Conversations with Coat Racks

Do you often find yourself struggling to read a magazine only to curse the length of your arm?

Do you own five pairs of really useless reading glasses?

Do you find Jeb Bush incredibly sexy?

Curse you, Jeb, and those smoldering bedroom eyes!
Curse you, Jeb, and those smoldering bedroom eyes!

Time to face facts– you are probably suffering from RDV, or rapidly declining vision. Don’t worry, this tends to happen as you grow old.

But not me, because my eyes are just fine, dammit!

This may or may not be what I saw at my last eye exam.
This may or may not be what I saw at my last eye exam.

My family and friends insist I’m in a deep state of denial. Well, guess what? I deny that I’m denying. Some of you readers may relate. So, grab the nearest eyeglasses, magnifying glass, or Hubble Space Telescope and click over to the Nudge Wink Report below to read all about the tragic story of Marla — a middle-aged woman who prefers to suffer in her blurry world rather than admit she once mistook Nair for toothpaste.

Despite Increasing Denial, Woman’s Eyesight Continues to Decline.






38 thoughts on “Conversations with Coat Racks

  1. That story is hilarious. Thanks for sharin’. I have macular drusen, sometimes called early onset macular degeneration. Its lovely. I can’t use dark stairs, drive in the dark, and I have tunnel vision. The dr said I could be legally blind by forty. Which is great because after having 5 kids….my forty be saggin!

  2. My nephew was born shortly after my 40th birthday. As I tried to see him the hospital, I wondered why holding a baby suddenly made my neck hurt. My brother put is reading glasses over my eyes and a whole new world opened up…….

    1. My husband is like that. He’ll strain to read something, so I’ll put my glasses on his face and he’ll go, “OHHH! Wow, it’s a miracle! I can see!” Still, he hasn’t bought a single pair of reading glasses.

      1. Hahaha! You guys should come here. I have my ONE pair of perfect bifocals. My husband, who “doesn’t really need glasses” has 8,765 pairs of reading glasses spread all around the house. Still, every single time we go out to eat, and he picks up the menu, he asks, “Can I borrow your glasses?” Pretty soon I’m going to refuse, and just watch what happens when he orders tripe with liver and onions.

      2. I like your plan. At least yours has a few reading glasses while mine refuses to even admit he needs them at all. I’m sure that will change once he puts hemorrhoid cream on his toothbrush.

  3. I was in serious denial about needing glasses until my husband started wanting me to drive places more. Anything over 15 minutes would cause me enough eye fatigue the road signs would start to blur. By 30 minutes, I couldn’t read them at all. I ended up with prescription glasses. I started with reading glasses but the prescription was too different to be comfortable.

  4. I recently got contacts because as much as I love glasses on other people….I HATE them on me. They are just so much work, but lord knows they are necessary. Mrs. Magoo did mistake a Herr’s potato chip bag for a beautiful giant parrot. She also pulled over to save a dog that was really a brown shopping bag, and she saved her 2 dogs from a wild groundhog that was a much less vicious log before leaving denial land.
    Good Luck Magoo!

  5. Too funny. I’ve worn glasses for nearsightedness since I was in the 3rd or 4th grade. When my arm started getting too short for me to be able to read (ha ha), I bought a pair of reading glasses from the store and wore them over my contacts when necessary. I was so worried that I was going to have to get progressives (read: bifocals), but when I went to the eye doctor, he said, basically, “As long as it works for you, you can just keep doing the glasses over contacts thing.” So that’s what I do. 🙂

    Although…when I’m wearing my regular glasses instead of my contacts and want to read something like my phone or a book, I take off my glasses and hold the item within a centimeter of my face to read it. Ha ha.

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