As if the six month winter of Snowmageddon wasn’t enough, now us Mainers have something else to bitch about. Our resident prolific bullshit artist, Governor Paul LePage, made national headlines last week by waging a battle of wits with our resident prolific horror writer, Stephen King.
When I say wits I’m only talking about one man. You guess which one.
Here’s how the brouhaha went down: Gov. LePage recently stated in his radio address something like, “Hey! Mainers don’t need no fricking income tax! Look at Stephen King! He lives in Florida! Yeah, that’s right! He’s an asshole!”
To which Stephen King responded with, “Say whaaaaat?”
Apparently, not only does King pay his share of Maine taxes with a million and change every year, I could have sworn I saw him last week at his part time gig selling Bean boots and maple syrup.
In typical political fashion, LePage immediately had his comments erased from the transcript and admitted to nothing on his part. Because clearly it was the news media’s fault for spinning their magic voodoo words to make him look bad. Oh, those pesky news reporters! Always inferring and assuming and hearing words come out of someone’s mouth and attaching meaning to those words.
The next day, Stephen King gazed out at the palm trees, took a long sip from his margarita, cranked up his a/c and responded with, “Be a man. Apologize.”
Instead LePage said in his standard “let’s make a lame joke and this will all fade away” way:
“Just make me the villain of your next book and I won’t charge you royalties.”
Oh! Oh ho ho ho! Oh man! You are such a riot, Paul! But I have news for you, I’m pretty sure all of Stephen King’s villains were based on you.
While we wait for King to unleash the homicidal sewer clown let’s have some fun. I love it when people make stuff up to fit their agenda.
Here, let me try… (keep in mind I am clearly not saying what I am saying. If you infer something, that’s your fault.)
**Local statisticians are stumped as to why Maine’s population is steadily declining. Governor Paul LePage lives here.
**In a recent poll, Maine ranked as the number one state full of idiots. Governor Paul LePage was elected. Twice.
Please, America, I’m begging you to realize these facts:
- We did not elect Paul LePage. Eliot Cutler did.
- 51.8 % of us would rather suffer through ten more winters than one more term with Paul.
- Next election? I’m writing in Stephen King.
She's A Maineiac 
I know your pain. I’m all too well acquainted with what it’s like to live in a state with an idiot for a governor.
Sadly, me too. Maybe it is part of the criteria?
No shortage of boobs in Tallahassee either huh?
Not only no shortage, but all the boobs are saggy and wrinkled and should not be allowed out in public. I’m talking about the politicians, as well.
I think it’s becoming an epidemic.
I’m laughing out loud, and also hanging my head in shame. Bc we CHOSE to move here. Granted, Baldacci was guv then. And I Like Mike. And and and…. It was snowing today. The end.
Oh I knew you’d understand! Wasn’t that snow the pits? We went to Freeport to take my mom out for lunch and decided to walk a few blocks to Bean’s and almost froze on the way over.
So funny. Almost as good as the NH Legislature going full-abortion on the 4th graders and the red-tailed hawk.
Oy… I left Maine almost 20 years ago, back when it was known for electing rational and noteworthy leaders of either party, or independent. I want to come back, but…
I really do long for the days of the other King, Angus.
You were the first person I thought about when I read about this. Darla. YOu and your mom. Governor LeJerk — jeezum crow.
But take heart. The rest of the country is electing idiots, too. And Ted Cruz is just rising!
I almost quoted a few lines my mom said about the situation but this is a family blog after all.
Le-Jerk is a piece of work. Your mom is sooooooo right!
Who would get in a verbal altercation with a writer? What a terrible idea. It’d be like The Rock a giant pussy and challenging him to a bitch-slap contest.
When it came time to elect a Governor, the people of Alaska elected Sarah Palin. Mainers are geniuses by comparison.
True. It is hard to top Palin. But every day that goes by I’m thinking our LePage has a better shot at it.
Oh man, Darla! NO ONE messes with Stephen! That right there is grounds for impeachment. He’s right up there with Rob Ford from Toronto. He even looks like him. ew. 🙂
Exactly! Who takes on the Master of Horror? Only the dimmest bulbs apparently. There is no love lost between those two. King once was quoted as saying LePage had a “stone brain”.
My favorite author is Stephen King.
Yeah, he’s one of mine, too. I live in the town he grew up in so I feel even more of a connection to his Mainer roots.
Don’t tell me about winters. Here in Texas it sometimes gets down to 45 degrees! Brrrrrrrr…
If I remember, I’ll come visit you next winter and show you how a BEAR handles the cold. I already got the cap!
I just went for a walk today and it was a frosty 30 degrees. I had my winter hat and mittens on. It’s getting ridiculous.
You made me laugh and I have a head cold so laughing not so good
Maybe it’ll clear out your head? Feel better.
Yikes! So you’re telling me Maine is the home of TWO gutter clowns? One unleashed by Stephen King and the other was elected? Not to worry. I’m sure King will come up with a fitting end for this clown too.
And I can’t wait to see how this pans out. I have a feeling King really will put LePage in his next novel.
I’m predicting an early, horrific death for LePage. Probably before le page 5.
Sadly, Maine has no lock on ridiculous governors.
I will await your follow-up on how Mr. King takes this guy down!
True, there’s no shortage of ridiculous people on the planet in general.
It is an epidemic. Maine, Indiana, Wisconsin… Maybe you guys could loan Steve out for literary strafing. He could do that from his cabana, right?
Love Stephen … maybe I’m good for an absentee ballot or two. I never said anything about voting twice … that darn press, always twisting our words
Coming from Wisconsin, where SOMEHOW the same asshat has been elected to the governorship twice AND beat a recall…. I’m utterly perplexed how this all works. And now, that asshat is going to be running for president. Jeezum crow!
I could NOT believe we elected him again. I completely blame Michaud and Cutler for not figuring out that one of them had to go in August. They played their ego game and now the whole state is stuck with a loud-mouthed, unethical bully for 4 more years. Well, not that long, because as soon as he cuts the income tax and revenue sharing, only Stephen King will be able to afford the property tax, and then when he is the only one left, he will have a majority and he can vote the guy out.
I worry about others who won that same election, as well. A the national level, shall we say. Who moved to a district because there was an open congressional seat, if you know who I mean. Who elects someone who moves to town to run for office???????
I share your pain, Darla. It seems there’s no shortage of political twits. Some governors seem to be having a contest on who can do the most damage to their state. I’m rooting for Stephen King to make them all the villains in his next book.
BTW I didn’t write any of this stuff. And, if I did, it all was taken out of context. My cats must have taken over the computer – yeah! that’s the ticket – the cats must have typed this when I left the room to get another snack. 😉
I’m sensing that you don’t like your governor. I don’t know why I feel that – I just have a special sensitivity to this sort of thing. I think I pick up disturbances in the astral aura or something. Hey, Stephen King should write a book about ME! When he gets done with the governor, of course.
Take heart, no place on earth is worth than Texas. We have buckets full of idiots we unleash on the entire nation.
If there was doubt about his qualifications for office, before, taking on King should put that to rest… Idiot.
I feel for you. Though I think I have you beat: both my countries managed to elect incompetent presidents within months of each other. Sometimes having dual citizenship means you have to deal with twice as many idiots. 😛
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