Welcome again to a new feature where I showcase one blogger for the entire month! This is why I call it ‘Blogger of the Month’. Crazy, huh?
But first I beg them to fill out a juicy “Firsts and Lasts” questionnaire. Y’know…so I can slyly poke fun at them before I put them up on a pedestal. It helps me cope with the jealousy.
Today is my favorite day of the year. Not only is it April Fool’s Day, but it’s also the Official Byronic Man Day! Yes, I’ve made it a day. Hell, why not an entire month?
His blog, The Byronic Man, is witty, charming, intelligent, funny…it has kick-ass stick figure cartoons, some patient bears, an occasional baby-giggle video, caption contests, Sexy Stalin bracelets. He’s been Freshly Pressed thrice! He’s a WordPress Recommended Humor Blogger. He’s a new father to one adorable baby girl. And he can really rock a red dress. I’m giddy with excitement to post his photo in my sidebar for the next thirty days.
Please give a warm welcome to…
Blog post: I wrote a blog previously called The Once Wide World that never really found its footing, despite a couple posts that I’m proud of and bear a certain “Byronic Man-esque” quality. The first post here – “Come On In And Have A Seat. Thanks For Being Here. Everyone Comfortable? Excellent.” – for Byronic Man, though, I wrote with the idea that no one outside my immediate family would ever see it. At least until I was hugely successful and people were combing my archives to be completists. It currently has 1 “like.” [editor’s note: Now it has two]
Kiss: A couple of grade-school proto-kisses. First kiss-kiss type-kiss was junior high, during a high-school football game. It was… not well executed. More like trying to attach two hoses together with the un-complementary ends than a romantic moment.
Love: Refuse to answer on the grounds that it has forced “Puppy Love” to go through my head.
Childhood memory: Lots of fleeting images. A dim stairwell. The old woman next door who would give me Hostess cakes. The first coherent one, though, is first grade. It was dark and cloudy, and we thought the teacher had kept us until nighttime. I was furious that they hadn’t taught us to tell time, enabling them to hijack us into conforming to their schedule.
Moment I met my significant other: I was talking to a former teacher in her office before coming to be a guest speaker in her class. SHE was in the office next door. There was a mirror across the hall enabling us to see each other. I thought we were making flirty eye-contact. She thought she was staring at me without realizing that if she could see me in the mirror, then I could see her.
Time I did something really scary: I genuinely can’t think of the first thing. Weird. I can think of a lot of things that I should have been scared to do, if I hadn’t been so naïve; and things I was scared of for no reason… I remember zip-lining across a river when I was 10. That was scary. And I remember going to a new school when I was 9, and my mom saying I didn’t have to stay if I didn’t like it, so halfway through the day I decided to leave. The principal stopped me to ask where I was going, and I explained, and then he kindly encouraged me to give until the end of the day and then decide.
Thing I think God will say to me at the pearly gates: “You said you wanted to have a word with me?”
Time I felt ‘grown-up’: The first time I said, “No thanks; I don’t think I’ll have another marshmallow.”
Time I made someone really laugh:
This one should really be a golden moment, shouldn’t it? Like the moment happens and I look off in to the middle distance seeing my life’s dreams before me? But I have no idea. I remember doing puppet theater when I was a kid, and having a villain puppet who was really over-the-top in his sneering, looming, maniacal-laughing villainy, and he was a big hit, and I thought, “Hm. This is okay.”
Time I realized I was hooked on blogging: As soon as I saw I could put something out there and that it could connect with someone.
Job I had: Dishwasher at an Italian restaurant. The first night the guy who was supposed to show me how to close got drunk and said, “Just, you know, clean up” and waved in the general area of the kitchen. Then he left.
Blog Post: “Please Hire Me To Be A Twisty Human Car Model;” the latest in my “Please Hire Me” series.
Thing I cooked: Peruvian fish tacos
Movie I saw: It’s been a while since I’ve been to the movie theater; probably Cloud Atlas. At home? We just watched The Five-Year Engagement. Underrated.
Book I read: Death With Interruptions by Jose Saramago. Portuguese novel about death taking a year off. Difficult to read, stylistically, but sharply clever and contemplative.
Reality TV show I watched: Walking Dead. Oh, it’s a reality show! Don’t believe the cover-up!
Song I listened to: “Province” by TV On The Radio. One of my favorites, and then I just found out David Bowie sings backing vocals. I had to listen again. Brilliant song. Brilliant band. Add David Bowie? Come on. That’s almost too much.
Person I kissed: My daughter.
Time I cried: That time the truck full of people littered by the side of the road and kept driving.
Time I laughed hysterically: When my wife mis-heard the name of a doughnut place here in town as “Glazed & Abused” instead of “Glazed & Amused” and we contemplated a doughnut shop that gives you the bearclaw then punches you in the face.
Time I cursed like a sailor: Had to change out the dryer hose with wall-fixtures the previous owner got “creative” with.
Embarrassing moment: This morning. In the middle of a conversation about struggles a friend is going through (with the friend), my subconscious decided that was a good time to blurt out my great, existential crisis of the moment. I then had to spend 10 minutes trying to redirect and swearing that I really didn’t want to hijack the conversation to me.
Good deed I did: Offered to help someone move a bunch of stuff, then they didn’t need me to. Don’t you love that?
Indulgence: A burger and a beer for lunch, followed by a nap. The nap, in particular. [editor’s note: Always nap when the baby naps. Always nap when the baby’s not napping. Always nap.]