Our mid-winter school vacation has ended. I spent 11 days trapped inside a small apartment with my kids. We had four snowstorms last week alone.
Coincidentally, our electronic “human-ignorer” gadgets decided to collectively shit the bed. My laptop froze. The tablet became possessed. Netflix was toast.
My toaster still worked. Thank god.
So we were forced to be together. In each other’s presence. Communicating and using eye contact and stuff. I had deep convos with my 11-year-old son.
“Go Fish, grandma.”
“Hey! I’m not that old!”
“Yes you are.”
“I’m still young!”
“Well…you’re kinda young…”
“Kinda, but not really at all.” [hard stare] “Because you’re old.”
So when my son told me he didn’t want to go back to school this morning, the words, “If you don’t go, I’ll be arrested and thrown in jail” just flew out of my mouth.
But thank god our dryer broke.
When your clothes dryer shuts down and you have two little kids, it’s panic time. In order to keep my constant mountain of laundry at a manageable amount, I have to do about 382 loads every single day. Within two hours of the dryer breaking down I had to rent storage space just for my son’s dirty socks and underwear.
Thankfully, we had enough money to buy another crappy one and made good use out of the best toy any kid could ever want.
They quickly settled in their new home — hung some curtains, set up the Wii, installed shag carpeting.
They even posted some solid rules:
And by the end of school vacation, there was only one place the kids could find me.
In the box out on our front lawn.
Please, feel free to drop by and visit me. I’ll be serving up some delish Toaster Scrambles with semi-real bacon and eggs.
Just remember: Don’t be mad and under no circumstances are you allowed to fart.
How did you survive school vacation? “Just barely” like me?