My Exclusive Interview With Tom Brady

Did the New England Patriots really cheat? Should Tom Brady dump Gisele? Is Abe Vigoda sexy? How many times can a person say the word “balls” before a grown man cracks?

Find out all this and more! Head on over to The Nudge Wink Report where I dig deep into the dark recesses of Brady’s chin dimple to finally get to the truth. I think you can handle it. Probably.

The Nudge Wink Report

Last night I had the privilege to chat with America’s sweetheart and my former boyfriend*, New England Patriots quarterback, Tom Brady.

tombrady

DISCLAIMER: This interview took place entirely in a dream. Any resemblance to any person living, dead or undead is purely intentional. During interview either Tom or I might have been either partially or completely naked. Fine, Tom was naked. Just Tom. Because it’s my dream and I can do what I like while I’m sleeping.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She’s a Maineiac: Hey, Tommy boy! Welcome to my dream! How’s it going?

Tom Brady: Aw c’mon! Golly gee, let’s just cut to the chase. Don’t you mean, “how’s it hanging?”

SAM: (tilting head) Why would I ask “how’s it hanging?”

TB: Because of my balls …?

SAM: I’m not following.

TB: Y’know, how is it … hanging?

SAM: (stares blankly)

TB: … Deflating …?

SAM: Oh! (pauses) Yeah, I still don’t get it.

TB: MY BALLS! BALLS! BALLS! BALLS! BALLS! BALLS! (weeps into…

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