Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Mark Twain
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.
Buddha
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Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.
Albert Einstein
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Anger happens. Deal with it, learn from it, then move on, people. Sheesh. Hey — did you notice Albert Einstein said ‘bosom’? Yeah, that made me laugh and now I’m not mad anymore. Good one, Einstein.
She’s a Maineiac
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Thanks for lightening up the room, Al.
Holy hell! What is up with everyone these days? Dang, people are mad! Everyone is so ticked off! Have you noticed this? Maybe you’ve been trolling the latest viral post? You know the one where someone says something that inevitably ticks off someone else and then grown adults start fighting each other in the comment section like kids in a sandbox?
Seems being upset or having an opinion is all that’s required to become a social media sensation.
It’s always: “I think this!” vs. “Yeah, well, I think that, so bite me!”
C’mon man. Just chill out, duuuuuuuuuuuuude.
What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding? Whatever happened to trying to see the other person’s viewpoint? Putting aside your own knee-jerk reaction to discover that gee, some people might have different experiences and therefore believe different things?
For instance, did you know that all the mysteries of the universe were revealed to me by a giant colony of gummy bears who live deep in the Nevada desert? And that you really shouldn’t inhale an entire bale of weed in one sitting?
Maybe if you’d stop being so darned pissed off all the time and thinking you know everything while everyone else is obviously wrong you could ….uh…what was I saying again? Oh yeah. You could, I don’t know….grow and learn a little? Possibly become a more informed, well-rounded human being? Be more respectful of others? Hand me the bong?
Nah. What’s the point of that? No drama. That would never go viral. Because what’s more important than showing genuine compassion for your fellow human beings?
Being famous.
So I’m going to give it a shot with my own attempts at going as viral as a bad antibiotic-resistant rash.
[Disclaimer: I know some of these topics might incite the reader to get quite upset with me and for that I am not sorry nor will I ever be sorry.]
My Viral Post Ideas:
- Why I Think Granny Panties Should Be Required Wardrobe for Women Over 40. And for Men. Of Any Age.
- 10 Reasons Why I Feel Oatmeal Tastes Like Shit
- An Open Letter to My %$**ing Chin Hair
- This Post is Making Me So Mad I Can’t Even Come Up With A Title That Illustrates My Anger and I….Just…GRRRRRR!!!! OOOOH!!! Now I’m REALLY PISSED OFF! And It’s All Your Fault, You Stupid Post with the Stupid Title! I Hate You!
- No, I Did Not Love Being Pregnant. Actually I Found It Rather Uncomfortable at the End. Boom.
- Duck Dynasty’s Lame, I Don’t Much Care for Beards. And for People Who Say “Boom.”
- Kids are Hard. They Make Me Tired. Discuss.
- Why Parents, Childless Couples, Gay People, Straight People, Religious People, Atheists, Agnostics, Old People, Young People, Middle Age People, Employed People, Unemployed People, Single People, Divorced People, Married People, Alive People, Dead People and Justin Bieber are Flawed But I Am Not
- How Your Life Choices Have Affected My Life Choices Not At All in the Slightest But I Have To Blame Someone
- 1,001 Reasons Why Betty White is the Root of All Evil
- I Like Cheese.
So what do you guys think? Were you reading these titles and thinking, “Oooh, that Darla! She’s gone and done it again! Stirring up the controversy! Hot damn! She is really making my blood boil now! I’ll have her know cheese is actually very binding to the digestive system! How dare she!”
I dare because I care.
To go viral.
Because you would like me when I’m angry.
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If you have any other hot button issues that you’d like me to get all pretend angry about, let me know in the comments with a title of your own.
I’m kidding. I could never stay mad at you. Unless it means I’ll go viral and be pretend famous one day.
She's A Maineiac 
I can’t believe you’ve been holding back on the gummy bear revelations. WTF?
pssst….keep this on the down-low, but their leader informed me Oprah is secretly our president and hails from Mars. I knew there was something freaky about her mesmerizing eyes.
How do I post a comment without it having to be a reply?
Grey Hair is a marketing ploy. They’re really platinum highlights and I wish everyone would just get the hell on board.
Amen, sister! I am embracing all my gray hairs as they have recently decided to multiply at an alarming rate this year. I looked in the mirror yesterday and thought, “Not gray enough! I demand I look like Jamie Lee Curtis immediately!”
(I really do like my gray hair and refuse to color it)
When my gray hair gets to the point where I don’t look like Frankenstein’s Bride, I will stop coloring it. So quit asking me to let it go gray!
I am on board with Mimi and you–I love your fake rants
Thank you, it really helps to get all my pretend rage out, it’s very cleansing to the soul.
Methinks you’re suffering from LOCS (lack of chocolate syndrome). Who can stay mad at a bar of the Beast (Best Ever Anti Stress Therapy)?
You are correct. I am inhaling a triple-stuff Oreo as I type this comment. My rage has already subsided.
No, now it’s back again. Damn that Betty White!
and you know oreo has duped you into thinking there’s really triple stuff but it’s not.. they’re mocking you. it’s more like a 1/4 more. get pissed!
Those evil Oreo bastards! God I am just so mad I can’t even see straight now. Why does my life have to be so hard?
Sounds like you’re just hanging on by the hair of your chinny chin chin.
Every morning I curse in the mirror, “Just die! DIE DIE DIE! Why do you keep coming back? And quit bringing your zit friends with you, I’m 43 not 13 for god’s sake!”
All I know is that I would read every single one of those posts. I am tired of the anger as well, so i just choose to put my blinders on to everything at the moment. If one comment annoys me, I stop reading. I will read all well-reasoned arguments, even if they differ from my own opinion, but once it steps a toe out of the realm of reason I’m gone.
Exactly, Lisa. I am all for a debate when people are actually striving to learn something new or gain a new insight. Maybe their views will never be changed and that’s okay too, but at least we can not blindly condemn and judge everyone.
Except Betty White. She really fries my taters.
I’m intrigued to know why? I kind of admire her. I hope I’m going that strong when I am her age.
Oh, where do I start? She’s always so nice. And charming. Also, hilarious all the time. God! How dare she be so lovable!
(she is totally my idol and I love her to death, truly. Golden Girls is my fave show of all-time)
Wait. I said “Boom” in my Tina Fey post. Were you calling me out? You are so insensitive, D. Now I’m going to write a post about this post. Get all my blogging friends to reblog it, share it on facebook, and twitter it. Take that!
(Seriously, though – everyone just needs to calm down and leave each other’s bosoms alone.)
I also said “Boom” in my last post in the photo of you with the delicious omelette/omelet. Y’know, I am shocked the spelling of omelet debate didn’t go viral.
Your last comment is why I love you so much.
“No, I Did Not Love Being Pregnant. Actually I Found It Rather Uncomfortable at the End. Boom.”—I think I love you.
“I Like Cheese.”-You like cheese? Oh my gosh, what the hell is wrong with you? Just kidding. I like cheese, too.
This is my pregnancy experience summed up:
I didn’t really like being pregnant. But I like babies so……
And cheese is good food.
I think CHEESE is actually the root of all evil.
Albert Einstein is clearly looking at MY bosom in that picture. Boom.
That dirty devil. And here I was thinking it was my bosom he was ogling.
Now about your cheese stance, are you saying it’s binding and therefore evil? Or that it (gasp) tastes bad? Or are you condemning the entire group of dairy products? And if so, how dare you!
Betty White made me say it.
Cheese. The stinkier the better. ‘Nuf Said.
(See what I did there? I replaced “Boom” with “Nuf Said” Cuz I’m hip like that.)
Sorry – ” ‘nuf said” went out with “whatchoo talkin’ bout, Willis?”
I knew it. Betty’s always lurking in the background, ready to spread her evil lies about cheese products.
Darla, you ROCK! BOOM! lol I loved #8 but wonder why you stole this from me?
What was number 8 again? Is it the Justin Bieber part that got you? Maybe I should have put down he is the root of all evil instead of Betty White? Nah, it’s Betty White. It’s always Betty White’s fault.
Hehe, I’m sure you’re right about Betty White, however, the world must realize that though ALL be flawed, I be perfection. 😉
Ah, yes, you’re absolutely right. That title should have included me AND you as being flawless. But no one else, either alive or dead.
LMBO! I read a response to an article and all I could think was “really? I so don’t have the energy left over for that kind of anger!” Great post!
I think you just hit the nail on the head. Maybe my lack of inappropriate anger is more due to my getting older and therefore, I’m lazier? Anger is very tiring. My gram lived to 100 and she basically just sat, listened and nodded her head at everyone. She lived a very peaceful life with no regrets. This is what I aim for.
anger is exhausting! go complacency! wait… crap. can’t win.
It’s really challenging to strike that balance between being open-minded while at the same time taking action for something you believe in, and not just ranting and raving for the sake of hearing your own voice and to become fake famous. My gram was very opinionated, she just kept most of them to herself.
It is a balance, and it’s not always easy! sounds like your gram was a very wise woman!
I swear, I’m pissed I didn’t come up with idea for the chin hair post! What is the deal with aging, anyway? I’m totally stealing it and going viral with that one!
Aging in Ecuador,
Kathy
I hear there’s big money in chin hair rants, Kathy.
Oh, oh, OH why did you do that to me?! I just got down here to comment, saw your footer, and am about to lose a SECOND laptop from spewing liquid.
Why stop at blaming people? I’m pretty sure olives and scorpions are behind half of my problems.
OH. MY. GOD!! I just saw that as well after I submitted MY comment. Wow. Just . . . wow. Such beauty and brilliance all wrapped up in one super duper photoshop whiz of a girl. Color me jealous.
I didn’t see it, then I read this and looked down below and…no, I don’t mean down THERE…and BOOM! Another monitor lost to the coffee spew. Why, Darlypants, why must you be so friggin awesome with Photoshop?
I couldn’t let that horrible facial expression of mine go to waste. I stuck it at the top as the header but it wasn’t the right size, so now you all get to see it at the end of every post.
Boom.
That footer was all for you, Hottie McHotterson.
I have a problem with Target. On the one hand, strolling the aisles of Target KID FREE, HUSBAND FREE is better than therapy. It’s glorious! On the other, I can never leave spending less than 50.00 dollars. Am I the only one drinking the kool-aid?
OH MY GOD. Thank you, Anka, for bringing up the horror that is Target. Where do I start? Okay, with the employees. All standing around in their red shirts, obviously gossiping about my poor shopping choices. So what if I bought a box of wine, Nair facial hair remover and 10 Snickers bars, don’t judge. And yeah, every time I check out, no matter what I buy, it comes to 120 bucks. That can’t be a coincidence. It’s a conspiracy.
With the mention of Duck Dynasty, Justin Bieber, and Betty White, this post is sure to go viral.
You nailed it, Susie. This is the only reason I included them. But I forgot to add Miley Cyrus. Oh, and this post is way too long to go viral. I really need to cut it back to only about 50 words. People can’t be bothered to read anymore.
They can only read memes….
Even those are a challenge if they use too many words.
Ha. Thanks for the laugh. And WHAT’S THAT YOU SAID ABOUT my bestie OATMEAL WTF?!?!! Now I’m pissed. Kidding!
And no matter what I add to it, bananas, apples, strawberries, cinnamon, sugar, milk, chocolate chips, tequila…it still tastes like a bowl of piping hot poop.
Well, I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but the reason is so that there’s more for me. 😉
You win the award for best fake rant ever. Ooooh, that Darla, she’s gonna be famous. She just needs to create a badge. An angry badger badge, yeah. Then create an angry badger wearing granny panties badge. Oh, and a cheese monger badge. Okay, now I’m off the rails. Happy Wednesday!
God, yeah! An angry badge! I could put dear old Betty White up there in her granny panties with a giant red X over her sweet face. That would really stir up some debate. People would hate me and I’d be pretend famous and make a lot of pretend money. yahooooo!
Draw her eyebrows on with an orange lipstick! Ha!
Yup, definitely will read every one of those posts. Hang on, is *this* post also going viral? Are we now, like, pioneers of viral..ity?
I would say this post could go viral but it’s about 700 words too long for a viral post. I think more than a dozen words and you lose the average internet user’s attention. I did put a lot of pictures up there for distraction so it might work.
A dozen words… That’s a harsh judgment of an average reader, but indeed there certainly is something in it; hence the popularity of memes, I guess.
WTF could you possibly have against Betty White?
I feel like Betty White would be happier than Einstein-staring-at-bosoms to be called the “root of all evil”.
(Loved the post! I want to read every single item on your bulleted list, but really mostly the chin hair letter.)
The chin hair rant really has to be written. I have taken just about all I can stand on that issue, enough’s enough.
Oh god, she is the worst! Ranks right up there with puppies, kittens and babies.
How about democracy? And freedom? Don’t like those either?
Damn straight! Also trees! Who needs ’em? I say cut them all down.
I’m really excited for this one: “Why Parents, Childless Couples, Gay People, Straight People, Religious People, Atheists, Agnostics, Old People, Young People, Middle Age People, Employed People, Unemployed People, Single People, Divorced People, Married People, Alive People, Dead People and Justin Bieber are Flawed But I Am Not”
I plan to read the title, the first line, and the last line. I will then proceed to be angry at you separately for each category I match. This will be fun.
This is a good plan. Stretching out your anger in small amounts so that it will build and build and fester until you get to that cathartic point of seething rage. Then you can blog about it and become fake famous.
It’s the American dream. I should find a leisure activity that helps me focus, as well as irritates me. So I can be angry and also learn to focus my rage as a hobby.
For me I just pop in a DVD of Jillian Michaels and suddenly I’m smashing my fist through the TV screen just to make her shut up. It’s a great workout, I’ve got rock hard abs and biceps now.
What intrigues me is the possible product placements for each of these posts. YOU COULD BE RICH!
I never even though of that! You are a genius. I’ll call up the Nair company right away.
Everyone does seem particularly angry this year. I hope January isn’t the start of the year! Well I mean…of course it’s the start of the year, but I hope it’s not a sign that the rest of the year is going to be all angry like that. You know? Grrrr.
Hey, the Chinese New Year doesn’t begin until Friday. Let’s hope it really is “the year of the horse” and not the year of the horse’s ass. HA!
Neigh!!!
I feel like in this country anger is the new happy. No one succeeds or gets any attention unless they’re upset about something. It’s sad. I just want to live in a peace-loving, Zen existence, is that so wrong?
He he he he he he he…. you said ‘bosom’….
I can almost hear Beavis and Butthead. I really should have put the word ‘bosom’ in my title, then it would definitely go viral.
Check your search tags in about three months…. even with it just in the text….
Darla, I mean, you….are….famous! C’mon! But, here’s a rant I’d love for you to add to the list, because I don’t like to rant on my blog, or I can’t rant (that rhymes), or at least, there’s so much ranting that I’d rather not rant, and believe it or not (believe it) I plan to write a similar post to yours, but just not as hilarious, or not hilarious at all because I’m not you, DARN IT!..Ok….a blog I stumbled upon the other day bashes being a mother, so here’s my rant title against that blog, “I’m not a mom because I’m a totally selfish b—ch!” Eeeeegads! I cussed (sort of)! Darla! H.E.L.P. ME. Honestly, this person has a blog about the right to be a woman without children, which is definitely a right and means that one less crazy person is having kids, BUT, the reasons behind it were: “I don’t wanna share my toys….or my husband…or my house….or….”. Wow. Yep. People are angry this year. Love ya, and thanks for taking away all my steam today! I feel soooooo much better! XOXOXOXO-Kasey
You are so welcome and thank you for bringing up that post because that was the post that set off this one.
I didn’t even read the post so much as read an article that was talking about how it went viral and I thought, of course it did. If your post riles people up and gets them all pissed off, people eat it right up.
The good thing is I’ve seen positive posts go viral too.
Just saw your response here. Wow, that is crazy. And, yes, so glad positive posts go viral, too. My stumbling on the post I read was because someone “like” one of my posts and started following my blog. I’m always curious as to what the “newbies” are like, so I went to check it out, and I was shocked. I also wondered what the heck would make her want to follow my blog?!?
You take that back! Take that back RIGHT NOW about Betty White!! She is a national treasure!
Oooh, I’m good and mad, now. See what you did? Oh wait . . . yeah, I get it. Boom, Darla. Boom.
No, I’m serious. Betty White is awful. Despicable. Just horrendous.
Aw, I can’t even type that while being sarcastic, it hurts my heart! I love her so!
I’m angry that Elvis Costello’s “What’s so funny about peace, love, and understanding” is now in my head 🙂
Boom!
Aha! I was hoping someone would catch that line….
I am mad as hell and I ain’t gonna take it anymore. O hell that one has been done.
No matter, I think it still works in most situations in life. I use that line every morning as soon as I wake up and find all the coffee’s gone.
Thank you for making me laugh. Especially since my pregnancy was the worst in history – boom. Actually, BOOM was my delivery, which I haven’t posted.
Speaking of angry viral posts, check out my blog – a chick named Amy Glass got up in everyone’s grill about having a family. Viral? She ended up on Fox News. I agreed with some of what she said – and posted about it.
Just keeping some of that love spread around. Cause that’s what I do. Boom.
Yes, this is the post that sparked mine. (along with all the other posts from the past few years) I don’t know that much about the Amy Glass one because as soon as I saw the words “viral” and “Fox News” my eyes glazed over and I lost interest.
This one was about as ANGRY as rants get.
Well, not quite as angry as “I hate effing oatmeal” but she’s a novice, ya know?
Oatmeal isn’t so bad. On a cold day, I quite like it. Then again, I have grapes and chai tea for breakfast, which according to Guap makes me a total weirdo.
Y’know, I actually do love oatmeal. I have it every morning like clockwork like the old lady I am. Ooh, and I would love some chai tea right now, that shizz is the bomb. Boom.
Don’t listen to Guap. Or just write a post about him and how much he pisses you off about his discrimination of grapes.
Darla, you just made me laugh out loud.
I think I just traded in Boo-yah! for Boom.
Boo yah! was so 2013.
I support a post on “Kids Make Me Tired” because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…sorry, I just fell into a trance from my son asking me “What’s this truck?” for the gazillionth time.
They are little energy-vampires. They just take and take and take and don’t even care or ever want to pay me for my trouble.
What — do they think I work for them? That I’m here to help them? Or take care of them? Or feed them or give them shelter? GOD I AM SOOOOO PISSED OFF NOW!!!! GAHHHHHH
I would read that pregnancy post! Pretty please write it?
I’ve written the one about the chin hair. I am waiting to wax and hoo-boy, I feel like a gorilla. Which I wrote, as I mentioned, but can’t quote bring myself to post.
ha! your comment made me laugh. The worst is how my natural eyebrow line has decided to jump ship. I used to just tweeze a few stragglers, but now I find eyebrow hair like three inches above where they should be. I’m like tweezing my forehead at this point. Getting old sucks.
I am 60 now (yes, that is a 60 year old me in the photo). One day while I was applying make-up (I never used to have to wear any at all, sob) when I realized the make up was not helping my appearance. What happened? I am putting it on the same way I always have. This went on for about a month when it finally hit me, my eyebrows were fading and could hardly be seen anymore. I never realized how much expression there is in eyebrows. Anyhoo I now wear eyebrow makeup (think like mascara for the eye lashes but not as dramatic). Now my tan is fading- yikes! What is next?
I’m mad that I didn’t think about doing anything quite as clever as that there footer, Darls. But I don’t see the hairs on your chinny, chin chin.
I really have to figure out how to put that in my header but I can’t get it sized right. Oh well. I’ll spare the masses from having to see this gorgeous mug of mine unless they scroll all the way down.
But your header is lovely. And the footer is, ummmm, funny. In the loveliest of ways.
Wonder if I can dig myself all the way to china in this comment thread…
“ummmm funny, in the loveliest of ways”??
Just what are you trying to say here, Elyse? Is this sarcasm? Are you trying to get me mad? Are you judging me because I have a canned ham for a face? Do you discriminate against people that suffer from double-chins? Huh? Ya wanna step outside? Heh?
I hope not because it’s cold as hell out there right now.
It’s pretty cold here, too. AND I had to shovel snow this morning. So let’s just stay friends. I can’t reach very far when it’s warm.
I miss those days when “we could agree to disagree.” Gone Boom. You are my she-ro, Darla, for telling it like it is. There! I’ve said it and I’m glad. 😉
She-ro! why do I love that so much?
I’m not angry, I’m bitter. There’s almost no difference. Come on. Arrrggghhh! #imsobittericantbelievenooneelseisfollowingmyhashtagallovertheinternet!!!
Maybe bitter is the lazy person’s rage? I like it. I should try to be more bitter.
I think you nailed it. I am lazy and rageful.
“10 Reasons Why I Feel Oatmeal Tastes Like Shit” — all ten reasons are because Oatmeal actually is shit. You can try to dress it up with maple syrup or dried cranberries, but healthy bland shit will always be healthy bland shit.
People who say they like oatmeal, similar to people who say they like quinoa, are all liars.
Oh, hell yeah! Preach it, sistah! Quinoa? I mean what in God’s name is that? And how do you pronounce it? ranks right up there with edamame. I think both foods are completely made up.
Anger didn’t give me the wrinkle between my eyes – it was stress. Anger is a negative – a poison – it’s like acid in the body, eating it up. All negative emotions use more energy that positive emotions.
I totally agree. I’d much prefer to have wrinkles from laughing.
People who get pissed off in the comments really piss me off.
Yeah, angry people make me so mad. But never pissed off enough for me to become viral and that makes me even more mad.
I’m pissed off that you missed “101 Reasons My Vagina is Itchy” in your viral post idea section because we ALL know hits happen when you mention body parts.
Bwah ha haaa!!! I should really try not to eat my oatmeal while reading your comments, it gets quite messy.
I used to be pro Granny Pants, but now I’m con. I’m tired of the leg-elastic rash. I say, “Girls’ Jockey Rule!”
This is the second post I’ve read about blog-rage. I must be traveling in the wrong bloggy circles, cuz I haven’t run across it. We just watch reruns of The Partridge Family and pluck our chins.
See, chin-plucking really cranks up my anger as it hurts like hell and those little buggers keep coming back no matter what I do. And the Partridge Family? All I have to say is two words: Danny Bonaduce.
I think I love you.
How handy the Interwebs is though. It lets us magnify our anger a gazillion fold. Is it therapy? Well, it’s cheap therapy, eh? What a mess of humanity.
I think it’s therapy in that it makes you want to quit all social media cold turkey and then go into actual therapy to deal with withdrawals.
It’s a swirling, sucking eddy of despair, for sure.
I’ll take your fake anger over the all absurd vitriol out there any day. Any chance you could write some of those posts for real?
Oh how I love that word! Vitriol. Just reading it gets me all fired-up and ready to start being angry.
I hate everyone and am angry about everything, but I love you for this post. So bang on. Let’s make some controvery in our mentally unstable ovens, add some topical humour, bang it with a hammer, batch that shit. Serve it stone cold, baby. And…. instant celebrity. So… what do you do for an encore after you bravely blaze that trail? How about… shut the fuck up.
Sorry about the language. But this is where we are at. Too many people trying to sound revealing about nothing, by raging on a mild foot rash… there are people at war in the world, folks! I know that means nothing… anyway, back to my point… this is a great post, and I’m going to steal your post ideas and become famous.
Yes— “too many people trying to sound revealing about nothing, there are people at war in the world” Exactly my feelings. I could see getting angry about things like child abuse/neglect or the killing of innocent people in war-torn countries. But getting all upset because you don’t want to have kids and you think women who do have kids are wasting their lives? (this is a post I read this week that went viral and was all over the top news stations)
I figured you might be talking about that post. Just attention seekers, I figure. One-trick ponies trying to get famous being as inflammatory as possible.
“Hey man I never smoked no shit like this before man?!” I had to do it…
Also, I can add more bullets to your upcoming list of reasons why Oatmeal tastes like baby hurl.
Really, the “oatmeal tastes like shit” post alone could be written in a tantalizing three-part series.
Why is it when you are borderline diabetic everything you can eat tastes like oatmeal or cardboard (take your pick)?
Well dang, I finally found the comment box (yay me!)
I am angry because tuna cans, soup cans, etc keep getting smaller (thus less product) but yet cost more. Furthermore I am even angrier that they think we are too stupid to notice!
You know how like when you tell people you’re vegan and they start talking about slaughter houses. That makes me sick and miffed all at the same time. Also, people get made at me because I don’t swear. What the fudge is up with that?
Sorry I can’t catch up on all of your posts–I’m just trying to make an effort to let you know I’m still alive, kicking, and thinking of you!
I am angry that here are not any “like” buttons on these comments dang it.
Can we talk about how much I actually love Miley Cyrus? Especially her hair. Oh, to have that rockin’ half-shaved pompadour for myself.
I’m angry that antibiotic-resistant rashes can’t go viral!
I’m starting to really hate Buddha. His advice seemed helpful at first, but then I started noticing that every time I read one of his quotes, I ended up feeling inferior. And I think that was his intention all along.
Other people upset me. Especially people who live directly above me in a shitty, 1970s, wood-frame apartment building. That is all.