Signs Kids and/or Gremlins Live in My House

gizmoMy daughter, age 6

My Christmas wrapping paper. (I put it next to the Buddha to help calm me down)

My Christmas wrapping paper. (I put it next to my Buddha to help calm me down)

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My favorite lipstick, which has been discontinued(Apparently, the Gremlins were hungry)

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Creepy mermaids live in my sink now. I can never do dishes again.

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Should I pray the Little Ponies survive the thaw, or add them to my martini?

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93 thoughts on “Signs Kids and/or Gremlins Live in My House

    1. My little pony martini?…I usually stir fry mine with some bell peppers and cilantro, will have to try that. Do not fear the mermaids, saw one off the coast of Australia, I had just quit smoking but that had nothing to do with it, she looked like Tori Amos….
      ( wonders about changing brands of whiskey)

    1. When I found the big frozen bowl of My Little Ponies in the freezer, I just said, “well, of course!” It’s always a treasure hunt around here. Today I found 150 naked Barbies in the tub.

      The learnin’ is really kicking my sorry ass, Joe, but I appreciate your hope that it might go well one day. I’m only two weeks in and I want to cry every class, it’s all so much information. I guess this is normal for a medical student. I do hope the crying stops once I have to start seeing actual patients.

      1. That’s some pool party!

        I take my hat off to you (tip my hat, doff my cap, I can;t recall the correct saying) I’ve only tried learning languages sporadically and I give up each time, my once absorbent brain has shut it’s doors and won’t allow new knowledge in. So you’re doing amazingly on that subject aswell, and you’ll make a great sitcom character in a new hospital based show as the one who always cries, as long as it’s better than Scrubs.

  1. LOVE this. I have a gremlin too. I didn’t think she’d survive the toddler years. As it is, her most recent invention was the cricket traps all over the house baited with marshmallows. She’s nine. I think you may have Gremlins a while yet.

    Don’t let her get wet!

    1. Ooh, yes, the ol’ cricket-marshmallow trap trick. Genius! My daughter is obsessed with catching crickets lately. She spent most of the summer outside either chasing one down or cramming one into a jar, the poor things.

    1. She is known for freezing various things all the time. I hope she doesn’t try the remote control or the car keys next.

      School is going, thank you, but I don’t know about going well. I’ve yet to take any exams or write any papers but I’m certain things will get even more intense in the coming months. I just pray it’s over soon.

  2. My own gremlin senses the possible danger if she gets wet. She is constantly amazed when she survives a shower, after losing the argument with “I don’t smell that bad”. I have become ferocious about my own possessions, which have been known to dematerialize randomly (“I didn’t do anything mom – I don’t know how the your MP3 player ended up in the litter box”).

  3. Funny! My parents have a small statue of the Bleesed Mother in their house which my son uses as the Mother Mary action figure, often to be found swimming with toy soldiers in the dog’s water bowl.

    1. Ah, yes. My kids love Christmas, they play with the little ceramic Nativity set and add a few Lego men or Polly Pockets to the manger scene. I’m sure this year I’ll find baby Jesus hanging out in the Barbie townhouse.

    1. I’ll try to stun them. I’m thinking my bathroom humor might come in handy when we get to phlebotomy and have to do blood draws. I certainly don’t want a tense lab partner sticking me with a needle.

      How was the drive today? Man, what crummy weather! It’s raining cats and dogs right now.

      1. Oh my GOD NO!

        “Brony: A name typically given to the male viewers/fans (whether they are straight, gay, bisexual, etc.) of the My Little Pony show or franchise. They typically do not give in to the hype that males aren’t allowed to enjoy things that may be intended for females.”

        There are Brony conventions. They have fantasies. No Brony, I.

  4. Little Miss J is creative! Frozen ponies, mermaids poised on sponges? I like her style.

    I also like your plaid scarf and hat. Did you purchase those at L.L. Bean with your epic discount card?

    1. The mermaid killed me. I reached in to take her out and Miss J rushed over all concerned, “Oh no! She lives there, Mom! Don’t touch her or she’ll DIE!!”

      And thank you, RP! yes that plaid ensemble is my official “L.L. Bean-Midnight-Magic-Brownie” look.

  5. Those were the days! Just be glad they aren’t driving yet. The wrapping paper next to Buddha, how’s that workin’ for ya? Too funny. I once broke an entire pack of Marlboros while my mom thought I was napping then proceeded to empty an entire jar of Dippity-do and got the comb she used to tease her buffont twisted into my gummy, matted, tobacco coated hair. I lost some hair (and some skin) that day.

    1. Well, after I snapped the photo with my iPad, I reached over, picked up the ruined wrapping paper roll, then beat the hell out of my Buddha with it. ahhhhhh…..Serenity now.

      Oh my oh my oh my! Honie with Dippity-do Tobacco hair! Yikes. This remind me, my daughter once cut most of the hair off all her Barbies and I know it’s only a matter of time before she cuts her own hair or mine while I’m sleeping. Maybe I should hide the scissors in a big block of ice in the freezer?

      1. Serenity now!! HA, exactly. Yes, hide the scissors. Just picturing that is hysterical. I once shaved my sister’s eyebrows off. Totally by accident, of course. It was one of the first things I wrote about when I started blogging. I think two people read that post. I might have been one of them.
        How’s the learnin’ going? Feel any smarter yet?

        1. I remember that post! And as you know, I occasionally sport the Sharpie-eyebrow look, very sexy.

          I am way in over my head this semester. Took too many classes at once, five courses, all medical. My brain might leak out my ears soon, but hopefully by then, I’ll know the correct medical terminology for that affliction. And you??

          1. My son did the same thing. 18 hours. GAAAHHH! You people are way smarter than me. I am loving my classes so far. One of them is a blended class, so it only meets every other week with online assignments due on the odd weeks, which is nice that I don’t have to risk having an aneurism while driving through the NASCAR trials on I-35 every day. This gives me a 50/50 chance of making it through the semester, plus a chance to perfect my scream therapy technique.

      2. I don’t know about being smarter. If I were smarter, I would have only taken a few classes, all online. I hear you on the Nascar racing to get to class. My campus is 30 minutes drive through congested highways through a hellish city. I think the commute is the thing that stressed me out the most. And finding a parking spot on campus! There are just way too many students. The great thing is in every one of my classes there is at least one other student my age or older so I don’t feel so old-farty.

  6. I’d blame the gremlins.

    Such cute pictures! I like the craziness montage. We must have your gremlins’ cousins here at our house, especially concerning the wrapping paper. Whenever my kids get a present they horde away some of the tissue paper, and I’ll find it for weeks and weeks, little bits at a time they’ve torn into “food” or “leaves” or “lakes” for their toys, stuffed into the train cars and balled up inside their game boxes. 🙂

  7. Gremlins for sure. And what is it about kids freezing their toys? Little Man froze some Star Wars action figures. I’m surprised he hasn’t frozen any Lego minifigs yet. So sorry about the lipstick. It’s only the discontinued ones that the gremlins go for. Hope school is going well for everyone.

    1. This gremlin must have good taste because she skipped over all the other much cheaper, non-discontinued shades of lipsticks in my makeup bag and went right for the only one I ever wear.

      School is going crazy. Nonstop insanity for everyone. Most days I want to scream, or cry, or lay down in the fetal position on the floor. And you?? Better, I hope?

      1. I, myself am making progress on getting back to being able to walk. Painful. But steady progress through PT. Little Man is having a good year so far (finally!). I am taking another little, local class: Clairvoyance 201. Loving it so far.

    1. I have never seen the Gremlins movie in its entirety, I’m still too scared! Really freaked me out.

      The most satisfying part of finding that frozen Ponysicle was blasting them with scalding hot water, “DIE DIE DIE YOU STUPID PONIES!” But they still lived.

    1. That’s the odd part, where did all that lipstick go? Once I caught my daughter putting lipstick all over every Barbie’s face, she just slathered them in it. THis time around, there was no evidence of a crime, just missing lipstick.

      Hope you’re enjoying Ecuador, Kathy!

  8. Yaay! WordPress finally fixed whatever was keeping me from getting post notifications on the blogs I follow! I feel like I walked into a dream in progress, but I’ll catch up.

  9. HA. This was great. I stared at the wrapping paper picture for so long. I thought your daughter was IN there, and couldn’t figure out how that was possible.

    AND? Is that my lipstick?!?! I have the same brand, my favorite, and I couldn’t find it either! Maybelline ALSO appears to have discontinued my pressed powder foundation, which is UNACCEPTABLE! They need a new tag line…

    Maybe it’s Maybelline, or maybe it’s NOT.

    Maybe it’s Maybelline, or maybe go eff yourself, hag.

    1. Bwa ha haaa! Oh, JD. “maybe go eff yourself, hag” made me spew coffee. Oh, you make me laugh and I thank you.

      While I was unrolling the wrapping paper, I was almost afraid of what I’d find inside, either her or some more evil My Little Ponies or chunks of my lipstick.

    1. That is exactly what it feels like, Tar…molasses swimming! Guh. Some days I want someone to throw me a lifeline. Thanks for the encouragement, I sure do need it. I’m three weeks in, only 12 weeks to go! Hope you get more accustomed to the new year teaching.

  10. Haha. My little pink gremlin is 8 and as she moves from room to room it is as if someone has jammed the entire contents of Toys’R’Us into a wood chipper and sprayed the resulting plastic debris all over the house.

  11. Where else would Ariel live? She needs water and you can’t really expect a Mer-Princess to slum it in the bathroom with only a washcloth as her perch. She needs height and padding for her throne.

  12. My Little Ponysicle – I’ll take a box full!

    Oh Darla, can I come live at your house with the Gremlins and the mermaids and the kids? Have a great time off doin’ that larnin’ thing. I hope you ace all of your classes!

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