Or as my mom would say:
“You’ve been what now? Is this that evil computer thingamabob? You really should pick up a phone more and call me. I could be lying here dead in my rocking chair after having a heart attack while knitting your afghan. You know the one I’ve been working on for months in spite of my arthritic fingers. Oh how they hurt so! And this is all you care about? Freshly Pressed! I’ll give you Freshly Pressed! Jeezum crow! Where’s my friggin’ coffee?”
Forgive me for writing a post about how I was Freshly Pressed, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s been an eternity since my last FP. Why, I can’t even remember how long ago! (2 years, 3 months, 4 days)
And to know a post about my cranky 80-year-old mother and her dark cutting edge humor would be featured up there on the front page is somehow fitting. After all, I got my obnoxious sense of humor straight from her. While my late father had the dry slow-burn wit, she has always embodied the brutally honest, in-your-face Mainah charm.
So I’d like to take this moment to thank her for letting me know life’s way too short to worry so much and almost everything in life can be funny, even death.
As we all know:
Tragedy + Time = Comedy
Or in my mom’s case:
Tragedy + Time – Sanka = Endless Blog Fodder
Love you Mom! Thanks for giving my blog so much material. I know you will never read this but I’ll be sure to tell you about it tomorrow while I’m “fixing” your remote again so you won’t miss the upcoming Dr. Oz Show on colonoscopies.
Thank you WordPress for featuring her, my extra-sullen grandfather and his depressed dog in the post, Happy Impending Death Day!
********
I’m still on my summer bloggy break and hopefully will be back to posting more once the hellions are back in school. In the meantime, here are a few more “Mom” post gems if you’re interested and like to take frequent guilt trips:
I’m So Glad We Had This Talk, Mom
I’m So Glad We Had This Talk Again, Mom
I’m So Sorry I Missed Your Call, Mom
I’m So Glad We Went Out to Eat, Mom
I’m So Glad You Read That Book, Mom
She's A Maineiac 
CONGRATULATIONS 😀
Awesome – congratulations!
Congrats, Darla Denise! 🙂
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Yay, congrats!
Congratulations! Love your mom stories.
Congrats! That’s super exciting!
Whoop, whoop! Congrats Darla. 🙂 Your posts about your mom always make me smile. She is one awesome lady!
She’s a very unique woman for sure.
yay! no surprise though
Congratulations! Well deserved. 😀
I read it last night, it’s well worth all the press! 🙂
Yay! Jeezum crow, that is some good news!
Congrats, Darla!! It seems appropriate that a post about your mom got you FP’d again. Maybe I need to start writing about your mom! Can I borrow her for a couple weeks? I’ll be sure to pick up some Sanka.
Please take her, Misty. Although I have to warn you, she’s a bit cranky today. She didn’t get any mail yesterday and she’s convinced the mailman threw all of it into the trash.
Congratulations!
It couldn’t happen to a nicer, more deserving person…except maybe, you know, me…
😛
Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.
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Congratulations – and maybe next time you won’t have to wait 2 years 3 months 4 days 🙂
I sure hope not. Every day for the past 2 years I woke up and had only one thought: Must be Freshly Pressed, then my life will have meaning again!
Jeezum crow! I have never heard this before until just the other day in a book by Jayne Ann Krentz (I don’t mind advertising for her). Is this a New England phrase? If my mom was still around she would be 90 next week and cranky as hell. She was cranky before she passed on. Still miss her and her crankiness though. Never thought I would say that. Wish I had had a blog then. Would have been a lot to write about.
I do believe it’s a phrase only heard in New England. Mostly from cranky old ladies waiting for the mail while sipping Sanka.
The FP gods often pick posts that make me scratch my head. Not this one, though. It was a hoot. Congrats!
Thanks, Elyse. And this post wrote itself, really. I might have to go over there to visit my mom today to see what else I can use for a blog post, my well has run dry again.
Get some for me, too please. I’m out. Of course now I have no time to write — puppies are damn demanding. Good thing they’re cute!
Great stuff. Your Mom’s terrific! Reminds me of my mother-in-law – nothing nasty. My first husband’s mother was a doll. The patience of a saint, and all the children (even the neighbors’ kids) loved her. But, she had a streak of vinegar at times.
Streak of vinegar, love that! My mom is all vinegar with a streak of honey and a dash of Sanka.
woohoooooo!
Congratulations, Darla, and thank you for the laughter. In this world, that’s usually in short supply. 😉
A big congratulations to you
Congrats!
Good for you, ya Mainiac! Jeez Louise, that’s awesome!
Congratulations! I love your blog and it never fails to disappoint!
Congratulations!!!!
Telling your mom she had something to do with this new fame will just give her more ammunition. Clearly you’re on such a high right now, that you are not looking ahead at this possibility. “That’s ok it’s not like I was responsible for your fame or anything” “Oh, no please go on without me, it’s not like I made your blog famous or anything” “Darla, it’s not like I just gave you life, I got you Freshly Pressed” Just something to think about while you celebrate.
You’re right, there is a goldmine of future blog posts just waiting when I tell my mom her story was freshly pressed.
Yay! And may I say well and completely deserved. 🙂
Congratulations
Please tell your mom she’s awesome (unless she’s dead by now) and give her a sanka latte for me.
I will JM. I’m talking to her on the phone as I type this. So she didn’t die today.
YAY! No one deserves it more, Darla!
Well huge congrats for doing it again! You certainly deserve it.
Woooot congratulations, DP!! About dang time. Those photos are amazing.
Congratulations! Thank you for dropping by. We’ve moved so have been somewhat out of the loop for a while. I saw those elusive fp gods last spring. They exist, they really do…but you already know that. 🙂 They hovered around my referrers a couple of times but ALAS it was not to be. So thrilled for all the good things coming your way: graduation, fp and more to come, I’m sure.
Thanks, Georgette. Hope you’re having a good summer now that you’ve moved and settled in.
Does WordPress have a complaint department? You should be Freshly Pressed at least once a year. Congratulations, Darla.
The FP thing never fails to surprise me. I was so excited but all my family’s reaction was “What’s for dinner?”
Sanka – I haven’t thought about that in decades. Was too young to try when people I knew drank it. Is it any good?
Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually tasted it. I imagine it tastes like a cross between burnt autumn leaves and thick motor oil.
Wait a minute….HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THIS??????????????????? Darla, I’m so ashamed. Why didn’t you call me? Send a carrier pigeon? Smoke signals? I’ve got to get back in the swing of things around here.
WHoo hoooooooo! So proud of you, kid. It’s about, damn time. WHOOOOOOO!!!!