The Freshly Pressed Curse

Hey, kids! It’s time once again for me to interview myself!

Y’know….(ahem) because no one else wanted to.

Slide1

The last time I sat down with myself for an exclusive interview, things got cray-cray up in Darla’s hizzle when an enraged Maineiac toppled the kitchen table à la Desperate Housewife Teresa “The Feds Are Only Jealz of My Fame” Guidice.

Let’s see if this time around I crack a chair on my own forehead Jerry Springer-style.

*****

Me: Good morning.  Today we are going to discuss something that is on every WordPress blogger’s mind.

She’s a Maineiac: Butt implants?

Me: Yes. (tilting head) Have you considered those?

SaM: Well, of course I have. But I thought we were going to discuss the Freshly Pressed phenomena?

Me: Oh, I suppose. God.  (rolling eyes) So, Freshly Pressed–I mean, seriously. What’s the deal? What gives?

SaM: It’s like winning the lottery. Except there’s no money involved.

Me: I don’t understand.

SaM: It’s like being struck by lightning. Except there’s no lightning involved.

Me: You’ve lost me.

SaM: It’s like winning a pretend medal in an imaginary world that only exists in your mind.

Me: Mmkay. Now I’m getting it.

SaM: It’s like finding out everyone in WordPress World thinks your parents are away for the weekend, so they drop by your crib to trash the joint. Maybe drink all your Pabst Blue Ribbon or paint their blog’s URL in ketchup on your bathroom ceiling before they peel out of your driveway in their jacked-up pickup while blaring Crazy Train out the windows and leaving empty Slim-Jim wrappers in their wake, never to return again.

Me: So you didn’t like this Freshly Pressed experience?

SaM: Oh no! I really enjoyed it! (sighing) Best days of my life!

Me: What’s it like? How did you find out you were first Freshly Pressed?

SaM: I woke up, took a long drag off my cigar, opened up my email and Boom — 150 pending emails from WordPress.

Me: You smoke?

SaM: No.

Me: What did you do next?

SaM: I ran around in circles screaming, “What the frack?  How in the hell do I delete all this email?” I honestly had no clue what had happened. I certainly didn’t realize Freshly Pressed was a thing’ back then in 2010. I thought I was picked completely at random.

Me: You were picked at random.

SaM (glaring): Anyway. So I clicked on the front page of WordPress and saw my first FP post up there, right next to a post featuring brownies. I knew right then, I had made it. My husband certainly didn’t think so.

Me: How so?

SaM: When I told him, he just scratched himself, yawned and said, “Gee, that’s nice, honey. What’s for breakfast?”

Me; You threw scrambled eggs at him, didn’t you.

SaM: Well, I had to make sure I spent the next 24 hours glued to my laptop, approving comments like, “Great post!” and “Please visit my blog!” And they were fried eggs.

Me: Are there any drawbacks to being FP?

SaM: Oh sure! Like trying in vain to find that one single breathing non-blogging person on the planet that gives two shits you were Freshly Pressed.

Me: Anything else?

SaM: Nothing prepares you for the inevitable fall from the top, that death spiral of stats when FP fades in a few days. Once the party’s over, you’re left standing on your toilet-papered front lawn, clutching an empty punch bowl and crying, “Come back! Please!”

Me: Do they come back?

SaM: If you’re lucky a few stragglers are left behind who decide to stick around, mainly because they’ve passed out on your couch in their underwear. After three years of blogging, I can honestly say I much prefer the genuine relationship I have with my loyal readers and commenters over being briefly in the spotlight.

Me:  Aw, c’mon! You sure there’s not a teeny-tiny part of you, somewhere back in your equally teeny-tiny mind that would love to be Freshly Pressed again?

SaM: Hell yeah! Of course! We all want it but we all act like we don’t want it — unless we get it. If we do get it, we’re happy — but only briefly. And it’s not cool to brag about getting it, so we act like we don’t care we got it, even though inside we’re thrilled.  But only briefly.

Me: Ummm…

SaM: And this Freshly Pressed high is fleeting because things tend to slide back down to normal pretty damn quickly.

Me: So it’s like getting butt implants?

SaM: Exactly.

Slide1

And so concludes Part 2 of my Q&A with myself. No chairs or tables or butts were harmed during the interview.

*****

Like this? See Part 1: My Exclusive Interview with Me About My Blog

Up next: WordPress Rehab with Dr. Drew

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150 thoughts on “The Freshly Pressed Curse

    1. It’s a done deal. Just be forewarned Darla sometimes gets real testy when you bring up her Chapstick addiction or her brief fling with George Clooney back in 1988 during his Roseanne days.

  1. Let me be the first to offer a donation for your butt implant, Darla. That would pretty much make us sisters, right. Or maybe cousins. Yeah. It’s safer to be my cousin.

    As for being FP’d, yeah. Did they pick my best posts? Of course not! Did they pick your best? I doubt it.

    Now being Freshly Pegged? That’s the ticket!

    Give my best to both of you.

    1. Hell, screw the implants, I’d settle for a butt lift. Involving a complicated pulley system, even.

      Being Freshly Pegged was a dream come true for me. Nothing could ever top it. Why am I even blogging anymore, Elyse??

  2. Freshly pressed is a dream that never came true for me. 🙂 So I obviously feel bad when someone talks of it. But you are just awesome, Darla. Until I was done reading this post, I forgot you are talking about that same freshly pressed stuff that has been continuously disappointing me for past one and half years. 🙂 It was really funny.

    1. I totally get why people who want to be FP and are disappointed if their post isn’t chosen. I still scratch my head as to why I was picked back in 2010 for a super short post about getting my hair cut. Who knows why? I certainly wasn’t writing to BE Freshly Pressed and maybe that was the key for my luck. It usually happens when you least expect it to.

  3. Hilarious, totally spot on, made me laugh, and makes me want to go for breakfast. Very few posts can do those things for me in one fell swoop. Butt implants. I’m not sure what to say. I was FP’d, it was a bemusing experience filled with odd strangers passing through without a thing really to say, but I agree with you, the withdrawal was nevertheless a little traumatic.

    1. Wow, see, you managed to perfectly sum up the FP experience in one comment.

      Bemusing and odd? For sure. Traumatic withdrawal? Definitely. Then I would add the odd craving to get FP again and again and again.

  4. Hahaha, Freshly Pressed? Hahaha, what’s that? Hahaha I don’t care, hahahaha, quit looking at me!!!!

    I was glad to pass out on your couch in my underwear. You’re very entertaining for a pretty vanilla white girl. Whatever that means.

    1. Oh, no, you weren’t passed out on my couch. After the party ended, I was clearing my coffee table of this huge pile of trash and bingo–there you were, your distorted face pressed up against the glass screaming, “JAKE!”. Scared the bejesus outta me. (Or maybe that was Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles?)

  5. This brings up bittersweet memories. Both times it happened to me, back when I showed blogger promise, I suppose, it was an enormous rush and I was a star, a STAR! here in this virtual world. In my real world, no one seemed to realize how fabulous imaginary me was. It’s about as close as I’ll ever come to understanding the Kardashians.

    1. haha! Yes! I think I understand the Kardashians a little better now.

      And that feeling of excitement then the letdown after a FP. But I coulda been somebody! I was a star!! Granted, no one in my real life cared or even knew what the hell FP meant so it was a very good lesson in the bitter fleeting feeling of being “almost famous” for a few hours. Sigh. Still, wouldn’t it be great to be FP every single day?

  6. you are utterly adorable and I will be with you as long as I belong to the blog world which is fast becoming too much a part of my real world–not that you are not real–and though I am not jealous as I just wrote a post about not being jealous of anyone, if I were jealous I would be jealous of you and your propensity to be Fresh Pressed!

    1. Yes, my bloggy pretend world is fast becoming melded with the stark realities of my day to day ‘real life’. I think I much prefer the WordPress World most days. If only my kids would click a “like” button every time they tasted my meatloaf.

  7. This was the perfect description. Those arseholes totally trashed my joint, too! And I kind of couldn’t stand a lot of them. But, yet, I’m secretly desperate to have them all back over again.

  8. Hearing the negatives from someone who’s actually lived the dream actually makes me feel better about not getting to live it yet. Appreciating what you have and all that.

    Still doesn’t mean I don’t hope it happens some day. But in the meantime, I’ll take comfort in the fact that it isn’t as awesome as it sounds. Or it is, but there’s a dark side.

  9. Personally, I only like to take out the good booze for my regulars. The rest of them can drink the shitty wine I got as a gift for some occasion from someone who doesn’t know me well enough to know I don’t like wine.

    What was I saying? Oh yeah. Freshly Pressed is cool, but I like the familiar faces. Not just the ones who want my alcohol.

  10. Pfft! Freshly Pressed. Who cares? amiright? And no, it’s not because I’m jealous of you and pretty much every other blogging friend I have that have not only been FP’d, but have had that honor multiple times. Not like I’ve been blogging for over 2 years and feel I have produced some pretty good stuff every now and again that has been consistantly ignored by the FP muckety mucks. Nope, I obviously couldn’t care in the least.

    Now, about those butt implants . . . can I make a donation? Because I’ve got plenty to spare. Win-win, I say!

    1. I couldn’t agree more, Misty. You have produced plenty of FP-worthy posts! What in the hell are they waiting for? I hear tagging is the key to getting noticed. Maybe try tagging your posts: Ass Implants or Droopy Buttocks next time?

      1. You’re so right. Misty, take note of Darla’s expert use of tags for this post. She’s got “Blog, bloggers, blogging, Blogger, Blogging, blogette, blogavicimo, BLOG, blog-dawging, blog-a-dingity-dong,” and the list goes on and on and on…

        Much like when playing Boggle (or “Bloggle” – there’s another tag), one must remember to always add “s” and do upper and lower case to get maximum points, which translates into maximum Freshly Blogged.

      2. Actually, I think from now on I’m just going to tag all of my posts with She’s a Maineiac and Peg-o-leg! That way, when they are looking for you to crown you both, yet again, with another FP honor, they will stumble upon my lowly blog and . . . yeah, it still won’t matter. Hmph!

  11. OMG THIS: “Like trying in vain to find that one single breathing non-blogging person on the planet that gives two shits you were Freshly Pressed.” I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to explain to the uninitiated how freaking amazing I am that I have been FP’d. “No, you see, I wrote a post on my blog on WordPress. What’s WordPress? A REALLY BIG DEAL. So yeah, it got featured on their homepage. No, no money. No endorsements. Why, no. I’m still not published. So, I guess, French fries?”

    1. What’s WordPress?? haha! YES. Um, oh, gee– it’s nothing….just the biggest baddest blogging platform in the freaking WORLD!! And there are like what, a jazillion blogs and they picked mine for FP?! Don’t our relatives understand how big it is to be FP? They will never ever get it. And as you know, every single time you get FP, when it’s your 3rd or 4th it’s even more of a WTF moment and still all my husband wants to know is if I will be making him scrambled eggs. Pffft.

    2. Preach it sistas. This. I can’t believe I am admitting in this public forum the depths of my shallowness (eh? eh?), but every, friggin time. I’m doing the victory dance of joy in my office, shouting at the top of my lungs what a big, big deal I am in the blogging world and the real world gives a collective shoulder-shrug of total, non-interest.

      I’m so lucky I have my dear sister Tar-buns who understands and always cheers me up.

      By the way, Ms Waiting, have I told you lately how much that great, smiling picture of you reminds me of my daughter, Gwen? And, while I realize you are now 21, I would have appreciated a phone call last night that you weren’t coming home until after 1. We moms worry.

      1. Oh, Peg! Where is Gwen going off to now?? At least you got to spend some quality time with both kiddos across the pond.

        I refuse to believe one day my own kids will ever leave me. Maybe I can build an apartment over my garage?

      2. She and her dad are road-tripping to Boston to check out grad schools. GRAD schools, for godsakes -where has the time gone?

        It’s a catch 22 with keeping our kids close. The thing is, if they do end up living in the basement, you’ll despise them for being unaccomplished blood-suckers with no lives. Dilemma.

  12. You can find some weird stuff if you look up some of the blogs that comment after FP. I thought it’d be nice to check out every single one. And wow – one or two blogs had already gone down. One blog consisted only of reblogged freshly pressed posts. Just – what? And it IS crazy how much we want that freaking thing once we find out about it (and once all the people we know start getting it). One blogger pal compared it to being the last girl to get her period. And telling people who aren’t bloggers about it is, well, like telling a guy about your period. They don’t get it.

    Of course I’d take it again, cause I’m shallow that way, but I’d rather some peeps who’ve never had the insane experience get it than get it again myself. Besides, I’m too lazy to respond to a couple hundred comments, esp the ones that say congrats on fp here is my blog. When you consider the search words I get, I can imagine I’d get someone like assheat.wordpress.com. Better to stick with my known insane posse.

    I don’t need butt implants. My husband could use some. I wonder if they have them on Amazon.

    1. I remember clicking on every single comment’s blog and actually going to their blog and leaving a comment. But there are just too many comments to make the time to do that. And that period analogy was perfect. If you’re not FP, all you can think about is why not? Why not me? I was lucky in that I never thought that because for my first few months of blogging I didn’t even know FP existed.

      1. I didn’t know about it for a while at first, then I found out, then all these bloggers I’d gotten to know got it one by one and it was like . . . heyyyy. Lol. I looked back later and I’d only been blogging for like 5 months before I got it – might as well have been 5 years. Sooo like high school!

      2. When I got it, it was something like four months after I started blogging. Sad thing is, I knew absolutely no one back then and so it was like being thrown a party in your honor and showing up to find nobody there. Much like high school.

  13. I loved being FP’d. I totally want it to happen again. Of course, that means actually writing stuff which I’ve been failing to do lately. I find it interesting how many FP’d bloggers thought the post that was picked of theirs was not one of their best works. I actually thought the one of mine that was picked was a fab choice. I know, whenever we post something, every single time, we think “yeah, this is so awesome, I’m the best writer ever and this one is going to be Freshly Pressed”. Then it doesn’t happen. But I had perhaps, just a tiny inkling more that my FP’d post was the one. Then it was the one. Then I was awesome and famous and gonna make a zillion dollars as a writer… and then… yeah, you know the rest of the story.

    1. Wait a sec–I do happen to think “I am the best writer ever”. Are you saying I’m not and you are? (gasp) Fine. I guess we can co-share the Best Writer Ever thing. Although I won’t like it.

      Your FP post WAS very worth of FP. Must be nice. The one post I truly thought might be FP and actually was FP was my Halloween post. When I finished writing it, I thought, “Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.”

  14. Le Clown says:

    Darla,
    So much to say. so little time.
    1) I had prepared myself well for my visit in Maineiac land: sunglasses, sunscreen lotion, and my best fedora hat. And behold the sparse and cleaner look. I think it looks great.
    2) I had suggested your insomniac post to the Freshly Pressed God. I thought it was a clear winner. Just know that in my heart, you did get the nod, and all the one-time passerby…
    3) Funny post? Hell yeah.
    Le Clown

    1. 1) I’ve been wanting to ditch that sunset banner forever. I’ve actually had it up there for three solid years. It was my actual backyard and we’re moving soon so I thought it would be false advertising.

      2) Get out. My freaky-deaky spider post? I thank you from the bottom of my jaded WordPress heart for the mention, Le Clown.

      3) When I interview myself I have conflicting emotions–sometimes I think Darla’s funny, other times I think she’s a crazy whacked out blogger who whines too much.

  15. When I first started blogging, I thought “Freshly Pressed” had to do with green juice: kale, spinach, and a hint of lemon. To add to the confusion, my husband tells me he’ll “freshly PRESS me anytime.” I’m starting to think it’s time to invest in a Vitamix juicer.

      1. You and me both. But, what I could really use right now is a tutorial in PowerPoint. LOVE the new header–so bold and clean! I may have to hit you up for a lesson . . .

      2. I thank you for noticing because I actually spent waaay too much time getting my header just right. It was absolutely mind-numbing the different fonts I tried, the different colors. Then I ran my photo through some cool filter thing on a website called befunky.com to get it just so. Then I looked up at the clock and said, “Hm…I just spent the entire afternoon tweaking my blog’s header. What the hell’s wrong with me?”

        PowerPoint is a godsend for me.

  16. It’s been waaaaaay over a year since I was FP’d. I loved it when WP used to count all the clicks on our site. Those inflated numbers rocked! I know what you mean about the party ending. Watching those bar graphs reduce from sky scrapers to motels was depressing. Ah. What I would give to be depressed again…..
    I missed your post that got FP’d and just looked for it. You should link it! Congratulations Darla girl!

    1. Yeah! Bring back inflated numbers! And FP me again too while you’re at it! Sheesh, I am just never satisfied, it’s really sad, Susie. I love the “skyscrapers to motels” line. I should have linked my post, D’oh! It was called The Long and Short of It and was about my getting a huge amount of hair chopped off. Nothing too earthshattering or important like a post about brownies but I was pleasantly surprised they picked it. Still don’t get it.

  17. You make me me feel better about the fact that I CAN’T be FPed because I’m self-hosted. That’s the reason you wrote this, isn’t it? Do you see how I turned it all on its head and made it about me and my neediness? Everyone has mad ninja skills at something and that’s mine.

  18. I just got freshly “excited” thinking about butt implants. I don’t know if the word butt is what is exciting or implants. I think both. Me, I need a butt reduction. I do hear that being freshly pegged is definitely better. 🙂

  19. I will forever be grateful for your being freshly pressed, because that’s how I discovered your little slice of blogging deliciousness. I saw your name and instantly thought, who is this groovy chick, and is she really in Maine. So very glad to have “stumbled across you.”

    1. See–you are one of the VERY few people who were nice enough to stick around and help me clean the peanut butter off the bathroom ceiling. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for visiting and getting to know me outside of WordPress. People like you are what makes blogging worthwhile to me.

  20. Have I told you that I love the new header? But I’m going to miss the sunset. It reminds me of all the times we sat on your back deck with our toes in the wading pool, drinking Margaritas and swapping butt-implant-doctor referrals. Good times, good times.

    I think everything you write should be FPd, Darlinkidinkidoo. You’re just that talented. In fact, if I had a Bat-phone that rang directly in Commissioner Matt Mullenweg’s office, I’d dial it every day and say “Holy Hatrack, Matt. Why didn’t you Freshly Press Darla today????”

    1. Ah, yes, we did have some butt-implant-sunset good times, Peg-o. My new header is more edgy, almost blunt, bare bones-style. Add crotchety and slightly irritated and bam–that’s me in a nutshell.

      I totally agree, Matt M. needs to know about every single post I ever write. I don’t see why that’s unreasonable.

      1. Here I am, Ms. Darlydoodleydo! I’ve always admired your writing and vlogging skills. And your new header? Vewwy nice! Clean and spare and BOLD.
        I too need a butt lift. And speaking of butts, mine was cleansed and checked for any bad things lurking around just yesterday! Wanta talk about fun times??? (I know, TMI, but you wanted to be cheered up so their you go)
        Unfortunately, they didn’t give me bum a lift at the same time, dammit.
        Jeezum crow … you and Peg are my all-time favs, dontcha know?
        Now if only I’d get off my butt and write something for my own blog. That’s the only way I’ll ever know the joy of being FP’d other than living vicariously through Peg and her many awards. 🙂

      2. Thanks, Tar! A bolder header is what I was going for. I feel like I’ve transitioned into that part of my life now that I’m barreling towards 50 years old. I just don’t care anymore, if I like it, I like it and that’s enough.

        Your butt was cleansed and checked for bad things? Whoa. Yet another thing I have to look forward to when I hit 50 and colonoscopies are required. I guess for now, I’ll have to be satisfied with getting my boobs squashed every year in a vice.

        And yeah–why no blogging, Tar? Huh? I’m thinking of taking a break soon, maybe you can blog for me?

  21. I was freshly pressed a few weeks ago and the post-FPed demoralization is slightly worse than that time in college I awoke with a half full bowl of ramen balancing on my chest and my next door neighbor pounding on my door because Ace Frehley’s “New York Groove” was blaring from television.

  22. What about when a post that is total crapola is FP’d? Yes, mine was one of those. Do those bloggers ever get a second Kardashian moment or do we take our place in the Psy Gangnam hall of shame and be happy about it? Inquiring minds and all…

    1. Say what? You? A crapola post? Never. Now as for me– that’s another story. I drew these horrible cartoons one night when I was delirious from sleep deprivation never thinking they’d FP it and they did, those sneaky bastards.

      And yes, you will get a second chance at feeling like a Kardashian. It’s something we all strive for in this life.

  23. *wonders if she should crawl out from under the sofa now, excuse herself politely and go home? No frigging way! But then – I think I did not stay from the FP – I saw you as recommendation appearing on the side of my reader, if I remember correctly …not once, not twice ..

  24. I’ve never been FP, but I can see how it could be a disaster for some bloggers. A lot of people seem to think their work would be wildly popular if they could just get readers to just take a look. FP supplies the readers but they don’t stick around, and they take any dreams of greatness with them. I can’t remember who mentioned it, but someone noticed that FP seems to lead to blog closures.

    1. Very true, we all think FP means we’ll suddenly become rich and famous and Hollywood will finally buy that screenplay that’s been collecting dust in our underwear drawer. Or maybe that was just what I thought when I was FP.

  25. Okay, Darla, I’m totally with you on this. The first time I was FP, I had only been blogging for 3 weeks. I went nuts! Totally nuts! And then I had to wait more than a year for my next fix. Too long. Then the third–at least by then I knew the routine. But it’s one hell of a whiplash, for sure.
    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

    1. 3 WEEKS?! Good god! Wow. I could see why you went nuts, Kathy.

      It was three months until I got my first one. Then I had three more in a span of one year. After a good stretch of repeat FPs, I got a bit used to it. I was very grateful but jaded. But now I haven’t seen an FP in an eternity so I think “maybe I suck at blogging?!” Oh it’s such a mind game.

  26. I read all of your posts. I don’t care if they’re Freshly Pressed or not. You’re an awesome writer with a wicked funny sense of humor. Keep up the great work, Denise! 😉

  27. Darla, SaM, way to tie it all together in the end with the implants — haha! 🙂 And you have perfectly described the Freshly Pressed experience. I’m so impressed that you can interview yourself. Your captions in the first photo are hysterical. Your posts are so funny and you speak so candidly, I’ve totally agreed with each time you were FP’d. I’m trying to think — was it through being FP’d that we met? Weren’t we FP’d once on the same day (or right after each other)? Either way, you are a great blogger, and I have fun every time I visit (and I don’t even leave ketchup on your ceiling). 🙂

    1. Yes, as I wrote this I thought, but how will the butt implants factor into the ending? There has to be closure!

      I don’t know how we met! I want to say over at Charles’s? And you are right–we were FP on the same day! I’m happy to know you have fun visiting my blog because I get pure joy reading your writing, you make it seem so effortless.

      Hope you’re enjoying these last few weeks of summer? I am ready for school to start. I’ve had my fun. The kids have been out of school since June 5th!! They start in 2 weeks, yikes!

  28. I think FP is a lot like getting a butt implant – first you are high on morphine, then the high wears off and it’s starting to really hurt, then the pain subsides too, and then you start looking critically at your butt once again, and begin thinking that you could use another implant.
    Personally, I don’t feel the FP pressure as much as other bloggers: my blog isn’t on WordPress radar (aka tag reader), and they can’t FP what they can’t see.  I only broke through this iron curtain with guest posts, and it’s not as traumatic to see the stats wave come and go, when it hits someone else’s blog.

    1. That’s just it–you butt looks perky for a few days and then things start to sag back down to normal. It’s all very exciting, but yet disheartening at the same time. If only we could be FP’d every single week. Keep that butt looking good.

      I find it hard to believe your own blog hasn’t been FP! If you did tag, no doubt you would be– the guest posts you did were very worthy of FP.

      1. Oh no, I wouldn’t want FP’s to happen weekly, it would just devalue the whole winning the jackpot experience. Of course, if you mean just you and me, I could go along with that.
        Thank you for the compliment – and I can say the same about your blog. I do tag my posts – yet if you go to the reader for any tag that I used, you won’t find my posts there. And I’m not talking about the popular “humor” or “Obama” tags – it could be a tag that only I had used, and WP would be like, “Sorry, no one wrote any posts on this topic, maybe you should write the first one”. I spent a lot of time trying to figure this out, even got a WP developer on the support forum to try to fix it, but still nothing.

  29. Ahhh, the FP phenomenon. It’s like being invited to join the Most Popular Clique EVER, but then being dissed by them two days later. Then you try to get invited again but it’s too late, that ship has sailed. Other people are being invited and you can’t tag along. You’re left alone with nothing but the sound of tumbleweeds and your own despair.

    I’m going to stick my head in the oven now.

  30. I would not want to be one who decides who gets Freshly Pressed and have to read a lot of bad stuff to find the really good stuff. But I have a feeling they’re going to find this post. (I bet they do searches for butt implants.)

      1. Really? There is just so much stuff on WordPress. If I had all the time in the day to do it, then yeah. But when I’m trying to do my real work, it’s hard to keep up with my reading. I’d love to know what their system is.

  31. For me, these are my top 3 lowest moments of being FP’ed, that helped balance my ego:
    1. I spazzed and dropped a full glass jar of molasses out of a cabinet somehow, causing sticky stinky glass shard puddles. Who wants to clean that up when they’re queen of the world?
    2. Tried to explain significance to my mom, whose response was that she always thought all 3 of her kids were good writers (socialist!)
    3. Tried to explain significance to my non-blogger husband, who got tired of me telling him my inflated stats after awhile and said, “Let me know when Patten Oswalt follows you on Twitter.” (Jerk!)

  32. Next time you are Freshly Pressed, I will dance a little celebration dance for you. This way you will know others care. I don’t offer this to just anyone!

    Most excellent interview. You should offer lessons in interviewing skills, could likely earn real money doing this.

    I have plenty of butt extra to donate, let me know.

  33. Darla, I’m sorry, but I have to disagree. After two years of blogging, one of my posts was finally FP’d and it was the highlight of my entire existence. Much better than giving birth, getting married, seeing the Red Sox win in ’04……And now I’m pretty sure that I am on my way to writing the great American novel (although I’m not actually writing a novel) that will be made into a movie that will star Angelina Jolie as a young me that will win an Academy award that will finally earn me enough money to get my beach house.
    I. Am. So. Close.
    So don’t put down that Freshly Pressed experience! It’s all downhill from here for some of us…..

    1. Huh, that’s odd. I am also writing the next great American novel! Is it a problem that most of my writing is in my head and I still haven’t put things down into actual sentences with words?

      1. No, that’s not a problem! See, I’m working hard on my novel (the one that will be HUGE) but so far all I have is the name of a main character and a setting in a cheese factory. Getting it down into actual sentences is for much later!

  34. I hope it will offend none of my FP bloggy friends when I say I don’t even read the FP page anymore. I resent bloggers getting awarded with this distinction when they are subpar to my bloggy friends. And… um… *cough* me *cough. (One time. One stinkin’ time, and it was for a political post. Which means people who liked it weren’t going to like what I usually post. Which is irony, attempted humor, self-loathing and emo crises.) Speaking of which… do I suck at the stuff I usually post? Is that why they could only bring themselves to compliment my work on something else? Is it good or bad to suck at emo crises writing? Oh God… it starts… where’s the wine and Xanax?

    1. That is the curse of FP. It makes you paranoid as to why they aren’t FP’ing your other posts. And in some cases, they FP a post that wasn’t your best so you think your best must really suck. It’s all very unnerving.

  35. You wanna talk curse? I damn near died after my FP, haven’t written more than 20 consecutive words (until today) and sank into that ugly world of anonymous, secretive social intercourse known as online Scrabble. Yesterday I crashed my beloved jeep. I figure the only way to change my luck is to start writing a barrage of non-FP worthy crap. Get ready for it.

  36. I was FP’d for the first time two months after I started blogging. I thought it was something they did for new bloggers (I just assumed that everyone who started a blog at WordPress got FP’d once). Of all the people who read that post, maybe a dozen stuck around afterwards — but that was about six times as many as had been reading my blog before, so I considered it a huge success.

    1. I also thought FP was something they did for every single new blogger. Like a welcome wagon of sorts. Then I thought SURELY they FP’d me by accident, like it was a fluke. (could be still)

  37. Every time I arrange the mirrors just so in order to view my own ass, I marvel that the world contains people that would *need* butt implants, and I wonder if there’s any way to make some money off my extra. That doesn’t involved me posing nekkid.

  38. Like your blogs pretty humorous. I’m an infant blogger. Hope to achieve some of your fame and get FP at some point. If I don’t oh well guess ill have to live with it and wonder at my writing skills. Would need some pointers from some olddddd blogging hands. Keep it up and please no bloggers block for you……..

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