In spite of the fact I’m in my [cough, choke, gasp, defibrillator, deep breath, labored breaths, mild recovery] mid-forties, I’ve been around the social media block a time or two. But three times? Hell no! It’s way too far to schlep, my lower back hurts like a sonofabitch and I forgot to take my GiveAShit pills this morning. I love blogging and I’m capable of tolerating Facebook a few days out of the year, but only in small doses or during those rare times when I’ve drained an entire box of Pinot grigio.
[prolonged slurps through straw, gulps, burps, box crumples] Ah! Hits the spot! Who needs a wine glass?
But as for Twitter? Harrumph! I have had it with Twitter, dagnabit! I think Twitter is nothing but mindless liking — excuse me, “favoriting” — and clicking and following that only leaves me feeling alone in the social media black hole. Even more disheartening, I’m actually losing followers. Yes! I’ll gain a few then a day later lose five. And I didn’t tweet anything remotely controversial about feminism!
Believe me, I tried to get the wrong kind of attention but failed miserably.
Even the crickets didn’t respond. Twitter manages to make me feel more unpopular and rejected than I did when I was a gangly bespectacled zit-riddled hot mess at the junior high dance. Sure, that was just last week when I was chaperoning my son’s dance but it still stings.
But Darla! you say. Twitter is great! You can share links! You can get your brand out there! You can promote other blogs! You can RT! You can zigzag and jibjab and XYZ!
Sorry — still hate Twitter. And not because it’s hip to pretend you don’t need social media attention. I do need it! I’m nothing without it! My life is devoid of all meaning when I continuously fail to go viral. I admit it: I’m a bitter Twitter loser. I opened my account in 2009 and have a grand total of 200 followers. Damn — now it’s 199 … 198… Six solid years throwing up lame tweets I wrote in my sleep and this is my reward? Cruel perpetual rejection? Reminds me of the time I was at the cool kids’ kegger and ended up in the corner nursing a wine cooler and whispering to a ficus plant. Fine, that was last night but it still hurts.
Things I hate about Twitter:
- The 140 character limit. I need at least 1,000 characters to be lukewarm witty on a good day. Screw being succinct. Let’s just say I’m a “slow-burn” type of writer. Extremely slow. It takes eons for me to get to the punch line. Possibly never.
- If you don’t instantly and blindly follow someone who just followed you, they will drop you faster than a hot potato grenade stuffed inside a bag of flaming poop.
- Now every breaking news story features tweets about the news story. Like we need to know what Bella from Omaha thinks about our state of foreign affairs.
- Celebrities on Twitter who don’t seem to want to be my friend.
- Celebrities who are so beyond cool they have a million followers but only follow two. And one of them is always Patton Oswalt.
- Patton Oswalt.
I suppose the only good thing about Twitter is my kids haven’t discovered it. Yet.
I shudder for the future.
So what about you? Really? Get out. You hate it, too? Yeah. It’s really stupid, huh. People on social media are pretty insecure and lame. So needy for attention. Jeez. Pathetic. Hey … why don’t you go over there right now and follow me? You know, in the spirit of anti-social-media-ism.
She's A Maineiac 
It’s hard for me to get ontop of Twitter! I used it when it first came out, now it’s the new Facebook 🙂
-Heather
You’re right, it is the new Facebook. I still don’t know what I’m doing over at FB, either. Now I’ve just resigned myself to posting pics of my kids for my elderly relatives who are always on Facebook.
Hahah that’s most certainly the only good use for it! At least you have a reason to stay on it 🙂
Who has time for Twitter? Seriously! Especially this time of year when by the time I get the yard mowed and weed whacked, a few weeds pulled, and had a sip of water, things have grown so fast I have to turn around and do it again. The only tweeting going on around here is from the robins, jays, hummingbirds (ok, they don’t exactly tweet), and other birds.
Yup, between the endless lawn mowing and picking up of crap on my living room floor, I have zero time to even turn on the computer lately. I’m seriously cutting back on everything including this blog. I told myself I’d post once a month here because honestly, I don’t want to miss my kids growing up. Or myself growing up.
You’re working outside the home these days aren’t you?
I start a new full time job in July working for an alternative healthcare practice. I’m so flipping excited! Right now I do transcription at home and I love it, too.
I had 1,100ish followers when I accidentally deleted my account a couple years back. (This was the same time I accidentally deleted all those blogs, not fully appreciating the varying rules about how long things could be temprarily disabled before becoming permanently so.)
I am so glad for that! If I had kept that higher count, I might’ve felt compelled to keep working at it. As is, I remember to visit–briefly–once every week or so and wish I were blogging instead. I can tolerate Twitter in these short bursts, which is better than I fare with Facebook … but, really, I would always just rather be blogging! With addition of child numero dos, I no longer had any GAF left for “building my personal brand” through social media. Blech! Better a beer, a book and some soft music out on the porch.
I remember when you deleted all those posts! That would have killed me. I visit Twitter a few times a month on average. Just to see my follower count steadily decline, but it’s all good.
You’re so right, Blech about building your personal brand etc. What’s the point when everyone and everything is a brand now? I suppose I’m just bitter because I never got the hang of it and never will. I’m slowly removing myself from most social media this summer because I’m burnt out in general. Oh well, I’d rather be all about the beer, book and soft music. Sounds heavenly to me!
I also deleted MySpace when my friend count got over 800, there was no sense of quality filter a really just people adding each other. That must of been around 2006 or so and I had twitter as well to embed into MySpace when you were allowed to code it. I soon deleted twitter and I personally never bothered with the Facebox. I only use WordPress because this is the only social site where users collaborate interesting information and quality posts of intellect. Other sites you just get a feed of randomness and or trash talk…
Yeah, the fickle followers are irritating, but I don’t mind Twitter so much. It’s great for figuring out what’s really happening in the news. For example, in the Baltimore riots, the police were putting out Tweets about how the protester had lit a trashcan on fire.
And then a BBC reporter Tweeted: “Ahem! Sorry, police chaps, saw the whole thing, the trashcan is on fire because your police tear gas canister LANDED IN IT!”
Classic.
Also, Twitter moves fast, but doesn’t assault my senses, like Tumblr. Tumblr gives me a head-ache. Also, I can’t figure out exactly how to use it. Do I just reblog everything with a note? What is embedding, really? AND PLEASE STOP THE CONFETTI AND BLINKING!
True, Twitter has its good points. It’s an effective way to spread news or info. I’ve never gone to Tumblr. That’s a blogging site, right? I do instagram now but just a few photos here and there. honestly, I’m always afraid of using social media because I’m not as tech-savvy as my own 12 year old son.
Tumblr is somewhere between blogging and Facebook for ten-year-olds with ADD. “Look! Confetti and no punctuation!”
Ooh! Ha ha! I’ll be sure to never tell my kids about it.
Darla, you are tearing it up out there! You’re so hilarious. I never see your tweets ever, because I do follow you. My problem with Twitter is that it’s so hard to keep on top of everyone’s tweets. I miss them all. If you’re dedicated and use some tool like Hootsuite or use lists, it may be easier. If you treat tweets like blog posts and respond when you see them. I think people do this. I can’t seem to find the time! I want to tweet Sting now and vouch for you! He responded! Wow. He was a little upset, but he responded, right? There’s that. 🙂
Thanks, Amy. I don’t know how anyone can actually READ all the tweets that flutter about on any given day, it’s a landslide on my feed and I only follow a hundred people. I don’t even know why I have an account at this point. I do like having the cute little “follow” buttons up there on my blog, though.
Hey, the little bird is cute. There’s no denying that! I can’t imagine anyone who reads any of it. I just catch a couple things. I suppose there is a manageable way to track people if you want to, but you know, effort and all. 🙂
yup, and I’m waaaay too tired to even try.
Yep. I’m still new at this Twitter palaver and think putting my tweets on paper and sticking them in bottles to put out to sea would be more effective. I’ll go on and follow you.
A philosophical question…if you type something, press Tweet, and nobody reads it, is it considered a tweet at all?
Thanks for the follow. I think the answer to your question is yes. In my case anyway.
Twitter? Facebook? Sorry. Nope. But mostly because I am lazy and social media-ly incompetent. And then I read this article and decided that my life would be ruined if I had a Twitter Account because the world has lost its sense of humor:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/15/magazine/how-one-stupid-tweet-ruined-justine-saccos-life.html?_r=0
That was a scary article. People are so quick to jump on the bandwagon to tear someone down, it’s that mob mentality. We all want acceptance but at the same time to feel superior.
Isn’t it? While my blog is theoretically anonymous, the others aren’t. And I say things to be funny that can easily be taken wrong.
I remember a political blog piece that showed that HIV twitter comment mentioned. I remember thinking “how stupid” and rolling my eyes. I would never think that someone had to be taken down for writing something like that. It was meant at a joke, but even if the person was stupid enough to think that, what is the point of ruining their lives?
Oh well. We’re just nicer than the average bear, Darla.
almost everything I say could be taken the wrong way. I’m from Maine! The home of blunt humor.
And the world’s most charming governor!
Right now he’s throwing a tantrum about how he will vote down everything the Democrats throw at him until they agree to eliminate taxes. how many days left until his term’s up??
Very scary bandwagon-jumping. My nephew’s wife shared a picture of some lady standing by her cart at Wal-mart today on Facebook. The stranger who posted it asked everyone to repost to try to ID the woman because she’d seen her choking her 1o-year-old child at the store. The original poster said she wanted someone to ID the woman and call the police or DCFS. My NIL did so, along with a lame comment “I hate people who are mean to their kids.”
All I could think was, WTF??? If this was legit, why didn’t the person taking the picture call the police? Where’s the proof? And to my NIL, you’re passing on a picture of someone you DON’T know, ruining their life with an allegation you DON’T know to be true, made by someone you DON’T know, who might just hate this woman because she’s dating her ex?
I debated messaging her something of my thoughts, but she’s very young and easily offended so I wimped out, but Crikey Criminy on a Stick, what is UP with some idiots??
What a horrible story! And it absolutely confirmed that I need to stay away from Twitter – I loathe social media anyway (blogging excluded); can’t stand the mean petty nastiness that prowls the interweb. But as someone with a long history of saying things “ironically” and being hideously misunderstood, I’d be committing suicide if I got involved in something like Twitter. Seriously. One bit of Anti-American snark, and some patriot would hunt me down and shoot me.
beautiful, I liked that.
Yeah, I hover around 40 Twitter followers – at least the ones who follow and never come back on WordPress don’t stop to check out!
I think with Twitter, you’d have to promote constantly, I’m not sure hourly would be enough for growth – again, if you can reference great jokes in 140 letters. Me either. Anything worth saying takes at least 1,000 words.
Yes, if only I could figure out a way to be on Twitter 24/7, I might get somewhere.
reciprocal following is so stupid anyway – how do you keep track of followers in the hundreds or thousands, read everything they tweet? Hey, here’s a laugh, half on this subject at least:
http://abusewithanexcuse.com/2015/01/27/antiparenting/
– just if yer bored . . . hey, is your handle referencing the state? ‘Cause I got one of those beautiful cats by that name
Twitter has been hijacked by the famous so it is no great loss.
That’s all it is, a place for celebs to be more famous.
Haha I love this. I hate social media (apart from pinterest) but I’m still in that “I want more blog followers so i’ll persevere” stage. The irony is, social media time takes away from valuable blogging time, yet I’m only on twitter to promote the blog anyway!
You just summed up why I use Twitter. I have my blog posts automatically tweeted though so I don’t even have to see that no one has noticed my link.
GiveAShit pills – ha! I need those because I have no more shits to give. I am shitless. Seriously though, I don’t get twitter. So far, all I’ve done is tweet links to my new blog, which has resulted in 7 followers! I guess I’ll have to tweet more. You’re a funny girl. Keep posting. 🙂
I am shitless. Love that! Me too, me too. And thank you, I think I will only blog and ignore everything else from now on.
Thanks for this funny post. It was a real tweet to read it.
Tee hee! you’re welcome, Al.
Your brilliance shines through even more than usual with this one, Dartwitterla. Can’t get the hang of it at all. And every time some poor shmo clicks on the link I cleverly set like a steel trap on my blog, and follows me to Twitterville, my smartphone gives off the Ding of Pointless Follow Shame that just ups the ante on my guild. Another innocent lamb has fallen into my Twitter Dungeon of Nothing.
I haven’t Twittered in a month – maybe two. Because I can’t figure it out and have nothing to say. And it’s one more, damn thing to suck at. And I wake up in a cold sweat because I’m not building a brand and the Kardashian/Jenner/Kanye Brand is sucking all the air out of the social media room and I STILL don’t have a brand, which I’ll need if I ever hope to get rich and famous.
How come we can’t get rich and famous just by blogging? Huh? Answer me that? Then pass over a box of Pinot. Got any noir?
First of all, your comment made me guffaw. And you know I love a good guffaw. Twitter Dungeon of Nothing! You’re so right, the KardashJenye Brand has pretty much left the rest of us pathetic losers to die a senseless social media death. And the worst part is, I bet they don’t even care!
Second of all, I think our brand should be NO brand. That’ll be our brand. Apathy. That we don’t care. We don’t have an angle, we don’t have any kind of hook to lure people in. It’ll be like when George Costanza does “Opposite Day” and tells a woman he’s unemployed and lives with his parents and she likes him. “Hi, my name is Darla. I’m a mediocre blogger, I have no aspirations for fame and I’m dead broke.”
Third of all, yes. yes, I do have some noir. I’ll share some with you, here grab a straw.
This was really great — thanks for the grins, but also the solidarity.
I was literally just looking at my Twitter page the other evening and wondering about it. I used it at my old job to follow news. After I retired, I kept the news sources but also added celebrities and politicians who I admire. But I rarely ever go to the site. When I looked at it two night ago, all I could think about was how *overwhelming* it all was. I had mountains of tweets to read, and all I could see was that more were coming in at the top of the page. I hit “x” on that browser tab and took a deep breath.
Yes, exactly. And it seems the longer you stay away, the more daunting that mountain of endless tweets seems. I tried once a few months ago to start sifting through all the nonsense to find a few tweets I was actually interested in but I had to quit because my eyes crossed and my brain started oozing out my ears. Not a good look.
So you know what I did with this post…………..I shared it on twitter, which is mostly what I use my twitter account for, sharing blog posts that I like, honestly I don’t have time for twitter often I am to busy blogging
Yup, I can’t even blog as much as I’d like to lately. And for me blogging is my top social media priority. The rest feels like Internet clutter to me.
God. Patton Oswalt. THAT guy!
I know! Sheesh! We get it, dude. You own Twitter. You have an odd name. I’ll never be as cool as you. OK, fine!
Someone who understands! Haha
Twitter’s good for what it’s good for. I work in a secure facility and don’t have access to social media during the day. Most of my contact with the virtual world these days is in small doses via a cell phone screen. Commenting on blogs via phone is a nightmare. (Yes, I just said ‘via’ twice.) I can keep tabs on local news and traffic alerts. During the Baltimore riots, I learned more via (three times!) Twitter than the non-stop TV news which was so unbelievable self-promoting you wouldn’t even believe it.
For entertainment, I see it as mostly a word-game exercise to stretch the creativity muscles and It’s kind of fun to watch TV and follow along with strangers who are watching the same thing. And then again there is the occasional rant that just HAS to be said that minute or I will explode!
I get into Twitter moods and then I drop out again. I think it is a different animal than blogging or Facebook. For example, the follow/unfollow thing. I find this slightly curious. I’m coming up on about 3000 blog followers and I’d venture a guess that about 2500 of them are spam-bots that roam WordPress and click “follow.” About 500 might be actual readers, but probably only a couple dozen actually read any given post. Others just delete backlogged email notifications or skip past me in their readers. No harm, no foul.
Occasionally, on Twitter I’ll make some ridiculous pun that makes a hit with the hashtag gamers or I’ll post to a hashtag game that is “Trending,” (a micro-“Freshly Pressed”). Recently this happened and I gained, let’s say, a half dozen new followers whose profile pictures were close up views of intimate lady parts. Why on earth would a NSFW chat-sex girl want to follow me? I felt slimy. But my numbers went up!
I went for a couple of days without tweeting, and when I came back, I’d lost about a half dozen followers. I was devastated, wondering who I’d offended by not saying anything. Human nature is interesting. Why wasn’t my first thought that it was those lady parts followers I’d lost? A quick check showed that the dozen or so people that really mattered were still there.
I suspect, though I don’t know this for sure, that Twitter wipes out accounts that breach its terms of service and when they do, the bogus followers disappear. I also suspect that WordPress does not do that. It’s also possible (and also not confirmed) that those roving followers just follow so you’ll follow back and they can get their numbers up (I don’t get numbers. There’s a whole unwritten post about that.) Then they unfollow, either to give the illusion that they are popular because they have tons of followers but they only follow a few or because you didn’t follow back.
Anyway, it’s just a different environment, with probably more tenous connections. You can’t take the “favorites” or the lack thereof too personally.
#IWishICouldFitAllOfThatInto140Characters
All those “vias” made me giggle!
A few times I really got sucked into Twitter and I did find it fun. It also can be a good source for news, and like you said, you’re more apt to get the real story.
I think my problem is I’m just not really good at tweeting in general. My brain doesn’t like to limit thoughts to 140 characters. I start breaking out into a cold sweat just trying to cram my endless moronic revelations into that small tiny space. I always, ALWAYS go over the limit! When I see that my characters have past that cutoff and turn red I end up deleting the whole thing and throwing my laptop at the wall. I think taking a long break from Twitter is the key for me. If anything, I’ll save money by not buying all those new laptops.
About the numbers thing, I am guilty of that with this blog. Most of my readers are probably robot cats. But I still want to see those damn numbers climb! Why? Why do I care? It’s not like I get money or M&Ms every time I get a new follower. There are so many people on Twitter who obviously only follow, follow, follow so they’ll get the re-follow. I’d like to at least have the illusion people are following me because they want to read my stuff. Besides, when someone unfollows me on Twitter it stings. Don’t those intimate lady parts people have souls? What kind of world do we live in?
I’m in the minority here, but I love Twitter. Facebook? I can barely handle it. The difference between the two is the most popular posts come to the top of the feed on Facebook. I get really tired of seeing the same people. (I know I can change the setting, but it reverts back every time.) On Twitter everything moves through equally and I can find out news, funny tweets by my fave comedians, and stalk my favorite movie and music stars like Sting!
I had no clue Facebook did that. The most popular posts go to the top? How in the heck do you change that? I often wonder why I’m always seeing the same woman posting pictures of her dog wearing hats. You know, twitter is good for stalking fave celebs and comedians. I sure hope Sting reconsiders my offer one day.
I’m sure he will.
There’s a setting that can be changed to most recent, but I seldom take the time especially if I’m not on my computer. I think I’m a friend of that same woman!
Back in 2007, when Twitter was about a year old, a friend brought it to my attention saying it was the perfect vehicle for the short, clever quips I always included in emails. I signed up, used it for about three weeks, and decided it was a stupid idea that wasn’t going anywhere and never used it again. Pretty smart, right? Someone recommended that I buy Google when it was $32 a share. I told him, “Do I look stupid? No more Internet stocks for me, thank you.” Today it closed at $540 a share. Once again, pretty smart right? At least I’m consistent.
You are the King of Clever Quips! Go back to Twitter, you could rule the Internet. My brain is much too slow for Twitter. If they’d just up the character limit to even 300, I’d be in business.
The thing that makes me bitter about Twitter is that some moron celebrity can tweet the word “The” and get fifty thousand likes, RT’s follows, and I craft brilliantly funny stuff and get crickets.
yep, this really fries my taters too. Any ol’ random thought they post gets automatically RT’d a billion times.
Nice to see you here, Darla. It’s been awhile since I last saw a post from you. Twitter? It’s OK. I’m in an advocacy group and I find it very helpful. Don’t mind the 140 characters – can get message across. It does have its positives. Sorry you don’t find it useful. Maybe you just haven’t found your “faves” yet.
Perhaps. Although, Sting is right up there with the favoritist of my faves. I’ve noticed the people that are my faves rarely tweet.
I started my account in 2010 (?) and still don’t have a damn clue.
I am lost on twitter. And twitter is lost on me. 😦
It’s like Facebook to me. I only opened up my FB account because an old high school friend told me I was being “anti-social”. Seems to me that describes Facebook in a nutshell.
I don’t get it either. I’ve been on “The Twitter” for a few years and have no idea if I’m even doing it right. Apparently it’s owned by Patton Oswalt and Ricky Gervais. If I ever have a witty thought of roughly 140 characters, my first instinct is to add another 1100 words to it to kill whatever humor may have dwelt there.
You really get me, Dave. Yes, it appears my main goal in life is to make myself look un-witty on The Twitter. At least I’ve succeeded.
I’m a Twitter flunkie. There’s so many tweets, I can’t keep up with the bombardment. Apparently the only way to manage all the tweets is to add your followers to really detailed lists. The thought just exhausts me.
I never understood why people follow me and then unfollow me within the space of a day or two. Then I learned that it’s totally lame in the Twitterverse to be following more people than are following you.
Though if @sting ever follows me back, I won’t unfollow him.
That’s what I don’t get, all these social “rules” on Twitter. Who are the cool kids? How can we be more like the cool kids? Why do we even want to be the cool kids? It all ends up reminding me of how I used to eat my lunch on our theater stage with a few of my friends in high school. Like the cafeteria, Twitter is ruled by the popular people.
Twitter allows me to throw thoughts out into the world that I’m too ashamed/too worried about losing my job to post on Facebook. It’s cathartic.
Hmm… I’ll have to remember that. I’m starting a new full time job this summer and maybe I’ll start using Twitter to let off some steam..
I think I’m following you now on Twitter, but only for a second if you don’t follow me back @vashopperdor . I like Twitter. It’s a kind of surfing thing where you can find things…. fast news, weather, political opinions, and places to go and things to buy. It’s not as one on one as FB, but that’s what makes it interesting. 🙂
True. I just went to Twitter and “favorited” a bunch of tweets, but then my brain started shortcircuiting and I had to turn it off. Maybe I just can’t digest all that information in one sitting.
I’ll be honest, I like Twitter, but good lord I don’t have time for it. The main reason I’m even still on there is because I have one friend who uses Twitter and refuses to get on Facebook, so if I want to chat with her I have to meet her there. But if not for Misha, I’d probably drop it like a hot rock.
Aren’t even the personal messages you can send someone on Twitter limited by only 140 characters? If so, that might be a good place for me to converse with my mother.
You made me laugh out loud with this remark, Darla. Yes, DMs (Direct Messages) on Twitter also must be 140 characters. Mother troubles? Ha.
Your so right!!!Facebook and Twitter are just for people to make fun of others and bring them down.Trust me I know. Im still in high school and those websites have made my high school life hell. People wonder why so many teenager’s kill themselves well this is one huge reason why. I wish they would see this and just stop it all some how. Because its just sad what it dose to people.
I’m thankful we never even had the Internet in high school. Life was hard enough! At least you can see the some of the drawbacks of social media now at your age. I’m hoping to keep my kids from it for as long as I can. My son won’t be getting his own smartphone any time soon.
I honestly just don’t get it. Maybe I’m old? Maybe I’m dumb? I don’t know but I just don’t get the popularity of it. And of course my daughter won’t help me at all!
I hear ya. I love talking about social media to my mom who’s 81. She summed it up well: “Isn’t Facebook that place where if you burp, cough or fart you have to tell everyone about it?”
I keep trying with Twitter, I really do, but I just never can get into it properly. Also, I like Kale.
AH! HOW DARE YOU!
I’m with you, girl!!!! I’ve done less and less with my Twitter account in the past months. Sometimes, the stupidest tweets I post are the ones that get the likes (one like). My followers also diminish daily. One thing I have noticed though is that lately random people are following me, without even doing anything or even tweeting. What’s up with that???
I know. I think the key to increasing social media attention is to give up on it completely.
Don’t have a twitter account, don’t plan on getting one. FB is enough of a time suck yet lets me know what’s going on in my big extended family. I’m always deleting stuff that I don’t need to know from friends and you know, it’s tedious.
Anyway, at least school’s out for summer!!! And we’re under construction. That’s going to be my summer. Good luck with the new job, Darladahling!
I’m still considering deleting certain people from my FB feed. If only I knew how to do that…
And yay! School is almost done here. The kids have three days left. My new job starts end of July so I plan to spend the next month doing nothing with them. Good luck with your construction!
I’m quite sure I’m the lamest Twitterbug out there. Seriously lame. Pathetic even. I can barely keep up; I have very few followers, and Sting wouldn’t give me the time of day! I am dying to know how you created the amazing Tweets for this post… cause if Sting really tweeted you– even an insult, I think I’ll just die. Die.
I don’t even know if Sting ever tweets at all to be honest. He’s just way too cool for that. Or too old to figure it out, like me.
Which makes you that much more epically creative. I bow…
I saw that you’d gotten 47 retweets and 5 favorites and was about to scroll down in righteous indignation to leave you a comment (something along the lines of “how dare you”–I don’t know, I hadn’t fleshed it out yet). Then I realized it was 47 rts/5 faves for all the screenshotted tweets.
Anyway, this is hilarious as always!
Oh really? How did you find out this info about the number of RTs? I am so clueless. And thank you!
Oh, sorry, I didn’t see that you’d replied!
I think from the bottom of the pictures? I don’t really remember.
Oh. the bottom of the picture, of course! I blame my bad eyesight and the fact that I’m really just plain stupid in general.
I’m not even in my 30s (yet) and I swear I will not get a Twitter account if I can possibly avoid it. And don’t get me started on Tumblr. I doubt I would ever post anything because I don’t think I could figure it out! Plus I’ve heard horror stories from friends who had to deal with trolls on there (of course, you can find those just about everywhere these days, but apparently they’re harder to block/get rid of there or something). And I waste too much time online as it is. Might as well attempt to limit that to a certain number of sites. The key word being “attempt.” 😉
Oh, and this cracked me up: “If you don’t instantly and blindly follow someone who just followed you, they will drop you faster than a hot potato grenade stuffed inside a bag of flaming poop.” That is arguably the funniest thing I have read today. Thanks for the giggles. 😀
You are smart. I’ve also heard Reddit is a haven for really nasty trolls. I plan to never go there, either. I prefer to just stay here in sweet little WordPressville. It’s comfy, cozy and everyone is kind to each other.
Who has time to Twitter?!
No kidding. I’m shocked I found the time to read your comment. I only use Twitter now so I can feel sorry for myself from time to time.
You’re hilarious, Darla. ❤
ROFL!! I have a Twitter account. I don’t know what my user name is without looking it up. Forget trying to remember the password. Why do I have this account? I had a MySpace account too, a long time ago. What happened to that?? No, I have better things to read and follow, not just sit around wasting my time “tweeting”
I’m still waiting for MySpace to make a comeback.
I doubt it will, though. There are too many social sites that are much more profitable.
Well, I love Twitter. Can we still be friends? Maybe you just haven’t found the right Twitter friends. LOL
I am a fan of tweeting while watching movies/TV at the same time with a bunch of your friends. Reality Bites takeover? #WellHeyThatsMyBike #YouMeShittyCupOfCoffee
Of course we can still be friends. How could we not be? You love Spaceballs as much as I do!
Nope. Draw the line at tweeting. My OCD and ADD are sufficiently engorged with Facebook, blog, Linked in etc etc etc….
I still don’t know what the devil is Linked in.
96 comments on here and counting, though. Who needs Twitter when you have this kind of love at WordPress?!
Love your humor…
Thanks! I do feel the love here at WordPress, it’s my fave place to hang out.
At least you don’t have to answer lame, show off, trolls on Twitter for a living like I do. #couldbeworse
Ooh, me no likey trolls….
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Funny, the only time I ever log onto Twitter is when Jess Witkins mentions me in a Tweet. Seriously. I’ve been on there, like, three times in the past year – all were when she gave me a shout-out. Glad to know I’m not the only unpopular one out there…
Hey, me too! I just tweeted Jess’s post and that’s probably all the action Twitter will see from me for the rest of the summer. Not than anybody would notice anyway.
I like Twitter, but I adore blogging, and I’m dying to know how you made these fake tweets. I totally thought they were embedded links till I tried to favorite them. So give it up, girl…please, please pretty please!
Ha! Well, all I did was use a blank Twitter image that I googled and added some of my powerpoint magic.
Fine job! 🙂
Thanks. It was a great way to spend/waste an hour of my precious time.
Just LOL. What’s Twitter? 😉
I wish I didn’t know. Actually, I still don’t.
Uh oh, I’m odd man out., I love Twitter for things like breaking news and I’m proud to say 17 people on Twitter like me too!! Truth me told, those 17 are all spam-bot followers who found me not because I’ve said anything sanguine but because their computer search cast out a wide span looking for loser Twitter users! That’s me.
The few times I’ve gotten pissy on Twitter I got a guilty conscience and deleted the tweet the next day. There’s an art to writing good tweets. The one Tweeter who commands my attention and is a genius at it is David Burge whose handle is @iowahawkblog The man is a Twitter machine and all his lines are brilliant. Me, not so much.
Yeah, I have no shame in admitting I am not nor will I ever be anything close to brilliant. I’ll leave that to the experts.
I love your commentary on social media. Personally, I’m a conscientious objector to Facebook and refuse to open an account for any reason. Keep it up with the plaid – it never goes out of style. I love plaid and have quite a bit of it in my own wardrobe. Your description of your age was hilarious and I can totally relate.
Good for you on holding out on Facebook. I wish I had the nerve to delete my account but then how would I get to enjoy all those pictures people post of fancy cocktails and plates of brownies? And where will I get my daily dose of thinly-veiled passive-aggressive status updates?
Gee, how would you survive without any of that? Would life be worth living?
And don’t forget the cat videos!
I’m so glad to finally find someone who hates twitter as much as I do!
I don’t get it, I look at a Twitter screen and can’t understand what is going on, how are there conversations, it seems so random and gives me a headache. Since I haven’t posted anything on my blog in forever, Facebook is my only outlet in the virtual world these days, but then I am only friends with actual friends who are accustomed to ignoring me….
Joe! So good to see you! Hope all is well. Did you ever make that big move? I could have sworn you were moving out of the country. And yeah, I get my fill of people ignoring me in my everyday life. Why do I need a 140 character rejection too?
Hey, I moved onto the border of zone 3/zone4 which is practically another country in London terms! But Vancouver is permanently on the cards as my partner keeps turning down jobs there as I’m not ready. One day maybe…
Hi Darla,
Is that tweet of yours to Sting for real? That’s just epic if it is.
I hate Twitter, too lol but I’m still on there because it helps me reach people who does not have Facebook.
Thanks for making us all laugh with your hilarious post!
You’re a star, indeed! You should have massive followings, you deserve it!
Luna
Sadly, no. that tweet is pure fake Sting rage. And yes, absolutely I should have massive followings. Thank you. But I won’t hold my breath.
I ❤ this blog!! I'm 40 and totally with you on twitter…I don't get it. I want so badly to capitalize on it but I have exactly the same struggles as you mentioned. Also with you on Sting, LOL!
For me, there’s only one ‘tweet’ and birds do it, and one ‘twat’ and girls have it. And one ‘twoot,’…oh wait. I’m not sure what verb tense that is.
Nope. Social media (aside from comment-crashing on bloggers’ posts) ain’t my thing. Definitely a slow media type, sitting out back in the swing with a beer shootin’ the shit old-fashioned like with a cold beer in hand. Just look how long it took me to get here.
I personally don’t have Twitter and when I tried to, couldn’t. My generation is all about Twitter, so I guess that makes me the odd one, just not too sure what the hype is about. So completely understand and agree 🙂