Why I Want to Have Jason Bateman’s Baby

Everyone has their secret celeb crushes. On my short list — Sting, Jon Stewart, Hugh Laurie, Robert Downey Jr., Conan O’Brien, Ryan “Hey Girl” Gosling — to name just a few. (It’s really not a short list at all, actually.)

But no one compares to my undying devotion to Jason Bateman.
Ah, yes. Jason and I go waaay back.


—-The following post is narrated by Ron Howard—-


We’re talkin’ way back to Little House on the Prairie, when Jason made his TV debut as the adorable freckle-faced young orphan boy, James Cooper– and who not much later in his career would occasionally bear more than an unsettling resemblance to his real-life sister, Justine Bateman.


Jason’s little orphan boy on the prairie was a beacon of light on an otherwise dismal show involving buck-toothed scamp Laura Ingalls doing wholesome things such as pushing a shrieking wheel-chair bound Nellie Olsen down a mountain.

Clearly, she had it coming.
Clearly, she had it coming.

Who was this scrappy young actor? How did he manage to pull off high-waisted woolen pants and dorky suspenders with such pizazz? And what was the deal with his hair? I didn’t know his name, but at the tender age of eleven, I knew I was hopelessly in love. With his bowl cut.


[To be clear, I, Ron Howard, am not in love with him, but Darla, the author of this post, is and she’s got it real bad]

Then came this:


And my adoration for him grew by leaps and bounds. On Silver Spoons, he played a devilish rouge, a Bad Boy out to wreak havoc upon his blonder and arguably more popular counterpart, Rick (aka The Ricker) Schroeder.

I was always rooting for Jason, to just once for the love of god rip a pole out of his foosball table and knock The Ricker senseless, letting him fall helplessly onto the tracks in his living room only to be tragically run over by his outlandish Smug Rich Boy choo-choo train.


Jason went on to greener and less blonder pastures, starring briefly in It’s Your Move, co-starring with That Guy From Married With Children.


Then he wisely moved on to the hit series, Valerie, which was later changed to Valerie’s Family, then The Hogan Family, which was later changed to The Hogans, then It’s Sandy Duncan’s Family, Dammit! and finally to The Sandy Duncan’s Left Eye Show.

Which was also at one point called, We Must Never Speak of Rhoda Again, Show
Which was also at one point called the We Must Never Speak of Rhoda Again Show

Soon after he went on to star in many films, like Juno…(blah blah blah, I wasn’t really paying attention…) and then finally, Arrested Development. Oh! Oh, ho ho hoooo! oooohhhh Wheeee, what a show!

I, Ron Howard, would also like to add "ooh whee, what a show." Please don't cancel us.
I, Ron Howard, would also like to add “ooh whee, what a show.” Please, let us make a movie.

He played Michael Bluth, the manager — and sometimes man behind the incompetent president, his magic-tastic brother Gob — of the Bluth Company, a manufacturer of mini-mansions. He was also the co-proprietor of Bluth’s Original Frozen Banana Stand — because “there’s always money in the banana stand” — and the proverbial glue that held his nutty family’s prefabricated spec house together. Barely.

What was it about him? His ability to play the straight man in every scene? His blatant refusal to dissolve into fits of laughter when faced with these lines and these characters?

Or is it the amazingness that is his perfectly ruffled and scruffy devil-may-care hair?



I think it's your hair, Michael.
I think it’s your hair, Michael.

Whatever his magnetic charm, [I’m also going with the hair] he is my number one celebrity crush as we have so much in common. We’re the same age, we both have kids and are happily married. [again, this is a message from Darla, the author of this post, not me, Ron Howard] And neither of us want to ever let Arrested Development die. Holy hell, what a good show! [that last part was from me, Ron Howard]

Call me, Jason! Because I love you.

(I think I’ve made a huge tiny mistake.)

photo credits: sitcomsonline, worldtvpc, reelmovienation, tvguide, wikipedia


Please, feel free to share your short-list celebrity crushes in the comments below. Or your love for Jason Bateman.  Maybe it won’t make me look so stalkerish. Although, that’s doubtful.

181 thoughts on “Why I Want to Have Jason Bateman’s Baby

  1. Oh Darla, now I have a celebrity crush on you. It’s my new ambition to build a time machine so I can go back in time to watch Silver Spoons with you whilst we hold hands and sip Tab or IBC Root Beers. We’ll be the hottest couple in school until we watch 16 Candles together and I break up with you because I’ll know then that alcohol is the key to getting the really skanky popular girl. Sorry, but she’s already on the pill!

      1. Um, it’s not you it’s me and I have too much respect for you as a woman to even expect that you’d do this thing that she does with her tongue after only half a bottle of Boones Strawberry Hill and a drink of my grape Mad Dog. Oh man, it’s TOTALLY insane and…oh ahem, sorry. Anyway, I used those tapes to woo Angel, sorry. Turns out she really likes Def Leppard too!

  2. As someone who was only allowed to watch PBS until she was 18 and therefore missed Little House on the Prairie AND Silver Spoons, allow me to offer sincere thanks for this mini-biopic of a man on whom I, too, have a(n albeit much less informed) crush.

    1. (gasp) You missed Little House? AND Silver Spoons? “together….we’re gonna find our way….” one of the best themes ever. I weep for you. But at least you also have a crush on my man, Jason, so all is not lost.

      1. I’m glad you think so. I’ve been relying on my husband of just over a year to get me caught up on pop culture, but I don’t really think either of those shows is on his syllabus for me.

      1. Hahahaaha! Don’t worry. Although I felt my deprivation as a child, by the time I was given free reins (and a television) to choose, I no longer wanted to watch anything BUT PBS.

        (There. That probably just made you sadder.)

  3. Ok, That first video freaked me a bit, ’cause it wasn’t at all what I expected Bateman to look like. Then I scrolled down and BAM. Ka-wow. I have no favorite TV celebs, since I haven’t watched TV in like 15 years or more. I totally remember him in Little House, which may be the last time I watched TV regularly. So, thanks to your post (brilliant on the Ron Howard narrative, by the way, which gave it a wholly different angle) I now have a TV fav. Thanks, Dar!

    1. Yeah, the first video clip I think I put in there just because every time I watch it I crack up laughing so hard. Love me some Buster (actor Tony Hale) I almost ALMOST titled this post “Why I Want to Have Buster’s Baby”.

      thanks for the comment on the Ron Howard narrative because I worked a little too hard on getting that just right for my taste.

      If you do watch Arrested Development, you won’t be disappointed. I’m still at the end of the third season on Netflix and laugh out loud every episode. The other night I was crying from laughter.

      1. Well, if it’s on Netflix, I’ll add to my queue! (When I say “watch TV” I mean network, or otherwise “live” TV.) Bonus is that Jeffrey Tambor is also in it. He absolutely made the Larry Sanders series a couple of decades ago.

      2. Oh, if you like Jeffrey Tambor, you will LOVE Arrested Development. Because he plays twin brothers. Both brilliantly. Every actor on that show is amazing, I really love the ones that play Gob, Buster and Lucille (Jeffrey Tambor’s wife on the show)

  4. Le Clown

    I could invite you to my dashboard where you would see I have a post scheduled for the end of June about my childhood crushes. I think you and Le Clown meet in DreamLand, and discuss blogging.

    Now. Here’s another eerie fact. Justine Bateman was my girl when I was a kid. I watched Family Ties for Mallory… And then there was the Flying Nun, but that’s a whole post on its own…
    Le Clown

    1. God, y’know, Le Clown, we really do have to stop meeting up like this. Your brain is melding with my brain at night and it’s really unnerving. I knew all about your Mallory crush. (I can hear Nick yelling “Mallory!”) I put that photo up there just for you. Thankfully, my man, Jason, shed her looks once he got older.

      Can’t wait to read about your crushes. Or we can just meet up again in Dreamland over coffee?

      1. Le Clown

        A date in dreamland it is… At least, until the next time I find myself in Maine, as I used to each summer when I was a kid. I should write about that…
        Le Clown
        PS: Justine Bateman and age… Do you think too much sun has something to do with it?

      2. Write about Maine, that would be great. I know, about Justine–I just saw a recent photo of her because she’s gone back to college at “her advanced age”…but she’s not that much older than us! But she’s got way more wrinkles then we do. Lesson: slap on sunscreen, kids.

      3. This is so unfair. Justine/Jason are obviously practically the same person, as Darla’s unretouched photo shows, yet the man gets more ruggedly handsome as he ages, while the woman just gets more unpleasantly rugged.

  5. I have to agree, he’s turned into a very hot ticket. I never much liked him when he was young. While I never found Little House to be dismal, the seasons he was on were. By then that show had jumped the shark that lurked in the Walnut Grove creek.

    1. Little House really was a depressing show sometimes, wasn’t it? I watched it faithfully as a kid and now when I watch it I think, Dang! Half-Pint was just despicable! The tricks she played on mean ol’ Nellie.

      You’re right about Jason’s appeal back then. He played quite the jerk in a few shows. I didn’t really like him much in The Sandy Duncan’s Left Eye Show. It wasn’t until I saw Juno that I thought, he is smoking!

  6. Methinks it’s time for you to make this official, Darly Pants (two words: Plural. Marriage). And you know my list ain’t short, either. My latest crush is the mystery man I saw whilst hiking on Sunday, who might have been the most attractive person I’ve seen…EVER. He was solo as well, so, it’s looking good (pun intended).

    I absolutely lost it at, “The Sandy Duncan’s Left Eye Show.”

    This was a riot. I’m FINALLY starting to watch Arrested Development, and, I totally get it. (Totes.) Oh and we just watched “Identity Thief” – not as funny as I’d have hoped, but it had its moments.

    1. A mystery hiking man? Did he look like the L.L. Bean dude? I say, you need to go hiking more often. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

      Arrested Development is a show I didn’t warm up to at first. Maybe because I watched one episode out of sequence and the entire show is based on inside jokes so you HAVE to start with the first episode or you’ll be lost. I finally got around to watching the first season just last year and have now almost got through the third season this week on Netflix. Can’t wait to see the newer episodes now.

      I heard “Identity Thief” was awful. Too bad, I like Melissa McCarthy too.

      1. DP, I seriously almost made the whole hiking blog post about this guy. Of course, I see him as I’m climbing UP (hand over hand) the ten thousandth set of rocks, tomato-faced, smelly and vile, while he’s casually skipping down like a [sexy, sexy] mountain goat. He looked like the most attractive LL Bean model of all-time had a baby with Brody Jenner (one of my guiltiest pleasure crushes – the most perfect-looking man alive). I almost fell off the mountain. I got a cursory nod and obligatory mumbled hello.

        I’m already naming our future children.

      2. “tomato-faced, smelly and vile” hahaha! That is me when I exercise.

        About this Brody Jenner hiker, do you hike in his neck of the woods a lot? could you make this a recurring thing? more blog posts? About your 5th hubby? I laughed you described him as Brody, the most perfect looking man alive. He’s on the Kardashian’s show, right? Because I accidentally was watching it just the other night. A few of the Kardashian sisters were in the kitchen eating and bitching about something. I wasn’t paying attention because suddenly this glorious smokin’ hot Adonis of a man walked in and I do believe I fell in love on the spot.

      3. That’s what I thought, but I didn’t want to diss Jules’ 5th (6th? 23rd?) favorite crush. That tattoo makes him just a tad bit less dreamy in my eyes.

      4. He seems like a terrible person (that tattoo being a perfect example), which is why it’s my top guilty pleasure crush. Usually personality trumps looks for me, every time, but Brody Jenner? Still the most gorgeous man alive to this gal. I could stare at him all day. That would be the extent of our relationship. Okay. Maybe not the entire extent…

      1. You nailed it, it’s his crinkly eyes! yes! I love a man with character (handsome wrinkles)
        As for Marky Mark, also yes. I think my husband has a man crush on him. We love The Italian Job movie. And The Fighter.

  7. Togeeeether…we’re gonna find our way…togeeeether…takin’ the time each day to learn all about those things you just can’t buuuuy…

    D, together we have very similar celeb crush lists. Robert Downey is at the top of mine, followed by a showered Johnny Depp, followed by your entire list minus Sting.

    PS – that Jason/Justine picture is the best thing I’ve seen in a while. Bravo. (Remember when she was on Arrested Development and they dated? Ew.)

    1. Minus Sting?? MINUS STING? (gasp) Ok, I’ll let that go, he is sliding straight into the geriatric set now. I guess I love his music more than I love him. He was hot in his younger days for sure.

      Robert Downey Jr. OH MAN. Oh man oh man oh man. Yeah. Jim is happy I find him incredibly hot because it’s the reason we’ll both go see the Iron Man movies.

      1. Oh lord, how could I forget Thor? Chris Hemingsworthsontonsen, right? or his actor brother Liam? Either one is fine by me.

        We saw the Avengers in the theater last summer (the first movie I had seen in 10 years at the theater) and it was like a beefcake convention up there on the screen.

  8. I love how you just put it right out there. Wanting to have his babies. Nice hook.

    Except for the Little House on the Prairie nonsense (must have missed and/or blocked that), I could have written this post . . . I mean if I was half as funny or creative as you, of course! Silver Spoons, It’s Your Move (I totally remember that show! Something about chess playing, I think. Ok, it’s a wee bit fuzzy), The Valerie then Not Valerie Show . . . Arrested Development. Although, I was late to the AD game, and have only seen a few on Hulu, but absolutely. He is just adorable. I don’t have Netflix, so haven’t seen the most recent ones, but if there’s a movie, I’m there.

    Oh, and my crushes . . . Johnny Depp (like Rachel said, preferably showered, but really, I’ll take him however . . . maybe IN the shower? Hmmmmm), Robert Downey, Jr., Ryan Reynolds, and maybe Eddie Vedder? Yeah, it changes based on my whims. I’m fickle like that.

    1. Funny, the post title I almost didn’t want to go with, lest Jason Bateman himself be alerted by the authorities. It’s a bit too much, but then so is my Jason crush. What can I say, I love him. I’m always saying to Jim “God, I love that man.” I think he’s getting a bit peeved by it now.

      Yes, It’s Your Move WAS about chess. I watched every episode. I don’t remember a thing about it other than that. I wonder if I can dig up some old clips on youtube now….

      Please do watch AD. It was a slow burn for me with the first few episodes. Really the writing is brilliant and rapid-fire jokes are hard to keep up with. I think the third season is by far the best. I haven’t seen any of the newer fourth season yet. I am almost done with the third season now.

      Oh yeah! Eddie Vedder! Of COURSE. You know how much I pine for him. And Ryan Reynolds? Huzzah!! Hell yeah.

  9. Snoring Dog Studio

    No celebrity crush here, but Arrested Development is pure genius! I watched one episode of the incredibly vapid and stupid “Broke Girls” the other night and I wonder if there are two Hollywoods at work in this country. One of them is run by awfully stupid, uncreative people.

    1. You nailed it, Jean. Broke Girls is a show I can’t seem to watch, I’ve tried but only make it a few seconds into commercials for the show even. This says a lot about the audience though that Broke Girls is a huge hit yet Arrested Development was canceled after 2 and a half seasons. It’s a shame.

  10. I wondered when I saw the title if you had loved him ever since Little House. Oh the crush I had.

    I still think he totally stole the show as the ESPN Ocho commentator in Dodgeball.

  11. Do you have your list of crushes printed on a laminated card? Then it would be official.
    I’m thinking of an old Friends episode where one of the characters had Isabella Rossellini on his laminated card. Then when he met her, he had proof.

    How great is Arrested Development!? Have you watched any of the new epsiodes on Netflix?

    1. I was thinking of Friends when I wrote this post. Hmm….maybe I’ll run into Jason Bateman at Tim Horton’s later today?

      I am almost done with season 3 on Netflix (I’m late to the AD bandwagon) I can’t wait to watch season 4, although I’ve read it’s different from the previous seasons. I just read today that they MIGHT be planning either a season 5 or a movie next (fingers crossed)

  12. So ever since I found the show ‘Arrested Development’ on Netflix I have loved it. To speak truthfully I am watching the series for the second time, since I simply cannot think of anything better to watch. I always really liked Jason Bateman in this show, and anything else that he has done, but after reading your post, my feelings have slightly changed….I Think I Love Him! He has all the awesome charmingness that a celebrity crush should have. I don’t know why I never thought about this before! Well, I can tell you one thing, I will be enjoying this show even more on round two now (like that is possible) since you opened my eyes to *Jason Bateman* (Sings name in a campy melodic tune)

    Great Post!!!!!!

    1. I have a feeling with the state of TV this summer, I’ll be rewatching the entire series too. At least I can guarantee I’ll find something funny for once. Enjoy your newfound swooning, but he’s already taken. By some nameless actress in LA, I really don’t know who she is but he’ll fall out of love with her soon enough and he’ll be all mine.

      1. I think there will be a bit of competition. If it starts getting like a drunk audience at a Chippendales gig then I’m sneaking out the side door. I don’t have the balls for that fight.

  13. Hubba hubba! Although based on his body of work, it seems that having Justin Bateman on the show is a certain harbinger of cancellation.
    Ron Howard??? Ron Howard??? Genius move on the narrator. He brought it all home in a deeply personal way.
    Hugh Laurie? OH yeah.

    1. I had to try and channel Ron Howard for this post but sad thing is, I can still hear him now in my mind narrating every detail of my day. I wish he’d shut the hell up now.

      Hugh Laurie is smokin’ hot. Sigh.

  14. Richard Gere and why can’t I think of his name — his sister was married to Ricky Nelson, and Ricky Nelson, and Bobby Darrin–though I was a little late and had a crush on him after he died, and………….yeah Cary Grant
    Loved this post – but I was more interested in Michael Landon than Jason–who I have to admit is cute but I would have to be a cougar to crush on him

  15. Gotta love me some Jason Bateman! His wife’s name is Amanda Anka, daughter of Paul Anka! As for one of my many childhood crushes, I’d have to pick Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club. I always had a thing for bad boys!

    1. I faintly remember reading his wife was Paul Anka’s daughter, but I was too busy thinking, damn, he’s MARRIED?!

      Judd Nelson, blast from the past. What is he doing now? I think he’s originally from Maine. I want to say he went to high school in Portland….

  16. I have to second the above comment that this line is the best: Okay, you know what you do? You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing. …… I so have a crush on him too.

      1. It takes one to know one is all. We are both too twisted for color TV. HA! Jason Bateman is like your BFF’s little brother that you made out with in the boat house at summer camp.

    1. That is a high compliment, coming from a writer like you. Wait a sec…you said “pretty sure” and I’m your “favorite Maine writer”. You know as well as I do there are no Maine writers, except Stephen King. And his stuff makes me laugh.

      1. Come on. I was giving you a compliment. Don’t try to make it seem like I was being wishy washy. My only doubt would be that I should be my own favorite Maine writer, but I still think I choose you. So there! 😛

  17. He was in Little House on the Prairie??? Wow, I totally missed that! But I did watch The Hogan Family. And I was an Arrested fan from the get go. I’ve seen half of the new season and it’s awesome! My friend had an Arrested Development party where we all dressed up the characters. I went as Rita, Michael’s mentally challenged British girlfriend. 😀 And then we competed over who had the best chicken dance. It. Was. Awesome.

    1. Oh my GOD. How I loved Rita! Jim is in love with Charlize Theron so I have to convince him to at least watch the few episodes she was on the show. I love that you had a party, your friends sound like blast. I would always win the chicken dance competition.

  18. singleworkingmomswm

    Totally forgot he was on Little House or Silver Spoons! LOL! Yes, yes was/is a hottie fo sho, my friend. Lately, I’ve been watching a movie I own called Dreamer about a famous race horse. I thought I was obsessed with watching it because of the horse in it, but lately I’m finding I’m pretending to be the wife in the movie, who just so happens to be married to Kurt Russell! No, not Kurt as Kurt, but Kurt Russell’s character. Either way, handsome and hot, even though he’s probably more wrinkly now than when the movie came out. Either way…older men….I can dig ’em! Great post!!!! XOXO-SWM

    1. I’ve never seen that movie. I think Kurt is super hot, too. Good guy, too bad he’s married to Goldie Hawn. I’m at the age where I totally find older men more sexy! One of my biggest crushes is Hugh Laurie (hubba hubba).

      1. singleworkingmomswm

        Me, too! If I could marry Robert Redford, even with all of his deeper wrinkles I would. Interestingly enough, however, since I’ve been on the market dating again, for some reason this time around the younger dudes are coming my way…I’m turning 40 in August…go figure (lifted eyebrow and wrinkled nose). 😉

  19. I am right there with you on the Jason Bateman love train, although I may be downgrading my ticket slightly after seeing that picture of he and Justine next to each other. I never realized that they look EXACTLY THE SAME, and I’m kind of creeped out by that (since, in my imaginary life, Mallory Keaton is my older sister. Which now makes my crush look identical to my older sister. Which is a kind of weird my small brain is not equipped to process).

    I am clearly going to need to get over this. Seems like the perfect excuse to blow off everything that I was supposed to do tonight and to fire up my Arrested Development DVDs.

    1. It is a bit freaky about the Jason/Justine thing. My older brother had a crush on Mallory so I suppose this mean’s he’s hot for Jason as well.

      Enjoy firing up you AD DVDs. I still have season 4 on Netflix to get through.

  20. Kfish

    OK. So I didn’t read all the comments but I have to remind you to not forget his appearance in Juno. If you haven’t seen it DO IT NOW!!! That is all.

  21. I have to agree with you, Jason Bateman is super-cute! Believe it or not, we just came across Arrested Development like a month ago for the first time. I think it has something to do with the fact that we work during prime time. Anyway, it’s the best show ever. We’re watching it on Roku and about to start season three.

  22. Good choice. He is a handsome guy, no question. Great dimples. Plus funny and charismatic. I don’t really have a celebrity crush although I did have a thing for Scarlett Johansson. Not the sexy red carpet version, the nerdy “we bought a zoo” version.

    1. He does have the best dimples! My husband has dimples too, I must have a thing for them. Too funny about Scarlett Johansson because Jim was JUST telling me his short list of celeb crushes and she was number one. He said, “I love that girl who was in The Avengers!” so I guess he doesn’t know about the “we bought a zoo” version.

  23. Jason Bateman is pretty awesome, though I’ve only clued into his existence recently. (I don’t get out much.) I also have a thing for Ewan McGregor. And my biggest celebrity crush is for Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode. I don’t care if he wears guyliner or is the same age AS MY DAD. Tell me that baritone voice doesn’t slay you, too. I dare you! 😉

  24. cooper

    Just the fact that he played James Cooper should be enough (yes, that’s me). Ummm…i’ll have to go back and watch those early episodes – maybe i can sue him for defamation of character and i can retire. or maybe he’ll adopt me.

    1. Haha! Here I was thinking Cooper was your first name! Please, sue him then he’ll go broke and be forced to marry me. Oh wait, I’m already married so I guess that might concern my husband…

  25. I have a strong fondness for Jason Bateman, but I’m not sure about having his baby. We’ll try to pretend that we don’t know that I’m biologically incapable of following through on that threat. Ahem. Not to mention that I’m old enough to be his … oh, never mind.

    I’m with you all the way on the Robert Downey, Jr. bandwagon (anything he does is brilliantly delicious), and I would put Jude Law (Cold Mountain), and Paul Newman (Message In A Bottle) on the short list. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I always had a thing for Grizzly Adams (love full beards on men). Robert Redford (The Horse Whisperer) made me melt. Brad Pitt (Se7en, and Troy), and Richard Schiff (West Wing) get honorable mentions. And Susan Sarandon. Because no list is complete without a little Susan Sarandon to round out the testosterone. She’s hot, AND smart. A delectable combination.

    1. Oh, well, if we’re talking actually having his baby, then I’m out too. We can adopt though.

      Everyone you mentioned, I totally agree with. Robert Downey Jr. is right up there for me. Not the younger punk version either, the more mature Robert. Much sexier. But I have to say not Grizzly Adams. Although that was a great show. Susan Sarandon is awesome, love her!

    1. Charlie Sheen in the younger days, maybe. I think now Charlie Sheen represents everything I don’t want in a crush. I think I love Jason more for his deadpan delivery, comic timing and cute dimples. He’s got it all.

  26. There was a Jason Bateman collage on my wall as a teen. Yum. I can’t turn past “The Switch” when it is on television.

    The rest of your list is pretty good, minus Gosling.

    I have a huge crush on Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds. I also have a crush on the actor who plays him, Matthew Gray Gubler. I can’t actually decide if I like the character or the actor more. My obsession with Criminal Minds (it is always on TV) bugged my husband until I pointed out that HE is a tall, skinny nerd with wavy brown hair and a jawline to die for….and did he see any similarities between himself and someone on the show?

  27. We have the same celebrity crush list almost exactly! I would trade out Sting and Conan for Matt Damon and Stephen Colbert. And I’m a huge Arrested Development fan. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you and Don, but you should keep the tee and sell it on ebay including a scathing meltdown about what a horrible bitch Angel is somewhere in the description.

    1. Yes, Stephen Colbert! LOVE him. Thanks for the tip on selling Don’s t-shirt on ebay. Or I could write a scathing letter to Don, then have it published on the Internet so it’ll go viral.

  28. So… I like Jason Bateman. I do. I think he’s brilliant at straightman comedy (and I don’t mean that as in “vs. gay”). But now he reminds me of a ginorous huge tiny mistake of a man I worked with, and therefore I have this whole cognitive dissonance thing happening. Also I’ve never seen Arrested Development on account of I don’t subscribe to that particular special network.
    That said: my short list of crushes is as follows…
    George Clooney (I mean obviously)
    Jon Stewart (For his brain/humor)
    Adrian Pasdar (Google image that ish)

  29. I always knew you were a classy broad, Darla. Loved Arrested Development (back when I had TV), loved Juno, loved him with Jennifer Aniston where she *does* have his baby (skank).
    My Man List is most everyone in a superhero costume or any guy who can wield a sword.

  30. This was so funny to me! Perfect logic all down the line! I don’t think I have a celebrity crush, although Robert Downey Jr. does make my heart flutter a bit. This cracked me up: “The Sandy Duncan’s Left Eye Show.” 🙂

    1. Robert Downey Jr. is someone I never really liked until he matured a little (matured a LOT, actually) The Sandy Duncan’s Left Eye Show was a joke I almost didn’t go with because I certainly don’t want to make fun of someone’s medical issues, although I make fun of myself and my horrible eyesight all the time…

  31. Like yours, my list isn’t very short. I used to be Johnny Depp all the way, but he started looking kinda skinny. So now I’m going with Channing Tatum and most of the guys in True Blood.

  32. ErinGoBrawl

    I… I thought I was the only one whose love for J Bates runs this deep. But, seriously, this entire post had me laughing and nodding along. Except for the image of Justine and Jason – that will haunt my nightmares.

  33. Nice choice, Darla. I too had a crush on Kate Winslet the moment I came out of a theater after watching Titanic. And I am yet to get rid of that crush. 🙂

  34. You are too funny, girlie. And poor Sandy Duncan, I wonder if it’s hard to know which eye to look at when you’re talking to her.

    Jason Bateman is okay but you can have him all to yourself. Mr. Weebs is rather fond of his sister, though. My crushes are numerous, the ones that come to mind off the top of my head are Michael Fassbender, Jason Isaacs (he played the Deliciously Evil Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies), and my long-standing preoccupation with Geddy Lee.

    1. I have had a helluva time “liking” anyone’s post this entire week. The “like” button would just churn and churn. Must be some WordPress glitch? Or perhaps no one likes me anymore?

  35. Apparently, you’re the celeb many of us have crushes on–what with upward of 150 comments. And I thought I had a lot when I began to average 100. You rock, my friend!

    Sara and I have finally moved into our long-term rental here in Ecuador, and furniture arrived over the weekend. Now we have some place to sit. Maybe that means I’ll be able to write again. It’s not easy to concentrate on blogging while we’re trying to get settled in a new country.


    1. So happy you guys made it safe and sound. I find writing is much easier if I can sit down. Standing while writing seems like much too much work to me. Hope you’re enjoying your new digs! Can’t wait to see more photos and posts about it.

  36. While there are many current celebs that I think are just adorable, I am still in love with Cary Grant (and, yes, like Elyse above, Paul Newman). I found myself again watching Cary Grant in Alfred Hitchcock’s “North by Northwest.” Recently, I watched him and Audrey Hepburn in “Charade.” He may have stepped over the rainbow bridge, but he remains my little (cinematic) heaven on earth.

    I do see why Jason Bateman has your heart, Darla. He is adorable.

  37. Zach Morris, Saved by the Bell. Loved him. Currently, Eric from True Blood; beautiful vampire man that he is. I also LOVE that Nellie Olsen made this post. I can think of a few choice words to call that little gem….I wonder if she made anyone’s childhood crush list?

    1. What, no love for Screech? I’ve never seen True Blood, but I caught an interview with one of the actors and now I can see why so many women love that show. Nellie Olsen was quite the character. I wonder what the actress is doing now….

  38. Dolly Parton, that’s mine. It’s like hanging out with life size exaggerated Barbie doll that talks! You’re right, Bateman’s dimples are cute but I can’t get into guys while Dolly is around.

  39. I live and die for my celebrity crushes. I’ve been in love with Jason Bateman since Valerie/The Sandy Duncan’s Left Eye Show. I’m sorry but I will simply never understand the Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum lust. Both of their faces make me want to fall asleep.

    I think I can only lust after guys who make me laugh via characters who are dry-humored, crotchety, or just plain weird. That’s why my roster of celeb crushes currently consist of Karl Urban (as Dr. McCoy, specifically), Colin Farrell (in Martin McDonagh flicks, not in stuff like Miami Vice), Benedict Cumberbatch (can’t help but love Sherlock), Martin Freeman (ever since the British The Office) and Sam Rockwell, who is my #1 crush of all time, thanks to the screen test on the DVD of Confessions of a Dangerous Mind wherein he dances like a goofball and does the splits.

    Thanks for letting me share my favorite subject with you!

    1. Y’know, the Ryan Gosling thing is curious. He really doesn’t have an interesting face at all. It kinda resembles a canned ham. It’s all about his abs. But I’m over Ryan. He’s much too young for me anyway.

      Yes, the guys that make me laugh always win my heart. Funny trumps looks any day of the week. Sam Rockwell?? Yeah! And this Cumberbatch dude? I’ve heard about him plenty on Conan O’Brien (they make fun of his name a lot) but I’ve never seen him.

      1. Cucumber Patch is kinda horsey if you just look at him. You have to watch Sherlock to get the full effect, because Sherlock is just so…well, mean. In a hot way.

  40. I have to admit, Jason Bateman never did anything for me, but I tend to have really (really) weird taste in celeb crushes, so I don’t think it matters. But not sure I want to share them because based on what other people have listed, my crushes are a bit off.

    You might be able to pry it out of Jules. She knows a couple of them. For some reason Jules knows my deep dark celeb crush secrets.She has a way of getting them out of me.

    1. (gasp) what? You say Jason doesn’t do “anything” for you?! Well, after dropping that bomb, now you HAVE to tell me your deep dark shameful celeb crushes. I’ll be sure to get it outta Jules in an email today.

  41. Pingback: Firsts and Lasts in Maine | Rachel's Table

  42. I’m with you on the Jason Bateman issue. Have always adored him. Although my ultimate celebrity crush has to be Richard Dean Anderson. I still have all 27 pictures of MacGyver that I collected when I was twelve.

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