My daughter is only seven years old, but don’t let her age fool you. When Little Miss J wants something, she doesn’t simply tell you, that would be too easy.
Always a clever girl, she makes little homemade cards to communicate. By adding sweetly scrawled drawings, she lures the reader in so she can really go for the kill. Over the holidays, she handed me a card and I couldn’t help but laugh. And feel a little afraid. It read:
Dear Mommy,
I hope you have a Merry Christmas! [drawing of Christmas tree]
and get me lots of toys! PLEASE! [drawing of gifts]
and I love you! [drawing of big red heart]
[back of card] and I am standing here watching you read this card
Love, J
As I lowered the card, she was right there. Standing. And watching. I get shivers just remembering the intense look in her eyes. She is ruthless.
Today she made me yet another “greeting” card. I had been scolding her all week for not putting her trash in the trash can. Instead she was hiding it all over the house, cramming cheese stick wrappers in my slippers, sliding banana peels under the couch cushions, etc.
I said to her for the millionth time, “You need to put the trash in the trash, okay?”
Clearly fed up with me, she frowned and put her finger to her lips, deep in thought. Then she ran off to get her markers.
Five minutes later she handed me a card:
The best part? When she got home from school today and I asked her to turn off the TV, she said, “Where’s that card I made you this morning?”
I have no idea where she gets this behavior.
She's A Maineiac 
Once we send them off to school, we lose control of 70% of their behavior I think. Damn other kids. At least your girl is thoughtfully telling you to pound sand instead of being rude about it.
I give her credit for taking the time out of her busy day to make me sweet little drawings. She could be more like my son and just stomp her feet and whine. Oh wait, that’s my husband I was talking about, my bad.
She is considerate and very pretty. I saw this and thought of you and girl child.
http://distractify.com/fun/fails/the-30-funniest-notes-from-kids-struggling-to-express-their-emotions/
Thanks for that link, Don. Funny stuff!
Oh, thank God I’m not alone. I don’t get cards anymore just questions designed to make me deduce what she wants. Best to us both.
She’s going to be amazing when she hits the teenage years.
I might have to start stocking up on my valium stash now.
This girl chooses to express herself creatively, this is to be nurtured. It’s very clever, and it will be interesting to see how it evolves as she gets older. Do keep us updated!
Why do I get the feeling you were snickering when you wrote this comment, V?
It was a combination of being amused and being impressed! I really do admire the creativity!
I’m hopeful her creativity will somehow outshine her ability to tick people off.
I’m sure it will!
It’s worked for me in my own life so far.
hahahaha!!! i love that she referred you to her earlier card. hahah
What’s funny is when I asked her what she was saying “No Mom!” to, she said to me (with a straight face) “Oh, just everything you say.”
That is hysterical. Quite the little snarkster! Ha!
She is. Again — I have no idea where she gets this from.
hmmm…. 😉
OK, my husband. She TOTALLY gets it from him.
I was SO suggesting that. Of course.
Yeah, I mean, there was never any doubt who she gets this despicable behavior from…
She’s awesome! 🙂
Isn’t she though? I’m thinking she’ll have a great career in politics one day.
Man, your daughter is cute. She is going to destroy some poor life-partner some day… I have two girls, the oldest is kind of like this too, but not quite so articulate.
As for the garbage thing, here I have to teach them what’s recyclable, what’s organic for composting, and what’s garbabe. Almost have to put them through a class to get them to learn this stuff. It is not fun sorting through your compost to find a marker or a granola bar wraper.
“she is going to destroy some poor life-partner some day”….haha! this made me spew my coffee, thanks, Trent.
She is too articulate. I remember fondly the time she couldn’t talk at all and yet I was always encouraging her. Lesson learned.
I remember encouraging my oldest to read all the time. Now he looks over my shoulder and reads stuff I write (which is not always good). And spelling words to my wife doesn’t work anymore… But it’s all good.
This reminds me to never ever let my kids know I write this blog.
A child I looked after made a Mother’s Day card for his mother. She collected him from school that particular day, and he gave her said card which she then put on the mantlepiece while he had his tea. When his Dad arrived to collect him, the child took the card off the mantlepiece to bring home, where he gave it to me, as he’d only been allowed to make one.
Recycling at its best. My daughter told me I could use her “No Mom!” card for everything I ask her, so at least she’s trying to save a tree or two.
Bless her.
My daughter did something similar. She’s 6. She drew me a picture this weekend, and then last night she gave me the same picture as a birthday present. It was absolutely adorable how she re-purposed it.
How lovely! My niece painted me a picture of whales and dolphins when she was about 10 simply because I said I liked them. I still have it.
So adorable! She really is going to wreck heart some day!
hearts. I meant hearts.
Yes, I’m sure she’ll wreck plenty of hearts. I really do feel for her first boyfriend.
Be afraid…be very afraid…
It’s getting harder to sleep at night, Joe.
Steer her away from a career in politics! She’s adorable.
No doubt. Her cuteness mixed with her wily ways, why she could be president for sure.
I can imagine the paper ballots she’s going to draw…
What a little scoot….though her powers do seem to work at times! 🙂 I think this means she’s a charmer…
Her charm knows no bounds…but I still had her put away her trash after all.
Wow, and I thought my daughter was bad/brilliant. You’re in trouble. We all are. 😀
I think the only thing we can all do know is pray. Or drink.
Hmmm, have you tried fighting fire with fire? Maybe it’s time for a card of your own. I wonder what Little Miss J might have to say about that.
Oh! How I love this idea! I will get out my crayons right now and start scribbling a cryptic message to her. I can’t wait to give it to her after school. I’ll start by telling her I love her….draw some flowers….then on the back write: Now do your homework.
Okay, that was brilliant and very scary at the same time! I agree, you should probably stock up on Valium for the teenage years! LOL. She really is super creative, – maybe a future at Hallmark? 🙂
I think brilliance is scary in general. Especially when this brilliance is coming from a tiny girl who is obsessed with Justin Bieber.
I miss her already!!!
Here’s my card reply to this post:
FRONT: ❤ Darly Pants & Miss J ❤
INSIDE: A bear dancing against a tree, with rainbows on either side of his head.
BACK: Don't ever, ever post that bear picture of me on your blog or you will pay.
Do you know she STILL talks about you and how you picked her up? She asked me today if you and Rache will be moving up here and living in our basement this summer.
I will not use my bear pic, you’ve got a promise. However, I can also say to you and RP you can’t use ANY of my pics then. [blows raspberry]
What’s funny is I had this moment right as I picked her up for the twirl where I thought, “Oh sh*t. Am I gonna be like Crazy Aunt Julie? Like my mom’s friend who used to pinch my cheeks whenever she saw me, and I used to dread it for HOURS leading up to her visits?”
Haha! Oh no! She LOVED that you picked her up!
By the way…my son saw those pics I took of you guys and he broke into this huge dimpled grin that he only reserves for girls he has crushes on. Yeah, he was really enthralled by you guys and wanted so badly to play Wii bowling so he could impress you.
Get the basement ready.
She’s a clever one! You have to admire that. Until she’s a teenager. And then…………………….
I’m hoping once she’s a teenager I’m living in a nursing home and she can only visit me on weekends.
At least she’s being pseudo sweet. Some kids are just horrible 100% of the time.
Truth be told, she really is the sweetest girl in the universe. Just strong-willed.
My firstborn was “strong-willed”. But I started calling it tenacious, and now she’s da bomb! Sweetest, most considerate, absolutely AMAZING person. I told her the other day that she has utterly surpassed me – all I ever wanted for my kids.
You give me hope. With her charm and tenacity, I’m sure she’ll go far in life.
So let me get this straight… Your daughter communicates to you by using her cards, and you communicate to her by using your blog posts? 🙂
True dat. I blame her behavior on genetics.
Adorable? A “No mom” would get her in REAL trouble with me, if I was her mom, you can trust me on that! Thank goodness I do have no kids;)
Yes, kids are exhausting in that they’ll basically try anything to get out of doing anything. Just makes my job that much more fun.
I am sure you will not let get her away with it, no matter how “sweet” the cards.
Well, I did tell her, “that’s nice! Thanks! Go pick up your trash now!”
Maybe you should write her cards, too 😉
God makes babies adorable so we don’t kill them. When we’re finally hooked, toddler-hood begins. *sigh* Just wait until the terrible TWENTIES arrive! lol
I had no idea the “terrible twenties” existed. I’m sure everything I put my own parents through in my 20s will come back to haunt me.
LOL! In spades, I’m afraid!
when they are twenty, you can just tell them, they are responsible now for themselves and should leave – or play by your rules.
If only life were that simple! *sigh* 🙂
Maybe sometimes we just MAKE it that complicated …
Probably.
This does not bode well for the future, I fear. Today greeting cards. In a decade, god only knows. The stakes will be bigger. Brilliant kid. Pity you!
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
She’s really a bundle of sweetness 100% of time, so I’m lucky there. Yet, I do wonder how much smarter she is than I am and it scares me.
Your daughter has all the makings of an evil genius. Any chance you can convince her to use her powers for good? 😉
I’m working on it. I think she has a great future ahead of her considering how sweet she can be when she wants to.
She is very creatively defiant! 🙂 I have a six-year old who gives me ‘or else’s’ and ultimatums like, “if I can’t wear this, I’m just not going to school.” I can only imagine it is part of the playground negotiations. I love that she thinks she has a choice in the matter!
She also has a habit of trying to put me down “nicely”, such as, “I’m trying to find a nice way to say this, but you don’t cook as good as dad.” (We’re still working on her grammar.)
Hats off to precocious little girls! 😉
I do look at these cards as a more mature way of her having a tantrum. She used to just drop to the floor and kick and scream so I guess this is progress.
It’s a long way to the trash can… I had one that until the day she left home (and even when she visits for a while) I find trash everywhere, under the pillows, behind the furniture… it’s terrible! My dream is to visit her home someday and stuff the living room sofas with trash… It’s truly on my bucket list.
Revenge is what any sane parent lives for. I’m actually looking forward to ruining their children, then handing them back with the comment, “Good luck.”
It’s so much fun to be a grandmother! I love my Little man so much, and miss him a hundred times more than I miss my kids!
I CANNOT wait! 😀
I will add that one to my bucket list too, right above skydiving.
sounds like a great list!
I keep picturing her, standing at the clothesline in the Halloween movie, waiting for Jamie Lee Curtis to see her.
haha! Yes! Granted, she was really smiling at me when she said she was “watching” me read the card, but I wasn’t 100% sure there wasn’t a gleam in her eye.
Okay. You’ve changed my mind. Now I think she’s who Rockwall was singing about in that 80s song…
Ha! Just found your site through “The Daily Post.” This made me laugh out loud. She sounds awesome 🙂
Welcome and she truly is my favorite girl in the whole wide world.
The little demon/darling. I don’t blame you, though Darla. Or Jim. You know that nature vs. nurture stuff? Total crap. Kids come out with their personality preformated.
Still she is adorable. So she will get away with it for a while. Take it from me — my ability to manipulate has gotten me very far.
Oh, for sure, me too, Elyse. Charming manipulation is my go-to tactic in most situations.
As for Miss J, what’s great is all I have to do is lower my eyeglasses and give her my patented “Look of Disappointment” I learned from my own dad. Her charm can only go so far. But yeah, she’s ridiculously adorable and she knows it.
Omg can you say ADORBS??? And there’s something about a little mischief that, to me, spells creative intelligence 😉
Exactly. Being clever has its perks. I wouldn’t know, but I’m sure my daughter does.
lol, don’t sell yourself short – she must’ve gotten it from someone 😉
Oh, wow … I’m a little speechless … and afraid for you! 😉
Don’t worry, I made sure to hide her “No Mom!” card so she can’t use it anymore.
I adore the way she communicates. In my day (cough, cough), I would tell my mom NO, and she would call it sassing back and dish out a whippin’. Your sweet little Miss J can whip out an adorable I Love You card and say NO with such panache, it doesn’t feel like a NO. That is one smart girl. 🙂
I have to give her credit for trying. This must have been her testing me. When i read the card I just laughed to myself then gave her a stern look and all was right with our world again.
Oh my gosh, she is so like my daughter, even her looks! Did I tell you about the time your husband came down to visit…..I mean- eh, never mind!!!
Bwah ha haaaaaa!!! Maybe we should get these two clever girls together so they can scheme. Maybe not.
I love the fact that she drew a picture of herself standing next to a rainbow. Clearly does not foreshadow what is to come . . . a big fat “NO!” She pulled a fast one on you.
The rainbow was a particularly cruel touch. Oh, she is GOOD.
Sounds like Mini You might be payback for your being a handful when you were her age… 🙂
I have no idea what you are talking about, Austin. I was an absolute angel.
HA! Why do I so not believe that? Possibly because I am often visited by Angels at my blog and none of them seem to recall any angelic behavior from you… 😛
Dartles – I have three words for you: She has the makings of a … BLOGGER!!
That might be more than three.
I see the apple falling right next to the tree, for sure!
You are soooooo right, MJ.
I’m happy to be “seeing” you around wordpress more now!
Oh, is there no end to their craftiness??! That’s fantastic! You’ve got to give her credit. My two either flat out refuse to do what I ask, or they turn on the waterworks. Last year, when she was just three, I caught my daughter standing in front of the mirror and practicing her fake crying. I couldn’t believe it!
I always say to my husband, mark my words, our daughter will win an Oscar one day. She also practices “crying” in her room. She can turn it off and on like a light switch. It’s scary.
Is it masochistic that this post makes me want kids?
Isn’t that the very definition of begin a parent?
(and good luck to you when you have kids….)
I want you to shake your daughter’s hand for me because I just learned that THIS should be my strategy whenever I ask for a raise.
Just be sure to include a rainbow and your boss will be putty in your hands.
Can you forge her handwriting? You could turn the “no” into a “now”.
Brilliant idea, Laura.
Hahahaha! Good lord I love that little girl’s style! She is taking “kill them with kindness” to a whole new level.
She pretty much takes everything in life to a new level. And I have to love her for it.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (let me catch my breath) ha ha ha ha –she is going to be a top executive and take care of you in your old age–so nurture her “kind” manipulations–and a girl who says No and means it, is a successful girl– now excuse me again for a minute, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (Oh I fell off my chair again)–she is adorable though
Wow, I never thought of it that way. You’re right, I should be encouraging this behavior so she can buy me a mansion one day when she makes a career in politics.
and she is adorable to boot
Reblogged this on Memoirs of a waster and commented:
Brilliant!
It my already manipulative 3 year old is anything like this, I am in big trouble!!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but yeah. So much trouble.
She is such a spitting image of you! So adorable and frightening. I can just imagine her cards when she is a teenager. “Dear Mom, I love you. I am going to Hadley’s party whether you like it or not. PS I already took your car keys so don’t bother looking for them.” ❤
I’d like to think by the time she’s a teenager I will be so senile I won’t even notice her behavior.
I loved this, of course I love all that you write. Being a mom and grandma, I can relate. I tried to share on Face Book from here but it wouldn’t let me so I just copied the addy and shared it that way. Not sure it if that shows up on your info or not. Hopefully you will have more fans.
Thanks for sharing this on facebook. I think it’s always a good idea to warn people about parenting issues like having a daughter that’s smarter than you are.
Mini me, hmmm? Be afraid….be very afraid, Miss Darlypants.
What’s odd is I don’t see myself in her at all…..???
Ha!! The things our daughters (and sons) do to make us laugh. Thanks for sharing yours with us.
What kills me is she was being totally serious, Shan.
That’s awesome and hilarious and skilled and crafty. I’ll tell my sister what she has to look forward to. She has two girls. Those cards are keepers for sure. I kinda side with your daughter on the trash though. When I was her age, I use to cut my dolls’ hair and hide it in my mother’s JC Penney’s catalogs. Which if you’re wondering…is not creepy at all.
hahaha!!! OH that is hilarious. Well, of COURSE you’d hide your dolls’ hair in JC Penney catalogs, very logical.
When I was little I MIGHT have hidden meat from the dinner table in my hands, then dumped it into the dark corner of my closet for my dog to eat later on. (I never really liked to eat meat of any kind and still don’t, blech)
Hahahaha!! I love, love, LOVE those cards of hers! Sounds like she’s well on her way to getting exactly what she wants 100% of the time. Smart. 🙂
She really does think she can charm her way out of anything in life. Again–no clue where she gets it from.
🙂
I can’t wait for the teenage chapters of this horror story.
I can. I can wait a long long time.
haha. i am afraid for you.
So pretty 😀
Reblogged this on Being Weirdly Awesome and commented:
Ahahahaha…
I nominated you for a Sunshine Award!
You can find the details here:
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On topic: your daughter is a genius, I wish I’d thought of the greeting card trick when I was a kid!
We all hope for brilliant kids, and then this is what happens. The fact that she’s adorable isn’t going to make it any easier. Good luck, Darla.
OMG. I simultaneously love her and fear for your safety.
Well. Hey I ain’t a mother I’m a teen and I remember how I used to do it for my mother and how she used to love it. Your daughter is just adorable. ❤