How I Survived the Thanksgiving Snowpocalypse

All was merry and bright last Wednesday evening in spite of the Nor’easter blowing into town. A giant ham was chillin’ in the fridge, the kids were playing Mario Kart, and my husband and I were cozying up on the couch to watch yet another riveting episode of CHiPs.

chips02a

But before Ponch was able to rescue the station wagon full of kids dangling from a power line over the streets of LA, the unthinkable happened: our power flickered.

It turned off once… we held our breath. The image on the TV reappeared. Ponch’s jaw clenched sexily.

Twice…! Jon Baker’s doe eyes glistened with anticipation.

Then boom. Out. The entire household powered down in a flash and chaos erupted.

If this ever happens to you, here are a list of things to help you survive no power on Thanksgiving:

  • Take turns sitting in your idling car. Not for warmth, but to charge your iPhone so you can still play Candy Crush.
  • Pass the time by checking Central Maine Power’s website of power outages so you can monitor how everyone else around you in a 60 mile radius has goddamn power except you.
  • Consider burning iPhone for warmth.
  • Spend cold nights tossing and turning, with only one thought invading your dreams: Will I ever know if Ponch rescued those trapped kids?!
  • Cooking hot dogs, beans and bacon on the grill outside in a snowbank on Thanksgiving day is a good idea.
  • Cooking scrambled eggs on the grill is a bad idea.
  • Snuggle with the nearest warm body to help stave off hypothermia.
  • Make sure that body didn’t just eat a can of beans.
  • Gin.
  • By all means, jump in your Jeep with the bald tires and fishtail your way to the nearest Dunkin Donuts with power because if you don’t have coffee soon you will go batshit insane.
  • Weep uncontrollably as you stick the ham and case of beer in a snowbank. Use canned cranberry sauce as traction for next drive to Dunkin Donuts.
  • Fumbling around playing football outside with your kids in 15 degree weather is almost the same as watching the Dallas Cowboys play.
  • As you sit there shivering in your pitch dark bedroom at 2 am listening to the roar of the wind outside, remind yourself if Laura Ingalls could do it, so can you. Why, they spent long frigid winters in a shack huddled around an oil lamp with only Pa’s fiddle for entertainment!
  • F*%^ you, Half Pint.
  • Haha! I’m kidding! Wow, that was mean, wasn’t it? I apologize. What I meant to say was f*%^ you Pa Ingalls and your stupid fiddle.

And there you have it. All solid advice.

Hope you all had a warm, bean-free, Poncherellirific Thanksgiving!

 

 

 

 

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71 thoughts on “How I Survived the Thanksgiving Snowpocalypse

    1. ndunleavy says:

      Too funny! Considering I now live in a place where winter weather lasts about nine months out of the year and power outages are regular, I’ll keep these tips in mind 🙂

  1. funny–but so glad it did not happen to me–it is safer to have your Thanksgiving during the second week of October–it is usually still sunny and bright and no snow in the forecast for 5 weeks! who says Canadians aren’t smart?

  2. That would be a nightmare! No matter how much technology I use, the electronic thermometer, microwave, food processor, I still stress out over making the meal.
    Last December the gas went out and our house plummeted to 40 degrees. I hope it’s back on now!

    1. We got it back days ago, we were lucky. But I’m just now getting enough sanity back to be able to blog. We did get worried when the temp inside was at 55 degrees. Mainly because my mom next door likes to keep her heat cranked to a balmy 150 degrees. We were considering leaving when our neighbor came over with an extra generator. And that was when the power went back on!

  3. What? No Starbucks?
    As grandson read his required reading I Survived Hurricane Katrina, he asked…now how many days were we without power during the hurricane [Ike]? Answer: 9
    Seriously, I do hope your power is back on.

  4. Having gone thru more than one of those horrific power outages and storms in Central New York, I can certainly identify with the coffee run to Dunkin Donuts. Hope you all: have your power back on, are warmed up by now, had a terrific Thanksgiving, and all is back to normal. 😉

  5. Darla, I am assuming your power is on, although the the absence of photos makes me wonder if this post was written from a phone …

    I think you should thank climate change for giving you the opportunity to celebrate like the pilgrims did — and next post I want to see pictures of the entire Maineiac clan in the pilgrim attire they donned for this First Thanksgiving With No Power!

    1. Climate change? Say what? There is no such thing! Sure the high today was 20 degrees and tomorrow it’ll hit 60, then it’ll plummet back down to 10, then rise back up to 50 again but that’s just a coincidence.

  6. Brilliant, I’m still laughing….. at the picture of CHiPs. I remember the series well. Were those guys ever that young, or is that the promotional dolls or wax work figures?
    Love your list too!

  7. As the result of a crippling snow storm some 3 or 4 years ago here in NW CT we were without power for 4 days and didn’t I scramble through some snow drifts to get to the nearby convenience store — on foot– for coffee….

    A nearby neighbor, well known for not helping with the shoveling was very generous in running his car so the many could charge their cell phones and not a one bitched about his not lifting a finger to help shovel for a very long time.

    Hope your power is back on. Happy belated Thanksgiving!

  8. This was great to read. We were lucky enough to have only a few power flashes. I must admi cooking the turkey on the grill was a solid thought running through my mind as was keeping my mother warm by whatever means neccesary, ie running car where she too would have played candy crush, alcohol seemed a viable option in a big way, and locating candles for back up lighting. Your sarcasm just kills me… hang in there this winter! If it gets horrid come find me…door is always open!

    1. Oh believe me, there were more than a few conversations about how we could cook that big spiral ham. And between my sleep deprivation and the alcohol consumption, I was pretty delirious after just 24 hours without power.

  9. No power is the worst, no matter what the circumstances are. I don’t think I could have ever been a pioneer. Or even lived in one of those medieval castles. Drafty stone rooms with cold stone floors and glassless (aka drafty) holes for windows? No thank you. Glad to hear everything is back in order!

  10. Great, now I got the Little House on the Prairie theme in my head… not the opening song. The closing credits. The goddam closing credits!

    But I do thank you for the Chips flashback… man I loved that show.

  11. Oh my goodness! You make me laugh – I am sorry you were in the situation – but it is one of those Thanksgivings you”ll never forget. You know the ones I’m talking about; Like the year Grandma dropper her turkey leg and then her knickers trying to beat the dog to the meat – and the year the neighbors burned their turkey, threw it out of their window in a fit of rage and our dog drug it on the porch and put it behind the pile of wood? lol…

    Glad power is restored as is your sense of humor! Merry Happy Good Holidays! 😉

  12. The only thing that sucks more than losing power is when the only wood you have to burn is green. We lose our water, too, when our power goes out, but thankfully there is a stream behind the house that is a mere 15 ft. walk. With 5 gal. bucket in hand, we have flushing water. Hope the hot dogs were at least turkey dogs (in honor of the day). And John and Ponch saved the station wagon, but not the kids.

  13. Dear Darla, I think I know what you are going to add to your Wish-List for Christmas:
    Candles (the real ones, with wax) and matches
    Batteries for a brandnew batterie-powered RADIO – so you can at least hear some news. If Laura Ingalls had had that back in those days, Pa would not have had to fiddle!
    Board games – to fight your Candy Crush addiction – can be played without power – by candle light. There are funny ones out these days.
    New polar-sleeping-bags.
    Though you will not be able to get the cook book for people stranded power-less in a snow-storm, just yet – you will have to write that one first.

  14. Chips? This was a Thanksgiving last week and not from 35 years ago 😀

    The only good powercut is when you are in the pub. Substitute powercut for snowed in aswell. The candles come out, the bar tab starts since you can’t pay for your drinks. Such a magical time.

      1. Love MASH! You know I’d want to watch Murder She Wrote instead though, that’s my old TV gem. Actually it’s Prisoner Cell Block H but you may not have ever head it over there, it was Australian. And just about the best TV EVER made! Yeah, sometimes the sets would wobble and the acting was awful…

  15. The big question on everyone’s mind is, is the CHIPS thing a local holiday tradition or just in your family?

    Thank goodness you survived the ordeal with your sense of humor intact, Darlinski.

    1. Oh Chips is the tradition at our house for every holiday!

      I think my sense of humor has now taken a darker turn after not having heat or coffee. I’ve crossed over into pure unbridled bah humbugness.

  16. Love it! Uh…CHIPS? We had a similar outage a couple of years back, only it was for 24 hours and temps in the 100’s. I think I might take a few feet of snow over that…but only for a day. And as long as someone else shovels me out.

    Hope you had a great week off, Darla!

    1. Amen! Y’know, I have to admit, the first night I stayed up to 2 am and I had my iPhone perched next to my bed playing soft meditation music and I sat there and watched the candles flicker. Most relaxing time I’ve had in years. Plus, no TV meant no news and it was a nice break from all the negativity.

  17. Hilarious, as usual. Laughed out loud all the way through. I’ll stick with Whiskey, though, tyvm. And tell me again why you couldn’t flush? I must’ve missed that part… 😉

    Hope Christmas is NOTHING like Thanksgiving!!
    – C

    1. Ooh, yeah whiskey does the trick quite nicely. Ah, I remember back in my days of youth when I’d knock back a few shots of the cheap stuff, Yukon Jack….powerful enough to burn the hairs right off your head.

  18. I’m sorry for your Thanksgiving and hope your Christmas will have extra oomph to make up for it. We had a power outage too (might have been on your Thanksgiving, come to think of it), and we were grateful for our fireplace and gas oven.

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