Hold onto your beer can hats, guys, because I have something big to tell you. Everything you ever knew about the world and how it works is about to be turned upside down.
I hate to be the one to break this to you [sigh] but here goes…
Is your mind blown? Well believe it, baby. Would I lie to you? It’s been proven in recent studies. Yes! By people in white lab coats! Who are no doubt running around some freaky lab, analyzing brain scans of men drinking Heineken while women are judging their manhood on a scale from 1 to 10. My husband wants to know if they’re in need of any more test subjects because he’s available and will work for free beer.
So I’ve decided to save these scientists future time and money and let them in on a few of my own earth-shattering studies:
- When Women Ask Men “Am I Right? Well, Am I?!” They Prefer Men Nod Their Heads, Hand Them Their Credit Card And Walk Away
- When Women Ask “Does This Make My Butt Look Big?” They Prefer Men Answer, “Hell No! Never! You Have The Best, Most Perfectly Sized Ass In The Universe! Here, Take My Credit Card!”
- Husbands Who Say “I’m Sorry, I Was Wrong and You Were Right” Live Longer
- Men Prefer Women With Bigger Breasts
- Small-Breasted Women Prefer Men Who Prefer Women With Smaller Breasts
- Both Men and Women Prefer Men Have No Breasts
- Men Prefer Women Who Stop Talking For Five Seconds So They Can Watch The Game In Peace
- Women Prefer Men to Say Something, Anything, For The Love Of God Isn’t There One Tiny Spark Of A Thought Flickering Across That Simple Little Brain Of Yours?!
- Women Get Bitchy During Their Period
- Women Get Bitchy When Not On Their Period
- Women Get Bitchy, Period
- Women Like Chocolate
- When Women Eat Chocolate They Get Really Happy And Very Quiet
So there you have it! I am so happy to enlighten you guys today. Hope you learned something.
Ladies, if you’ve done any of your own scientific studies, please, share your results below in the comments.