Like most of us, I’m obsessed with meaningless numbers. Sadly, I tend to let them define my self-worth. I was born in 1970. I’m 140 pounds. I need to workout for 6,000 straight minutes to burn off the 3, 786 calorie doughnut I just inhaled.
Somehow I think these numbers mean something.
Yet no matter how much these numbers fluctuate (and believe me, my birth year is not set in stone) deep down I am still the same ol’ me. Numbers aren’t so important in the grand scheme of things.
For instance, I used to get excited that I have nearly 10,000 blog followers.
Until today when I realized my son also has a blog.
He’s twelve.
His blog is on Mario Kart Wii U.
He just started it yesterday.
His entire blog profile?
Hi!!! My name is C. Do you like pie? Good day.
He already has over 500 followers.
So I looked over the past year’s stats for my blog this morning (because I admit I do love numbers) and noticed a few things. When I write about blogging, I get the most views. My post Is Blogging Dead? got close to 1,500 hits. Yet oddly enough, posts like “Yes, but how high does a flea jump while farting?” get only one view. Crazy.
As for countries, I had over 26,000 hits from the US, but only one hit from someone in Madagascar. What gives? It’s a mad mad world.
Thank you all for hanging out and reading my blog, I do appreciate it. Happy New Year!
Oh — and do you like pie?
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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 37,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 14 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
She's A Maineiac 
Pretty clever way to get more hits for “how high does a flea jump when farting”, Darla. I’m on my way over there now (I never said I wasn’t easy).
EVERYbody says you’re easy, Al.
And I thank you for doing so, Al. I mean, a post with “fart” in the title? What’s not to love?
It grabbed me too. And she doesn’t even answer the question! Such a rip-off!
Life is always such a mystery. Some things we’ll never know for sure.
Congratulations, Darla on all your numbers. You do have a little bit of a headstart on “C,” so I’d keep an eye on him. I like pie. Happy 2015. 😉
Key lime, right? Happy 2015 to you as well!
Key lime is fine. Pumpkin pie, apple or lemon meringue – even better. 🙂
ooh yeah! Pumpkin pie is my fave!
I’ve been able to resist reading my abysmal stats summary so far, but I’m bound to eventually. It never ceases to amaze me when I write something brilliant and it gets no hits and then put up something so-so and it blows up. No accounting for taste I suppose.
Happy New Year, from somewhere other than Madagascar.
If there WERE some kind of accounting for taste, we’d all be out of business.
Amen to that sister! Lucky for us, the bar is much much lower than we’ll ever know.
If the bar were any higher I wouldn’t be able to crawl up on my stool.
I avoid stools. I believe that standing provides a better measure of sobriety. Once I can’t stand, it’s time to stop.
What is the good of only getting half drunk? That is money wasted.
I like your style.
That always blows my mind too. The posts I edit and re-edit a 100 times to get just right, no one reads. But the stuff I jotted down on a cocktail napkin with my lipstick? That’s the stuff people like.
Happy New Year to you too Dave!
Perhaps the lipstick and cocktails involved in the creation of those posts have something to do with it.
Who doesn’t like pie?
Exactly! Except not custard – no thank you.
WHAT? Custard be delicious, yo!
blechhhhhhhhh. Not that I mean to diss anyone else’s pie choice.
I think one thing we have learned during this difficult year is that it takes all kinds of pie lovers, working together in peace and harmony, to build a broad coalition of all kinds of pie lovers who are working together to build peace and harmony. And when we have built that bridge of pie tolerance (glory, glory, halleluiah), when apple and cherry can sit side by side (glory, glory, HALLeluiah) in peace and harmony at the great, all-you-can-eat pie buffet of life, then we will have truly achieved peace and harmony in our lifetime. (this truth is marching on!)
No. We can no longer be friends or even acquaintances.
then to hell with custard pie.
Boo
So what are your feelings on mincemeat?
Because if you do like mincemeat, thems fightin’ words.
I don’t even know what that is
well whatever you do, never find out.
That’s some seriously blecchy shiz as well.
My gram used to make mincemeat every Thanksgiving with venison. So as a kid I remember thinking, “Why did you make a pie out of Bambi, Gram? WHY?!”
Because I’m old, whenever I hear that I think of Klondike Kat – “I’m going to make mincemeat out of that mouse!”
I too love my meaningless numbers. And pie.
Hell yeah! Both fill you up with empty calories yet are oh so satisfying.
It’s madness, all of it.
That about sums up my entire blogging experience.
Just saw the email and have not cracked it open. I am not about to demean myself by worshiping at the trivial, meaningless god of WordPress stats.
At least not until New Year’s eve when I have sufficient alcohol around me to numb the pain.
Happy New Darlinkidinkidoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (that’s what I’m planning to shout at the top of my lungs at midnight when I rush into Times Square and kiss strange sailors in Katy’s nurse outfit.)
Just went up to the attic to try on my old uniform. I’ll be the one in the ill-fitting uniform just outside Nathan’s hot dog stand.
bwa ha ha!!! Oh Peggles, you always make me spit out my tea. Enjoy the strange sailors for me, as I’m afraid by midnight I’ll be comatose on the couch in my bathrobe and slippers (god willing) Not a big fan of Ryan Putzcrest. Happy Happy New Year to you! 2015 has GOT to be better than 2014 right? isn’t that how the calendar works??
What, even better?
Love that line in the Jack Nicholson movie “Didja ever wonder, what if this is as good as it gets?”
Love that line and yes, Jack, yes I do wonder that all the time.
Love the blog-hijack, Pego! You and Darladiddler are mastrisses of the art.
Peg is the Post-Hijack Queen and I am merely her pathetic minion.
Always wanted to have a minion. Do I have to pay you?
Yes. I require an unlimited supply of Reese peanut butter valentine hearts.
You are right – what gets a hit or even a nibble stupefies me – I read the flea fart post but didn’t comment – you guilted me into a comment, like Al, I am headed over!
yahooooo! See, I knew posting my stats wouldn’t be a total waste of time! (well, besides your time now that you’re going to read the flea-farting post….sorry in advance)
You should feel good about your numbers. I’m an ant compared to you! Haha..I enjoy your humor much.
Thank you! and I am feeling good. My blog’s had a good run this year. Thanks for stopping by and happy 2015! (it is going to be 2015 right? I can’t keep up)
I am an ant compared to nearly anybody on the bloggingverse – so what – ants are useful and diligent!
Before I can properly form a comment for this delightful post, apparently I need to develop a liking for pie. And purchase a uniform of some sort.
Could I go with a unicorn outfit? That big horn would come in useful for butting into conversations.
Happy New Year and have a splendiferous 2015!
Thanks and same to you! Splendiferous is one of my favorite words.
Ditto.
So … you’re measured in terms of the Sydney Opera House, and I’m measured in terms of a cable car. How many cable cars does it take to fill the Sydney Opera House? Because I have 32 of ’em…
Oh, and pie. Yes. Turtle cheesecake, please.
You too? …
Right humbling, it is!
I love me some turtle cheesecake too. I like to sit in my kitchen around 2 am in my bathrobe and eat a slice while chatting with my elderly roommates. Or maybe that was a Golden Girls episode…..
Nooo … I’m pretty sure that’s something that really happens. Although around here the elderly roommates would have four legs and a tendency to drool.
Congrats on a great year, Darla. I think your numbers are great. It’s funny about your son. My son put up a blog and his bio was similar in that it was two sentences. His whole blog took him less than 5 min to put up. I think it’s true that people who don’t give a shit or appear to not give a shit, do really well. WordPress thinks I should write about blogging and boobs. 🙂
I haven’t checked yet, but I suspect my son already has close to 2,000 followers.
Hey, I didn’t know you actually posted your stats and we could peek at them. I’m your top commenter – me, I am #1! I am #1! (holds big, foam finger in the air, jumps up and down while simultaneously screaming and vomiting peppermint schnapps.)
Yes! You’re number one! Wahoooooooooo!!! Is this honor everything you’ve dreamed of, PegoNumeroUno?
I do like pie! It’s crazy how one post can get so many hits and another can get 1 🙂 it’s the same author with the same heart writing. Thanks for the encouragement. Ive been blogging less than 6 months. You’ve had a wonderful year
Thank you and happy new year to you!
How did I miss a post about fleas?
I think it’s better you did miss it, Susie. Happy New Year to you!
Happy New Year! I’m going to post my review too, after a long winter’s nap. *yawn*
Your son is onto to something, Darla–pie solves most problems. Much like wine.
As for the WP annual report, I think I accidentally deleted mine. I hardly posted this year. In fact, the other day I forgot my WP login password.
Wishing you and your family a Happy New Year!! My goal for the evening is not to fall asleep before midnight.
ooh, yeah…I’d much rather have wine than pie.
Happy new year to you as well! I’m pretty sure I’ll be asleep by 9 pm…
I LOVE Pie. And I’m pretty sure I was the one who read that post about flea farts. And because I love you, I am going to share this video with you. Perhaps your son can post it too. But not near my pie.
Happy New Year to you Elyse! 🙂
Wish my fleas were that talented 🙂
Wouldn’t that be great???? I remember seeing this when i was a very little girl.
Only you could come up with something like this, Elyse. And aren’t your fleas very coordinated, Tar?
Wowza! Those are some serious numbers. And I was doing the smarty-pants dance when I saw my 3,200 hits for the year. Oh well. Glad you’re still here. I was thought you were about to bail WP from that other post.
Do you know what I did this weekend? Researched themes and blog names for my 13-year-old; it’s been awhile coming. I told him I would help him start a blog if he would promise to stay off Facecrack. It’s on now.
I have almost quit blogging about 100 times now, but I just can’t seem to stay away for long.
Good luck with you son’s blog! Will it be on wordpress?
Well of course! It will most likely appeal to your son (all things gaming and middle school boy), but probably not to middle-aged moms. Glad you didn’t quit. You are quite the pro at blogging! Here’s to an equally astounding 2015.
PS – your Franco post might be the next FP. It is seriously funny!
Thanks Shan! I just reread the Franco post and the ending is pretty dumb. I should probably change it….I blame it on being too tired when I wrote it
Yes, I like pie. French Silk Pie. I used to buy one slice from a restaurant in Chicago. Just one slice – it was heaven and just enough.
The comments on this post are hysterical! Almost spewed coffee.
I’m not surprised that Pegoleg is your #1 fan. Did you ever see the movie Misery? Hmmm????
Your son’s blog will, of course, provide you with more writing fodder. Funny how life keeps giving you all this great material!
Here’s to a New Year – I’m ready. Have a great one, Darladoolittle.
OH MAN! YES! French silk pie! I would love to visit Chicago one day to try all the fabulous food. (and meet my two fave WordPress peeps)
And as for Peg, yeah. I totally get the Misery “Mr. Man” vibe from her too. Remind me to never drive by myself on a snowy mountain road to my cabin near Chicago.
What could you possibly mean, Mrs. Man????
I love me some pie and cookies and cake and chocolate! 🙂 I wish you a peaceful and joyous 2015 filled with lot’s of numbers and good things. Thanks for making me laugh! 🙂
You are more than welcome and a happy happy new year to you!
I like pie and I like you. Happy New Year.
Thank you and Happy New Year!
Stumbled onto your blog via my wordpress reader suggestions. I laughed when I read the part that your son has 500 readers when his blog has been online just over 24 hours. I ask myself that a lot lately. How some blogs get more readers than others and you look at them and mutter “I don’t get it!”
ohhh and I LOVE pie. Banana Cream. Chocolate Cream. Pumpkin, Lemon Meringue, Coconut Cream, Dutch Apple…..
Coconut cream! Yes! Well, I’m happy you stumbled upon my blog and welcome. Happy New Year to you.
All these comments about pie and not a single adolescent sexual innuendo joke. How very disappointing! Happy New Year!!! BTW I’ve reopened BRC if you’ll have me back… so there’s that. 🙂 Hope all is well! Here’s to 2015!
Isn’t it fun the way kids put things into perspective?!?
Pie. Yes.
Happy New year Darla.
YAY! I made it on your blog review as the 3rd highest commenter for 2014!! Does that mean I’m famous?! 😉 Congrats on a spectacular year, Darla!
Late to the party, but happy to be here! Ah, blog stats… it is a mad, mad world. Perhaps you should travel to Madagascar and then do some blogging from there. I bet it would increase your African page views exponentially. Just one idea.
Happy 2015!
OK. You are on notice: I am following you. Don’t look back. Well, I mean. Forget it. I wouldn’t have my blogging rights if I wasn’t looking back. Take a look and see what you have been missing for the last year. Consult my Year in Review. Nothing from Madagascar, but something from Turkey…. Regards.
I am jealous of your son! My blog only has 63 followers after 5 months. But I guess books aren’t everyone’s thing (though they really should be). I think you mixture of topics keeps your blog interesting- and interesting is all that matters!