Rage, rage against the snoring of the night.

Are you sick of staying up night after night listening to your #$%*ing spouse snore? Does it take every last shred of your willpower to not punch him/her straight in his/her windpipe?

Well, you’re in luck because I’m reporting on the latest anti-snore medical marvel to hit the market! Just click on over to The Nudge Wink Report to find out which of my husband’s orifices this handy new device ends up!

The Nudge Wink Report

Snoring-Spouse

Are you one of the millions of people who snore like a wild boar in heat? Are you one of the miserable sleep-deprived spouses of the aforementioned wild boar in heat? Are you an actual wild boar in heat? Well, hold onto your CPAP machines because there’s a new device* hitting the market!

This crafty little invention delivers a steady stream of low-pressure air straight into the snorer’s nose as they sleep. Not only does this bring relief to the snorer, it also serves as a very effective form of birth control.

No word yet from the FDA as to whether this new gadget is capable of being sufficiently crammed completely down snorer’s throat once it is discovered to not work at all in the slightest.

The author of this post can attest to her own various failed attempts at reducing her spouse’s freight-train-meets-Learjet-meets-jackhammer snoring. A few notable things she’s learned over the years:

  • Ear plugs are great at reducing noise…

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20 thoughts on “Rage, rage against the snoring of the night.

  1. My father snored so loud that the windows in the house literally rattled in their frames. But that wasn’t the worst of it…he was a Cheyne–Stokes snorer. He’d snore and snore and right about the time you’d start to get used to the pattern, he’d suddenly get really loud and then stop breathing. We didn’t know about apnea back then (in the forties). We just hated that we never got any sleep. Thank goodness he was seldom around…

    1. THis is the thing, my husband snores in fits and starts. It’s not a steady thing. And yes, he is getting checked out for sleep apnea just as soon as I can convince him to do the overnight sleep study.

  2. My husband snored. No, that’s not a strong enough word. He freakin’ sleep-SNARLED. He refused to believe me. I wore earplugs until my ears were infected and I couldn’t anymore. I finally sent him to the sleep center and got my first decent sleep in years. They discovered that his apnea was so bad, he was waking up more than10 times a minute. You know, about the same as me.

    His CPAP machine makes a slight white noise, and sometimes it sounds like an organ. But it is bliss. My husband no longer gets sick constantly.

    But someday, when we have a bigger house, I want my own bedroom anyway. The Victorians had the right idea.

    1. My husband is getting checked for sleep apnea. What’s funny is he works for a respiratory company so he did bring a CPAP machine home to try out. It was pretty loud but at least it was a steady, rhythmic sound.

  3. I am probably one of those very rare people who actually like the sound of snoring. I have all different kinds of snoring from family member over the years and friend, and the sound of snoring puts me to sleep. I know how odd.

  4. Pingback: Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Give Your Husband What He REALLY Needs From You - QueenBeeingQueenBeeing

  5. Oh girl, I KNOW. Snoring is the worst. One night in a hotel room–our first childfree getaway after my son was born–I ended up sleeing on the floor of the bathroom to avoid the snoring. The hotel was dealing with an infestation of ladybugs and I woke at 5am covered with about 100 insects. And *I* was not even the snorer!

  6. I couldn’t use earplugs because I couldn’t sleep due to the magnified sounds of my breathing. That being said, I am very fortunate. Danny is pretty amazing. If he snores all I have to do is nudge him or tell him that he is snoring. You won’t believe this but he stops. He doesn’t even have to change positions. I have been known to lay awake afterwards trying to figure out how he does that.😮 You can empathize with him though, he says I keep him awake with my snoring and he is too nice to even wake me. He says there is no use in both of us being awake.😷 I went for the sleep study and failed. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep and I had to pee every 15 minutes so the poor technician had to take all those wires off me and put them back constantly. He was begging me to sleep because they don’t get paid unless they get a reading. He did, however, say that I snore very loud but not long enough to get an accurate read.😩

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