Things My Daughter Taught Me During School Vacation

Ruminations on life, uncut and unfiltered, straight from the mind of my six year old daughter.IMG_2024

“Uh, mom? Your butt is big.”

(pause)

“Oh, I mean lovely. Yeah! Your butt is lovely!”

(pause)

“Also big.”

(scratches head)

“Actually…very big.”

___________________________________________________________

483644_10151380954547873_1466432138_n

“Well, I think peeing is dumb.

It’s just dumb and stupid and I don’t like it!

Why do we always have to stop playing to go pee all the time?

I won’t do it anymore. I won’t!”

____________________________________________________________

“Watcha doin’ Mom and Dad? Getting all snuggly?

You guys gettin’ all snuggly-wuggly and cuddly? All kissy? Kissy-poo?73150_10150090052562873_3801046_n

Well, that’s just SO GROSS!  I don’t wanna see that!EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

______________________________________________________

“I have a new boyfriend now,  Mommy.

His name is Gabriel and he sits next to me at the triangle table.

He’s nice but he breaks all the crayons so from now on I’m going to have to call him Gary.”

______________________________________________________

198481_10150183247247873_525857_n“I am so excited to go back to school tomorrow, because I have P.E. class!

Yeah! And I LOOOOOOOVE P.E.!

Well, actually, I hate it….we run, we jump, we do stuff. I do get SO tired.

(sighs and looks wearily off into the distance)

But I really, REALLY love the part when we get to drink water from the fountain!”

______________________________________________________

(Over the past two weeks of vacation, I also learned Little Miss J’s new favorite catchphrase.
This is her response to almost everything I do or say:)

284689_10151222955417873_2133117492_n“Seriously? Be serious!

Are you serious?

Because…

seriously?

SERIOUSLY!
______________________________________________________

And so kids, tomorrow? It’s back to school! Seriously!

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88 thoughts on “Things My Daughter Taught Me During School Vacation

  1. Ha! I was just wondering what the students are thinking right now! I have heard from a bunch of colleagues: all making plans for math lessons and which novels to read and what chapter of the history book to introduce. Wondered what the kids were thinking right now!

  2. Seriously, I went through a stage when I said “just kidding” all the time. My Mom was not amused. Wow. Was she ever NOT amused.
    And peeing is dumb. Guys have it so easy. The world is their potty. Ha. Just kidding! Seriously. Sorry Mum!

    1. It’s GREAT. I was just getting the paper and thought, “man I could go for a pee right now.” Just let ‘er rip and never stopped walking. Relieved my bladder, wasted no time AND claimed my front lawn back from that stupid neighborhood dog.

    1. I wish you guys could hear her voice when she says these things. So matter-of-fact and grown up, but with the tone of a munchkin from Wizard of Oz. She makes me laugh and she’s not even trying.

  3. Oh boy. That girl is brilliant. She’s gonna be running the world in just a few short years, I fear. Or hope.
    And my oldest son’s favorite response these days is: “I know, right?” Wonder where on earth he could have possibly heard that phrase from. ((Whistles innocently))

  4. OneHotMess

    I loved this! Just this morning, I learned from my eight year old that I do not look especially pretty when I am sleeping.;-) But, I AM snuggly. We must take those small gifts. 😉

    1. Oh, we do, don’t we? We have to take what we can get from these kids, because they’re always so brutally honest. But then…I never thought of my butt as even remotely ‘lovely’ so I give her props for that backhanded compliment.

  5. “Seriously” has replaced my kids’ youthful catch phrase (from Bill Cosby), “R-r-i-g-h-t-t-t!
    She is a corker Darla. All I can think of, as I read your post, is Erma Bombeck’s threat, “I hope you have kids just like you when you grow up.” I recall using that when my eldest was going thru her fussy eater stage. Ironically, her kids eat EVERYTHING – veggies that other kids wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot-pole.
    Our students return to school next Tuesday, Jan. 8th. as we went on winter break later than some schools in surrounding counties.

    1. Love Bill Cosby! And Erma Bombeck. And she is a corker, all right, that is the perfect description, Judy. She does eat very well for a 6 year old though. She loves fruits and eats some veggies. Her brother hasn’t willingly had a veggie in his entire life.

    1. “Seriously?” can be used in so many different situations. It’s going to be my new go-to catchphrase now. And, yes, they are going back to school in a few minutes. Seriously. They do get out super early at the end of the year, like June 5th, so it’s all good.

  6. Karen Samenow

    I love this post, and can relate all this to my 6 yr old grandaughter, & 8 yr old grandson. They are so funny, fortunately for me, I get a break. Hang I there, it gets oh so much better! Happy New Year!

    1. I don’t mind it when she uses it on her brother. I’ll walk by her bedroom and I can hear her grumbling, “SERIOUSLY? REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUS?” to him and his response is always nothing, he’s just quiet. Typical man-woman convo right there.

  7. My grandson also told me I had a big butt, but that I’m pretty.. Glad he covered it up with pretty… Kids are so precious and they grow so quick… She’s adorable…

  8. Hahahaha, it’s especially funny when it’s not your kid. My daughter once told me I was like a sloth because I liked to lay around- all totally serious, not being snotty at all. That’s what makes it so funny.

    I like how she renamed Gabriel Gary.

    1. Exactly, Alice! It’s the fact that they are dead serious when they tell you these things! Really takes your self-confidence level down a couple pegs. I love that she renamed him Gary. I bet he won’t even mind when she calls him that either, if he knows what’s good for him.

  9. Seriously? That is my 6-yr-old’s favorite word. Seriously. (Too cute, that goggles pic.).

    Bring her over to my house. Our two would make some awesome vlogs together.

    1. Aw! I know! As cuddly-wuddly as we can be at our age. We were sitting next to each other on the couch holding hands. My daughter was traumatized by this. I think she watches too many Disney princess movies where they’re all kissy-poo.

  10. Back to school tomorrow? Already? Seriously? My kid is off the rest of the week. And I don’t have to deal with him because I’m not home with my guys- neener neener neener. Of course, what I’m doing now more than sucks. Oh yeah, what you learned from your daughter. I agree with the peeing thing. I’d love to lay around in bed until 9am without having to interrupt what I’m doing (sleeping), to get up and pee. She’s got a point there.

    1. Yup, I have to admit I’m happy school starts today. I have way too much to do before I start school again myself.
      And the peeing thing IS dumb. She’s got a point there. At my age it gets to be a nonstop occurence.

  11. OMG the magical force of the water fountain! I had forgotten all about that element. Totally sells anything when you’re 5-6. But they can be tricky. Getting just the right arc and holding it…

    I’m sure you’re seriously not at all glad to see them head back to school. Seriously.

  12. Snoring Dog Studio

    I want to have her mind. Especially today, knowing that I have to get up from this computer and get ready for work. Except I’d never say that about your butt. Ouch. It only looks big, Darla, because she’s standing so close to it. And she’s very small herself. Pay no attention to that one particular blurt from her. The rest is hilarious!

    1. yeah! That’s right! Object may appear gigantic the closer and/or smaller the person is who is looking at it! (or something along those lines….)
      The thing is, my daughter is very observant and only speaks the truth so….my butt is lovely yet very big. It’s true.

  13. “He’s nice but he breaks all the crayons so from now on I’m going to have to call him Gary.” Hahahahaha!!! I wish I’d thought of that when I had boyfriends I ended up not liking!

    1. She is a bit on the spicy side, B. During her teen years I plan on just never saying anything to her or looking directly at her or acknowledging her in any way.

      And you know I HAVE to add this final comment on the matter:

      YOU WILL BE IN THE SAME BOAT SOON ENOUGH. MWAH HA HA! MWAH HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

      (no, not done yet…)

      MWAH HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Love these!
    She sounds like a chip off the old block! Hahaha! I wonder what blog fodder I would have gotten from my kids. They still crack me up and end up in a lot of my posts. 🙂

  15. Thank goodness your daughter put on her Magic Anti-Snuggly Glasses to block her vision from any sights of a, shall we say, “cuddly” nature.

    You can’t write stuff as cute as what kids say naturally – what a sweetie pie!

    1. I remember very well how horrifying it was for me when my dad came home from work and KISSED my mom in front of us. Blech City.

      Oh, Pegoleg! I am soooooo happy today to see you up and about and among the wordpress living again! 🙂 (I even used an emoticon, something I rarely do…)

  16. Ha! Maycee says, “seriously!” all the time, too! How funny! She’s also into her rap talk…that’s what I get for sending her to the barrio school. 😉 Still have one more week of school vacation here, but I’m at work, so she’s at the Boys and Girls’ Club learning more rap. Ahhhhh, parental joy! Happy New Year and BTS day, Darla! XOXO-SWM

    1. Rap?! Oh dear god! My daughter is obsessed with anything dance or singing related. She loves to watch Demi Levato or iCarly and copies everything they do, it’s quite scary. I can only imagine what she’ll be like as a pre-teen. Happy happy new year to you as well!

  17. That kid is going to one day rule the world. Not kidding, she’s going places. And I hate stopping to pee too. And I also think kids who break crayons should be called Gary. But tell her to leave the kids alone who eat Playdoh. Those kids are just misunderstood geniuses.

  18. Love this post! It makes me think back to all the things my 10-year-old son used to say and says. Right now his phrase is, “I know, Right?”
    One time about 5 years ago, he was staring at all the trees (we’re from Kennesaw, GA) and he got this very serious look on his face. He asked, “Dad….did God get sweaty when he planted the trees?” Ha!

    1. I have a ten year old son and he usually either rolls his eyes at me or just sighs and says, “Whatever.” Your story about God planting trees made me laugh. I love when my son asks me questions about stuff like that.

  19. Not too sure about the rest of the stuff, but I WILL second her frustration with having to go pee. Especially at 2 in the morning. And 3. And 4. And….. 😯
    (Somehow, I know the wisdom of the world is locked up in the concept of calling Gabriel “Gary” because he breaks all the crayons, but I honestly don’t have the energy to figure it out! 😀 )

  20. Laughed at Her renaming her friend.Reminds me When Rudy renamed her boyfriend Bud on The Cosby Show.I love six year olds.My granddaughter Peyton is six and she says SERIOUSLY all the time.Seriously,she does.

  21. She’s going to love reading this someday, Darla. My son is constantly asking me what kinds of things he said when he was little, and after three or four, I have to start making stuff up.

  22. Pingback: The Impersistence Of Memory | The Byronic Man

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