“O….M….G. This is like, so boring.”
“…ugh……this is soooooooo boooooooooooooring….like….uhhhhhhh….ughhhhh…”
What is it about summer? What is it about these long hot days? What is about my husband? Doesn’t he realize I don’t have the power to make life magical every single day?
As for my kids — let’s just say I could be juggling flaming knives and they’d think it was boring. And I’ve tried, oh lord have I tried to entertain them. Here’s just a sampling:
- My son and I at the beach. We are on jet skis. With Mario and Luigi. The jet skis shoot flames. We all have paintball guns. We’re jumping through hoops. The hoops are on fire. Dolphins are diving overhead. The dolphins are equipped with paintball guns. Fireworks explode in the sky. One of the fireworks is a giant glittering image of my son’s face. I look over at my son and raise my eyebrows. He sighs and says, “I’m bored.”
- My daughter and I are at a parade. There’s a float full of Disney Princesses. Cinderella invites her up onto the float. Belle sits her down on a giant throne and puts a sparkly gold crown on her head. They make her the Queen of the Universe. Sleeping Beauty hands her a magic wand that makes everything she touches candy. My daughter looks down at her dress made of rainbow Skittles and sighs, “I’m bored.”
It makes me wonder how my kids will perceive other major events in their lives:
Announcer: …and with only seconds left in this championship game, the visiting team is down six points! This is the last play, their entire season on the line. Here’s the snap… holy crap, it’s a Hail Mary pass! And… he caught it! Oh my god! He’s running to the end zone! He could go all the way! He’s at the 20! 10! Touchdown! I can’t believe my eyes! The biggest comeback in high school football history! They’ve won! They’re the state champions!
My son spikes the ball in front of the cheering crowd. His teammates hoist him overhead and parade him down the field as confetti rains down.
Reporter (sticking a microphone in his face): How do you feel?
Minister: And I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!
My son (rolling his eyes): Bor-ing.
Doctor: I see the head! Here comes the head! And it’s a boy! Wait, here comes another head! And it’s another boy! Oh! Wait! And another boy! Identical triplets! Born at exactly 12:01am on January 1st! It’s a New Year’s miracle!
My daughter (looking down at the babies in her arms as cameras flash and newspaper reporters thrust microphones in her face): I’m bored.
Skydiving Instructor on plane: On the count of three, JUMP! …one….two…THREE!
My son (plummeting like a stone towards the earth, freefalling after backup parachute fails):
I’m still booooooooooooored…….!
God in heaven: Welcome to my kingdom! Here I will reveal to you all the mysteries of the universe! And bestow upon you the ultimate freedom and power to see and do and be anything you so desire!
My son (yawning): Mkay. Sure. Whatever. So what else ya got?