Welcome again to a new feature where I showcase one blogger for the entire month! This is why I call it ‘Blogger of the Month’. Crazy, huh?
But first I beg them to fill out a juicy “Firsts and Lasts” questionnaire. Y’know…so I can slyly poke fun at them before I put them up on a pedestal. It helps me cope with the jealousy.
Today is my favorite day of the year. Not only is it April Fool’s Day, but it’s also the Official Byronic Man Day! Yes, I’ve made it a day. Hell, why not an entire month?
His blog, The Byronic Man, is witty, charming, intelligent, funny…it has kick-ass stick figure cartoons, some patient bears, an occasional baby-giggle video, caption contests, Sexy Stalin bracelets. He’s been Freshly Pressed thrice! He’s a WordPress Recommended Humor Blogger. He’s a new father to one adorable baby girl. And he can really rock a red dress. I’m giddy with excitement to post his photo in my sidebar for the next thirty days.
Please give a warm welcome to…
FIRST…
Blog post: I wrote a blog previously called The Once Wide World that never really found its footing, despite a couple posts that I’m proud of and bear a certain “Byronic Man-esque” quality. The first post here – “Come On In And Have A Seat. Thanks For Being Here. Everyone Comfortable? Excellent.” – for Byronic Man, though, I wrote with the idea that no one outside my immediate family would ever see it. At least until I was hugely successful and people were combing my archives to be completists. It currently has 1 “like.” [editor’s note: Now it has two]
Kiss: A couple of grade-school proto-kisses. First kiss-kiss type-kiss was junior high, during a high-school football game. It was… not well executed. More like trying to attach two hoses together with the un-complementary ends than a romantic moment.
Love: Refuse to answer on the grounds that it has forced “Puppy Love” to go through my head.
Childhood memory: Lots of fleeting images. A dim stairwell. The old woman next door who would give me Hostess cakes. The first coherent one, though, is first grade. It was dark and cloudy, and we thought the teacher had kept us until nighttime. I was furious that they hadn’t taught us to tell time, enabling them to hijack us into conforming to their schedule.
Moment I met my significant other: I was talking to a former teacher in her office before coming to be a guest speaker in her class. SHE was in the office next door. There was a mirror across the hall enabling us to see each other. I thought we were making flirty eye-contact. She thought she was staring at me without realizing that if she could see me in the mirror, then I could see her.
Time I did something really scary: I genuinely can’t think of the first thing. Weird. I can think of a lot of things that I should have been scared to do, if I hadn’t been so naïve; and things I was scared of for no reason… I remember zip-lining across a river when I was 10. That was scary. And I remember going to a new school when I was 9, and my mom saying I didn’t have to stay if I didn’t like it, so halfway through the day I decided to leave. The principal stopped me to ask where I was going, and I explained, and then he kindly encouraged me to give until the end of the day and then decide.
Thing I think God will say to me at the pearly gates: “You said you wanted to have a word with me?”
Time I felt ‘grown-up’: The first time I said, “No thanks; I don’t think I’ll have another marshmallow.”
Time I made someone really laugh:
This one should really be a golden moment, shouldn’t it? Like the moment happens and I look off in to the middle distance seeing my life’s dreams before me? But I have no idea. I remember doing puppet theater when I was a kid, and having a villain puppet who was really over-the-top in his sneering, looming, maniacal-laughing villainy, and he was a big hit, and I thought, “Hm. This is okay.”
Time I realized I was hooked on blogging: As soon as I saw I could put something out there and that it could connect with someone.
Job I had: Dishwasher at an Italian restaurant. The first night the guy who was supposed to show me how to close got drunk and said, “Just, you know, clean up” and waved in the general area of the kitchen. Then he left.
LAST…
Blog Post: “Please Hire Me To Be A Twisty Human Car Model;” the latest in my “Please Hire Me” series.
Thing I cooked: Peruvian fish tacos
Movie I saw: It’s been a while since I’ve been to the movie theater; probably Cloud Atlas. At home? We just watched The Five-Year Engagement. Underrated.
Book I read: Death With Interruptions by Jose Saramago. Portuguese novel about death taking a year off. Difficult to read, stylistically, but sharply clever and contemplative.
Reality TV show I watched: Walking Dead. Oh, it’s a reality show! Don’t believe the cover-up!
Song I listened to: “Province” by TV On The Radio. One of my favorites, and then I just found out David Bowie sings backing vocals. I had to listen again. Brilliant song. Brilliant band. Add David Bowie? Come on. That’s almost too much.
Person I kissed: My daughter.
Time I cried: That time the truck full of people littered by the side of the road and kept driving.
Time I laughed hysterically: When my wife mis-heard the name of a doughnut place here in town as “Glazed & Abused” instead of “Glazed & Amused” and we contemplated a doughnut shop that gives you the bearclaw then punches you in the face.
Time I cursed like a sailor: Had to change out the dryer hose with wall-fixtures the previous owner got “creative” with.
Embarrassing moment: This morning. In the middle of a conversation about struggles a friend is going through (with the friend), my subconscious decided that was a good time to blurt out my great, existential crisis of the moment. I then had to spend 10 minutes trying to redirect and swearing that I really didn’t want to hijack the conversation to me.
Good deed I did: Offered to help someone move a bunch of stuff, then they didn’t need me to. Don’t you love that?
Indulgence: A burger and a beer for lunch, followed by a nap. The nap, in particular. [editor’s note: Always nap when the baby naps. Always nap when the baby’s not napping. Always nap.]
She's A Maineiac 
Peruvian fish tacos? That’s what I cooked last, too. Copy cat. And littering gets me every time. Right here (touches sternum). Oh, wait…this is about Byronic Man. Excellent choice for blogger of the month.
I know. I had Peruvian fish tacos just now for breakfast. They aren’t as good reheated though.
The fish does get a little soggy… no?
So soggy. And no amount of ketchup can save it. Maybe next time I’ll go with the Ecuadorian fish tacos instead.
It’s basically a fancy way of saying “fish tacos with a little extra flair”…
so far so good in this series-Byron is a good choice –
Yes, I bow down to Lord Byron. Every post the man writes is FP-worthy. It really makes my blood boil. But I gotta just swallow that bitter jealousy pill time and again. Sigh.
your blog is equally as good– I truly look forward to every post you write– you are at once a hoot and informative
thanks for saying so, put a smile on my face today. Now I can tease B-man by singing “I’m equally as good as you are. neener neener neeeeener!”
I thought it was a great choice! I fully support the paying of attention to me.
ha ha ha
You’re starting this series with The Byronic Man?! Where exactly do you go next?
I know! He’s The Man. But I started with Elyse from fiftyfourandahalf–she’s a pretty kick-ass way to kick things off as well.
I read that one too. What the hell is wrong with my memory?!
Anyway…what were we just talking about?
Beats the hell outta me. Have you seen my glasses? I can’t see a blessed thing. And turn the heat up, will ya?
Very informative. I’m impressed that Byronic Man has actually watched a full movie with a new baby being around and all. I have yet to master that. I’ll watch hours of Man V. Food, but cannot commit to a full-length feature.
I haven’t watched anything uninterrupted since 2002. Still have a few Lost episodes to see….are they all dead, for reals?? no, don’t tell me. I hope to find out in 2025.
Well, it took about three days. I think by the time the opening credits had rolled we’d paused it 3 times.
Terrific profile, Darla. And we all love the B-Man. But I’m pretty sure he’s been cracking folks up since he was in his crib.
No doubt. I wonder if he had any siblings to tease and torment with his sharp biting wit?
I bet that’s where he honed it. Just like us!
Exactly. He HAD to have had at least ONE sibling that used to put his head in the toilet and give him noogies. I know I owe all my caustic wit to my dear sweet brothers.
Sort of… half-siblings. They were all so much older than I and distant enough from me, though, that not a lot of teasing taking place.
I did a “What’s the deal with strained carrots?” routine that would knock you out.
Your daughter will do her own version before too long — raspberry edition, I’m guessing.
Another blog! Holy crap. Took every ounce of willpower I have not to get totally sidetracked there. This post has it all, up to and including homemade Peruvian fish tacos. I don’t even know what that is, but I want some right now.
I think I’m going to name my next blog “Glazed & Abused.” You’ll like it. There’ll be existential crises AND doughnuts.
So nice of B Man to make the long trip to Maine for the month. Your intro really made me giggle, Darla!
I’m as pleased as Peruvian fish tacos he decided to make the long slog to my neck of the woods.
I know, it’s like this whole other life buried in my shadowy past. I still get comments every now and then from people offering home loans and male-enhancement.
happy byronic day to you and yours! we will celebrate by eating only one marshmallow.
Happy Byronic Day to you as well! Later on, I’m having a festive marshmallow/Peruvian fish taco hunt out in my back yard, you’re more than welcome to come.
ohh a fish hunt! i love those! how can i refuse!! i’ll bring my cape!
A gigantic, sofa-cushion-sized marsmallow is allowed, though.
Now you’re in my my gingerbread house. welcome.
I like this blogger of the month idea. And what a title! It just, I don’t know, seems to fit. Byronic Man is great – he even puts his face on sheets like Justin Bieber.
You’re right, the Beebs has nothin’ on the B-Man. And I’d like to point out that I’m currently in possession of the coveted B-man pillowcase/sheet set. For some odd reason though my husband wasn’t too keen on the idea of me sleeping on his face every night, so they remain neatly folded in my linen closet for future use.
Your husband is a real killjoy. My husband probably wouldn’t notice. “We have sheets?” he’d ask.
My husband IS a real killjoy! He’s also losing his eyesight so maybe I’ll try and slip B-man’s pillowcase on my pillow tonight and see if he notices anything amiss. Maybe he’ll think I just really like superman.
Oh man, the list of similarities between Justin Bieber and me just goes on and on. XY chromosomes, to name just one example. Binocular vision. Opposable thumbs.
Whoa. Stop right there. I have serious doubts about the XY chromosomes.
I’m talking about the Beebs.
I think this is a great idea! And obviously, who better than B-Man? 😉
Happy Byronic Day! (I’m going to request that I get the day off. Byronic day only comes once a year.)
Technically, it’s supposed to involve two days off. Just, you know, if you want to be orthodox about it.
Happy Byronic Day to you too, Lily! I really think this thing will catch on. I plan to celebrate it every April Fool’s Day.
Great idea, Darla! What a fun post and a fantastic way to kick things off.
Peruvian fish tacos? Is this an April Fools joke? Man, I hope not because it sounds a world better than the Baja Fresh fish tacos I had when I was in California last.
Speaking of food… I don’t think I’ve ever said, “No thanks; I don’t think I’ll have another marshmallow.” (can you really eat too many?) How long ago was that?
I’m honestly not sure what made them specifically Peruvian.. I just follow directions.
This guy certainly gets around. There’s a name for a guy like that…one day I hope to be able to afford his “fee.”
He does get around, I think after this week, he’ll need extra long naps just to recover.
I’d write a comment, but it’s time for my nap. Then I have to figure out where I can get Peruvian fish tacos and doughnuts for lunch.
In my world, it’s ALWAYS time for a nap. I’m napping right now. I like to multi-task.
I’m noticing a pattern here. First at Peg’s place, now yours Darla. Is the By-Man paying you people for extra publicity (like he really needs it) and, By-Guy, can I get in on that action? Scrappy needs a higher quality of doggie treats. 😉
Oh, no, he never has to pay anyone! He just has to keep on being his naturally hilarious/handsome/smart self.
You can’t think of the last time you have been scared B-Man! The last one for me? (even though no one asked… 🙂 ) Last weekend, while skiing down a head wall, I hit ice and my skis splayed out in front of me. I was heading for the trees when I righted myself. I pulled every muscle in my quads. Ouch and Whew!
I think there were many times when having a newborn was terrifying…
Congrats on making Darla’s list!
Oh no, it was the first time I was scared I couldn’t think of. Last time would be easy. Too easy…
Ohhhhhhh……
D’oh! Shoulda asked about your LAST time. I blew it.
I do love looking like a hero and then not actually being needed. Good-deed equity it a beautiful thing.
I hate, though, when I offer to help someone hoping I won’t be needed. I feel like a jerk, then.
I remember that public service ad, mainly because I think it was the same guy from the margarine commercial who said “your people call it corn” so condescendingly.
Oh, and nice to get to know the Byronic Man. He has now officially taken over the blogosphere.
My wife was just telling me about this book she’s reading on criminal proceedings on tribal lands, and how difficult it is. It also frequently forces to the surface rampant racism. For example, the mini-mart just off reservation land that charge a 20% “tax” to all Indians in order to compensate for losses incurred by “their” shoplifting. Just gross all the way around.
That kiss simile was just beautiful. Led to some hilarious mental pictures.
Same here. He described that first kiss perfectly.
Amusing and entertaining post. Byronic is a blog-worthy man. Great choice, Darla.
He is one of the best, Judy.
Congratulations to B-Man on getting Mainely Pressed! To say that I agree with your choice for featured blogger would be an understatement.
Off to Go Jules Go now to make B-Man a featured husband.
Ooh, Mainely Pressed, I like the sound of that, X.
I think B-man will be the future Go Jules Go hubby….he’s winning over bacon even.
I think he should make that his new banner: The Byronic Husband. More Beloved Than Bacon.
Feel free to trademark the sound of that – Freshly Pegged is already taken, and this may go to.
…and who WOULDN’T want to be More Beloved Than Bacon? Tis a consumation devotely to be wished.
Fantastic post, and great Q&A 😉 you’ve got a new follower!
Welcome, Pixie Girl! Can’t go wrong with a B-man interview…
I’m really digging this incestuous blogging we’re all getting into—everyone showing up on everyone else’s blogs, we all trot over to see what we all have to say, then (if we haven’t already) subscribe to all of us.
We’re becoming very royal now.
We are greatly amused.
I’m waiting for the day when I end up asking myself to guest post on my own blog.
Don’t do it, Darla. That Darla is WAY too much of a prima donna to be a good guest blogger. Darla will make your life a living hell, Darla.
Darla, Darla, Darla
Darla is such a suck-up and always so needy. Constantly wanting attention. It’s all about her and her stupid blog.
Really Darla, could you pick a better subject? Elyse then Byronic. My only question, how did he find the time, between a new baby, napping and cooking?
I know, napping gets in my way all the time. It’s really a burden I chose to bear.
He sounds like an interesting dude. I think I will check out his blog. Yours is cool too!
thanks and he is a really cool dude.
I feel like I’ve entered a vortex of bloggers overlapping other bloggers, swirling around each other in perpetuity. I’m dizzy. And hungry. I really need a Peruvian donut taco.
Peruvian donuts sounds divine…
What a fantastic way to highlight a blogger, Darla. I’ve never read his blog before, so am happy to check him out. I appreciate a man who eats marshmallows.
You will not be disappointed.
This is a wonderful idea, Darla. I’d never been to his blog either, but I just did a quick visit and can see I have a lot of great reading to catch up on. What an excellent writer! I am sorry I clicked on that red dress link, though. Really sorry.
He is an excellent writer/blogger, you will love him. The red dress he needs to work on a bit more.
Peruvian fish tacos?! That has to be made up. I have to believe it’s covering up for what was actually Hamburger Helper.
I have my suspicions about this so-called taco from Peru as well, Angie. I mean, the man has a baby at home. Hasn’t he ever heard of Kraft Mac-n-cheese?