I’m Angry Because I’m Not Angry Enough

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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Mark Twain

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buddha_yoga

In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.

Buddha

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einstein

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.

Albert Einstein

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befunky_snapshot-1-2-9-2013-7-29-pm

Anger happens. Deal with it, learn from it, then move on, people. Sheesh. Hey — did you notice Albert Einstein said ‘bosom’? Yeah, that made me laugh and now I’m not mad anymore. Good one, Einstein.

She’s a Maineiac

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Slide1

Thanks for lightening up the room, Al.

Holy hell! What is up with everyone these days? Dang, people are mad! Everyone is so ticked off! Have you noticed this? Maybe you’ve been trolling the latest viral post? You know the one where someone says something that inevitably ticks off someone else and then grown adults start fighting each other in the comment section like kids in a sandbox?

Seems being upset or having an opinion is all that’s required to become a social media sensation.

It’s always: “I think this!” vs. “Yeah, well, I think that, so bite me!”

cheech_and_chong-21390

C’mon man. Just chill out, duuuuuuuuuuuuude.

What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding? Whatever happened to trying to see the other person’s viewpoint? Putting aside your own knee-jerk reaction to discover that gee, some people might have different experiences and therefore believe different things?

For instance, did you know that all the mysteries of the universe were revealed to me by a giant colony of gummy bears who live deep in the Nevada desert? And that you really shouldn’t inhale an entire bale of weed in one sitting?

Maybe if you’d stop being so darned pissed off all the time and thinking you know everything while everyone else is obviously wrong you could ….uh…what was I saying again? Oh yeah. You could, I don’t know….grow and learn a little? Possibly become a more informed, well-rounded human being? Be more respectful of others? Hand me the bong?

Nah. What’s the point of that? No drama. That would never go viral. Because what’s more important than showing genuine compassion for your fellow human beings?

Being famous.

So I’m going to give it a shot with my own attempts at going as viral as a bad antibiotic-resistant rash.

[Disclaimer: I know some of these topics might incite the reader to get quite upset with me and for that I am not sorry nor will I ever be sorry.]

My Viral Post Ideas:

  • Why I Think Granny Panties Should Be Required Wardrobe for Women Over 40. And for Men. Of Any Age.
  • 10 Reasons Why I Feel Oatmeal Tastes Like Shit
  • An Open Letter to My %$**ing Chin Hair
  • This Post is Making Me So Mad I Can’t Even Come Up With A Title That Illustrates My Anger and I….Just…GRRRRRR!!!! OOOOH!!! Now I’m REALLY PISSED OFF! And It’s All Your Fault, You Stupid Post with the Stupid Title! I Hate You!
  • No, I Did Not Love Being Pregnant. Actually I Found It Rather Uncomfortable at the End. Boom.
  • Duck Dynasty’s Lame, I Don’t Much Care for Beards. And for People Who Say “Boom.”
  • Kids are Hard. They Make Me Tired. Discuss.
  • Why Parents, Childless Couples, Gay People, Straight People, Religious People, Atheists, Agnostics, Old People, Young People, Middle Age People, Employed People, Unemployed People, Single People, Divorced People, Married People, Alive People, Dead People and Justin Bieber are Flawed But I Am Not
  • How Your Life Choices Have Affected My Life Choices Not At All in the Slightest But I Have To Blame Someone
  • 1,001 Reasons Why Betty White is the Root of All Evil
  • I Like Cheese.

So what do you guys think? Were you reading these titles and thinking, “Oooh, that Darla! She’s gone and done it again! Stirring up the controversy! Hot damn! She is really making my blood boil now! I’ll have her know cheese is actually very binding to the digestive system! How dare she!”

I dare because I care.

To go viral.

Slide1

Because you would like me when I’m angry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any other hot button issues that you’d like me to get all pretend angry about, let me know in the comments with a title of your own.

I’m kidding. I could never stay mad at you. Unless it means I’ll go viral and be pretend famous one day.

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137 thoughts on “I’m Angry Because I’m Not Angry Enough

    1. Amen, sister! I am embracing all my gray hairs as they have recently decided to multiply at an alarming rate this year. I looked in the mirror yesterday and thought, “Not gray enough! I demand I look like Jamie Lee Curtis immediately!”

      (I really do like my gray hair and refuse to color it)

  1. All I know is that I would read every single one of those posts. I am tired of the anger as well, so i just choose to put my blinders on to everything at the moment. If one comment annoys me, I stop reading. I will read all well-reasoned arguments, even if they differ from my own opinion, but once it steps a toe out of the realm of reason I’m gone.

    1. Exactly, Lisa. I am all for a debate when people are actually striving to learn something new or gain a new insight. Maybe their views will never be changed and that’s okay too, but at least we can not blindly condemn and judge everyone.

      Except Betty White. She really fries my taters.

      1. Oh, where do I start? She’s always so nice. And charming. Also, hilarious all the time. God! How dare she be so lovable!

        (she is totally my idol and I love her to death, truly. Golden Girls is my fave show of all-time)

  2. Wait. I said “Boom” in my Tina Fey post. Were you calling me out? You are so insensitive, D. Now I’m going to write a post about this post. Get all my blogging friends to reblog it, share it on facebook, and twitter it. Take that!

    (Seriously, though – everyone just needs to calm down and leave each other’s bosoms alone.)

    1. I also said “Boom” in my last post in the photo of you with the delicious omelette/omelet. Y’know, I am shocked the spelling of omelet debate didn’t go viral.

      Your last comment is why I love you so much.

  3. “No, I Did Not Love Being Pregnant. Actually I Found It Rather Uncomfortable at the End. Boom.”—I think I love you.

    “I Like Cheese.”-You like cheese? Oh my gosh, what the hell is wrong with you? Just kidding. I like cheese, too.

    1. That dirty devil. And here I was thinking it was my bosom he was ogling.

      Now about your cheese stance, are you saying it’s binding and therefore evil? Or that it (gasp) tastes bad? Or are you condemning the entire group of dairy products? And if so, how dare you!

    1. What was number 8 again? Is it the Justin Bieber part that got you? Maybe I should have put down he is the root of all evil instead of Betty White? Nah, it’s Betty White. It’s always Betty White’s fault.

    1. I think you just hit the nail on the head. Maybe my lack of inappropriate anger is more due to my getting older and therefore, I’m lazier? Anger is very tiring. My gram lived to 100 and she basically just sat, listened and nodded her head at everyone. She lived a very peaceful life with no regrets. This is what I aim for.

    2. It’s really challenging to strike that balance between being open-minded while at the same time taking action for something you believe in, and not just ranting and raving for the sake of hearing your own voice and to become fake famous. My gram was very opinionated, she just kept most of them to herself.

  4. Oh, oh, OH why did you do that to me?! I just got down here to comment, saw your footer, and am about to lose a SECOND laptop from spewing liquid.

    Why stop at blaming people? I’m pretty sure olives and scorpions are behind half of my problems.

    1. OH. MY. GOD!! I just saw that as well after I submitted MY comment. Wow. Just . . . wow. Such beauty and brilliance all wrapped up in one super duper photoshop whiz of a girl. Color me jealous.

      1. I didn’t see it, then I read this and looked down below and…no, I don’t mean down THERE…and BOOM! Another monitor lost to the coffee spew. Why, Darlypants, why must you be so friggin awesome with Photoshop?

      2. I couldn’t let that horrible facial expression of mine go to waste. I stuck it at the top as the header but it wasn’t the right size, so now you all get to see it at the end of every post.

        Boom.

  5. I have a problem with Target. On the one hand, strolling the aisles of Target KID FREE, HUSBAND FREE is better than therapy. It’s glorious! On the other, I can never leave spending less than 50.00 dollars. Am I the only one drinking the kool-aid?

    1. OH MY GOD. Thank you, Anka, for bringing up the horror that is Target. Where do I start? Okay, with the employees. All standing around in their red shirts, obviously gossiping about my poor shopping choices. So what if I bought a box of wine, Nair facial hair remover and 10 Snickers bars, don’t judge. And yeah, every time I check out, no matter what I buy, it comes to 120 bucks. That can’t be a coincidence. It’s a conspiracy.

    1. You nailed it, Susie. This is the only reason I included them. But I forgot to add Miley Cyrus. Oh, and this post is way too long to go viral. I really need to cut it back to only about 50 words. People can’t be bothered to read anymore.

  6. You win the award for best fake rant ever. Ooooh, that Darla, she’s gonna be famous. She just needs to create a badge. An angry badger badge, yeah. Then create an angry badger wearing granny panties badge. Oh, and a cheese monger badge. Okay, now I’m off the rails. Happy Wednesday!

    1. God, yeah! An angry badge! I could put dear old Betty White up there in her granny panties with a giant red X over her sweet face. That would really stir up some debate. People would hate me and I’d be pretend famous and make a lot of pretend money. yahooooo!

    1. I would say this post could go viral but it’s about 700 words too long for a viral post. I think more than a dozen words and you lose the average internet user’s attention. I did put a lot of pictures up there for distraction so it might work.

    1. I feel like Betty White would be happier than Einstein-staring-at-bosoms to be called the “root of all evil”.

      (Loved the post! I want to read every single item on your bulleted list, but really mostly the chin hair letter.)

  7. I’m really excited for this one: “Why Parents, Childless Couples, Gay People, Straight People, Religious People, Atheists, Agnostics, Old People, Young People, Middle Age People, Employed People, Unemployed People, Single People, Divorced People, Married People, Alive People, Dead People and Justin Bieber are Flawed But I Am Not”
    I plan to read the title, the first line, and the last line. I will then proceed to be angry at you separately for each category I match. This will be fun.

    1. This is a good plan. Stretching out your anger in small amounts so that it will build and build and fester until you get to that cathartic point of seething rage. Then you can blog about it and become fake famous.

  8. Everyone does seem particularly angry this year. I hope January isn’t the start of the year! Well I mean…of course it’s the start of the year, but I hope it’s not a sign that the rest of the year is going to be all angry like that. You know? Grrrr.

    1. I feel like in this country anger is the new happy. No one succeeds or gets any attention unless they’re upset about something. It’s sad. I just want to live in a peace-loving, Zen existence, is that so wrong?

  9. Darla, I mean, you….are….famous! C’mon! But, here’s a rant I’d love for you to add to the list, because I don’t like to rant on my blog, or I can’t rant (that rhymes), or at least, there’s so much ranting that I’d rather not rant, and believe it or not (believe it) I plan to write a similar post to yours, but just not as hilarious, or not hilarious at all because I’m not you, DARN IT!..Ok….a blog I stumbled upon the other day bashes being a mother, so here’s my rant title against that blog, “I’m not a mom because I’m a totally selfish b—ch!” Eeeeegads! I cussed (sort of)! Darla! H.E.L.P. ME. Honestly, this person has a blog about the right to be a woman without children, which is definitely a right and means that one less crazy person is having kids, BUT, the reasons behind it were: “I don’t wanna share my toys….or my husband…or my house….or….”. Wow. Yep. People are angry this year. Love ya, and thanks for taking away all my steam today! I feel soooooo much better! XOXOXOXO-Kasey

    1. You are so welcome and thank you for bringing up that post because that was the post that set off this one.

      I didn’t even read the post so much as read an article that was talking about how it went viral and I thought, of course it did. If your post riles people up and gets them all pissed off, people eat it right up.

      The good thing is I’ve seen positive posts go viral too.

      1. Just saw your response here. Wow, that is crazy. And, yes, so glad positive posts go viral, too. My stumbling on the post I read was because someone “like” one of my posts and started following my blog. I’m always curious as to what the “newbies” are like, so I went to check it out, and I was shocked. I also wondered what the heck would make her want to follow my blog?!?

  10. You take that back! Take that back RIGHT NOW about Betty White!! She is a national treasure!

    Oooh, I’m good and mad, now. See what you did? Oh wait . . . yeah, I get it. Boom, Darla. Boom.

  11. Thank you for making me laugh. Especially since my pregnancy was the worst in history – boom. Actually, BOOM was my delivery, which I haven’t posted.

    Speaking of angry viral posts, check out my blog – a chick named Amy Glass got up in everyone’s grill about having a family. Viral? She ended up on Fox News. I agreed with some of what she said – and posted about it.

    Just keeping some of that love spread around. Cause that’s what I do. Boom.

    1. Yes, this is the post that sparked mine. (along with all the other posts from the past few years) I don’t know that much about the Amy Glass one because as soon as I saw the words “viral” and “Fox News” my eyes glazed over and I lost interest.

      1. This one was about as ANGRY as rants get.

        Well, not quite as angry as “I hate effing oatmeal” but she’s a novice, ya know?

        Oatmeal isn’t so bad. On a cold day, I quite like it. Then again, I have grapes and chai tea for breakfast, which according to Guap makes me a total weirdo.

        1. Y’know, I actually do love oatmeal. I have it every morning like clockwork like the old lady I am. Ooh, and I would love some chai tea right now, that shizz is the bomb. Boom.

          Don’t listen to Guap. Or just write a post about him and how much he pisses you off about his discrimination of grapes.

  12. I support a post on “Kids Make Me Tired” because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…sorry, I just fell into a trance from my son asking me “What’s this truck?” for the gazillionth time.

    1. They are little energy-vampires. They just take and take and take and don’t even care or ever want to pay me for my trouble.

      What — do they think I work for them? That I’m here to help them? Or take care of them? Or feed them or give them shelter? GOD I AM SOOOOO PISSED OFF NOW!!!! GAHHHHHH

    1. ha! your comment made me laugh. The worst is how my natural eyebrow line has decided to jump ship. I used to just tweeze a few stragglers, but now I find eyebrow hair like three inches above where they should be. I’m like tweezing my forehead at this point. Getting old sucks.

      1. I am 60 now (yes, that is a 60 year old me in the photo). One day while I was applying make-up (I never used to have to wear any at all, sob) when I realized the make up was not helping my appearance. What happened? I am putting it on the same way I always have. This went on for about a month when it finally hit me, my eyebrows were fading and could hardly be seen anymore. I never realized how much expression there is in eyebrows. Anyhoo I now wear eyebrow makeup (think like mascara for the eye lashes but not as dramatic). Now my tan is fading- yikes! What is next?

    1. I really have to figure out how to put that in my header but I can’t get it sized right. Oh well. I’ll spare the masses from having to see this gorgeous mug of mine unless they scroll all the way down.

      1. But your header is lovely. And the footer is, ummmm, funny. In the loveliest of ways.

        Wonder if I can dig myself all the way to china in this comment thread…

        1. “ummmm funny, in the loveliest of ways”??

          Just what are you trying to say here, Elyse? Is this sarcasm? Are you trying to get me mad? Are you judging me because I have a canned ham for a face? Do you discriminate against people that suffer from double-chins? Huh? Ya wanna step outside? Heh?

          I hope not because it’s cold as hell out there right now.

          1. It’s pretty cold here, too. AND I had to shovel snow this morning. So let’s just stay friends. I can’t reach very far when it’s warm.

  13. “10 Reasons Why I Feel Oatmeal Tastes Like Shit” — all ten reasons are because Oatmeal actually is shit. You can try to dress it up with maple syrup or dried cranberries, but healthy bland shit will always be healthy bland shit.

    People who say they like oatmeal, similar to people who say they like quinoa, are all liars.

  14. sunshinebright

    Anger didn’t give me the wrinkle between my eyes – it was stress. Anger is a negative – a poison – it’s like acid in the body, eating it up. All negative emotions use more energy that positive emotions.

  15. I used to be pro Granny Pants, but now I’m con. I’m tired of the leg-elastic rash. I say, “Girls’ Jockey Rule!”

    This is the second post I’ve read about blog-rage. I must be traveling in the wrong bloggy circles, cuz I haven’t run across it. We just watch reruns of The Partridge Family and pluck our chins.

    1. See, chin-plucking really cranks up my anger as it hurts like hell and those little buggers keep coming back no matter what I do. And the Partridge Family? All I have to say is two words: Danny Bonaduce.

  16. Snoring Dog Studio

    How handy the Interwebs is though. It lets us magnify our anger a gazillion fold. Is it therapy? Well, it’s cheap therapy, eh? What a mess of humanity.

  17. I hate everyone and am angry about everything, but I love you for this post. So bang on. Let’s make some controvery in our mentally unstable ovens, add some topical humour, bang it with a hammer, batch that shit. Serve it stone cold, baby. And…. instant celebrity. So… what do you do for an encore after you bravely blaze that trail? How about… shut the fuck up.

    Sorry about the language. But this is where we are at. Too many people trying to sound revealing about nothing, by raging on a mild foot rash… there are people at war in the world, folks! I know that means nothing… anyway, back to my point… this is a great post, and I’m going to steal your post ideas and become famous.

    1. Yes— “too many people trying to sound revealing about nothing, there are people at war in the world” Exactly my feelings. I could see getting angry about things like child abuse/neglect or the killing of innocent people in war-torn countries. But getting all upset because you don’t want to have kids and you think women who do have kids are wasting their lives? (this is a post I read this week that went viral and was all over the top news stations)

  18. You know how like when you tell people you’re vegan and they start talking about slaughter houses. That makes me sick and miffed all at the same time. Also, people get made at me because I don’t swear. What the fudge is up with that?

    Sorry I can’t catch up on all of your posts–I’m just trying to make an effort to let you know I’m still alive, kicking, and thinking of you!

  19. I’m starting to really hate Buddha. His advice seemed helpful at first, but then I started noticing that every time I read one of his quotes, I ended up feeling inferior. And I think that was his intention all along.

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