Hey guys! Whassup?
It’s time to get down and funky….
“It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone….ba-da-ba-da-ba-daaaaa….”
I’m writing this post because:
1) I wanted to see if I forgot how to write (looks like I did)
2) I missed you guys.
3) I needed a distraction from reading online all about how 2014 was the “Year of the Booty.”
I think this is the most serious case of writer’s block I’ve ever had. What is my problem lately? Why am I having a hard time writing? I can’t even get past the new-fangled wordpress dashboard/stats page. I went to create a new post just now and panicked when I saw this:
And I thought — Well Jiminy Cricket! They’ve done gone and changed it again! What in blue blazes do I click on now? Heavens to Betsy! Where in the dickens is the old dashboard?! Have I been gone from blogging that long? Has the entire WordPress world gone mad?! Looks like yet again some dadgum whippersnapper WordPress “genius” decided to fix something that ain’t broke! Well hell’s bells, ain’t that a kick in the moderately-arthritic lumbar discs! How am I supposed to function like this? Is it cold in here? Have you seen my glasses? Where’s my Tylenol?
Then I put on my prescription-strength trifocals, squinted real hard and saw there was an option to click on “Classic Dashboard” and I heaved the heaviest of heavy sighs. Dislodged a few more lumbar discs in the process. And then I pooped a couple more Tylenol pills.
That’s not a typo.
How is this old lady supposed to find her way around The Interwebz when some young techno-fool keeps changing it all around? Okay, we get it! You’ve been to college! You like to make things all fancy-schmancy in the hopes us old farts will finally give up and get back to knitting you that hip-n-cozy beard warmer.
And then there’s the problem of what I should write a post about. Oh my god the choices! The news? Too depressing. The holidays? Too controversial. Something funny? Waaaaaay too hard.
So this is it. My gift to you — My worst post ever.
But I also want to say to all of my readers: Happy Holidays, etc ! (I’m thinking of putting that greeting on T-shirts) And yes, I’m still alive! We do have power! If it goes out again for Christmas then no worries, I’ve stacked extra logs crafted from life-sized posters of Kim Kardashian’s “break the internet” butt, should keep us warm and toasty until Armageddon.
I’ll get back to blogging more soon. Unless my dashboard changes again.
Oh, and here’s a few photos to warm your jaded hearts in the meantime. A letter from my 12-year old son to his sister and my daughter doing her Elf on a Shelf impression. Enjoy!
She's A Maineiac 
I think that WordPress keeps changing the appearance to make all of us officially feel old. “Oh yeah, kids, in the good old days you could go to the Stats page, and it would tell you the actual stats, that was…. ooooh…. must have been all the way back in 2013…”
I really long for the days of last month. Why do things have to keep changing the second I figure them out?
I absolutely love the letter!! You son could have taught my big brother a thing or two about being a big brother. And your elf is too cute for words. What’s with those beard warmers? They’re all the rage now, but I’ve noticed they’re all knitted. What about those of us who have learned to knit 500 times and still can’t knit, but who can pick up a crochet hook after 20 years and hook the Mona Lisa?
It’s good to see you posting again- was wondering if Champy had gotten land legs, crawled over to Maine and had eaten you. Have a kick ass Christmas!
Please edit “you” son to “your son.”
Hey, if she can poop Tylenol, she can talk to her son directly in the blog — give an old, old, old, old lady a break…
:-;
I was talking about my error, not hers. I can’t edit my comments.
Well THAT doesn’t seem fair! (Just like me not having a “tongue-in-cheek” font isn’t fair…)
😛
Will do! 🙂 Just as soon as I can figure out how to edit comments without accidentally deleting my entire blog in the process..
My mom is an epic knitter, she makes blankets, sweaters in her sleep. She taught me a basic stitch decades ago and still to this day all I can crank out is a very lopsided scarf.
And I hope you and your have a kickass Christmas as well!
OK, Susan, I went to edit your comment and WP in its infinite wisdom sent me to a page that was completely blank. I wish I were kidding. I’ll try again later after I down a few more Tylenol.
Don’t worry about it. I was just bugged because I couldn’t edit my comment. No biggie. I’ll get over it. Someday.
I think they’re trying to calm all the agitated WordPress bloggers by using blue coloring and cutesy bubbles everywhere. It’s not working.
Hope you have a lovely holiday!
Exactly, they use the soft blue colors to put us into a catatonic state so we’ll keep on mindlessly clicking away, much like Facebook.
Hope you also have a very happy happy holiday!
And there I was thinking I was the only wrinkly unable to get on with the new gizmos and formats WP have come up with. Hate the new stats and told them so.
Great post by the way. Happy Holidays!
I wonder how long WP will give us old codgers the option to use the “classis dashboard”? This is what keeps me up at night. Well that and frequent trips to the bathroom.
you and me both! 🙂
Heavens to Betsy, Darla, I’ve missed you. And if you, in your forties, feel old because of the high falutin’ changes here at Word Press, well then, I am ancient. Oh look, there’s more hair growing in my ears than on my head …
Happy holidays to you, and those terrific kids. And your mom, too. Don’t leave her out. She might get run over by a reindeer!
But Elyse! You’re only 54 and a half, right? I mean, your blog says so so it must be true!
As for hair, what is UP with rogue facial hair? I went to pluck mine the other day and I couldn’t figure out where my eyebrows ended and my hairline began. I’m thinking of just saying the hell with it and going with my Amish beard.
That’s what i’ve done, much to my son’s irritation. Ayback was hell, though, when he arrived home at Thanksgivingcwith a Duck Dynasty beard.
ooh duck dynasty beard! That might take too much time for me though. I’m thinking instead of going with a nice attractive handlebar mustache.
You could totally rock that look.
I try to avoid writing about blogging on my site because what goes on behind the scenes with me is a train wreck. No one wants to be privy to that. But I’m very glad that you’ve mentioned your irritation about the changes at WP. I was wondering if I should make the switch. Thus far, I have completely resisted all WP nudges to enter the black hole of change. It is comforting to know from what you and your readers have to say about these changes that my declaration that “I’d sooner go ice climbing naked” was indeed sound. I’ve been writing my site for almost five years, but it was only about three months ago that I finally figured out how to schedule a post. Now that I know how to do that successfully I can say with authority that I know what it must have felt like to have invented the wheel. As for your writer’s block, that happens to the best of us. You just have to write your way through it, but you might want to upgrade your chemical assistance from Tylenol to something stiff that floats in a glass.
P.S. Your son’s letter is GREAT! And your hugely smiling little elf is adorable.
I know! Confession: I’ve been blogging almost five years too and I still haven’t had the nerve to schedule a post. Well, I did try once years ago but went back to edit it and couldn’t do it so I panicked and threw my laptop through the window.
These new dashboard changes strike fear in my heart. I especially panicked about choosing to create a new blog post yesterday. I felt like if I clicked on the wrong button suddenly I’d accidentally post one of my really awful half-assed posts that have been sitting in my draft folder for years. (not that any of my readers would have noticed)
And I agree I’ve built up a tolerance for Tylenol but thankfully not gin.
Hope you have a happy holiday!
The first time I tried to schedule a post a few years ago, it didn’t schedule because I didn’t do a step. I highly recommend that you figure out how to schedule posts. If you need help, email me (after the holidays; I’m going away but my upcoming posts are scheduled — yee ha!) and I’ll explain it. It’s easy once you know what you’re doing.
You have a happy holiday, too!
I really should try it again. Thanks! enjoy the holidays!
You know how they say that everyone in the world has (at least) one double? Would you believe that you’re a dead ringer for my second wife? Well, when you’re hiding behind the coffee cup, anyway. I can’t quite remember what she looked like when she wasn’t drinking coffee. I’m not even sure I ever saw her when she wasn’t drinking coffee. Hey, wait a minute! Honey, is that you?
I think I’d really like your second wife. But who said it was coffee in that mug? As you can see by my eyes, nuthin but straight vodka in there.
Shouldn’t WP warn us old folks when they’re about to make a change like this? There should be some kind of countdown in the dashboard: “3 days until you’ll have no idea what you’re doing.”
Have a Merry / Happy / Joyful _________, Darla!
I have to give them credit for trying to ease us into the change by leaving us the option to go “classic dashboard” again. But didn’t they learn anything from the New Coke/Classic Coke debacle?
So glad to hear that I’m not the only one who is confused. I just thought that is was that I can’t remember s**t from day-to-day. To know that it’s evil WP that is changing things, not my feeble mind getting feebler is a relief. Maybe not the relief you must have felt pooping Tylenol, but a relief none-the-less.
Ruh-Roh, I haven’t written in a while, either…are they taking the “Classic” away come 1/1/15? I depend on it. I guess I should go write something and check out what all the buzz is about. Love the pic of your darling daughter and the touching letter from her brother–very sweet. Happy Holidays to All! 🙂
That letter killed me. Especially when he said “let’s try not to fight” then followed it up with “not that it matters”. Happy holidays to you!
Just letting you know I popped in today I have had a bloody busy few days
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
Hell’s Bells! I know! What are they doing? I don’t like this new setup one bit. What was wrong with the old way?!! I’m with you. This can’t possibly be your worst post, because I laughed my ass off. Happy Holidays, Darla. Have a wonderful one with your family. Thanks for sharing the note. I’m sure they’ve been very good!
My kids are always good (most of the time). Better than me anyway! Hope you have a happy holiday, Amy!
WP asked what I thought about the changes. As I consider my blog to be family oriented, I can’t tell them what I REALLY think. Newer does not always mean better. I look at the little bell with the orange dot and wonder what all those little things are that are next to the comments and likes. Yeah, I hate the changes, too. It seems like WP is not happy unless it’s mucking around and changing something.
I’ve been feeling in a funk lately and can relate to your ‘writer’s block’ dilemma. Just keep writing. The funny will kick back in. Or, at least, the sarcasm and delightful cynicism that we love about your blog will return. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Darla, to you and your family. 😉
Yeah! What is up with that notification bell? I’m afraid to click on it to be honest.
This really is the worst writer’s block I’ve had in years. I’m just not feeling it lately. Well, at least I managed to crank this post out anyway. Merry Christmas to you too, Judy!
Oh please. It’s been so long since I’ve written a post that I had no idea they changed the dashboard until you just told me! I’m beyond plain ole writer’s block. I’m in like….writer’s Siberia or something!
Regardless, have a happy jolly festive merry holiday season, Darlinski!! And your present this year is the fact that I’m too damn busy with this new baby to send you a little visit from the Biebs. You’re welcome. Fa la la, la la.
Well, at least you have a good excuse Misty. And fret not about being Justin Bieberless this xmas…I still have to send you a congrats card. mwa ha haaaa!!!
Nothing left to do so they change WP up a bit! Yes, the surprise of it sometimes throws you for a loop! Loved the letter!
I love how he said “hopefully next year we can give more than take”. If only the rest of humanity would do the same.
I think the most impressively worthless upgrade WP has come out with is whatever-the-thing-is-they-keep-showing-on-top-of-my-screen which says it “makes posting easier than ever!”. As if hitting the “publish” button was ever that tricky. It’s putting all those wordy things together on the pagey thing with the funny picture stuff that’s the hard part.
Yes, please stop giving us so many choices! And moving things around! Don’t they realize I can’t see a blessed thing even with my coke bottle glasses.
I freaked when I saw the new dashboard. They improved NOTHING and took away some of the information. I don’t know why they changed it. They should work on ways to get us more views instead. Right?
Glad your writer’s block is over…
Now THAT’S a great idea! They should work on how to make my posts go viral! (Maybe by having someone else write them?)
Ha! My daughter is working in SEO for one of the top companies in the country and she tells me with blogs it comes down to social media. We need to Tweet and Facebook each others work out!
Oh no! I am DOOMED! I am terrible at social media, just awful. I do have to get better at it for sure. I’m just now figuring out Twitter and I’ve had an account since 2009.
It took me a while. Some of my friends stay on it and tweet a ton a day. 1/3 their own stuff. 1/3 interaction 1/3 other blogs. I should do more too! Just tweeted yours out! Let me know if you get a view or two!
Thanks, Susie! I appreciate that! I think I’ll work on retweeting and following more as a new year’s resolution. Have a Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you!
Yeah, I prefer the classic dashboard and the old stats page – WHY do they change these things for no good reason? Does ANYBODY prefer it? Anyway, love the letter, love the picture, and love to the family for Christmas! Have a good one 🙂
Thanks V! And I hope you and your family have a happy new year!
Have a Great Xmas Darla! I’ve got the writers block too, let’s toast to that being rectified soon.
Thanks, Joe! Cheers!
I’ve been feeling comforted that I can usually find the old WordPress layout, but whenever I hit the wrong key – BAM! The new, bad WordPress layout shows up. What is that amorphous white blob with the orange bit in the upper right hand corner? No explanation pops up when I hover over it. What will happen if I click it? Could it be the Doomsday Button?
I don’t want to click the button that ends all life as we know it. I just want to write a mildly amusing little blog, Darldinosaur!!!!!!!
Hope this is a happy and blessed Insert-Holiday-Here for you and your family, sweetie.
Yes, I have this fear everything I click on might just be the Doomsday Button! — not to mention I have zero ambition to write anything lately. Sigh. What is wrong with me, Pegoliciousness? I might have to take an extended blogging break just to get my shizz together…
And I hope you and your fabulous family have the most relaxing, loving holiday full of laughter.
[sung in my best Nat King Cole] “Although it’s been said….many times…many ways….Merrrry Christ-mas….toooooooooo youuuuuuuuu…..”
Well, you think YOU’VE got writer’s block. Been over a year for me now.
I hope you have the most wonderful Christmas and New Year ever!
Tar! So good to see you! And I hope you and yours have a fantastic Christmas!
Oh, Darla. Even your writer’s block is hilarious. To some of us. Pass the Tylenol.
thanks and have a happy happy holiday!
Don’t even get me started about the wordpress changes. The new 4.1 thingumy made me lose my dashboard completely. The only way I got it back was to ring my domain hosts and cry. I wrote a whole post (rant) about it http://wp.me/p5c8JE-K5 and I’m hoping someone at wordpress actually reads the stuff we write from time to time. Is there anyone out there that likes this constant change for change’s sake?
I read your post and it scared the crap outta me. Yikes! I guess I really am afraid I might inadvertently delete my entire blog.
It was a nightmare when my original blog was hacked and I lost it all. This time I only thought I’d lost it all.
You miss a fews days and everything is different! I hear ya on that sister…WTH! I love your son’s letter “hopefully we can put the past behind us” I’m dying over … lol!
Your little Elef on the Shelf is adorable.
Merry Christmas to you all!
I know, that letter killed me! Hope you had a very merry Christmas.
Ha,ha,ha, Darla! I love it when you come out to play with us! I completely hear you about WP flexing its muscles once again and messing with us. WTH?? They must be working with FB and conspiring to drive us mad.
That letter from you son is EPIC! It is definitely a keeper. 🙂 And your little elf is adorable. Those are two pretty good reasons to fee grateful, aren’t they?
I wish you and your beautiful family a wonderful Christmas and a peaceful and happy year ahead! 🙂
Yup, my two kids are more than enough to be grateful. Hope you and your family are having a good holiday!
I think they keep changing the layouts all the time and complicating things because they are hired to complicate it. I still love the good old days of simple layouts on all the social media platforms. Especially facebook. And oh, the privacy agreement facebook? why do they keep updating it? who reads them all anyway?
About the blog, your boy is too cute 🙂 Happy Holidays! (etc.) 😉
Oh yeah, I’ve given up on facebook. I can barely figure out how to post a picture on there now let alone read any of their “privacy settings”. Happy Holidays etc. to you too!
Dude, your worst post ever… not so bad at all. I have a theory about writer’s block. I think it should be called life block or something (look how clever I am). I figure when you’re distracted, stressed, have other things going on, it’s hard to get into the mindframe of writing… and then we mistakenly attribute it to a problem with the writing itself, when it’s likely not. Don’t be so hard on yourself! And have a happy holidays.
Thanks Trent! I miss writing. sigh. Hopefully I’ll get back to it soon.
Come on… just pick an inane topic, drink yourself into a stupor, and have at it. Totally works for me. Also contributes to me passing out quite often, but writing, so whatever right?
Done and done.
Darla, that letter from your son to your daughter is SO PRECIOUS! What a treasure. He is so sweet and thoughtful. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and I’m sending lots of happiness your way for 2015! Happy New Year!