What are some of my greatest fears in life?
- The dark
- Skydiving at night while covered in spiders.
But the biggest fear I have? The one thing I still haven’t conquered after all these years? Looks like this summer, I’ll finally have my chance.
I sat down with my college advisor last week so we could bang out my 2013 fall schedule. I’ll be taking 15 credits, full time, with classes like pharmacology and medical transcription. I’ve already taken Anatomy and Physiology I and II and I’m still on the Dean’s List, so I was feeling pretty smug. (Dean was the name of my lab partner.)
Bring it on! I thought as he pulled up my past college transcripts from 20-odd years ago. (I already have a bachelor’s degree in psych. Stop laughing.)
“Oh,” he said, squinting at his computer screen. “It seems you never took one subject! I’m sorry, but you’ll have to take it this summer.”
I peered at the monitor and felt my heart stop.
The last time I spoke in front of a large group I do believe they had to take me away on a stretcher.
This may come as a shock to you guys, but I’m an introverted person. I know, I’m a writer who’s a little shy! I love to be alone with my thoughts. I can handle intimate one on one conversations, sometimes with other people. But I detest speaking on the phone. Even with people I like. (Except you, Jules)
How in the hell am I going to endure a course that revolves around the very thing I’ve avoided my entire life?
Something odd happens when I speak in public: my voice starts to shake, my face turns red, I can hear myself droning on and on from a distance, almost like I’m having an out of body experience. Then when I start to feel everyone’s eyes on me, boring into my skull like lasers, I think things like, I could start speaking gibberish right now! I could bust into a song and dance routine! What if I start rapping “Ice, Ice Baby”? What if I start burping uncontrollably? (some of these things happened during one memorable speech back in 1989).
So please, wish me luck this summer. I will be enduring Public Speaking for four hours a day! Twice each week! For over a month! And my guess is the class won’t be impressed by my Vanilla Ice impressions.
What is your biggest fear? Have you conquered it yet? If so, any tips? (I’ve already considered valium, but you need a prescription for that.)