My Exclusive Interview With Me About My Blog

Greetings, fellow bloggers, non-bloggers, readers and non-readers!

Today I bring to you an in-depth interview I did with…myself.

Yes! And they say blogging is narcissistic.

Slide1

In this Q&A, I will attempt to probe into the deepest, darkest regions of the seedy blogging underbelly. I’ve been warned there’s lots of lint. And some grime. Y’know, stuff stuck up in the bellybutton area. Anyway, it’s pretty gross but it’s always good to get it all out.

Let’s begin.

Me: So, this blogging business…what gives?

She’s a Maineiac: Uh, I’m not sure. I don’t follow…

Me: What gives? I mean, what the hell? Seriously.

SaM: Well, I….I like to blog.

Me (leaning forward, narrowing eyes): Yes. But why. Why do it. Why do you blog?

SaM: To express myself. I guess. Yeah.

Me: Express what?

SaM: My inner thoughts?

Me: Why? For the love of God, why?

SaM: Um…..people like to read about them? Maybe? I don’t know.

Me: So you think the world needs to know about these… inner thoughts, these…gems of yours… these revelations that just pop into your brain willy-nilly?

SaM: Sure.

Me: (picking up laptop computer) I have here a post you wrote dated October 1st, 2012, In which you discuss your droopy boobs.

SaM: Ooh, see–yeah. That wasn’t my best work.

Me (pointing at computer screen): You detailed for your (making air quotes) “thousands” of readers how sad you get when you have to, quote, “pick them up to put them into your bra”. (glaring over eyeglasses)

SaM: That’s true.

Me: And you called this ‘Meloncholy’.

SaM (laughing):  Yeah.

Me: This is what you think people want to read. This is your contribution to society.

SaM: Well…

Me (pointing at computer screen): And here’s another post. About farting. And another. About how you broke your ass. And yet another…(glaring) about farting.

SaM: (looking down, silent)

Me: Okay. Enough of that. I’m getting depressed. Let’s talk money. Moulah.  How many Benji’s you picking up? How much dough you raking in? What’s the street value of She’s a Maineiac going for these days?

SaM: Oh, I don’t make any money! ha! HA-HA!

Me: Huh. Interesting. So let’s go back to why you blog.

SaM: For the connection? Yes! That’s it! I like to connect!

Me: With actual people? Are you sure?

catComputer

SaM: My readers, yes.

Me: Your readers? Oh! You mean SexyHotXXXLoveMachine69? Is that whom you want to connect with?

SaM: Look–I can’t control who subscribes to my blog. It’s out of my hands.

April-29-2012-15-59-17-fdgdf

Me: Control? And do you have control over when you blog? Or how often? Hmm?

SaM: Hey! I can stop at any time! Any time!

Me: Then stop right now.

SaM: What? That’s ridiculous. You mean–

Me: Stop. Blogging. Now.

SaM: Well, I-I just….look–just give me my laptop back…

Me: Let it go. Let it allllll go.

SaM: What? Let what go?

Me: I want you to admit you have a problem.

SaM: Just give me my laptop.

Me (holding laptop over head): Not until you tell the world right here, right now how you really feel about blogging. Spill it. Cleanse your soul.

SaM (reaching for laptop): Give it!

Me (slapping hand away): No.

SaM (standing up): Okay! OKAY! Fine! I love it! I love everything about it! I like how I get that cool orange notification thingy at the top of my screen when there’s a “like” on my post! Even if it’s from Ea$yBowelControlPillz! I love when I see I have a few comments within a few seconds of posting!   I love it when a commenter says they thought my post was funny! Even when I know damn well they didn’t read past the first sentence!

Me: Now don’t you–

SaM (weeping into hands): But I hate it! I hate that I love it! I don’t get why people read my blog! I don’t understand! I have no clue what I’m doing! I just write!  It’s all just utter nonsense! And they want to read it! (sobbing) I want to be a writer! But I’m not! I’m a blogger! Oh god! I don’t want to be a blogger! I’m a loser! I hate Facebook and twitter! I think the Internet is the root of all evil!  Whether the word ‘internet’ is capitalized or not! I can never remember what’s acceptable!

Me: Good. Now don’t you–

SaM: And it’s making my ass fat! It’s true! I blame Matt Mullenweg! And Mark Zuckerberg! Those too-smart-for-their-own-damn-good whippersnappers! They’ve ruined my life! I feel so ashamed! So dirty! I just want to die! (collapsing into a heap)

Me: There, there. Now don’t you feel better?

SaM (raising tear-stained face) No.

Me: Oh.

_____________________________________________________________

And that concludes my exclusive interview with addicted blogger,
She’s a Maineiac.

Stay tuned for

Part 2: The Freshly Pressed Curse

followed by

Part 3: WordPress Rehab with Dr. Drew

___________________________________________________________

Tell me, do you have a blogging addiction? Can you admit you have a problem?
That’s the first step, you know.
Maybe Dr. Darla and Dr. Drew can help.
Probably not. But it’s worth a shot.

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129 thoughts on “My Exclusive Interview With Me About My Blog

  1. Addiction? What are you talking about? I’m not addicted. I didn’t create an entire psuedonym for myself and make a seperate Facebook account under that name just for my blog! I don’t obsessively check my emails to see if I have a new comment or like! I don’t visit everyone’s blog every day to see if there is anything new posted! I don’t get totally dejected when a post completely falls flat and nobody comments or likes it!

    Seriously, I’m not addicted AT ALL. I’m just going to walk away from all of it right now. I’ll show you! I’m gone.

    .
    .
    .
    Did you miss me? How was that commenting . . . pretty good? Would you say you liked it? Would you like to comment on it? Was it the best you’ve ever read?

    Oh god.

  2. You are such a bitch! How can you be so mean to you like that?

    How wrong is it that I got a little bit aroused by the vision of the catfight that was about to break out over the laptop? Talk about an evenly matched fight!

    I don’t know about the cat, but I sure am enjoyin’ it! Your blog that is. Sorry, I went Cousin Eddy on you there way out of context. I do enjoy blog though, and now I can say that I have a “friend” in Maine even though to date, it’s never come up before.

    Good stuff Darla!

    1. Oh and I think I was addicted for a little bit, but now I’m at the point where I feel as though I need to find something to blog about just because I enjoy the interaction with my followers and nobody interacts with me unless I post something. The orange notification thing is a bit addicting.

      1. If only WordPress could figure out a way to have that orange notification thing light up all day long without requiring us to post anything at all. Maybe they could reward us for just shutting up for once? I’d be happy to try that.

      1. Oh it’s not just a Darla fetish, Rachel. You can wrap bacon around my scapes anytime as well! Lol, wait, what?? I should erase and forget that, but I’m pressing reply anyway…

  3. Oh, hahahaha, this was amazing, D. You both have outdone yourselves. I thought this was funny and I liked it and I’m going to click on all the links to those farting posts.

  4. “I want to be a writer! But I’m not! I’m a blogger! Oh god!” <This right here? Yeah, so identify with that. It made me laugh and cry at the same time.
    Can't wait to see the next two. I think I resemble those remarks.

    1. I had this sneaking suspicion that maybe a post about how much we loathe being called ‘bloggers’ would resonate with so many bloggers. I’ve tried to substitute the word blogger with writer and people just laugh in my face. Why does my husband have to be so cruel?

  5. OH how I wish I knew the line about non-reader-commenters was in there, so I could have left a random comment 2 seconds after this went live!

    Hi.Larious. You know I’m chasing the bloggy dragon over here. I hope you’re not kidding about the next two parts, because I really want to fake-read them. (Heh.) The “internet/Internet” line cracked me up.

    Now. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stare at that kitten picture and talk to myself some more.

    1. The picture with the teeny tiny cat office chair and the teeny tiny computer killed me.

      I’m going to attempt to write about the Freshly Pressed experience, something I’ve never dared to do before.

  6. Horseapples! I don’t think it’s a problem that I have the notifications on on the WordPress app on my phone so that it chimes at me every single time I get any sort of interaction on my blog. You know like every like, follow, and comment? That’s totally fine!

  7. I refuse to click on your droopy boobs link. I simply won’t do it. What’s next? A link to a discussion about your lady parts? Would you click on a saggy testicle link? Of course not.

    I blog for the chicks, of course. Still waiting for that ultimate payoff, although someone did sent me some mildly suggestive double entendres and a racy photo once. For real!

    Seriously…I would love to quit blogging. It causes me much more angst than pleasure. I obsess over stats, page hits, comments and the like. I perform comparative analyses until I’m nauseous. I’ve sworn off many times but three or four weeks will pass by and I’ll start formulating paragraphs in my head while on the subway. I’ll take a photo and ask myself, “What are you going to do with that? You’re not going to post it to your blog, are you?” And then I do.

    Despite all the torment I love doing it. It’s important to me. Once in a great while I’ll cough-up a paragraph that’s so well-constructed and arrives so beautifully formed that I’ll stare at my fingertips in amazement. How does it happen?! I have no formal eduction beyond a diploma from a below-average high school. It’s a magic trick.

    1. You refuse to click on the droopy boobs link? Oh, you don’t know what you’re missing. Apparently, it’s hugely popular because according to my current stats SOMEbody has clicked on that link dozens of times already. Don’t be afraid. There’s no actual picture. And all boobs droop, Perfectly natural. Not pleasant, but a fact of life. Wow, I really like talking about droopy boobs. See? See how low blogging has made me stoop? Dr. Drew? help me for the love of God!

  8. Hello? (taps the microphone) Is this thing on? Eh-hem. I didn’t read past the first line because I got distracted and started interviewing myself. (kidding–I scrolled right on down to cute cat pics.) Then, we (me, myself and I) got into an argument about how everyone ELSE must be making money on their blog and it’s only me (us) that isn’t cashing it in big time with all of my ramblings and crappy photos. I’m addicted. I obsess about likes and comments and the lack of followers and then I remember that I do this all because I love to see the random stuff other people are doing all day. Hi, Darla. I’m not interested in your droopy boobs but I’ll keep reading. 🙂

    1. This is the worst part about blogging. The forced social interaction. Like we’re all Pavlov’s dogs roaming around in a big dog park, sniffing each other’s butts on cue. “Oh, you commented! Cool, so then I have to reply! And then you replied to my reply and then my head imploded! But it’s fun, we’re all having fun! I can stop this at any time! It’s not addictive! I just wanna be loved is that so wrong!”
      (I have no idea what I just wrote, forgive me, it’s getting late at night and I am very tired)

      1. My husband is bemused by the whole thing and thinks everyone who uses social media is slightly unhinged……
        PS You don’t have to reply to this one even if it is early and you’re not tired 😉

      2. Your husband and mine are alike. My husband? Refuses to be on facebook! The nerve! I mean, just who does he think he is? And blogging? I suspect he really thinks it’s just some magical world of make-pretend in my head and all you guys are figments.

  9. Oh Darla, you are one step away from drawing your eyebrows on with a crimson lipstick. (I know the signs.) Let’s do an interview where I talk about you to you. How would that go?
    Honie: Darla Rocks, don’t ya think?
    SaM: She does, yeah, she rocks.
    Honie: SaM is awesome, don’t ya think?
    Darla: Her boobs are droopy.
    SaM: Oh no you DITTIN?
    Darla: You want a piece of me?!!?
    Honie: Okay, let’s just CALM down.
    SaM and Darla in unison: SHUT UP!
    (Then the three went all kinds of Jerry Springer CAPS LOCK.)

  10. I think you are in good company, and I don’t mean that we all have droopy boobs. I mean we are all addicted to the orange notification thingy, and the stats, and the comments and back to the orange notification thingy. I’m not ready for a 12-step program. I’ll quit smoking before I quit blogging 😉
    Keep on doing it!

    1. You are so right. How can I live in a world where people won’t read about my droopy boobs? I mean, that would be tragic. I could probably quit chocolate before I quit blogging and I find that terribly depressing.

  11. What a coup to get an exclusive interview with yourself! I bet Diane Sawyer didn’t see that one coming.

    Should I be worried about you? Do you hear both of these voices in your head? At the same time? Do you address yourself in the third person, like “She’s a Maineiac’s boobs are so saggy.”? How many fingers am I holding up? Paging Dr. Drew…

    1. Dr. Drew told me the first sign I have gone off the bloggy deep end was the moment I thought interviewing myself for my blog was such a good idea. Well, not the first sign, one of many.

  12. Wow. That is intensely weird and completely readable. I don’t want to say that you have problems, interviewing yourself and all, and yes you do not have control over who follows you (with warning that some are likely weirder than you are), but take this all as a compliment and here’s a virtual high five for your post. Good reading.

    1. Weird? High five? I’ll take it. You mean to tell me all bloggers don’t get into a fistfight with themselves over the computer? I wrestle with “to blog or not to blog” every day. Sure, it’s mostly in my mind. Well, that’s what Dr. Drew told me but I think he’s nuts.

  13. Another time we’ve done a post on a similar thing, I interviewed myself on my blog a while back too! Although mine wasn’t angsty like yours, mie was just a way of mopping up those little snippets of ideas for blog posts that weren’t quite enough to do a whole blog post for. But I do think we all go through these thoughts that you have! In terms of the writer/blogger problem, my consolation there is that writers are expected to have an online presence, so we’re building up our online presence, so that publishers won’t feel it’s a risk to publish our stuff because we have a proven track record of people liking our stuff, see?

    1. It is very comforting to know so many other bloggers have interviewed themselves on their blogs. Or it’s very disturbing.

      I wish I had something to publish, V. Or writer-ly ambitions of any kind. I do hope to one day stop blogging about droopy boobs.

  14. Ok, if this is ABs (anonymous bloggers), so be it: My name is franhunne4u and I blog. Yes, I have a problem with blogging
    – I do not get all those likes fast enough,
    I only have 25 followers and I feel like a failure.
    Still blogging is what I do first in the morning and last in the evening. I even comment on other peep’s blogs. *sobbing*
    Secretly hoping they will be tempted to look at my blog, oh what I don’t do for a view … *now turning my view to my toes*
    I even comment on blogs where I know nothing about their stuff, like economics … or … Maine. 😉

    1. Hm…yes…my diagnosis is you’re suffering from what all of us have suffered at one point. I suffered from this for years. I would get a like from one person, maybe two if my cousin read my blog that day. Maybe one comment here and there. This went on for months and months. I was basically blogging to myself. Talking to myself. Much like this post. See how things come full circle? Never give up hope. You will always be addicted to blogging.

      1. I have to – cannot disappoint 25 followers. Though – not all of them even view my blog every time I got a new post out. My fault – why do I have to blog in my mother tongue?

  15. desperately waiting for the rehab part. Useful stuff I believe. Why do I do it? I have no idea at all! Loved your post! Go on with your compulsive writing!

    1. It really is when you put it that way. Hey, let’s all come up with a blogging persona, never use our real names or faces and run around commenting on each other public diaries! (still, I love it)

  16. I haven’t posted anything in 22 days! To say I’m going through withdrawals is an understatement.
    It’s like having this maddening love affair. Only it’s not with food or another human being, it’s with a blog. My husband is starting to get jealous . . .

    1. What? It’s you? What in the world are YOU doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be off making another human? OH, lordy lordy, Anka. Case in point. Blogging is maddening! It is a love affair! It is so very pathetic and yet so satisfying. We are all so screwed.

  17. Glad you got that all off your chest … oops! I didn’t mean to bring up a sore subject.

    We read you because you make us laugh out loud, make us think, scare the living beejabers out of us, or question our sanity about blogging.

    You’re the whole enchilada, Darla.

  18. I don’t know what it is, but I love those photos of the cats at the computers. They are so cute. Although, it might just be the Percocet talking… Anyway, keep on blogging Chick! You make us laugh. Love the pink glasses frames, BTW!

    1. Yes! thank you! Finally, someone else who really appreciates the perfection that are those cat photos. I can’t stop looking at the one in the tiny office chair. I am seriously considering getting a cat just so I can set up a tiny office for it.

      Percocet? ooh, I don’t do well on that stuff. Off to your blog to see what’s up. Hope you’re doing better today.

  19. I definitely do! Don’t you hate it when the orange comment icon is on, but you have already checked that comment and for some reason it’s still lit???? I also have quite the problem. It’s affecting my everyday life AND my sex life! In the middle of a romantic moment, I hear my computer beep telling me that someone has liked or commented. I can’t “stay” in the mood…i have to check my blog!! AND my butt is definitely bigger than it was in March when I started blogging! My thighs too! 🙂 Love your interview with yourself. Good job. 🙂

    1. YES! When I see the orange thing light up, I click on it…see it’s a comment from, say, Susie. Then the notification box goes dark. Then a few seconds later: bam! The orange thing lights up again! I think–whoa! it’s ANOTHER comment? But no, it’s still Susie’s old comment. This goes on like that…off and on, blinking orange for several minutes before I realize the horrible truth: I have OCD. Also I’m addicted to notification boxes.

  20. Snoring Dog Studio

    I blog because I love to write. And my blog is a way to force people to read what I write. Plus, there are times when I begin to froth at the mouth over some issue I feel passionately about and the only antidote for frothing is to post something on my blog. Plus again, I’m an introvert and it really is far more comfortable sharing crap online than having to face a human in person.

    1. True, very true. Being introverted yet extremely opinionated is a perfect combo for a blogger. I’d be willing to bet most bloggers are introverted. Well, at least, most writers are at heart.

  21. Oh you are damn right… Whenever I’m online, writing or reading or even just clicking around, my eyes keep on flitting back to that evil thing up there… even when i’m typing this comment, that icon is somehow in my vision. That is what I’d have said a year back
    See, it was worse but it is better now.. it doesn’t bother me anymore but still when I see an orange mark, my heart flutters with joy..
    A hilarious post… I totally loved it. 😀

  22. Narcissistic…naaaa…looking at yourself in the mirror dozens of time a day, catching your image in a window every chance you get, or posting those cell-fies on fb incessantly…that’s narcissistic. But reading the reflection of your words and how others react to them…that’s connecting…something a mirror can’t do. ooo…that’s a creepy image…something in the mirror jumping out and taking hold of you.

    1. Thank you, Georgette. I feel much better because I avoid the mirror like the plague now. Once I made the mistake of looking at it first thing in the morning and people could hear my scream three counties over.

  23. As an addiction, ours is pretty benign. If droopy boobs, a fat ass from sitting in the desk chair and a smidge of insecurity when a post drops into a black hole are all we suffer… wait… is that a plus sign in my orange-box-thingy? Oooo, my palms are itching. I need that hit. Just… let me get my curser up there… oh, yeah, baby…

    1. ahhhhh….feels sooooo good, doesn’t it? Go on. It’s okay. The great thing about my blogging addiction is that it makes it very hard for me to satisfy that other addiction I have–chocolate. Although I have tried to eat chocolate while typing but it gets too messy.

  24. Darla, I’m wondering if the tone of this piece might be different if you’d interviewed yourself in a fun-house mirror. You know, the kind that stretches you out (you could add more to your droop) or that makes you short and fat, or that makes you tall or skinny. I think that the differently shaped Darlas might have all had a different, ummm, slant on, droopy boobs and farts.

    (This was a stitch. What a wonderful idea — two Darlas!)

    1. A wonderful idea? Or so horrifying that we can’t even begin to comprehend??

      But to be clear: I never said that I, in fact, was the owner of previously mentioned ‘droopy boobs’. Just that it’s a natural phenomena some women face as they get older. Yeah.

      1. The key to blogging is to gradually reveal the humiliating aspects of ourselves. So why have I decided to make every single post about my personal humiliations? I have no shame about shaming myself.

  25. I have to confess that I was tempted to stop reading at the second kitten picture (sooooo cute), but I only paused briefly because this was so entertaining. And now I shall click “Post Comment” and you will get a little orange box. Happy Friday!

  26. Hoping your little orange box lights up and you get that happiness joy joy feeling. Your interview with you was superior, who could interview you better?

    You have followers who “Like” and “Comment” because your ramblings through the inner workings of your life, humiliations and all are presented with such humor they remind us of all our humanity, tell that to your inner interviewer!

  27. How many followers do you need to have accumulated before WordPress issues you with a 250 pound blogging cat? That thing is huge but I am sure the extra set of giant furry hands is necessary to keep up with all of the comments you receive on each post. Meow, my giant internet savvy friend. Meow.

  28. Don’t listen to that meanie, “me”. She’s just jealous, SaM-I-Am. Droopy boob fart posts are real writing, and you are a REAL writer. Like Pinnochio was a real boy. But without the big, wooden shnoz that grows when you lie. I assume.

  29. Whoa. Are you in my head? Because that conversation (except with different blog posts pointed out, though I, too had a post about farting on my blog) pretty much happens in my own head from time to time. LOL

  30. Pingback: The Freshly Pressed Curse | She's a Maineiac

  31. Thank you, I needed a laugh. I just realized how alike you and my daughter are. (You aren’t really my daughter writing under an assumed name are you? If now, can I adopt you?)

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