I was feeling pretty adventurous at Super Cuts; the music was popping, the light was flattering, the hairstylist was overly bubbly in her enthusiasm. Why not do something drastic? I wanted a change. I needed a change.
Everyone was on board: my six-year-old daughter nodded enthusiastically at me with her gap-toothed grin, my husband looked at me with that “whatever you say, dear” smile, even Beyoncé thought it was a fierce idea as she whispered to me from the stereo, “I’m feeling so crazy right now….ya got me looking so crazy right now….”
Her words would prove prophetic.
What is it about hair salons? You walk in and it’s this magical place. A place where the hip music and hair gels mix together into a mesmerizing elixir of youth, turning your middle aged brain to mush and suddenly you think you can pull off a Halle Berry cut.
“Oh, c’mon!” the stylist played with my long thick hair. “You should like, totally go shorter. How about chin length?”
“That’s eight inches!”
“But you have such beautiful hair, you’d look a-MAH-zing!”
“Well….I don’t know….”
“What are you, like 29 or 30? This cut would be so fresh and hip for you, you’d look so young!”
“Thirty? Me? Ha! Hahaha!……Okay, let’s do it.”
She started snipping away, Beyoncé still warbling in the background as I felt heavy clumps of hair slide down my back onto the floor.
I cringed and kept my eyes shut, the whole time thinking:
What the hell am I doing? Stop! Stop cutting! I change my mind! Put the scissors down! Is it too late to stop this? Can I pull off half a haircut? Asymmetrical is in, right? Oh, god, why? Why did I do this? No, this is good! I hate my hair! I’m sick of it! I refuse to let it define me! Cut if off, dammit! Cut it ALL OFF! I’m 42 years old and don’t care anymore and I just want to live! I want to live my life and be free!!
“There, all done,” the stylist said and spun me around to look in the mirror. I opened one eye and looked at my reflection.
Hmm….not bad. I’m looking pretty fine after all. Fierce even. 
Floating away on a cloud of hairspray fumes and giddiness, I left that salon a changed woman. I had short hair. I didn’t die. And I looked like Charlize Theron (minus her face and body).
Until the next day when I looked in the mirror….
…after I had washed and styled it myself. 
Now I curse Beyoncé and Halle Berry and sit and ponder ways I can make my hair grow quicker. So far I’ve:
- Yanked on it really hard while chanting “I must! I must! I must increase the length of my hair follicles!” (thank you, Judy Blume)
- Shown up at the salon with a super-size roll of duct tape, demanding my hair back.
- Eaten huge amounts of protein. (This morning I had bacon flavored bacon on top of bacon with a side of bacon.)
- Closed my eyes tight every morning and silently screamed inside my head: GROW! GROW! GROW, DAMMIT!
It’s been almost one month since my haircut and after careful inspection, I estimate it’s grown about eh…..1/8th of a millimeter.
But I don’t look like Velma anymore!
More like Shaggy. ******************************************************************************** Have you ever been talked into a short haircut by Beyoncé? Have you ever done something drastic only to regret it? (only talking about hair here, people) Have you any ideas on how to make my hair grow back besides waiting for the slow passage of time?
She's A Maineiac 
I have no counsel but a world of sympathy.
Also: isn’t 2/8ths the same thing as 1/4th? See? That’s not so bad!
haha!! I was never that good at math….I’ll have to edit it now to 1/8th but I don’t even think it’s grown that much. Sigh.
One sixteenth?
Or is that just rubbing it in?
…more like 1/32 or 1/64th…whatever is closest to next to nothing. The worst part is I can’t pull it back into a pony tail either. Well, I could try, but it’d be the world’s tiniest, most pathetic pony tail.
I feel your pain!
I’ve had short hair, long hair and every length in between. I’ve paid $10 for a haircut and $120 for one and sometimes I take the scissors and hack an inch or two off myself. All this testing, and the one thing I know for sure is that the day after the scissors have done their job, my hair will curl and wave and stick up in odd places just as it always has and it will never look the way I imagine it should!
You bring up many great points, Margie. First one, it doesn’t matter what they charge you for a haircut, it’s all the same for me and comes out looking like a disaster once I get home to style it myself.
My problem is my hair. It’s really a huge rat’s nest on a good day, all frizzy and thick and sticking every which way. They always try to talk me into getting layers and all that does is encourage my hair to stick up and out even more. I swear the only haircut that would look good on me is a buzz cut and I’m starting to think that’s the way to go.
I tried the really short spiky look for a while and it was really easy to look after. Now I’m into the long flowing grey hair style that the fashion folks say older women shouldn’t EVER wear. It is too bad it takes so long to go from short to long or I would alternate between the two each week…
Oh, I absolutely LOVE long gray hair on a woman, too. I have a strong feeling I will be sporting that ‘do because every day I get more and more grays. It’s funny, I thought I’d start coloring over the grays but in a way, I’m thankful for them. I honestly don’t think I’d have the patience or time to color my hair every 6 weeks.
I was just going to say something similar to Margie there – I’ve had so many different lengths and styles and colours, and such a range of differently priced haircuts, and yes, I sometimes give it a little cut myself. I’m not very good at styling my own hair though so I have to have something that’s easy to manage. The best one for that was when I had very short very blonde hair in a chopped messy style, and I just had to put a load of gel in it and ruffle it around and it didn’t move, whatever the weather, I kind of loved it and I complemented the look with red lipstick and felt oh-so-cool! But in the end I was lured back to long hair; I never feel quite feminine enough when I have short hair, ya know?
That was just what I was thinking, V. Only a super short haircut or super long cut works for my hair. I go through these mid-life crises every 10 years and chop it all off out of spite really. Because I hate the fact that my hair is such a huge part of who I am and takes up so much time to take care of. Then I chop it off and instantly regret it.
I told my husband I will probably have a pixie cut one day and just be done with it forever, but maybe I’ll wait until I’m 50 to take that plunge.
Yes, when I was in my 20s I remember thinking that when I hit 30 I might just go really short and keep it there forever (with 30 being so old ‘n all), then in my 30s I thought I might do that when I hit 40 (the really short blonde was in my 30s but it was never inteded to be forever). And now at 42 I’m thinking I might do it when I hit 50.
Exactly, I look back and I tend to go nuts and chop it all off every few years or so. I had super long down to my waist hair all throughout my 20s then got a short cut at 32 when I had my first baby (it was in the new mommy handbook) I’m thinking it’ll grow out again in 7 years when I’m 50 just in time for me to have a HUGE midlife crisis and cut it all off.
I would advise to invest in wigs.
And if it makes you feel better, I’m sure you are a really sexy Shaggy! Better? 😉
Oh, well, now that you put it THAT way, no, not better at all. (but thanks for trying!)
You? What are you? THATS EXACTLY ME ON A HAIR CUT.
So you look like Velma too? My only saving grace is that I own several really cool baseball hats.
haha no thanks to my grand ma’s blessings my hair grew really fast. You want them?
The place I get my eyelashes done does extensions. You can get some fun colors.
Now THAT is what I should have done. Had them put in some hot pink extensions like Christina Aguilera.
“I refuse to let it define me!” ha ha ha. I happen to know that your hair looks fab. Better than Charlize in that photo. But I’m with you, whenever I walk into a salon I have delusions of walking out a different person.
That line really got me, too!
Oh thanks, Rachel, but why can’t I walk out with Charlize’s face and/or body as well? It’s just not fair. Every year that goes by I start looking more and more like my mother instead.
I literally copied the same line as Rache to quote. I think your hair looks FAB, and bonus – an excuse for bacon covered bacon?! Mad props for your Judy Blume quote, too.
When I was a kid, I was so frustrated that I wasn’t old enough for a perm, that I told them to cut it all off. Yes. I WILLINGLY went back to the infamous ‘bowl.’
Oh, god, perms! I actually had one once in high school and I think I can still feel the chemicals seeping into my brain today. Sadly, that perm only succeeded in making me look like Jon Bon Jovi on a bad hair day.
Perms are evil. My hair rebels against curls – so I looked like a pathetic poodle until it FINALLY grew out. :p
Yes, perms are pure evil. Especially for someone who already has frizzy hair like me. They do add several inches to my height though.
I TOTALLY get the whole pulling on the hair thing. As if you can coax it come out of the follicles more quickly. Or something. Just like it worked with your boobies, one day, you’ll wake up, and your hair will be there.
It works for boobies? [rushing off to chant]
What? No ACTUAL photo of the new do? I must say I am jealous of your thick gorgeous head of hair. I myself have been blessed with spider web on my head. Thin, straight, and when there’s no humidity, the positive charge that is apparently my nose, eyes, and mouth seem to attract it.
No doubt yours will grow back in a months or two, whereas mine takes 2-3 years. Have a great summer, Darla! Enjoy your short minimally manageable hair while you can.
Spider web? ah! Oh, my, Shannon. I would welcome a spider web on my head, In the past, I’ve actually spent hours trying to straighten mine. I suppose the grass is always greener and the hair is always finer on someone else’s head…
The great thing about my short hair? I use a teaspoon of shampoo now. And it takes me 2 seconds to get ready in the morning.
Enjoy your summer, too!
I refuse to give you tons of nice compliments and tell you that it is going to be ok until you post an actual photograph of said hairdo. I will check back later … I am going to the store for some bacon covered bacon flavored bacon.
Okay, I will post a photo. But just for you….
Awesome. I now have something to look forward to this week …
You make the cutest Velma. 🙂
Wow. Even your hair is plaid.
Was there any other option to get other than plaid hair?
JUST now saw the photo … I was thinking that you had ignored my request (demand). Hmmm. I’m thinking that Jason Bateman would ADORE you. The coffee mug really brings out the Velma qualities in the cut. He’s really into that you know. 🙂
LOL! Super cuts is only for trims or for boy hair cuts:)… I’m always too scared to get an actual “new style” in there. Only a few more months until you’ve got your luxurious locks back??:)
I knew I should’ve turned and ran right out the door when I saw the line of 8 year old boys in front of me getting buzz cuts.
Repeat after me: Very long or very short, but never, ever in between. You can do so much with long hair, as you know, like just throwing it in a ponytail. And when it is very short, like a pixie cut, you never have a bad hair day. It’s that in-between style that’s the killer. My daughter (mypajamadays ) just turned forty and was feeling the same way you do. She went from very long hair to a pixie cut a few months ago, and has never regretted it. Would love to see a picture of your new ‘do, though.
You are SO right, Susan! For a brief moment there, I considered going back and getting it cut even shorter. I still might. I bet your daughter looks great.
This short cut might look terrible, but it feels wonderful, very bouncy and light and takes zero time to maintain. I have posted a photo of my new haircut a few comments up in response to Fresh Ginger.
Your hair deserves a vlog.
I think you’re onto something here….it’s been too long since I’ve done one.. I can throw in some horrible baton-twirling and off-key singing and you all can feel really sorry for me.
Sure…we’ll feel sorry for you (maybe after we’ve stopped laughing) 🙂
Only kidding, sure it looks great!
my only purpose for this blog is to make you guys laugh while secretly feeling sorry for me. I think I’ve accomplished this.
I laughed, I cringed…I laughed again, but mostly, I feel your pain. 🙂
So you’ve had a horrible Velma cut once too? Or do now? and is there a photo?
Nope! I just feel for ya lol.
Total sympathy. Did that. I was Stupid Stupid Stupid. She told me it would all still fit in a pony tail. She lied! Scalp massages, and fertilizer are on my to do list.
Yes, those hair stylists are so quick and good at lying! She told me many lies–that I could style it many ways, that it’d be easy to style…that’s it’d look good.
I miss my pony tail, I tried to put it in one today and it just wasn’t happening. Sigh.
Back in the early-90s, I was a Grunge-y rocker with super long hair that went almost to my butt. One day, after a wind storm blew all that hair into my mouth, eyes, and nose, I decided that it all had to go. Right there and then. I was okay with it, but my girlfriend cried the whole time. She insisted that my lack of hair indicated the demise of our relationship since it changed me so. I felt liberated. And then we broke up a year later anyway.
Your story is a cautionary tale for the ages! Ah, yeah, I remember those Grunge early ’90s days very fondly! I lived near Seattle in college and two of my roommates had long dread locks. I did too, but I wasn’t even trying, I just have hair that tends to take the shape of a rat’s nest if unattended.
Oh, that happens to me every time. In the salon I look okay. One shampoo and disaster. I have no hair skills. I can’t even curl my hair. Half of it flips and the other half doesn’t. For a while when the Jennifer Aniston thing was in, my hair was totally popular all on its own. Not so much now. I know now to say forget the styling, I’m going to pull it back in a clip every single time anyway.
I think I look a bit like Velma today too. I should have called in fugly.
I must, I must, I must increase my bust!
“I should have called in fugly” haha! If only I could pull my hair back into a clip today.
You bring up a good point, it’s not the haircut or even the hair stylist’s fault, it’s that my arthritic, clumsy hands can’t function properly. I can do the right side of my head just fine (I’m right-handed) but blow drying AND brushing AND styling all at the same time? Forget it.
Hair salons are magical! Whenever my hair gets a fancy blowout, I don’t want to wash the next day. It makes me wish I scheduled my appointments on the same day as a date night. But sadly, I just go home, roll up my sleeves, and start the dishes.
Then, my hair is up in a bun hours later.
I think my problems would be solved if I could just go to the hair salon every morning. oh, I hear you on getting all gussied up, then going home to clean the toilet. I live such a glamorous life.
Oh, yeah. Been there for sure. Once, a stylist convinced me that some severe layers would look really “hip,” (always beware that word) and, instead, I had the Carol Brady: http://www.parade.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/carol-brady.jpg
I feel your pain, but I also am sure that no one else but you is thinking twice about it!
Wow, that photo of Carol is….wow. haha!
I forgot to mention my current new ‘do is shorter in the back and longer in the front, so severe is a good way to describe it. I make sure to pull on the back of my hair harder than the front so maybe it’ll all even out one day.
What, no pic?? As a guy, sorry can’t really sympathize. Other than changing my part from the center to the side back in the late 80s, I’ve pretty much always had the same hairstyle.
If only I had gone with the crazy part-switching thing last month.
Oh, Darla! I can sympathize to the moon and back! Only my salon was me and a pair of scissors in the bathroom. Hack. Hack. Hack. At least six inches off, and when I was done, one side was a full inch shorter than the other. I refused to cut the left side as short as the right. I’ve been curling it, and then putting a barrette in the left side to pull the hair up some so I don’t look lopsided. My hair grows fast, so I wasn’t too worried. NOT THIS TIME. It won’t grow! It’s been two months, and this hair is barely on my shoulders still. I’m not getting it professionally fixed until it reaches boob. P.S. – I’m sure you look really cute. 🙂
Oh my! You cut it yourself?! You are brave. I have never attempted that, I’m afraid I’d end up with no hair. And what is it about hair that when you WANT it to grow, it refuses? My hair does grow very fast but decided to stop growing completely after this last cut.
I also will not get my hair even trimmed until it reaches my boobs. I wonder how long it’ll take for it to grow to the floor?
I hate going to the hair salon – hate it hate hate it! Okay, now that I have that off my chest –did I mention I hate it–anyway I have been thinking about getting my long hair cut but you have given me second thoughts
show us a pic———-
No, don’t do it. That’s all I got.
(I’ll post another pic today just for you)
okay–will take your advice because I trust you
Water. Drink lots of water and take your vitamins – which is just good life advice but being healthy is the best way to get your hair to grow.
I once went chin length and got big chunky blonde highlights, with short and dark red in the back. It was a cute cut but there are two problems: 1 – I have a perfectly round head so the cut made me look like I had a bubble for a head and 2 – I am not funky and never did my hair the way it was meant to be done. Oh, and kind of a 1/2 problem – my hair grows over an inch a month so even though the cut grew out fast, so did my highlights.
Ah, vitamins! I’ll have to stock up today.
I laughed at your ‘bubble head’ because now my hair bears a striking resemblance to Darth Vader’s helmet. When I’m on the bike path walking and see my shadow I let out a little scream.
This is obviously beyonce’s fault…
I totally blame her. How dare she tell me to look crazy?
I leave the salon looking like a rock star, then the next day when I style it myself I look more like a rock.
I’m with Joe – this is vlog-worthy.
I plan on doing a vlog for my upcoming 3rd blogoversary and you’ll get a good look at the horror that is my head. (maybe I’ll wear a hat)
Thirty, eh? I remember thirty. We used to call it ‘the big three oh’ as in oh no, Wish I was thirty again. 🙂 I had this middle-aged urge to cut my hair short when I turned fifty and haven’t had the nerve to grow it back again. Stay away from hairdressers.
When I turn 50, I’m going to try my hardest to stay away from the hairdressers.
What woman hasn’t had a haircut she didn’t like? Mine was from ages 12 to 20. 😀
My boyfriend always looks at me skeptically for spending so much money on my haircuts, but it’s because I’ve found a hairstylist who gets my hair and won’t let me do anything stupid. She listens, and I let her try stuff, but I know she’ll make it look good and teach me how to do it myself too.
Gah! Last summer, I was in a friend’s wedding and just went in for a styling by a different girl. I had done a practice ‘do with my regular stylist but she wasn’t working the day of the wedding. I came out looking like a fox had attached itself to the back of my head, and a kewpie doll in the front. I hated it! And now it’s immortalized in all their wedding photos!
Jess, you bring up another good tip, find one good hairdresser and stick with them. I tend to just get my hair cuts on a whim, like at Super Cuts. My son had just had his hair trimmed and I though, eh, what the hell? Bad idea.
Loved the description of your kewpie doll look. I have my Jon Bon Jovi hair immortalized in all my high school photos so don’t feel bad.
and no pictures??????? bah….
I might post one, Coop. But I’m too afraid.
Oh man, read this post early today and I have been singing that damn beyonce song since!!!
Sorry?
here, this might help get rid of that earworm for you….
Thanks for the flash from the past! I think it’s helping…
I have nothing but sympathy…… At least you didn’t decide to have a perm.
I have a sinking feeling I might agree to a perm once I hit 60.
Nooooo – definitely the pixie cut!
In high school (an ALL girls high school) I got a short cut. One of the bitches…oops I mean good Catholic girls at my lunch table dubbed me Charlie Brown. Excuse me he had one hair and I certainly had at least 3 left. Needless to say it stuck and it my yearbook you will find little reminders like “Chuck, Have a great Summer.” I would take Velma any day!
Oh, god that is just terrible! I had a super short Dorothy Hamill ‘do back in the 70s and remember people thinking I was a boy. Granted, I was wearing toughskins and plaid shirts too (I was a true tomboy)
See, I think Velma’s hair is dope.
Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!
Yes, it is dope. In every sense of the word.
What is it with hair salons? Every time I step into one, I turn into a spineless sycophant and do whatever the too-cool-for-school stylist suggests, even when I know its a horrible idea. I steel myself before every visit to stick to my guns and just insist on a trim, and every time I crumble instantly and come back with some edgy haircut that I cannot style for the life of me.
I fear that I will never break the cycle.
yeah, I once won a beauty “makeover” and know I should have run in the other direction once I saw my hair stylist had half her head shaved bright pink. And they are always pushing the newest trends. I swear to God, most of them are just betting each other who can convince an unsuspecting customer the get the world’s most bizarre cut.
I had long hair all through high school, but before I left for college I let my mom talk me into getting it cut shoulder-length. It looked terrible. To add insult to injury, my two freshman roommates both had long gorgeous hair.
Of course they did. It’s just cruel. Everywhere I look now I see women flaunting their long, glorious locks in my face. I mean, how dare they kick a short-haired freak when she’s down?
I’m sure you look as lovely as ever. 😀
Oh, you always know just what to say, Austin. Thanks. (and you are well-versed in flat-out lies.)
I’m not lying, Denise! My blog crush is real! 🙂
Charlize has nothing on you, Darla. Except maybe an Oscar 🙂
You are too sweet. Can I hire you to say that to me every morning when I face myself in the mirror??
Hang in there!!! I feel your pain! I too have fallen victim of hair salon craziness mush and once asked for a “G-I Jane” cut!!! We are talking shorter than Halle! I cried and cried and cried. It grew back – Thank God. And another time, I came out of the salon looking like, PRINCE! I bet it looks adorable on you! 🙂
Oh, man, shorter than Halle?? Is that possible? well, I suppose a buzz cut is an option. Did you feel all vulnerable? I still can’t get used to the fact that my poor neck is all exposed now. I can’t hide behind my hair anymore and it’s very troubling.
Don’t despair – the new do looks fabulous on you! Beyonce never talked me into a haircut, but there was that time we were shopping and, giggle, giggle, we decided to go to Walmart and buy matching shorts, then we danced to All The Single Ladies in front of the potato chips. Bey was thrilled with the new “booty pop” move I showed her.
Peggles, that photo I posted on Facebook was the day of my cut. It ain’t lookin’ so purty now, I’m afraid….sigh.
I often sing All the Single Ladies and do the booty pop move in the potato chip aisle, really helps clear the crowds out so I can shop in peace.
Most of the time I have to talk my stylist into the shorter cuts. I’m a short-hair kinda gal though!
Don’t be afraid to see someone to ‘shape’ it as it grows! It helps you get through the in between!
That is the worst, the in between stage. Right now it’s there and I kinda resemble Darth Vader’s helmet. I was seriously thinking of going to get it layered out but then, that would mean more hair would be cut and I don’t think I could take that without crying.
Awww. Try someone ELSE maybe? Tell them your fears? Sometimes getting some shaping done doesn’t take away from the LENGTH but can at least make you feel better about your style! I don’t care what people say – a good or bad haircut can save the day or ruin it. I truly feel that way.
Your other option is to speak in a bit more raspy voice and go with the look. 😉
With curly hair, short equals frizz. I’m sure you look wonderful but I need a little length to keep mine ‘weighted’ down.
Exactly, Renee, it’s the weight of my hair that saves me. The shorter it is, the more tendency it has to just stick up and out every which way. I really do think I have to have it either super long or super short.
Like Renee said, with curly hair short = frizz. I got mine cut short once in my twenties. I looked like a 60 year old Q-tip. Not. Fun.
All you can do in the meantime is be reminded of that one fateful day at Super Cuts. I keep a photo of me then in my purse as a reminder to NEVER go there again. Not sure what I’ll do when I’m an old lady and can’t hold up a hair dryer. I assume that’s why they all get the same hairdo past a certain age???????
MJ
ha! Yes, that is me right now! A Q-tip. I actually had this cut before when I had my first baby and you’d think I would have learned my lesson but I never put a photo in my wallet to remind me. I will this time.
And I’ve often wondered about the Old Lady Cut, I know a few buck the trend and keep their long hair, but really most of them do resort to super short ‘dos. I think it is the inability to hold up a dryer and also probably because they just don’t care much anymore to bother with their hair. I can’t wait for that day.
except now you can just use your cell phone photo 🙂
I don’t know what’s up with the Old Lady cut. I’m not doing it .. I’m staying with long as long as possible, long past the point of reason, and definitely long enough to annoy the kids – ha!
MJ
Yes! Long-haired grandmas unite! I’ll be right there with you (once this infernal hair grows back)
I have always had short hair… it’s a guy thing. then a couple of years ago, I had this wild hair. it is truly ‘wild hair’ and I decided to let it grow. Now it is the longest it has ever been. I kind of stand out among my peers because a) most people my age have LOST their hair, and b) most men my age don’t have long hair because it doesn’t fit the image… whatever that is. I can’t identify with Beyonce, maybe Lyle Lovett or Bob Dylan….
I would say you are a very lucky man to have all that hair. Don’t blame you for letting it grow out and be ‘wild’. My husband is only 42 and has hardly any hair left, it’s receding at a rapid pace now. Actually, I kind of envy him. I’d love to be able to pull off a buzz cut.
I have gotten SO MAD at people cutting my hair. Either because there’s literally no chance they believe they did what I asked, or because I want to yell, “Look at my hair!! Do you honestly believe that LOOKS GOOD?? Even if that IS what I wanted, WHY would you do THAT?”
I really wish you had been there with me at Super Cuts to tell my hairdresser off, B-man.
I am sorry, really. But maybe I can convince you to love your short hair, maybe?
I do not own a hair brush.
I do not own a comb.
I do not own a hair drier.
I do not own curlers.
I do not own a curling iron.
I own a single really good hair product that I buy at the salon every other time I go.
I wash my hair. Then I towel dry it. Then I put a little tiny bit of product in my hands and mash it through my hair so it gets all spikey.
That is it, 3 minutes max. I am done. It is excellent. Granted my hair is much shorter than yours but it is excellent. Your at the middle stage, you didn’t go short enough.
I am certain though, it is really beautiful you are simply not use to it.
Thanks for much, Val. You are so right, it’s not the short hair that’s the issue, it’s the style and how short a person goes. I really do think one day I’ll have a super short ‘do or pixie cut and it will look great. I have to admit I am getting used to it now and loving the fact that it’s easy to style. I literally take about 3 minutes to get my hair done in the mornings now.
I am giggling, hysterically giggling really. My hair is a pixie cut right now. It is a grow out.
My stylist of 9 years is preggers and going on maternity leave soon. She is afraid of letting anyone else cut my hair (so am I) so she is trying to convince me a bit of length won’t kill me. Who is she kidding? Someone will still have to bleach it to platinum every five weeks, that is two appointments at least before she returns.
So we are testing this ridiculous grow out of a pixie. I hate the length, simply hate it.
Do you remember my muffin top haircut? The puffy hair nest which probably had the cure for AIDS buried somewhere in its pillowy, but too-short depths?
I feel your pain, Darla, but I suspect you probably still look amazing. 🙂
“pillowy depths” hahahaaa! You are killing me here, Dana. Yes, I do remember. Thanks for that.
Although it is great, yet horrifying to think that Cherlize Theron could morph into Velma, I do think that it caaaaan occur. Good luck, sister, good luck.
I was about six, and my mother got very weary combing out my long hair so our family stylist did the fuller cut that is more wedged under. I held in emotion until I got in the car, began weeping and then screamed, “I look like Japenese pants.” I meant those that usually adorn pirate legs, but the psuedo martial arts metaphor was all that I had in my terror and agony.
Oh my word that is funny. It’s incredible what shapes and forms our hair can take…pirate pants…and in my case, Darth Vader’s helmet. Sigh. It’s grown out a teeny tiny bit since my haircut though, so all hope is not lost that one day I’ll get those 8 inches back. Hair grows half an inch a month so I’ve only got a about a year and a half. Yay.
Indeed. Yes, I bawled for most of that afternoon. Way to rock the positive attitude. I HATE typos… Sorry, about not writing “Japanese.”
I hate typos too, but only when I make them. As for everyone else, this blog here is an Official Don’t Care About Typos Zone.
LOVE this! Darla, I feel your pain! Every time I head into the salon I wonder if I’ll get a hair up my ass (not literally) and chop off my long locks. This year I had a progressively-taken four inches removed. And “long” bangs cut. I’m…. not enamored of it. I want it longer again. Okay, so it was full of split ends and really did need to be trimmed up…. but, I want the length back.
I am due to head back again in a couple weeks for “just a trim”.
I hear you on the split ends, this is a main reason I had so much cut off. But next time I go (which won’t be until a year from now) I’ll be sure to just have it trimmed. I went in there LAST time with the intention of just getting it trimmed and temporarily lost my mind. I’ll be sure to keep my brain cells intact at my next haircut appointment.
Actually if you really want it to grow out fast get a trim every 6 weeks so you will constantly be getting rid of dead ends allowing your hair to grow instead of breaking off. I am a licensed cosmetologist and the best way to deal with hard to handle hair is product, product, product! I am a product junkie and have tried a ton just to find out what works for me. One that I will absolutely recommend to anyone though is Pravana Leave-In Treatment. It will detangle, act as a leave-in conditioner, reduce frizz, adds shine and it just smells amazing! It is a professional product though so it may be hard to find unless it’s a that carries/uses Pravana. I could always mail you one from Kansas. LOL
I’ve heard about the trimming thing, that is makes hair grow quicker. I’ll have to try to get the courage to do that in a few weeks. Thanks for the tips on Pravana, sounds like a miracle product. My hair could use some miracles!
I was once talked in to getting a full on peroxide pixie cut. It did not suit me and I promptly bought a hat and some brown hair dye to cover it up. I spent 6 months dressing super girly so no one would mistake me for a boy. To make matters worse, I have a unisex name. And I was an awkward 17 year old. I shudder at the thought.
I feel your pain. I had a super short ‘do once, but it wasn’t even as hip as a pixie cut, it was a bowl cut. Then I had the Dorothy Hamill ‘do. I had five brothers so I blended right in.
Oh, I feel for your pain, Darla. Normally, i let my hairdresser, Rick, do whatever he likes to my hair. He knows me, he knows my hair. That’s his business. I got spoiled.
When I lived overseas, I had to accept hit or miss because I couldn’t speak the damn language
And then I went back to the States for my Dad’s funeral. My hair was a mess. I walked in to a hairdresser’s in the mall, and said I needed a simple cut. The hairdresser I ended up with was 12, max. She had gold hoop earrings in her ears that could have supported my boobs until the 2nd coming.
I said “I want it trimmed and layered.”
She said “how about …”
I was depressed, I didn’t care what I looked like. She was supposed to know hair.
“Sure, whatever.” I responded.
When she was done, she said “You look sassy.
Shit.
How do you do it? You make me laugh with every comment. “she was 12, max” and “supported my boobs until the second coming” bwa ha haaa!
And sassy? the kiss of death. I do believe that’s the same word my hairdresser used at my last haircut.
Yes, Sassy is the kiss of death. I hope to never ever again be “sassy.”
But there is an epilogue to this story. The cut I got was the one (I personally hated) that Jennifer Aniston had at the beginning of Friends. Short in back, long on the sides. There aren’t many who can wear their hair like that.
I have very curly hair, reddish blonde. And remember my dog, Cooper? My springer spaniel? He has long curly ears.
When John met me at the airport (since Dad died on Christmas there was only one ticket out of Geneva, so I had to go to my Dad’s funeral alone), he was polite about the haircut. He didn’t want to hurt my feelings. When I told him how much I hated it he laughed.
“I’ve always thought that women with their hair cut like that look like Cooper.”
Sassy and dog like. What woman wouldn’t want that?
Sassy and dog-like? that’s MY HAIRCUT NOW. Oh, I’d laugh but I’m too busy crying (and yanking on it harder so it’ll grow faster)
I’ve had loads of bad haircuts. Also, poor Velma, she always gets a bad rap ;D
Y’know, I do feel bad for Velma. When I go out in public now I make sure not to wear glasses or orange wool turtlenecks.
Ohhh, I laughed at this. I’m sure you don’t look like Velma OR Shaggy, but I laughed with you through the whole post. I’ve never been talked into a short haircut but I was ALMOST talked into going platinum blonde once by a smooth-talking colorist. She had platinum blonde hair herself, but on her, it looked spectacular. On me, I suspect it would have looked like a terrible, terrible shame.
Oh, Weebs. At least you weren’t talked into going platinum (although I’m sure you’d look awesome, I’ve seen your picture, you smokin’ hottie you)
And I wasn’t just sitting here waiting for you to comment, I swear. lol I just happened to check my blog just now and you just HAPPENED to be leaving a comment. Funny how stuff like that happens. Synchronicity?
Have you finished your Daily Post questions yet? 😉 I did mine the other day (after I got sufficiently drunk…)
We do that synchronicity shit a lot, don’t we! I have not answered my questions yet, I think I might get shit-faced and do it now, though… 😀
I’m kinda scared now that we’ve both answered those questions with the same answers. Can’t wait to read it and find out. (that’s if Michelle uses any of my answers….)
I do recall those haircut blues. Once, I went to a barber. I don’t think he was a beautician. He turned me away from the mirror so I couldn’t see what he was doing to my hair. When he was done, he said as he was turning me around to see my cut: “You’re going to see something you’ve never seen before.”
He was right, and I never returned. It was horrid. Like you, my hair just couldn’t grow fast enough. Hang in there. (But, I do wish you’d shown us a photo of your new do. 🙂 )
I’m the type that just doesn’t learn, I’ve had the chair turned away from the mirror haircut while he went up and down pieces of my hair with a razor like thing to “thin it”. I looked like a maniac when he was finished. I’ve had the haircut where an old guy in a really posh salon asked me to get on my knees and flip my long hair over the back of the chair. Seriously?? Ya, that was a disaster. To the self haircut, the one you do when you get really sick of your hair, this is the haircut of desperation, usually done while the baby is sleeping. Then you stuff your hair in a ponytail and just cut it off. Glamorous…..