REASONS WHY MY NERVES ARE SHOT–No. 53
Watching TV on a lazy afternoon….
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I haven’t had an uninterrupted phone conversation since 2002.
REASONS WHY MY NERVES ARE SHOT–No. 53
Watching TV on a lazy afternoon….
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I haven’t had an uninterrupted phone conversation since 2002.
She's A Maineiac 
Sigh…chaos too hard to ignore! And the person on the other end of the line, can they hear all that? Are they aware? I remember just gritting my teeth and telling myself “I am, I am going to have this conversation! This is my conversation and you’re not going to interrupt!”
What’s the worst is how my daughter suddenly has this potty mouth the second someone important calls me. I had someone call me for a job interview last week and I made the mistake of answering the phone with the kids in the room. My five year old started yelling poop at the top of her lungs. Not a good first impression.
Is that really such a bad first impression? Isn’t a job interview just a polite format for trying to discern whether you’re the type of person who can take a lot of shit?
Haha! No doubt, G. by the way–I just spewed coffee all over my $200 textbook. You gonna reimburse me for that or what?
I remember those days – wait–they still happen — I try to have phone conversations when no one is at home–but just as soon as I pick up the phone (which is not often because I hate most phone conversations unless they are with my sister or best friend) and voila someone is at the door, or just come in hungry and angry as a bear–so it follows you all your life –sorry to have to break this to you
I’m not surprised it never ends. It just amazes me I can sit there in absolute silence for hours but the second I try to talk on the phone, suddenly Armageddon breaks out all around me. I also hate talking on the phone in general. The only people I like to talk to for a length of time are my husband and my brother.
I know – it is like you have the plague until the phone rings–I also find when I am sick and want people to wait on me, they are mysteriously not around
I know! If Mom is sick? Suddenly everyone disappears. How odd how that happens…
I like the new format – It’s kind of “Family Circus” meets “Terrance and Philip”
ha! Terrance and Philip pretty much describes my hellions. And they seem so well-behaved at any other time than when the phone rings. Suddenly it’s chaos and they turn into screeching hyped-up monkeys with potty mouths.
First of all – what I wouldn’t give for a phone that stays put, on the table, attached with a line and therefore I do not have to go digging through every bag, purse, pocket or hiding place for the danged thing. Secondly – when I talk to my kids on the phone now – their kids do just that same thing to them…and I laugh.
I think we may be the only family left on the planet that still has a landline phone. We both have cells, of course, but the old school flip cell phones that you can’t text on. I know. We are so behind the times.
You think YOUR phones are old? Our phones are so old, you have to wind them up first! Our house phone is so old, we don’t get dial tone, we get Mabel the Operator! Our portable phones are so old, they served in World War Two! (And the sad part is, that last one is the absolute truth!)
By the way, you may add rimshots to taste. 😉
Really? I would LOVE to still have my gram’s old rotary phone in pea soup green. Waiting for the numbers to dial…dialing only four numbers…those were the daaaaaays……(my best Edith and Archie impression)
My dad was a 39-year vet of Illinois Bell, before the big phone-company divestiture. I don’t think he has any of the old rotary handsets, but he does have several of the first-gen touch-tone ones. I managed to snag a hand test-set – basically the handpiece, with a rotary dial on the back of the earpiece and a couple cords to patch into switchboxes. (My dad has one that predates World War Two.) Because of his career, I collected Army Signal Corps stuff when I was re-enacting. I have a dozen field phones (those phones in the bag that Radar used on MASH), a “portable” switchboard (that weighs several hundred pounds), a cooler-sized network tester, and a pedal generator to power it all. So if the Big One hits, and all the technology goes away, I’ll be my own phone company! 😀
And just for your wonderful reminiscences, you get to be my Mabel. Deal? 😉
Yes, but you know where your phone is!!!
I’ve tried to find an engineer who could put my cell phone inside a landline phone I could carry around. I’d love to have my wife pull it out of her purse and tell me I have a call while we’re at dinner with friends.
They do have cell phones that look like old rotary phones complete with those long curly cords. Get one, you’d be so hip.
Oh wow…and you’re still sane? I feel for you, I really do.
Love the drawings though. 😀
Oh, no, no,no…I’m not sane! I haven’t been sane since….um…2005.
haha! Nice cartoon! Are the kids’ mouths black because they are spewing out black letters?
Ha! That is a good reason, yeah. I think the kids’ mouths are black because I didn’t have the talent or time to draw in their teeth.
1. At first the final frame didn’t load, and I sat here for a second thinking, “I… do not get it…”
2. Very well done. Great presentation.
3. “Fart.” Ha ha ha ha. “Fart.”
1. Without the last frame, it kinda loses its overall meaning. A joke with no punchline. I’m happy you could see it finally. Don’t know what’s up with my computer…grrr
2. Thanks! You sound so teacher-ly in this comment. Did I get an A?
3. For my kids, saying fart never gets old. Could be worse. (and it has been in the past…)
Loved the drawings and story! My dogs roughhouse when I am on the phone (my lap is the safe zone I guess), and people sound concerned when they ask what that noise is in the background. They must think I am running an underground dog fighting ring. Hopefully people think better of you when they hear the commotion. 🙂
Underground dog fighting ring? That PERFECTLY describes what it sounds like in the background at my house when someone calls me. Just add a three-ring circus, a few screeching hyenas and some elephants bowling and that would sum it up nicely.
Darla! Please teach me how to do these drawings! As a former artist, I miss integrating art into my life! Seriously, will you tell me how you do these? You? Or Peg? Or Jules? Someone teach me!
Wait.
Now I sound like your kids.
Sorry about that. 🙂
Shhh! Renee! I’m trying to respond to comments here! Can’t you just go into your room and lock yourself in there so I can have five freaking minutes of peace and quiet?!
And the answer to your question is:
1. Sit down to study for a huge Anatomy/Physiology exam…
2. Down three cups of strong coffee…
3. Open Paint on your computer…
4. Waste an hour drawing a cartoon.
Voila!
#2 kind of freaks me out. Guess it’s because I don’t drink a lot of coffee and know that one cup makes me contemplate Alien life. Think 3 cups (in secession, within an hour) would cause a situation in my head that only a skilled professional with a medical license could handle.
I don’t have a computer. *weep*
Blue–maybe I should cut back?
Nah.
Renee–get out of the city. Seriously? Whoa. Go steal Tech’s.
Perfect! And it makes me appreciate my empty nest a bit. Oh wait, my husband needs me …
Nooo! Don’t tell me your hubby replaces your kids?! Whaaaaat…? God, why? WHY???!!!
Well, he does tend to decide to chat when I (1) have to go to the bathroom; (2) am at the climax of a TV mystery; (3) have just figured out the perfect word or phrase or idea for my blog; or (4) am trying to leave the room.
But he is much easier to ignore than my kid ever was!
Jim also has this knack for wanting to have serious discussions the second I go to the bathroom. And ESPECIALLY if I suddenly get a genius blog post idea. The second I start to jot my ideas down he’s there asking me where his sneakers are or what’s for dinner. This is why all my posts are half-baked. think of how good they could’ve been if he’d just leave me alone!
I LOVE this! Did you take a break from studying to make your cartoon or are you blowing off homework? Hahaha!
Exactamundo, Susie! Are the cool kids saying exactamundo anymore? are the cool kids blowing off an upcoming exam by drawing stick figures for their blogs? Then I am the coolest of the cool!
School is killing my brain cells. I can’t write anymore. Just draw. The rest of my posts will be drawings until the semester’s over.
I’ll look forward to your art work Darla!
Rats! I’m not getting all the slides. Ah well, I get the point. Great artwork, by the way – are you available for kids’ parties? (Wait – that would defeat the whole point – never mind.) 😀
Rats is right. Click on the little question mark at the last frame, it might work and open it up for you. Without that, the rest of my post makes no sense (not the first time that’s happened….)
Sorry, I don’t even get a question mark. Ah well, I’m used to things not making sense. After all, I’ve worked for the phone company, and studied the military, and if you EVER get sense outta them, RUN!!! 😀
What? hm. How odd. Well, to fill you in: the last frame is of my two sweet hellions with their mouths open and about 100 different balloons of them yelling various things at me, like: POOP! FART! HE HIT ME! GET ME SOME MILK NOW! etc. typical parenting stuff…
I just tried this post again, and got the last frame! COOL! 😀
At the risk of stealing your thunder, I’ve decided to just forge ahead on my own endeavour. It’s a mess, but you can check out the all-new http://www.windycitywonderer.wordpress.com. I’m STILL trying to make WordPress do what I want, but in the meantime, I’m gonna post anyway, and the heck with WordPress! I have too many stories to let some dang computer program rain on my parade! 😉
John, I especially love the fact that you ask readers to post hijack. You are The Man, man.
OMG! Isn’t it the truth though? As soon as I pick up the phone to visit with a friend, the kid can’t leave me alone. Talk about impulsivity. LOL!! Great cartoons.
I was just (trying) to have a phone convo with a friend about how we can’t have a phone conversation anymore without a zillion interruptions from our kids. It’s uncanny how kids can sense you’re about to have an important phone call.
Ugh! I’m missing out here. I don’t “get it” because I think I’m missing some part of your post – dang. Okay…well, you rock as an artist that is plain to see and it’s plain to me that I need to do some kind of updates on my computer.
Stay sane and have a great weekend!
~d.
Hey, D–I just tried to view my post on my little iPad and the last frame didn’t load for me either, there’s a question mark in its place instead. Try clicking on the question mark to see the last frame (worked for me)
I can see my entire strip on my regular computer, just not my iPad (have no clue why…??)
Have a good weekend as well! My day is starting off to be perfect fall day: soccer games, hot coffee and baking an apple pie as I type this–ahhhh….heaven.
I don’t know what happened…but I restarted my computer since I’ve come back inside the house and it seems to have given something a kick in the pants here. Very funny and so true!
How was that apple pie? I bet it smelt amazing. Hope soccer went well for all involved…corn bread and chili here for dinner cause I actually got myself together this morning and fired up the crock pot! {Course I had to actually “make and bake” the corn bread, of which I just now almost burnt the snot out of… but hey, dinners ready!}
~d.
I think the last frame appeared now because I added a line of text immediately after it. (who knew that would work??)
The apple pie was divine. I thought about it all day. I couldn’t wait until it cooled down so I could drown it in whipped cream. It was the highlight of my weekend.
But your corn bread sounds just as delish. I’m using the crock pot today for my turkey ‘burn off your eyebrows’ chili. Yummmmmmmy
The drawings are great! So much fun.
I’m not positive about this, but I think it was a mom who invented voicemail. 🙂
No doubt.
It’s times like these when I cover up the phone and hiss, “GO ASK YOUR FATHER!” Let him take the constant barrage of interruptions for a change. He’s usually just outside or in the garage muttering to himself anyway…
Yup. My husband even gets involved.
God, so does mine, Kim. He can be the worst one.
ooh, funny! I remember those days. Just wait till they’re older–they’ll quit interrupting your phone calls and start listening to them. Then you really have to be careful!
I am so not looking forward to that one!
Darla, great drawing. well done! 🙂 That fart! poop! poop! Fart! part was hilarious! 🙂 I wonder how you get some time off from your studies to draw these pictures.
And just wanted to let you know, to view that final frame was like a big achievement. why do not you compress that one; to get it uploaded fast.
Taking time off to draw that was necessary for my sanity. I think my brain is gonna pop. I have to memorize about 300 medical terms by next Wed. Plus a huge anatomy lecture exam all about things like mitochondria and ionic bonds etc. (say what??)
Ha Ha! 🙂 Mitochondria. Let me tell you I’d never heard of this type of chondria. The only biological term I remember is Radius and Ulna, which I studied during my 12th class.
I don’t know what mitochondria is either. Am I in trouble for Monday night’s exam or what??!
I was just going through this mitochondria in wiki. And what I saw there was really funny. It looks like my slippers. believe me, if you want you can check it out! 🙂
haha!! Now when I take the test I’ll only think “looks like Arindam’s slippers…”
Yes You can go with that. And if they will ask about nucleus then tell it looks like my cap and if they will ask you about Vacuole then tell it looks like my bowl. And if they will ask for proof to your answers, then show them this picture: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Biological_cell.svg 🙂
haha! See, you’re helping me and learning new things all at the same time. and who said blogging was a waste of time…
Yes, those people do not realize our worth. But please make sure that, you are not going to answer these in your exam. 🙂
Now that’s hilarious. I don’t have kids but all the parents I know speak of this phenomenon.
So this post probably made you very thankful. It should. By the way, I just read about your post war thing going on with other bloggers and that is a brilliant idea. Wish I had thought of it first.
I can’t take credit for the idea, I’m afraid—the idea was Le Clown’s. It should be fun!
Right on! Written into their DNA, is what I suspect. The coding wears sometime in their late teens early 20’s when you actually WANT to talk to them.
Awesome cartooning, Darla! I didn’t know you had in ya (though I was suspect with your FP piece on Scream).
DNA! AHHH! I’m having nightmares about DNA/RNA…etc. Did you know that DNA is made up of nucleic acids? that are in encoded in each cell and helps synthesize proteins?
Good to know this DNA will enable my kids to someday leave me alone.
That cartoon was fun. Not as good as my Scream ones, but….
I’ll bet you know more about DNA now than you ever thought you’d need to know! Yes. I can promise you that they will both. Someday. Leave your house. And come back often. Asking for money. And food. But they won’t talk to you unless you bribe them. It’s a fact of nature.
Let me throw another interesting DNA-related fact at you. Do you know there is LESS difference between the DNA of all humans, than there is in the DNA of a single chimpanzee tribe in Africa? There was a mass extinction event, caused by a volcano (Toba?) that brought on such a “nuclear winter” type scenario, that many geneticists believe there were less than 100 distinct breeding pairs of hominids at the time, and possibly as few as 20.
You’d be amazed what you learn when you leave the Discovery Channel on in the background. 😀
I did NOT know that, John. Can you tell me if this stuff is gonna be on my exam tonight?
Nope, sorry, I can’t. I stopped reading Sherlock Holmes in high school, and I haven’t had a clue since. (Rimshot.) 😀 (Yeah, I know, that should be Elementary school, Watson, Elementary. :p )
Hahahaha… I was not expecting that. It’s like they heard cell phones give you cancer and they are doing it for your own good 🙂
Maybe that’s why? and here I was thinking it was because they just love to bug me?
Oh I loved this Darla. Your drawings are great.
You know what? While it’s happening you feel suffocated and long for some space but then just as suddenly they’ll go off into the big wide world and you’ll be left holding the phone not knowing what to do with all the silence around you…
Rosie, I know you’re right. I will miss it someday. Still, it would be nice to have a few minutes of silence when I actually need it.
I have come to discover that kids have no respect for either phone conversations nor naps. Especially naps.
Fab drawings Darlsters. I’m a huge Belieber in your talents. Bravo.
Oh, Misty! Naps?? Naps are the single greatest thing since…naps. I think I invented naps. I remember back when I used to take naps when I was pregnant. Oh, those were the days! I live for sleep. I love naps so much, I think I’ll write a post about it. Thanks for the inspiration.
Oh, and for some reason the fact that you’re a Belieber of my mad drawing skillz tells me I’m not that good? (teehee) By the way, I used my Justin notepad yesterday to write down my grocery list. How nice it is to have the words: ‘milk, ground turkey, bread’ surrounded by little pink hearts!
Thanks for the chuckle. I recall when our girls were young. Nary a peep … until the phone rang.
Why do they do that, Judy? Did they take lessons back in preschool?
My cats do the exact same thing. Well, minus the potty mouth.
I don’t know, sometimes my cat would meow at me in such a way that almost made me think he was saying, “You’re a poophead.”
Haha! Spot on Darla. Wait a minute, a little too spot on. Can you see through time?
Why, yes. Yes I can!
Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. You have ANOTHER talent up your plaid sleeve, D Pants?!?!
This was incredible. And yes, I laughed out loud, but what I’d like to talk about is your artistry – the detail/shading! The plant? The phone? The cushions? Whoa! THIS IS AWESOME.
Thanks, JD but this is all due to the miracle that is Paint. I just pointed and clicked my way to artwork. Although even I am impressed at how close that drawing resembles me. I have very tiny beady blue eyes and a triangle nose.
oh…and I’d like to point out how unbelievably crappy that clock is. Do you know how hard it is to draw a perfect circle?! Well, it’s near impossible.
…and my waist has never been that skinny nor my boobs that big.
Yeah…what she said. Who knew the skills and talents you had hiding up your plaid-coated sleeve?
I did not see this coming, Darla. This was hilarious!! I am so very sorry it took me ages to make it to this post. Finding uninterrupted reading time has been the challenge of the week. Even as I type, I am *cough* listening to my youngest talk to me, oblivious of the fact that I am trying to complete a thought …. Wait. What was that thought? Yeah. Never mind.
No worries, Lenore. It’s a wonder us moms have time to even breathe most days.
And once you have the time to take the calls, you’ll forget what it was you wanted to talk about. Yikes! It’s a vicious circle.
What’s even worse is I never get a single phone call when I’m home alone.
PS. Love the artwork.
Yeah, I like the artwork, too, but it’s missing the box of wine and earplugs.
How could I forget those? Next time, I aim to make my drawings more realistic.
So very true. And that would be followed with me running through the house, up the stairs, shushing my kids with my hand behind me, running into my room, into my bathroom, closing the door, into my closet, and closing the door and locking it. Then it would be a telemarketer.
Haha! I do that. I answer, then run to the nearest closet. Or lock myself in the bathroom. But then my voice echos and all the person on the line can hear is nonstop knocking and whining at the door. You just can’t win.
I remember those days, Darla. And if you try to walk into another room, they hang onto your leg. Just another item to add to the list of things we’re supposed to miss when we find ourselves in that empty nest. (I’m looking forward to it.)
Great drawings. Your talents are limitless.
After what you’ve told me, I am looking forward the the so-called ’empty nest syndrome’ more and more every day, Charles. Is your son’s full time job still weight lifting?
By the way, I know your recent post comments were closed, but I loved your post. I hope you are brave enough to continue parts 2 and 3 and let people comment. I promise I won’t heckle you! (much)
My cat does this, much to my sisters annoyance I can compare any parental situation with me and my cat. I’ve probably just set myself up for a fall now as you’re bound too think up abhout a million things where I will be stumped to compare
Nope. I think cats and kids compare quite nicely, Joe. Cats act like they know it all. They have selective hearing. They use you for food, shelter and what do you get in return? Not so much as an eye-roll. So yeah, they are alike in so many ways.
Ha ha hahaha! Brilliant drawing and writing! You so talented, Darlangelo.
p.s. Tell your daughter to lick the floor, the TV and the keyboard if she wants some milk.
Yeah! I’m sure she could find milk and maybe even some leftover food kicking around the computer. (I had a PB cup attack last night at 10 pm while studying so she might only find a big pile of wrappers)
Yep…you’re a mom! LOL 🙂
After nearly ten years, I’m finally coming to terms with this, Mindy.
Then you’re doing much better than I am. They tell me I’m into it 24 years and I just know they’re lying to me. Ha!
Every few years, my husband and I sign and look at each other and say: Are these REALLY our kids? Are we really parents? it can’t be!
I wonder when this stuff will start sinking in…?
I think that phone calls elicit a Pavlovian response in kids of a certain age :-). Great drawings!
Exactly. It’s really uncanny how quick they appear out of the blue and start talking nonstop the second my phone rings. And they get so loud too.
Yes! Me! Yes! Me! I mean, this is just like me. I’m not trying to sound like your kids here or anything.
Well done on the images. The plaid was a nice touch.
Hey! It’s an old comment from you that I didn’t reply to! I thought I would now so you’d see that little orange notification button light up on the top of your computer screen. I am wondering how your break is going? Good? too good?? I get it. But please come back. It’s like crickets out here in wordpressville. Very boring without you around.
Eek! One day they’ll grow up and then you’ll have the same thing with grandchildren. Then they’ll grow up and you’ll have the same thing with grandchildren. Then they’ll grow up and you’ll be ever so thin and twiggy and it’ll all be worth it… no, wait, that’s not you, that’s me in a different life. The one where I had kids. Now I know why I didn’t… ah, lightbulb time! 😉
I can totally understand why you didn’t, Val. My husband wanted a dog.