I Broke My Ass (part 2)

I did something very stupid a few days ago. My daughter asked me to carry her “like a baby” and I couldn’t resist. Even though she is almost as tall as me, and has roughly the same body mass as Baltimore Raven’s Ray Lewis, I happily scooped her up in my arms. Unfortunately, my lower vertebrae would have preferred I had chosen to remain upright and not crunch myself into a paralyzed hunchback for the rest of the week.

I like to live on the edge.

So I guess I ‘pinched’ my sciatic nerve on the right side. Heh. Funny how something so innocuous like a little pinch has the power to make me feel like my entire lower back and leg are constantly being crushed in a vise then set on fire.


This pain is pretty intense, unbearable at times. I can barely get dressed, putting on pants, socks or shoes is excrutiating, so I’m living in my bathrobe.  It’s impossible to sleep. It’s hard to sit, stand, walk, bend, lie down, breathe.

Let’s take a moment to realize something here–I’ve lost my ability to sit. Something I’ve had a deep fondness for all my life. Tragic. Why bother living anymore? The only way I might feel some relief is if I were to be suspended in midair, but I can’t afford a bungee cord at the moment, and besides, how would I eat my Hot Pockets?

I’ve spent this past week alternately sitting on a heating pad or screaming at my husband to pour a bucket of ice down the back of my pants. In between all the moaning and groaning and the popping of Advil like they were M&Ms, I noticed the house was deteriorating at a rapid pace.

Suddenly it dawned on me, my housekeeping routine hinges on one crucial thing: the ability to pick things up.

My entire life as a mom consists of me bending over to pick crap up off the floor. Dirty clothes, goldfish crackers, Ho Ho wrappers, beer cans, cigar butts, tequila bottles. Sure, normally I’d have the kids pick up their mess but really, they have enough to deal with working the graveyard shift at McDonald’s.

Yesterday,  I couldn’t take anymore. I had been sitting in one precarious position on the couch (still in constant pain) watching my house morph into Hoarder Heaven.  Soon they’d have to use a backhoe to get to me and lift my paralyzed body out on a stretcher.

After a complicated series of muscle manauvering, I managed to slide myself up off the couch. I slowly shuffled over to some various junk left on the living room floor. As God is my witness, I will clean up this mess!  I stuck one leg out in front of me, keeping it straight so I’d reach the floor without bending my back, my other leg crouched underneath. I was doing an as-yet-undiscovered yoga move, twisting my legs into positions they had no business being in. Minutes ticked by as I gradually, and ohhhh so gently, lowered my achy body into a wobbly pretzel-shaped squat.

My hand shook as I reached out and picked up a handful of Legos. “A-ha!” I yelled out in triumph, tears rolling down my face. “YES! I will overcome this pain!” I raised my fist. “My house will not become a pigsty! SCIATICAAAAA!!!! Freeeeeedooooooom!!!” Then I felt a pop and my body gave out.  I fell to the floor. I couldn’t move, the pain instense.   I turned my head and looked longingly at the half-eaten Hot Pocket still on my plate, a mere few feet out of my reach. “Noooooooooo…..why, dear lord? Why?”

I was stuck on the living room floor.

Probably for the rest of my life.

As I lay there, the sharp edges of Legos grinding into my back, I could only think one thing:
I should really invest in some muu-muus and bungee cords.

Hot Pocket, here I come!
Hot Pocket, here I come!

Have you ever suffered from lower back pain? Does a bear have lower back pain while shitting in the woods?

(This post brought to you direct from my living room floor.  After I passed out a few hours, I managed to crawl over to my iPad and blog about my ordeal.  If you’re not too busy, would ya stop by and help me up? And bring me some more Ho Hos. Thanks)

I Broke My Ass (part 1)

140 thoughts on “I Broke My Ass (part 2)

  1. Oh no, Darla!! A half eaten Hot Pocket??? Oh the horrors. The horrors!!

    I am so sorry you broke your ass. Assus brokemus is a very serious condition in this society, and really doesn’t get enough airtime on TV commercials for drugs that will fix it. I think it’s all political. But good thing you are a nursing student, and could pinpoint this delicate condition accurately.

    You should have your Ray Lewis-like daughter pick you up, throw you over her shoulder, then slam you down on the couch. Or something.

    I mean, my god woman, think of the Hot Pockets. Oh, the huge manetee!!

    1. Technically, I’m still not a nursing student. I’m in medical assisting. And actually, I still haven’t finished the chapter on the nervous system. So really, I am diagnosing myself here. But I feel that I’ve got it right–this is a case of broken ass if I’ve ever seen one.

  2. You’re HILARIOUS! Which is especially impressive given how much sciatic pain sucks. Way to give the rest of us hope for humor in moments of awfulness. And I hope you feel better soon!

  3. I’m sorry the legos added insult to your injury. They’re like little kid land mines. Did you make anything cool with your hot pockets and legos while stuck on the ground?
    PS good luck with nursing school. It’s all worth it!

    1. Little kid land mines! Totally, duuuude.

      And yes–I fashioned a sturdy rope using the surprisingly extra-strength cheese in my Hot Pocket, managed to make a lasso, then after several attempts, hooked it onto the remote so I could watch TV from the living room floor. So my day was not a total waste.

  4. I can’t believe you’ve been reduced to blogging on the floor, on an iPad no less. Is it safe to assume that you can no longer sit in your cozy office chair sipping coffee at your desk? Sitting upright to drink your coffee has now become a luxury. Maybe Husband needs to shower you with some extra TLC!

    1. I sacrifice so much for blogging, Anka. And I’ve texted your last comment straight to my husband’s phone so he’ll finally come into the living room and help me up instead of just stepping over me like he’s been doing for the better part of the day.

  5. Hysterical story…sorry about the pain your in, at least you have your humor!!! In German, your condition is called <> which translates into shot by a witch!!! You will have to learn to delegate and elevate yourself to the position of manager!!! While you are suffering, make them suffer and make them pitch in.
    Speedy recovery!!

  6. That sounds terrible!! i have lower back pain that comes and goes it seems. sometimes, my back is just weak, sometimes it’s torture. always, although i’m active, i feel somewhat broken. it’s so difficult being unable to do what you normally do. watching the house go to shit would be torture for me too!! feel better soon!!!

    1. It is torture! I never realized how much I bend over to pick things up in a normal day. I want to cry at the mess that’s accumulated all over the house. And the three feet of snow that’s accumulating outside my window right now. At least I don’t have to shovel any of it now.

      1. i know. i’m so sorry. i hope you’re feeling a little better. maybe sit in the shower and let the water pour on your back. and i won’t be shoveling either. my husband is borrowing our neighbors snow blower. we’re on the island in the storm too. tell your husband to make you happy and straighten things up.

      2. I imagine it’s even worse being out there on an island during this storm. It’s pretty bad here. I am shocked we still have power. My husband just went out to attempt to snowblow and didn’t get very far. The drifts are taller than the snow blower! It’s at least three feet drifts out there. Plus, his hands froze solid after about 10 minutes. We are not going anywhere today. We’ll dig out Sunday morning.

  7. Oh Darla! I hear that’s really painful…I’m sorry you’re going through that! But wow, you are an awesome dedicated blogger, to go through that pain, half eaten hot pocket, lego’s everywhere, and you still managed to write this post…on a TOUCH SCREEN, no less…and no typos! Hugs and best of luck!

    1. Ah, yes. If anything, I’m a sad pathetic blogger, Lily. I’m so proud of myself. But no touch screen for me. Good god, no! I have a little keyboard. But the keys are very tiny and my fingers are like sausages so yeah…I suppose I’m dedicated.

  8. First of all, I have to say that I’m a bit slow. I saw the link to your “I Broke My Ass (part I)” link and thought it was sending me to the most recent post before this one. I read the whole thing, commented, and then went to search for this one so I could learn part 2 of the story. I read this and wondered, “How did she work out if her sciatica is acting up? There’s something I am missing here…”

    That’s when I noticed the date and realized that part 1 took place over a year ago.

    I’m a little tired today, Leonore! But I’ll stop complaining and just tell you that I hope your back feels better soon! All I could think of was an episode of “Roseanne” in which she threw out her back and yelled, “I’ve fallen and I don’t have one of those things!”

    I haven’t had back issues beyond the usual occasional sore lower-back after certain activities like walking really slowly or standing for a long time. I call this “museum back.” But I have had issues with my neck. I was in grad school when it first happened: just woke up and couldn’t turn my neck to the left without blinding pain. Doesn’t act up very often and never as acutely, but I often have a pain in the neck. Oh wait, maybe those are some of my students…

    1. Y’know, you are not slow, I’m slow. I didn’t think about the fact that post was from an eternity ago and people would think they somehow missed out on HOW I broke my ass, part 1.

      I love that episode of Roseanne! I think I’m turning into Roseanne now. Oh well.

      I also have issues with my neck. My lower two vertebrae are basically stuck together, there’s no disc left, it’s flat as a pancake. My neck has bone spurs and a bit of arthritis in there, I think from the car accident I had when I hit that moose. Also, my ankle is on fire right now and OH MY GOD I’VE TURNED INTO MY GRANDMA JUST SHOOT ME NOW

  9. Oh, poor you, on so many levels. At least there is nowhere to go from where you are but up.

    Yes, I have had muscle spasms from bending over to pick up an empty CD jacket. And I had my L-4 disc blow. So I know back pain. You’re way past bungee cords, Darlin’. But the muumuus aren’t a bad idea if you want to keep choking down those Hostess products and Hot Pockets. Cuz there’s no way in hell you’re going to work those calories off with just writhing in pain and telling at your family.

    May The Force be with you! 😉

    1. I agree, I’m thinking this muu muu/hot pockets plan isn’t going to pan out for me in the long run. What’s really annoying is I can’t work out every day like I normally do. Wait, I guess that’s not a bad thing, huh?

      1. I guess it’s not such a bad thing, but I miss just walking and doing normal stuff. I still haven’t recovered from my butt surgery and, in a moment of dogged determination, I decided to take Scrappy for a walk. Whoo Boy! Did I feel nauseous afterwards. And weak.

        I looked into the future and saw me 30 years from now. Depressing!

      2. Oh god, that’ s awful! You really appreciate the small things in life after surgery, like walking around without pain. I hope you get some kind of relief soon. Take it easy with the dog-walking if you can. I want to keep moving and exercising too though, I think it helps you stay active in later life.

  10. OneHotMess

    Okay, I have seven kids, six who are fully adult, and an 8 year old who has finally decided that Legos are trash because they just fall apart. My older sons knew that if it was on the floor, and I could vacuum it up, I would. It’s a good life lesson for all. Sciatica…almost the worst pain imaginable. Hey, did you know that we have “an historic, crippling, blizzard,” coming tomorrow? Focus on that. You probably are already. I hate a pigsty during a power outage/blizzard, too!

    1. I love to vacuum up tiny Legos. The crunching sound is just so satisfying. How ’bout this storm, eh? I hope you didn’t lose power. If you did, I don’t suppose you’d be reading this. We had it flicker off at 5 am and it scared the crap out of me. I don’t do well once the inside of the house reaches minus 10 degrees.

  11. I fell over backwards leaning back in a chair recently, landed in a still seated position, (only with my back on the floor), I tried to holler out a distress call like the lady on TV (who doesn’t have a Medic Alert), “Help! Help! I’ve fallen and can’t get up!”…everyone in the house laughed. I had to roll out like a gymnast…it was devastating. And I always have back pain…though I have no knowledge with regard to the bear’s back but I can tell you where he shit. 😀

    1. Ooh, MG, that is terrible. Nothing worse than having people laugh at you while you’re paralyzed on the ground. I’m certain my kids and husband would have laughed at me if they had been home when I fell down. That’s tough love. I’ve had back problems for over 15 years or so. I am usually in a state of low-level chronic pain every day. It’s really amazing I don’t eat Advil for breakfast.

      1. I probably should have put an lol in my comment…I did laugh too it was pretty funny. I’m with you on the Advil…like m&ms and I love Icy Hot and heating pads!

  12. I always make my kids pick up their tequila bottles too. I’m be damed if I’m gonna be the party mom AND clean up after them (that was a joke for anyone, say, who works for child protective services and might be reading this post).

    Darla, you make pain feel funny. I’m so sorry for your orderal, but reading about it put a smile on my face. I’m FedExing Ho Hos and an unopened bottle of tequila stat. xoxo

  13. Curly Carly

    Hilarious!! I’m sorry for your pain, though. Promise me this- if you ever buy a muu muu, please take a photo and share it with us.

  14. Ohhhh no. Can I give you a little advice from one sciatica sufferer to another? Ice is your friend. Not heat. Heat increases inflammation and the inflammation is what has your nerves screaming. Did you have an MRI? because it sounds like you might have an L5-S1 disc issue. I say this because, well… that’s what I have. Please be careful. That seems obvious, I suppose.

    1. I seem to remember my ob/gyn telling me to sit on frozen peas when I was pregnant and had sciatic pain. You are so right! I ditched the heating pad yesterday and sat on some frozen spinach. I’m feeling better already, mainly because I don’t have to eat that spinach now.

      1. 15 minutes at a time seems about right. A few night ago I fell asleep with the bag of spinach stuck to my butt and I think I was pretty close to getting frost bite. I cannot believe I’m telling you this.

        We are so snowed in. This is without a doubt the worst storm I can recall in my lifetime. The wind is what’s the worst. It’s about 50 mph gusts. I can see our car is buried under about 3-5 feet of snow right now. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Ship me some chocolate if you don’t hear from me in a few days.

  15. I, unfortunately, completely and totally 100% know your pain. It took me 5 months, 3 different physical therapists, 2 cortisone shots and one amazing energy healer to be much better. I’ll never be 100% with regards to my L5/S1 joint, but it’s not too bad, considering. And I did it when the kid was just starting kindergarten. That was the end of my picking him up. Although I did it by picking up, twisting, and hurling an eight foot long 2×6 plank.

    Even when you’re in excruciating pain, you are so damned funny! But ugh, I do not envy you one bit. In all seriousness, if you want the info for one amazing energy healer (does awesome distance work), send me an e-mail. In the meanwhile, find a good physiatrist to control the pain, and an even better physical therapist to lay some traction and exercises on you. At least, that’s what helped me. If you get serious numbness and compromised ability to use your leg or legs, get right into an ortho person (I’d say to run, don’t walk, but neither is probably within your capability right now).

    1. I would love to have a cortisone shot, Sue. This pain was so bad, I said to Jim, “just take me to the hospital and have them rip out my entire spine. I don’t care anymore, just tell them to do it.” When even sitting still is painful, you know you’re in trouble. Sorry you know about this pain, Sue. I have completely neglected my Reiki lately. Jim mentioned I should try doing some on myself and I think I’ll do it, what have I got to lose?

  16. The McKenzie books mentioned aren’t bad places to go. Another good place might be a pool, although if my understanding of weather and geography is accurate, you may be getting a couple of feet of snow soon, so swimming may be out of the question. Good news: You’re getting out of shoveling snow. Bad News: a house full of snowbound family will likely spiral into chaos even quicker than usual.

    Feel better.

    1. Thanks, Dave. I was sooooo hoping you’d jet on up to Maine and give me some help, knowing your occupation and all. But I understand. The blizzard is pretty bad. We’ve got five foot drifts out in our driveway right now.

  17. Oh you poor baby! My shoulder hurt for a couple of days and I decided I am a total pain weenie. I would be the prisoner who told the bad guys everything as soon as they got out the toothpicks. I so hope you are able to reach all manner of convenience foods soon!

    1. I am the worst pain weenie, Peg! I can take long episodes of general, mild pain, but this was agony, I’m not gonna lie. I was crying a few times from the pain and that’s even with taking three Advil every four hours.

  18. I, too, know your pain, and have to say that how you underplayed the true intensity of it is amazing, because it is much, much, much worse than you let on.

    That sitting thing… I stood and ate at the kitchen counter, for weeks. I slowly walked all day long, stopping now and again, and leaning against the wall. I’m not kidding. The only times I endured the horrific pain of sitting was in the car (which was truly torture) to get to the chiropractor or physical therapist, and, ummm… the bathroom. And I cursed the bathroom so much, it has yet to forgive me.

    Picking things up – I used an umbrella and flung things to a higher level so I could get them, and also one of those reach thingies that un-injured people use to get things off high shelves.

    I ended up in months of physical therapy, and had to learn how to do everything all over again (walking, standing, vacuuming, bending, anything involving movement), after making sure my back was in “neutral”. Don’t ask. No, really… don’t. The best part of PT was traction – I would have happily spent months in traction, it was the only relief from pain.

    I will tell you this… as horrific as it was (and I really am impressed by how contained you were in describing the pain!) and as long lasting as it was (and still is, at times)… I am sitting as I type this. And I’m even able to wear socks! (Just TRY to put on socks when you can’t sit!) The ability DOES return. Eventually. Really! Really!!

    I hope you are quickly better, and make sure you baby (sorry for the word choice!) your back – this is one of those times when pushing through the pain really WILL make it worse.

    1. Oh yes. It seems the only time I got relief was when I walked around. Very odd. I thought, well, if I just keep walking in circles, maybe I’ll be OK? I had to pick up the kids at school and when I got into the car (after struggling just to lower my body onto the seat) the five minute car ride was sheer agony. Every bump I went over, the pain would intensify. Excrutiating is putting it mildly!

      I did put on socks today (it’s minus 10 here and blizzard conditions) and the pain is only at medium level now. MUCH better than a few days ago. Still, I have a constant ache and burning in my leg and foot. But I’ll take it over the bone-crushing pain. Sorry you know what I’m talking about here.

  19. Dear Darla,

    I feel your pain. Literally. I am queen of the sore butt. So feel better. And laugh. It makes it hurt more and less at the same time. I once had to have surgery on my butt (well once it was only on my butt). They gave me a prescription for 60 vicodin tablets. I thought it was a misfill. It was not.

    Remember, no matter how much it hurts, butts are inherently funny. Trust me. Would I lie?

      1. With the snow, I recommend a hot toddy. A little whiskey, a little lemon juice, a little honey and hot water. I would like one too.

        Tylenol with codeine is a drug that terrifies me. Right after my first hospitalization (when I was 17) I was at home, in bed. My friend Laurie had come to visit me, and she and my brother Fred stood talking in the doorway to my room. I was lying in bed, conscious of their entire conversation, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t respond. It was terrifying.

        Everybody reacts differently to drugs. Unlike you, I can just drink Nyquil!

        1. I could go for a tall frosty glass of Nyquil right about now. I need some sleep.
          That’s so scary about the codeine. I had vicodin a few years ago after my last surgery and it really messed me up. It made me shake all over and I felt so nauseous! My doc told me to cut the pills in half. Vicodin just ain’t my thang, baby.

  20. Sorry you are hurting. I’ve had sciatica before. Ugh! Personally I’d stay away from the chiroquackters… unless you want your wallet adjusted on a monthly basis for the rest of your life. The good news, it usually cures itself in a few days. Ice packs and Advil are your friends!

  21. cooper

    I had so many issues with my vertebrae that i had them removed and replace with wedges of extra sharp cheese. I am a literal pied piper the way rodents follow me around. As for squatting, I’m saving myself for marriage. Oh. Wait. I am married. Well then I’m saving myself for something else..i just don’t know what that is yet.

    1. Haha! You kill me. Oh god, Cooper, how I would love to have my entire lower spine yanked right out. I often tell my husband to just take me to the ER and demand they remove it, the pain is that bad sometimes.

  22. Brutal! Marty deals with sciatica every now and then, and I don’t envy him one bit! I suggest acupuncture for everything, and back pain is no different. The only time I threw my back out (ohm the horrors), acupuncture was the only thing that was able to rescue me. Maybe you can find an acupuncturist that makes house calls and picks up Lego while they’re at it? Good luck!

      1. Besides, acupuncture needles are nothing like injection needles. Marty is terrified of regular needles but has no problem with acupuncture. I’ve even had acupuncture AROUND ME EYES and ON MY EYELIDS, and it’s (surprisingly) not a big deal. Whatever brings effective relief from suffering is AOK in my books. Hope you’ve started to feel better!

  23. Your dedication to blogging is amazing… It seems your first reaction to an injury is to write a blog post about it, and then call 911 🙂 I don’t think I could make myself do that.

  24. Ouch. I hope it gets better soon. Go to a doctor! I had sciatic pain during the end of my pregnancy. I couldn’t sit and of course lying down was horrible. Mentioned it to my OB I’m positive. Later after the birth I mentioned it again and she said I should have told her. There were things we could have done for that. I really could have punched her.

    1. Haha! God yes! This pain does make me wanna punch something. Might as well be your OB. I had bad sciatic pain on both sides when I was pregnant with my son. My OB told me until I could get my son to get up off my bladder and move into my lungs, I was on my own. Nice.

  25. Snoring Dog Studio

    The daughter… She owes you. That picking up thing ought to be her job until she’s, say, 18. Poor you, poor you! That sounds just awful. I don’t understand why docs haven’t figured out how to unpinch a nerve. Sheesh. All the advancements we enjoy and this one they skip? Get better soon, dear!

    1. I know, my daughter is built like a giraffe, she’s all legs and she’s solid like a linebacker. For a moment I let my desire to pretend she’s a baby override my common sense that picking up a girl who’s 50 pounds would blow out my back. Stupid, I am.

  26. Oh DP, you are just having a hell of a time. I have to say, though, apparently pain is a great source of humor for you – this was hilarious. “They have enough to deal with working the graveyard shift at McDonald’s.” HA!

    It’s off to the doctor for you, while I debate whether I’m willing to share any of my Hot Pockets (okay, I will).

        1. I wish I had the power to let things go like that. I’m not a big cleaning person, I can handle letting things like the dishes go for a bit. But it’s the messes on the floor that bug me. I like to have things picked up. Apparently my kids like to throw things down.

          1. Yeah! Strange how other people’s messes really tick me off. I mean…I certainly have every right to leave a trail of reese’s peanut butter cup wrappers across the couch…but to leave your Legos on the floor for me to step on in my bare feet? That’s where I draw the line, buddy.

  27. A couple years ago I hurt myself similarly. I then decided to work out to “work it through.” This was among the dumbest decisions I’ve ever made. It was months before I’d really recovered. Awful. Horrible, debilitating pain – I empathize more than I wish I could.

  28. I threaten to suck up the legos with the vac for a few days, then I actually do it. Makes a racket, which is strangely satisfying.

    I agree with thesinglecell …ICE is your friend, even though heat sounds soothing, and although I am not a big chiropractor fan, I found one who will only adjust what I request (leave my neck alone!) and I only visit when I feel the need (no constant revisiting). He fixed a minor sciatica problem with one visit.

    1. It is so great hearing that vac crunch up those Legos! Course I’d have to have my husband do all the vacuuming. I’m still refusing to do any housework today. (mwa ha haaa!)

      I’ve had two chiropractors in my time. One was wonderful, he was more of a holistic chiro and did lots of gentle adjustments. The other was so rough and would just crack the hell out of my spine in a few minutes then send me on my way. I was in fear he’d break my neck by accident. It really pays to get a good chiropractor.

      1. I agree, there has to be a lot of trust with any doctor. I’ve had some bad experiences in the chiro department, too. I learned to speak up right away and if they have a problem with me not being on board for a whole lot of harsh adjusting, then out the door I go.

        So, are you feeling better? It’s probably wise to wait until you are completely 100% before you do ANY housework. hee-hee.

        1. Thanks for asking! I felt better, then my car got stuck in a snowbank (long story) so I ended up shoveling (I know, crazy) But today? MUCH better. I have an appt. tomorrow and hopefully will get my back adjusted VERY soon. (I will still refuse any housework though…)

  29. Omg this isn’t funny. Send anyone who dares to laugh to the corner!
    After a fall (long boring story) I ended up with herniated discs in my neck = shooting pain down my arms, numb fingers = three months of 24/7 pain before I had the series of cortisone shots = immediate relief! When I feel the symptoms starting i.e the tingling down my arm, or numbness in my elbow, I do some gentle yoga

    1. That sounds awful, Rosie! So the cortisone helped it go away more or less permanently? I’ve never had a shot. I was going to get one in my ankle last year due to a stress fracture I got from jogging, but she decided I’d wear a cast longer instead. I swear by yoga. I do some every other day.

  30. Ouch! Hope you feel better soon – and you’re surviving the snowstorm! With your predicament did you manage to stock up on the essentials to make it through the barrage of weather? By essentials I mean wine and chocolate.

    1. I do have loads of chocolate. No wine. But gin!

      This storm is pretty bad. Parts of our roof have blown off already. Some big shingles on both sides. There’s a few five foot tall snow drifts out in our driveway as well and it’s around minus 10 with the wind chill. But I have power still! yahoooo!

  31. You might not love me for this, it isn’t I don’t completely feel your pain. I do this is what I live with, to greater or lesser extend, daily. So here is the deal. Stop popping Advil, they really don’t do much good. Heat and Cold don’t really help much either.

    No bending. Sitting won’t do the trick. Although when you are sitting, good posture as painful as it is will help a little bit.

    The only thing that is going to help is to get up and move. Walk around the block. Yes, I know it hurts. But believe me it will start to help. If you can find an acupuncturist, this will help also. I have found in the past few weeks, acupuncture to be my best friend.

    Feel better soon.

    1. I googled sciatic pain, Val and I read where some think Advil doesn’t do a thing for the pain. That would make sense because at the height of my pain a few days ago, I was popping THREE at a time and it didn’t even take the edge off! Drats! Also, the heating pad/frozen ice thing. The ice seemed to numb the area momentarily, so that was nice, but it certainly didn’t last, you’re right. Sigh. Today I am up and moving around a lot and while the pain is still there, it’s not horrible like it was. I guess a walk is in order. But there’s this blizzard thing to deal with for now. Gah! Thanks for the advice, Val. I’m thinking an acupuncturist might be my next thing.

  32. I guess it’s true that from pain comes comedy, because I’m sorry, this is funny, Darla. I sympathize immensely, though, because I’ve had a bad back for years, and my sciatica flares up every so often. Sometimes it hurts so bad it makes me beg Mr. Weebles to saw me in half so it doesn’t hurt anymore. Heat/cold compresses and gentle movement help, but so do ice cream, Ho Hos and booze. I hope you are doing better very soon!

  33. If I didn’t fear the wrath of Nemo, I would wing my way up there to help you out. So sorry you’re experiencing such pain, Darla. I don’t think I’ve ever gone thru such intense pain. Thank heavens! Take care and I hope you’ll be in good spirits and doing the Ninga like-moves real soon.

      1. No shoveling? Darla, that is great news. I still remember the day when a ton of snow was dumped in our area (Liverpool, NY). All the guys were shoveling like mad trying to keep up. When a local snow plow guy came thru, they rushed up and practically threw money at him to take over. That’s when we happily began our annual snow plowing contract.And never looked back.

      2. Thankfully, we have a good snow blower, Judy. It’s so easy to use, even I can do it. (I still made Jim do it though) By the way, I giggled that you lived in Liverpool NY after reading your Beatles post.

  34. Pingback: One Crazy Sunday | JM Randolph, accidentalstepmom

  35. Deborah the Closet Monster

    To your question, YES! I have known this exact pain! It’s what led me to a physical therapist some months back. Happily, the physical therapist helped me ease out of the lower back pain, but her overall spanktasticness led me to injure my upper back. All told, the upper back pain is much, much more tolerable, so I’m going to stop complaining and just say I hope you are feeling better fast. Like, yesterday fast. (I can dream!)

    1. Oh, god–she injured your upper back as well?? that’s terrible! Now weren’t you the one that just tried acupuncture? I seem to recall your experience was good, I might have to resort to it myself one day (by the way, I giggled at your word spanktasticness!)

  36. This is the worst. You can’t even bend over to use the toilet. You can’t do laundry. You can even roll over without screaming for your mama.
    I wouldn’t wish this on….well…I can’t think who’d I wish it on. Certainly not you.
    May vicodin and lots of rest find you able to stumble forward in the next week.

    1. ahhhh! Yes! Using the toilet. Barb, there is nothing more pathetic than not being able to lower yourself down to go pee. It’s really the point where you just want to give up, say what the hell, and get a catheter.

  37. Back pain is the worst, and nobody understands it unless they’ve been there. Your writing fortitude was already admirable, Darla, but now you’ve approached the status of myth. I’ll be chanting “Sciatica!” all day in your honor.

  38. I hunch over now from the bazillion Legos I picked up in my lifetime. Someone should invent a vacuum cleaner for toys. It would sort them and deposit them in little containers. How hard would that be?????
    I feel your pain, well not really but it sounds horrific! Have you tried hanging yourself? I mean grabbing a bar and letting your back elongate.
    Not really sure how I missed your post last Wed! Shame on me….
    Going over to Le Clown’s menagerie…
    Feel better Darla!!!

    1. That vac/toy invention would be a huge hit! I think you’re onto something there…
      Speaking of hanging yourself, my husband kept telling me to get one of those ‘inversion’ things, where you strap your legs in and go upside down. To me that sounds like heaven!

  39. There’s a lovely lady called Maddie Cocher who wrote an article about how she dealt with her pain. She has ‘two depleted disks in my lower back and nerve damage in my right shoulder.’ It may not be what you are looking for or what you need, but it’s worth reading the article for yourself and maybe asking her some questions. Below is her url address.
    In the meantime, my sympathy. I did something to my lower back but not as drastic as you. It was horrible while it lasted.

    1. Thank you so much for linking me to her blog, Mary. I read her post and it seems we have the same problem, my two lower vertebrae have no disc at all anymore. I am willing to try the herb she mentioned. I’ll ask my doc about it next week (my pain is back again today) I hope your back doesn’t give you any more trouble! Have a great weekend.

  40. I’m a member of the broke ass club. I got that way after joining the dumb ass club; stretching to “limber up” like I was 16 again. Tomorrow I hope to be a member of the lazy ass club, because out of the three, it sounds like the most fun. Though “sits on her ass” club could be just as entertaining. I could even use it as my Native name.

    1. Hey, I’m a lifelong member of all of the dumb/lazy/smart ass clubs! Might as well add ‘broke ass’ to the mix.

      By the way, I see you’re from Washington? I used to live in Olympia. Went to college out there for two years and fell in love with the area! I still miss it to this day.

  41. Pingback: My Exclusive Interview With Me About My Blog | She's a Maineiac

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