My dear husband will be undergoing surgery next week for carpal tunnel syndrome in his right hand. With all his nonstop fretting and whining you’d think he was getting his entire arm amputated.
He throws around words like “recuperate” and “pre-op” and “anesthesia” like I haven’t been down this road many times myself. And just because I’m such a loving, understanding wife, I make sure to let him know this every chance I get.
Him: “Oh man, my surgery’s next week! I’m getting so nervous!”
Me (aka Loving Wife): “Oh? As nervous as I was when I had an entire human being ripped out of my abdomen, leaving me with 8 inches of stiches and staples?”
Him: “I wonder how long I’ll have to rest afterward. I think I’ll just have to lay around and watch movies for a few days, maybe a week. Y’know, take it easy.”
Me: “Oh yeah! Take it easy. Just like I did that day I almost passed out from the pain of having my stomach ripped open and my pelvis set on fire, yet I still had to get up to breastfeed every 2 hours and change diapers in between throwing up and wishing I was dead?”
Him: “Damn, sometimes when I try to do things with my hand it starts to ache a little.”
Me: “Oh, does it ache as much as the pain I felt when I was recovering from major surgery and breastfed nonstop even though it felt like shards of glass were being slowly dragged through my nipples? Or does it ache like the time I was in back labor over 24 hours and it felt like my lower vertebrae were being pulverized into shards then yanked out through my nostrils?”
Me: “Thaaaaat’s right.”
I’m just kidding. I really didn’t say these things to him.
But I’m thinking them and he knows it by the look on my face.
(we communicate telepathically)
To his credit, he did undergo a vasectomy. Y’know, where they clamp a man’s nether regions into a metal vice then do the ol’ slice-n-dice. (I cringe just typing that sentence out)
So I guess we’re even?
NOTE TO READERS:
- You might not hear from me next week as I’ll be busy tending to my husband’s every beck and call. Wish me luck that I don’t go out to buy milk and never come back. (I’m kidding! I don’t drink milk.)
- School is starting up again soon for both my kids and me (heading back to college).
My posting schedule (ha!) will be reduced during this fall semester to only Sundays.
I think I’ll call it, Sundays with Maineiac.
Y’know…like Tuesdays with Morrie only not on Tuesdays and I’m not a dying old man imparting wisdom in any way, shape or form.
- Stay tuned for my September blogger of the month, Charles from Mostly Bright Ideas! I think I can convince him to write my posts for me from now on until I graduate, right?