One Direction Auto-Piloting: the spacey state of mind while driving a car when you suddenly realize — you’re driving a car!
Followed by the realization you have no idea where you’re going and have zero recollection of where your mind was the last 10 miles of driving.
Or why you were crying while singing at the top of your lungs to the latest One Direction song.
[Warning! sometimes followed by severe self-loathing which leads to more auto-piloting and/or voluntarily crashing head-on into a telephone pole.]
General Vocabulary Meltdown Disorder: the temporary unsettling feeling that washes over your brain when the word you know is spelled correctly still looks plain weird.
Example: the word ‘weird’.
See also: the words ‘word‘ and ‘the‘. Also, the words ‘see’, ‘also’ and ‘example’.
The Ferris Bueller Effect: the fact that watching a movie ‘live’ on cable television in the middle of a lazy Saturday afternoon is somehow infinitely better than if you were watching it on your own DVD player.
The Bazinga Mind-Meld Theory: when you say, think or write a word and hear the same word on television at that exact moment in time, proving that the universe is eerily connected.
See also: Freaky as Hell Theory
Example: writing the word ‘bamboozle’ in your blog post at the very moment Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory says the word ‘bamboozle’.
The “Happy” Pharrell Williams Syndrome: the precise moment a song you once loved crosses the line into the ‘played-so-much-on-the-radio-it-now-makes-you-nauseous-to-hear-even-the-first-three-notes’ territory.
see also Any song by the Imagine Dragons.
see also Any song you ever hear on the radio today.
The Kashmir Theory: the belief of most middle-aged people that the length of a song is directly related to the greatness of the song.
Example: “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin, “Hey Jude” by the Beatles, “The End” by the Doors, any live Tom Petty song, any song by Justin Bieber.
See also: any song on the radio today.
GoT Aversion Complex: when a person steadfastly refuses to watch one minute of a certain super popular TV show simply because everyone else loves it and won’t shut the hell up about it ever.
Netflixitis: When someone suffering from GoT Aversion finally caves years later and decides to see a wildly popular TV show, ends up binge watching two seasons in one day with no breaks for food, drink or toilet only to have some jackass friend spoil everything by telling you “The Red Wedding” actually does not mean they’re serving red velvet cupcakes.
Anyone else suffering from GoT Aversion Complex? Or is it just me? If you have seen the show, please I’m begging you — do not tell me what happens at the wedding. I’m guessing food fight.
92 thoughts on “Mysteries of the Mind”
Bazinga Mind-meld Theory is the fuh-reakiest! (PS- Bazinga! is my sister Tess’s cat’s name.)
Best name for a cat ever. If I ever get a dog again, that will be his name. Or maybe Mr. Bamboozles.
When I hear ‘Happy’ from Pharrell I feel like headbutting my steering wheel and frothing at the mouth. Not that I hate it or anything.
“Happy” has broken a personal record for me for the fastest song that went from me loving it to hating it with every fiber of my being.
Same for me. I think it took exactly one play from the beginning to the end of that song.
OMG i totally suffer from so many of these syndromes!! You are some kind of crazy voodoo doctor to get into my head like that. You are a master of the universe!
The older I get, the less I know for sure. And I thank you for not even hinting at what this red wedding bullshit is all about.
D, I think we just had a Bazinga Mind Meld because I can relate to every single one of these. You are a genius.
PS – I love Imagine Dragons. Even on the radio. Even though that one song is so played out.
The problem with bands today is I can’t keep them straight anymore. They all sound the same to me. First sign I have become my grandmother, RP. Okay, not the first, one of many.
We are all figments of Sheldon Cooper’s imagination.
Also, I had a red velvet cupcake at Thoughtsy’s wedding. Now I’m beginning to wonder that I missed some GoT reference. I just thought it was a delicious cupcake.
Oh, how I would love to live in Sheldon’s world. I have a monster crush on that man but that’s another story for another post.
So no red velvet cupcake food fight at Thoughtsy’s wedding? Good thing, that food coloring really stains.
I am a total GoT Aversion person. As soon as I start getting force-fed how great a show is (still have never watched “Lost”) I go into shutdown mode. My wife is the same way. We spent all last Saturday watching Breaking Bad, seasons 1-2, The Walking Dead (on season 3 now) and The Dick VanDyke Show…
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but if everyone else loves something, I purposefully refuse to be sucked in. Until years later when the hoopla has died down.
I watched Lost three seasons in and ended up loving that series more than anything I’ve seen on television before or since.
Breaking Bad? Never seen it. I plan on seeing it once a few more years go by, just for spite.
I’m exactly the same way. I just hate feeling like I’m following the fad, plus I don’t like being manipulated. And I don’t have cable. Because of these issues, I’m the guy who comes along four years later and can’t wait to talk to someone about how Rick shot Shane on The Walking Dead after he turned into a zombie, and all my friends, co-workers, Safeway checkers are like, “Yeah… we know.”
Let me know when you start watching Breaking Bad (Truly one of the most original, best-written shows I’ve ever seen), and I’ll cue up Lost on Netflix. We can compare notes. Maybe start a support group…
I’ll bring the donuts, you bring the coffee. Also, the whiskey for the coffee. I hear Breaking Bad can be pretty gross and yucky.
And hey, I don’t want to spoil anything for you but….did you know at the end of MASH, the chopper flies away only to reveal the word “GOODBYE” in rocks on the ground? (I am dead serious when I tell you I JUST caught on to the brilliance of MASH and I’m watching the entire series now)
WAKING UP AND REALISING IT WASN’T A DREAM AFTER ALL, YES, WHAT A WORLD!
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
I’m so relieved to know I’m not alone… 🙂
And I am relieved that you are relieved because honestly I wonder about myself sometimes.
I have all the things you’ve listed. Were is the one that gets me it either looks wrong or I can’t remember how to spell it. Maybe there’s a composite syndrome (middle age?).
At my age, pretty much every word I try to spell looks weird to me now.
Hang on, you’re not doing Thrones? I refused at first as I figured swords and sorcery not my thing, but I love it (like really love it now) it’s basically Dynasty but with shoulder pads made of animal pelts.
The cutting remarks, the bitchiness, the power play. It’s fantastic.
Dynasty but with animal pelt shoulder pads?? And with lots of bitchiness and cutting remarks??Oh ho ho ho! I am SOOOO there. I used to watch Dynasty, Dallas, Guiding Light religiously.
Although I don’t seem to recall Joan Collins having her head cut off at her wedding.
haha! I laughed out loud at imagining Joan Collins decapitated.
I honestly love it, it is more about characters and their politics than what I thought would be dungeons and dragons.
I’m also revelling in Revenge, those 80’s soaps natural heirs. Madeline Stowe is terrific and being a rose wine drinker on occasion (I like it tastes like fruit juice) I lived that she once commented at one of her twice weekly parties, “Rose wine…how nice” With a condescending air. I use that phrase all the time now.
Ooh, I love that: “rose wine…how nice…” I’ll have to use it from now on.
I once caught an episode of that show and was hopelessly hooked within minutes and had to turn it off because I have zero times as it is to watch my other obsession, Scandal.
Yep, I suffer from LOADS of these. Similar to the Bazinga one – on a recent blog post of 21 things I hate, I mentioned about how much I hate having to watch people chucking up on TV, and one commenter was agreeing with that, and while I just replying to her comment, someone on How I Met Your Mother threw up into a plant pot, right in front of me! (The nerve!).
Yeah, the universe is strange like that. What freaks me out is I’ll say a word I never ever say, like “flabbergasted” and at that exact moment someone on TV says it. What are the odds? I honestly wonder if we’re all digital players in a giant matrix computerized video game operated by Bill Gates.
Did I just type a comment?
I think I’m responding to your comment but I can’t be sure as my brain is pretty much gone now at my age. Is it cold in here? Have you seen my glasses?
Yes, but I forget
I’m pretty sure it’s just you, Darla. And the folks who read your blog.
I’m in good company, then. Whew, thank god, I always think it’s just me.
I was thinking about making a doctor’s appointment and then your post appeared. (BAZINGA!) You just summed up & diagnosed everything that is wrong with me & for that…I am grateful.
Yeah, who needs doctors when you have me.
Very funny. My wife has Netflixitis…so do I but not as bad a case as hers.
My Netflixitis comes in waves. I had an acute attack when I finally discovered the Louis CK sitcom. Then it went into remission.
Bazinga! Yeah, idk, i just love that word. I am looking forward to the future post you don’t know you’re writing about your major crush on Sheldon Cooper. 🙂
I really should write a post on the Big Bang Theory because I have an even bigger monster crush on Leonard (Johnny Galecki, also LOVED him in Roseanne)
They are both awesomeness. (As is the whole show.) And you totally should!
I will, dammit. I need some more post ideas, my well is running dry.
Right now, I’m suffering from the How I Met Your Mother Syndrome. That’s when a sitcom ends after 8 long years and everyone at work spends what feels like another 8 years discussing how much they hated the ending.
Yes, not to be confused with Seinfeld Syndrome. I was so disappointed with that finale. And also, Roseanne, just a terrible awful ending there. The only sitcom finale that I thought was amazing and perfect was the last show of Cheers.
I was thinking about the Cheers ending too! That was a classic, fitting way to wrap up that show.
Cheers was one in a million show. I was so sad to see it end.
Oh hell yeah. GoT Aversion all the way. If it’s popular, I won’t watch on principle of not being a lemming. Which makes me a lemming in the ANTI-lemming way.
And I LOVE that Happy song. Maybe because I don’t have little kids and don’t usually listen to channels that play modern stuff, so when I hear it, it’s a big surprise.
And the words looking weird the longer you look at them, happens all the time. Or if you say them out loud more than once it’s as if they just arrived into your brain from outerspace.
And Inagodadavida, Iron Butterfly? Hello?
Yes, that’s it, I’m an anti-lemming lemming. (why does that word look strange to me?)
I heard that Happy song when it first came out and instantly fell in love with it. But it’s from the movie Despicable Me so my daughter plays it more than the radio station and the second I hear it I break out in hives.
I agree with all this, honest, but dude. Game of Thrones rocks. I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. And on.
Please, go on.
I think the main reason I can’t watch it is the blood-n-guts factor. I can’t do gory. I can barely stand it when someone’s feelings are hurt let alone when their head’s cut off.
WordPress owes you an apology for continuing to put the ads for diet supplements and dog spy-cams over the bottom half of your photos. It’s distracting and you deserve to be treated better. Apparently, I’m the only person bothered by this, so I’ll officially stop, so I don’t come across as overly whiney.
There is a tiny X in the ad you can click and it will close.
(Who better to give advice about the X, right? 🙂
Little comfort. I want to read, not place my cursor over an X. Everyone needs to make a buck, but enough is enough. Darla’s post had 4 different pics in it. Would I have had to click each ad’s X? Irrespective of the ability to X out of the ad, it disrupts the train of thought reserved for enjoying a well written blog to look for exits in the corners of herbal supplement ads. I seem to be the only one who has a problem with this so I’ll stop now. Goodnight, Austin Texas! We Love you!
It is a bit of an overkill.
Oh I hear you, Dave. I thought maybe I could handle ONE ad in ONE image but three in three images? I think my next post I won’t put so many images in it. Apparently this is a “test run” so we’ll see if it stays or not.
I’m not starting GoT, because I’ve read the books. So I’m hoping that the longer I put it off, the more of the story I would forget by the time I get to actually watching the show.
And, speaking of mind melds, you just wrote a phrase that I was looking for for at least a few months. You know how sometimes you write a post, yet don’t quite know what it’s about or why it even exists, so it lingers in drafts, until you read something in a news story or a phrase, and then this bit of information falls into place like the last piece of the puzzle?
OK, I think reading the books is something I can handle! Of course, I’m currently reading about five OTHER books right now but I can add a few more, right? I wonder if the show and the books are any different…
And yes, I have tons of half-finished posts that seem to be about nothing and go nowhere and they’ll sit there in the draft folder for months when suddenly it all comes together.
I enjoyed reading this post made me think of Sheldon of course and who doesn’t like Sheldon and Ferris Bueller
I often think they should do a Ferris sequel, but then why ruin a good thing?
I tried to watch that Game of Thrones since everyone I know loves it. I hated it so much. That show is not for me. I even tried to read it and, just no.
I’m not sure if I would like it or not, either. I’m not a big fan of bloody stuff. I do read Stephen King, but at least my imagination fills in the blanks there.
I still love that Happy song. It has staying power for me. Or, perhaps, when I hear it at work the effect is more like an injection of happy juice/morphine, which I badly need most days at work.
That’s the tragic thing, It’s a fantastic song and I once really loved it too until my kids started playing it dozens of times a day.
I am repeating myself as usual, but I LOVE your mind. I completely get everything you said. Awesome. And while I read the first GoT book, we don’t watch the series. I am a jerk and think the author should be finished with his books or dead by now for me to invest in his series. Why should he get to live to see his work so glorified? haha. Anyway, we do really enjoy The Vikings series on The History channel. Love it.
Ha, I love your rationale for not watching it! I’m more of a book person in general. Movies never do any good book justice in my eyes. It happens, but it’s a rare thing. Although, from what everybody is saying, the GoT TV show is spectacular. Still, I’ll probably end up checking out the books today when I stop by the library. Add them to the giant stack of books already next to my bed.
I can so relate to one direction auto-piloting. Because I live so far from anywhere, and the roads vary from 50 mph to 70 mph speed limits, I use cruise control a lot. Can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been tootling along the highway and then realize I have no idea where I’m going. Luckily, it usually doesn’t take me long to reorient and remember. Or when I’ve dialed the phone and then forget who I’ve just called, and why- hoping I’ll remember before someone picks up. Definitely getting CRS (can’t remember shit).
That’s my problem, I live in the middle of nowhere. If I wanna get anywhere it’s at least a 30 minute mind-numbing drive down long country roads. My mind tends to drift, the car tends to drift. And the worst is I’ll find myself listening to a song on the radio that I should be ashamed of.
You forgot the words you just can’t remember even though they’re for really common things like dustpan and brush,otherwise known as those things you use to sweep up the floor. Or am I the only one that suffers from that?
Oh, you are most definitely not….uh…what’s that word again? y’know the one….
Slowly raises hand in back of room, I have that problem. I hate being on the outside looking in. Oh well, outsider.
I like being an outsider. I’m a rebel that way I guess.
I got so distracted by all the pop-up ads that I completely lost the thread of your post. I think that must be another Mind Mystery, sort of like the dog on “Up.” blah-blah-blah SQUIRREL!
Haha! I love that bit. And you’re right about the popup ads. A-noy-ing.
All the ads certainly succeed in breaking up the flow of my post huh.
What? Oh. SQUIRREL!
Me reading this post: *nods* Mmhmm… yep… *nods again* *laughs* Yup… 🙂
I haven’t had the Bazinga Mind-Meld happen to me per se, but I do have the uncanny ability to predict certain lines while watching TV shows (and once while watching a play). I can’t decide if I’m a genius or the writers are just really predictable. 😛
And I can totally relate to not wanting to watch a show just because it’s over-hyped. I refused to watch Lost or How I Met Your Mother for that very reason, and I’m still avoiding GoT (among others) because of that as well. That, and because from what I’ve heard about it, it doesn’t sound like my cup of tea. Mind you, for some shows the hype is well deserved, but I generally won’t watch a show unless it actually looks interesting. That or someone sits me down and says, “You are watching this with me, no arguments.”
It is a rare thing when I am genuinely surprised by a TV show or movie because I’m also very good at predicting what will happen plot-wise. I’d like to think we’re both geniuses.
HIMYM? I’ve never ever have seen one single second of that show and I never ever will.
Nice to see I’m not the only one. And one of my criteria for “evil genius” status for a screenwriter is the ability to throw me with a plot twist. Not many have managed that, and few more than once.
Hey you! I probably have a little bit of GoT Aversion Complex. I still have no idea what this whole Game of Thrones is?? And I guess I don’t really care. What’s it called when two married people say the exact same thing at the same time. I seem to experience that a lot??
Steve-O! (can I call you Steve-O?) Yeah, of course you have no time to waste watching GoT, you’re too busy cracking open that beer now, huh?
A guy I was really good friends with at Colby always called me Steve-O so yeah, no problem. No beers today, snowed here last night…. WTF???????????
WTF is right! We have no snow here at all, it was almost 70 yesterday. By the way, you always have the funniest facebook status updates. You make me laugh, Steve-O. When you gonna blog again…? hehehe
The sun is at least out again, so its starting to melt away but still cold. It has been beautiful here too, this is just that last bit of Michigan torture that we get every year before Spring sets in for good. Blogging? Ugh… you know I REALLY want to start again, but then again I REALLY DON’T want to start again. Several people have asked and OMG THERE’S SO MUCH PRESSURE!! I haven’t written anything since I stopped though so that’s not cool. I have found its easier to be entertaining with an occasional 2-3 line facebook or twitter post, than a 1000 word blog. I’ve definitely had the itch though to blog again. Stay tuned! 🙂
Ooh! That would be awesome! Of course…I’m ready to quit blogging. Again. For the millionth time. But then, I live to write and write to live. Sigh, it’s a torturous life I lead….
Yup, definitely had moments (days) like that.
Definitely GoT Averse here. Also Lost Averse, Breaking Bad Averse, and for some reason, Cheers is terrible for me now. I can’t figure that one out. I watch the daylights out of Frasier, however. I totally get the MASH thing…I just discovered Eureka, and have been alternating episodes of that with Doc Martin. Several years ago I diagnosed my son and myself with Transient Gryllaccentia, which is the uncontrollable urge to speak in an outrageous accent for several hours after watching Man vs. Wild: “In the wooootah…on the glass-ee-ahh!!”
I can’t watch Cheers anymore. I got burnt out on it years ago. But Frasier? I will watch reruns of that all the live long day. One of my all-time favorite sitcoms. That and the Golden Girls are the ones I never tire of.
Ha! I had the TV on in the background yesterday while I was cleaning, and Clueless came on. I actually sat down and started watching it. It’s my favorite movie; I own it; I’ve seen it 30+ times. And yet. There I was. Bazinga!!!!
Here’s something weird, Jim loves Clueless as well. Bazinga.
Your post inspired me to look for other interesting TV show acronyms. I couldn’t find any. I urge all TV show creators to include more words that start with a vowel in their show titles.
I’ll see you your GoT Aversion and raise you a combination Sopranos/Lost Aversion. I watched exactly one episode of each – the series-ender. It’s a sickness, really.
The Bazinga thing happens to me every day. I’ll be reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle and someone on TV will say the same word I’m looking at. Usually an unusual word, too, like auditorium, which makes it seem even stranger.
Well…I’ve just been outed as ‘middle-aged’ and a believe in the The Kashmir Theory, something I’ve never even heard of before! But seriously, you cannot replace the riffs in the ’70’s music as far as ‘good music’! Sorry! LOL. I enjoyed this post and just learned a whole lot of new language! Thank you. 🙂