cold brew when done with that chore. The neighbors thought my husband (who just sat and read and watched from a lawn chair) was an a-hole, until they learned that I wouldn’t LET him mow (my built-in excuse to drink a beer while pregnant).

        1. Haha! I love this comment so much. Because you and I are alike in that I insisted on mowing the lawn when pregnant. It was horrible push mower too and I was nine months pregnant. The neighbors were actually pissed at Jim and he’s like, hey, she WANTS to mow the lawn! (I was trying to get things going in the labor dept…)

          I just mowed our lawn yesterday (we have nearly 3 acres) and I have to admit I like being on the riding mower, zooming around like I’m Danica Patrick.

  30. That was so great. It made me want coffee. Oh wait. I already have some right here. MORE! MORE! It’s never enough!!

    Since I’ve gotten up even earlier to start journaling before I begin my day, I’ve doubled my daily caffeine consumption (went from 2 to 4 cups a day). I have to bribe myself to get up before 6am.

    You are a champ for giving it up during pregnancy. No booze OR coffee? OR heroin? If I ever have kids, I’m adopting.

  31. Long ago I went through a period of time where I’d get headaches early in the week, but they’d be completely gone over the weekend. A few other people at work had the same symptoms. It turned out that someone had decided to “help” us all by switching out the regular coffee for decaf.

    These days I mostly drink lattes — I have my own espresso maker, and I buy this stuff from Trader Joe’s that has crystallized sugar, coffee beans, and chocolate mixed together in a jar with a built-in pepper grinder, and grind that over the top. Mmmmm.

    1. Oh my god. I would have been so ticked at the person who “helped” you guys! Unreal.

      And that Trader Joe’s stuff sound delicious. We finally got a Trader Joe’s last year but it’s about a 40 minute drive for me. I’m thinking it’d be worth it though.

  32. The Dark Master – that’s awesome! You know, Darla, I should think about having a coffee mug in my gravatar. Buwahahahahahaha.

    I didn’t have a cup of coffee until I was 26 and in the Air Force, staying up all night on the flight line. And MLB drank it all the time. I really got into it when I started adding half and half – the ONLY way to have coffee. The mix has to be a nice tan when the cream is added. It takes away some of the acidic taste.

    I have a couple of cups a day, plus my diet soda. Good stuff.

  33. I used to periodically quit coffee for a little while to remind myself that I could… until the day I basically couldn’t. Now I don’t entertain such foolishness. My wife, who doesn’t drink coffee, took years to understand that having coffee first thing in the morning wasn’t a luxury.

  34. Darla, this so explains why I never see a photo of you without a HUGE coffee cup.

    My first taste of coffee? I was maybe 5 or 6. My Mom, who loved coffee, was not amused that her mother gave it to me. Of course, it was heavily laced with milk, but it also was heavenly.

  35. So, I’m late getting here, I know, but this is a post I’m glad I didn’t miss. Me? I’m addicted to Coke Zero. It’s bad. Let’s just hope it’s not terminal. Hope you’ve had a wonderful weekend, Darla.

  36. Coffee is the one thing I could never give up. I’d have to stop writing because I’d have nothing to reward myself with at the end of another hour. I’d have to start rewarding myself with bourbon and that makes the writing hour after the bourbon far less productive than the hour after coffee.

  37. The only way I can drink coffee is as a dash of flavour/colour in a syrupy mixture of milk and sugar, preferably flavored with vanilla, or caramel. I drink it beige… so I try to avoid unless absolutely necessary, because I know that the level of caffeine I’m ingesting is in no way as high as the amount of sugar I’ve just pumped into my bloodstream… and frankly, I prefer my sugar in doughnut or cake form.

    1. Me too. Now give me a doughnut AND a cup of java I’m in heaven. I do have to drink my coffee beige, just the right amount of tan. I can’t stand black coffee. I’ve tried to drink it (when we ran out of milk) and it tastes god-awful to me.

  38. Hi, my name is Audrey and I’m a coffee addict.
    Can relate to this so well: the joys of coffee, the withdrawls, the coming back to blissful caffeine. I started when I was 13 and would like to blame it for stunting my growth – it was so worth it! Awesome post!
    Coffee Lovers, unite!!

    1. It IS so worth it. It’s one of the few vices I allow myself. It can’t be that bad for your health. (Maybe all the milk and cream is…)but the coffee is just too good to me. I can’t function without it now.

  39. My coffee addiction started in 7th grade, I believe? I grew up to work in a coffee shop – oh the joys of unlimited free coffee! Once, during the time I worked there, I went to Idaho for a week. The part of Idaho that’s mormon. Did you know they don’t have coffee shops there? Oh my gosh, the mother of all coffee withdrawals…I found one Starbucks, 20 minutes away from where I was staying and ended up making multiple trips a day. On my flight back home however, I was rewarded by a layover in Seattle.

    I’m pretty sure the Seattle airport has more coffee kiosks than the entire state of Idaho.

    (It was kind of like this: http://data.whicdn.com/images/6064063/tumblr_ldibvfd67x1qfu7g9o1_500_large.jpg)

    1. I think I would die. I had my babies at a hospital here that does not ‘believe’ in caffeine. After my c-section, I got up on the second day and walked around in agony just so I could go home earlier and make some coffee.

  40. I tried coffee for about a year, but when I realized I was mostly drinking it as a lame excuse to consume copious amounts of SUGAR, I gave it up. The aftermath was like a thousand, fiery suns exploding in my head for a few days. Oh, the agony! I won’t even take a sip of coffee now. Talk about a slippery slope! (Btw: If I ever feel tempted by coffee again, I’m totally going to think of burnt tar mixed with diarrhea. That ought to do the trick!)

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